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Wedding Etiquette Forum
fungrl97
member
Is it ok to add, "no gifts, please" on a engagement party invitation?
So before I get started with my explanation I am aware that any mention of gifts on an invite (including that you don't think people need to get them at all) is considered gauche. I get it, I'm not supposed to be thinking about gifts. The thing is, we really don't want and can't use gifts at this time, we won't ask for money and I feel if we just spread by word of mouth, only some people will listen and those people may feel bad when others show up with gifts.
My parents wanted to throw this engagement party for the purpose of my extended family getting a chance to meet my fiance. We also decided to invite some of his family (parents, siblings, aunts and uncles) so that our families can get to know one another. The party will be at my parent's house on Long Island where 90% of the guests from my side reside, but his family is in either Connecticut, Massachusetts or Upstate New York so those attending will have to travel a bit.
One of the things he made clear when we started discussing the engagement party is that he was only ok with it if it was very casual and people didn't bring gifts. This seemed fine to me because I don't see engagement parties as gift giving opportunities. Then I went to my cousin's engagement party and everyone seemed to bring a gift. Most of these same people will be attending mine.
Finally, we just both moved into a smallish (350 square foot) 1 bedroom apartment and are having difficulty getting rid of things so that we can live comfortably. We don't have any room for more stuff at this time. We also live 3 hours away from where the party will be and will be getting home by train because we don't have a car. We can't easily transport gifts to our home without spending a fairly significant amount of money to do so.
All of that being said, would it be appropriate in our situation to put in small font on the bottom right hand corner of the engagement party invitation (no gifts please)?
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Re: Is it ok to add, "no gifts, please" on a engagement party invitation?
Hmmm, we've done invites for other parties (parents anniversary, etc) where we've just said, "your presence is present enough" or something. if you can spread it word of mouth that's better.
i always bring or send a gift for an EP, so I would LOVE to know i was off the hook!
Yep, I agree with PP's. You don't mention anything - you're giving the impression of expecting gifts. Spread by word of mouth that you're really just hoping for a informal get-together. Actually, it might help if you don't even market this thing as an engagement party on your invites.
If people do give you gifts, just smile and be gracious in your thank you's. That's all you can do. I'm used to just seeing booze and gift cards at engagement parties.
Let your family host a BBQ (or whatever) and invite people via word of mouth. This will make it a more casual event and perhaps people won't feel inclined to bring presents.
Yeah - I'm going with call this a family renunion that your fiance will also attend.
Either you want the party to be about you with the possibility of getting gifts, or you want the party to be about family getting together.
Oh FFS. Saying "Hey we want to get everyone together so you can meet fiance" is NOT the same as "You are cordially invited to a celebration of the engagement of X & X."
It's just gifts! Spread by word of mouth that you don't want any and just deal with the rest. People are adults - they can handle themselves at an engagement party if they don't bring a gift. Engagement party gifts are just like wedding gifts - people set them off to the side. It's not like a shower where people acknowledge every gift and the giver of that gift.
You're making this so much harder than it has to be.
I think you have your answer: call it a family BBQ, and if someone dares bring a gift, accept it graciously.
Don't stress over the gifts, enjoy introducing FI to your family.
Your parents will just have to be mature, too, and get over it.
Common sense should tell you not to mention gifts on an invitation.
Miss Manners tell you that, too...
http://living.msn.com/life-inspired/miss-manners-advice/miss-manners-the-invitation-says-no-gifts-…-but-what-does-that-really-mean
no instructions about presents, even negative instructions, belong on an invitation. The host is not supposed to be thinking of the possibility of getting stuff from his guests.
Alright. Here's a reason.
If you received an invitation to, say, a New Year's Eve party and it said, "No gifts please" you would cock your head to the side and go "Huh?? What's the matter with this host? Who brings gifts to a New Year's Party? Why did they think I would have brought them a gift in the first place?" and you'd question the host's upbringing and think they are crazy for thinking that guests would have brought a gift because New Year's parties are not gift-giving events.
It's the exact. same. thing. with an engagement party. They're not gift-giving events and for those guests who are aware of it, it makes you appear presumptuous---even if that's not your intention.
I understand that in your circle some guests do give gifts. I truly do understand the desire to not make FI's family feel awkward if your side shows up with presents. But you say that your side of the family will bring gifts even if they're told by word of mouth not to. Why do you think they'd listen to a little note at the bottom of the invitation if they're not going to listen to word of mouth? It sounds like if they're hell bent on bringing a gift then they'll bring one anyway no matter whether you write it or not. At least if you don't write it then you haven't offended your FI's half of the guest list.
Fatty Blog
After the party, you and he can do with the gifts as you see fit. But you cannot try to pre-empt gift giving by telling others not to.