Black Tie Optional with a gap...wwyd?

lavendergirl1 · July 2013

I am attending a wedding next week that said "Black Tie Optional" on the invite... I'm totally ok with wearing a pretty long dress and I'm imagining they will be pulling out all the stops but I'm not worried about that. The ceremony is at 2:30pm and the reception starts at 7pm. So if it's black tie optional, thats just for the reception? Do I wear a different dress for the ceremony? My date is in the wedding party and will be wearing a tux and we will be doing pictures I'm assuming with the family between the ceremony and reception. So my question is; should I wear a less formal dress for the ceremony and change into a party/black tie gown for the reception later on?

QueerFemme · July 2013

lavendergirl1 said:

I am attending a wedding next week that said "Black Tie Optional" on the invite... I'm totally ok with wearing a pretty long dress and I'm imagining they will be pulling out all the stops but I'm not worried about that. The ceremony is at 2:30pm and the reception starts at 7pm. So if it's black tie optional, thats just for the reception? Do I wear a different dress for the ceremony? My date is in the wedding party and will be wearing a tux and we will be doing pictures I'm assuming with the family between the ceremony and reception. So my question is; should I wear a less formal dress for the ceremony and change into a party/black tie gown for the reception later on?

personally, I would skip the ceremony and meet your date at the reception. these people are rude as hell.

colex · July 2013

I agree. The more I read about these long gaps between ceremony and reception the better I feel about mine.

If we start exactly on time and no one hits any lights or traffic and drives the speed limit the entire 15 minute trip en route to the venue there will be a 5 minute "gap". With that being said, being from very close to NYC I doubt there will be absolutely no traffic on my wedding day and my venue has already agreed to start serving drinks as soon as guests arrive.

Sorry about threadjacking :-(

But to answer your question, if you do decide to go to the ceremony I personally would were a different dress to the ceremony because I would feel silly being in a long evening gown in the middle of the afternoon. Do you know anyone else who is attending? Maybe you can ask them what they plan on doing?

lavendergirl1 · July 2013

Thanks ladies : )

I think I will buy a small dog and perhaps dye my hair between!

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

I had one of these in April. Four hour gap, "black tie optional", honeymoon registry... Woof.

We skipped the ceremony and did not wear "black tie" to the reception - no one else was... obviously.

lavendergirl1 · July 2013

Harry87 said:

Do you know the wedding colors? The first time I had my hair colored from brunette to 4 different shades of pink took 4 hours, but that still leaves your with an hour to remove any stray color, touch up your makeup, and change your outfit.

Haha! Well maybe if I shave my head and do a leopard print pattern dress and maybe some sort of long haired cat.

daisey18 · July 2013

I thought it was "wrong" to wear a tux before 6pm.... Maybe you should tell the bride so the groomsmen can do an entire costume change too!

HisGirlFriday13 · July 2013

@Harry87, I literally laughed out loud at that. Seriously. FI thinks I'm crazy.

aurianna · July 2013

Is that a munchkin sphynx cat? I

it.

AroundTheBlock · July 2013

I would wear formal day dress (tea-length silk, hat, pearls or beads) for the ceremony during the day, and then dress in a dinner-dress or cocktail-dress for the evening. I would feel inappropriately dressed in a cocktail-dress at two-thirty in the afternoon (although, if your partner is constrained to wear evening-dress in the afternoon he might appreciate your sharing his inappropriateness out of a spirit of solidarity.) With this long a gap, the ceremony and the dinner-dance are essentially separate events, and there is plenty of time for anyone who is local, or anyone who has travelled far enough that they take a hotel room, to go home or to their hotel and change. It is rather awkward for any guests travelling from that ambiguous one-hour-or-so distance. If you know any other guests who will be in that situation, you would be gracious to reach out to them and offer them a room where they can store their evening dress, and where they can change.

STARMOON44 · July 2013

I would change because I'd feel very uncomfortable in evening clothes at 2 in the afternoon.

calliopeia2013 · July 2013

I agree with everyone else; I just want to add that in the past couple years I've been to two different "black tie optional" weddings. DH and I wore black tie to both of them, because we already own the stuff for work events and we think it's fun to dress up. At both of them, we were the only people in black tie other than the bride and groom and groomsmen- not even the bridesmaids wore evening gowns! Nobody actually wears black tie to "black tie optional" weddings. So don't feel like you have to wear an evening gown to the reception at all if you don't want to.

KDM323 · July 2013

Please be sure to report back about this tacky event! I'll fall out of my chair if you tell us there is a cash bar or a dollar dance!

lavendergirl1 · July 2013

drexelkathy said:

Please be sure to report back about this tacky event! I'll fall out of my chair if you tell us there is a cash bar or a dollar dance!

Will do!

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

I

hairless cats! Make sure to give him a little tuxedo! They get chilled easily you know.

libby2483 · July 2013

QueerFemme said:

lavendergirl1 said:

I am attending a wedding next week that said "Black Tie Optional" on the invite... I'm totally ok with wearing a pretty long dress and I'm imagining they will be pulling out all the stops but I'm not worried about that. The ceremony is at 2:30pm and the reception starts at 7pm. So if it's black tie optional, thats just for the reception? Do I wear a different dress for the ceremony? My date is in the wedding party and will be wearing a tux and we will be doing pictures I'm assuming with the family between the ceremony and reception. So my question is; should I wear a less formal dress for the ceremony and change into a party/black tie gown for the reception later on?
personally, I would skip the ceremony and meet your date at the reception. these people are rude as hell.

Ditto.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

QueerFemme said:

lavendergirl1 said:

I am attending a wedding next week that said "Black Tie Optional" on the invite... I'm totally ok with wearing a pretty long dress and I'm imagining they will be pulling out all the stops but I'm not worried about that. The ceremony is at 2:30pm and the reception starts at 7pm. So if it's black tie optional, thats just for the reception? Do I wear a different dress for the ceremony? My date is in the wedding party and will be wearing a tux and we will be doing pictures I'm assuming with the family between the ceremony and reception. So my question is; should I wear a less formal dress for the ceremony and change into a party/black tie gown for the reception later on?
personally, I would skip the ceremony and meet your date at the reception. these people are rude as hell.

Ditto.

Seriously ladies?? That is so rude! Come on now. OP - Every wedding I've been has had a gap, so it's just the norm for me. Typically, I've worn the same thing. However, if I wanted to wear something extra formal (ie long) for the reception, I would just wear a nice dress for the ceremony and change later.

TheBaysideBride · July 2013

I'm sure they're not putting the gap in there bc the bride WANTS to be in her dress for an extra five hours... relax, wear a different dress, and give your friends the benefit of the doubt.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

TheBaysideBride said:

I'm sure they're not putting the gap in there bc the bride WANTS to be in her dress for an extra five hours... relax, wear a different dress, and give your friends the benefit of the doubt.

$20 says the gap is there so the wedding party can drive around and take photos or something equally asinine. And I was in my dress for 15 hours (aside from about 30 minutes) with no issue, so I don't get that comment. Do you think the bride is being FORCED to have a gap and is unhappy about it or something?

I don't know why you think people chose to have gaps for pictures. I've seen you comment that before which is why I mention it. Have you heard brides say this? As I mentioned, I've been to a ton of weddings with gaps. They were never "for the pictures". They are simply because of the church timing, and wanting to follow up with the traditional dinner reception. Yes, I understand the philosophy that you could have an early reception - but in many circles that would be looked at as "informal"/"nontraditional". In my uber-Italian/Catholic family it is expected we do the whole church shindig in the afternoon, have a gap, and then do the formal dinner reception.

TheBaysideBride · July 2013

Wow - if they actually CHOSE to have a gap, rather than working around church/venue/etc schedules, that would be insane! but i guess anything is possible. I'm three weeks out from my wedding so just advocating for cutting the couple a little slack.....

courtneythesquid · July 2013

I would totally wear the evening gown to the ceremony and reception, and go bowling in between. Your pictures (with confused faces in the background) will be a thousand times better than the wedding party's!

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

I personally just wouldn't go at all. If the couple can't handle the basics of event hosting etiquette, I don't want to throw my money away on having people be rude at me all night. God knows what else they've gotten so badly wrong.

If I'm going to pay someone to be rude to me, I want it professionally done. I'm sure there's a weird Swedish hotline out there that specializes in that.

cruffino · July 2013

i'm from an italian catholic background. gaps are common because most catholic churches don't offer evening weddings. so the ceremony is in the afternoon and the reception is in the evening.

people go to the church in more casual attire, then go home and get dressed up for the reception. or just go to the ceremony dressed up and pass the time in between at a bar.

i don't think its rude, just annoying.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

LavenderHoneyBee said:

QueerFemme said:

lavendergirl1 said:

I am attending a wedding next week that said "Black Tie Optional" on the invite... I'm totally ok with wearing a pretty long dress and I'm imagining they will be pulling out all the stops but I'm not worried about that. The ceremony is at 2:30pm and the reception starts at 7pm. So if it's black tie optional, thats just for the reception? Do I wear a different dress for the ceremony? My date is in the wedding party and will be wearing a tux and we will be doing pictures I'm assuming with the family between the ceremony and reception. So my question is; should I wear a less formal dress for the ceremony and change into a party/black tie gown for the reception later on?
personally, I would skip the ceremony and meet your date at the reception. these people are rude as hell.

Ditto.

Seriously ladies?? That is so rude! Come on now. OP - Every wedding I've been has had a gap, so it's just the norm for me. Typically, I've worn the same thing. However, if I wanted to wear something extra formal (ie long) for the reception, I would just wear a nice dress for the ceremony and change later.

Like, tots seriously! Come on 'Bee, you have been here long enough to know better.

Gaps are rude. What the norm is for you doesn't negate the fact that gaps are rude. It just means you know a lot of ppl that are either clueless to etiquette or purposefully inconsiderate.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

cruffino said:

i'm from an italian catholic background. gaps are common because most catholic churches don't offer evening weddings. so the ceremony is in the afternoon and the reception is in the evening.

people go to the church in more casual attire, then go home and get dressed up for the reception. or just go to the ceremony dressed up and pass the time in between at a bar.

i don't think its rude, just annoying.

I'm from an Italian Catholic background and have never been to a wedding with a gap.

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CATHOLICISM!

cruffino · July 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

cruffino said:

i'm from an italian catholic background. gaps are common because most catholic churches don't offer evening weddings. so the ceremony is in the afternoon and the reception is in the evening.

people go to the church in more casual attire, then go home and get dressed up for the reception. or just go to the ceremony dressed up and pass the time in between at a bar.

i don't think its rude, just annoying.

I'm from an Italian Catholic background and have never been to a wedding with a gap.

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CATHOLICISM!

weird, maybe just my community (nyc and environs). the weddings i've attended out of state didn't include churches so i don't have alot of experiences to compare them to.

seriously, the yelling isn't necessary. i get the sense you've just heard this too many times.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

cruffino said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

cruffino said:

i'm from an italian catholic background. gaps are common because most catholic churches don't offer evening weddings. so the ceremony is in the afternoon and the reception is in the evening.

people go to the church in more casual attire, then go home and get dressed up for the reception. or just go to the ceremony dressed up and pass the time in between at a bar.

i don't think its rude, just annoying.

I'm from an Italian Catholic background and have never been to a wedding with a gap.

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CATHOLICISM!

weird, maybe just my community (nyc and environs). the weddings i've attended out of state didn't include churches so i don't have alot of experiences to compare them to.

seriously, the yelling isn't necessary. i get the sense you've just heard this too many times.

It's not just limited to your region. There are ppl in my region that have Catholic weddings and have gaps. . . and secular weddings and have gaps. And I'm sure there must be some Catholics in your region that don't have gaps. ;-)

cruffino · July 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

cruffino said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

cruffino said:

i'm from an italian catholic background. gaps are common because most catholic churches don't offer evening weddings. so the ceremony is in the afternoon and the reception is in the evening.

people go to the church in more casual attire, then go home and get dressed up for the reception. or just go to the ceremony dressed up and pass the time in between at a bar.

i don't think its rude, just annoying.

I'm from an Italian Catholic background and have never been to a wedding with a gap.

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CATHOLICISM!

weird, maybe just my community (nyc and environs). the weddings i've attended out of state didn't include churches so i don't have alot of experiences to compare them to.

seriously, the yelling isn't necessary. i get the sense you've just heard this too many times.

It's not just limited to your region. There are ppl in my region that have Catholic weddings and have gaps. . . and secular weddings and have gaps. And I'm sure there must be some Catholics in your region that don't have gaps. ;-)

i'm getting married in a church (not catholic--grandma will get over it) and not having a gap. lord knows i don't want to dick around for hours between the ceremony and reception.

ShesSoCold · July 2013

cruffino said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

cruffino said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

cruffino said:

i'm from an italian catholic background. gaps are common because most catholic churches don't offer evening weddings. so the ceremony is in the afternoon and the reception is in the evening.

people go to the church in more casual attire, then go home and get dressed up for the reception. or just go to the ceremony dressed up and pass the time in between at a bar.

i don't think its rude, just annoying.

I'm from an Italian Catholic background and have never been to a wedding with a gap.

THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CATHOLICISM!

weird, maybe just my community (nyc and environs). the weddings i've attended out of state didn't include churches so i don't have alot of experiences to compare them to.

seriously, the yelling isn't necessary. i get the sense you've just heard this too many times.

It's not just limited to your region. There are ppl in my region that have Catholic weddings and have gaps. . . and secular weddings and have gaps. And I'm sure there must be some Catholics in your region that don't have gaps. ;-)

i'm getting married in a church (not catholic--grandma will get over it) and not having a gap. lord knows i don't want to dick around for hours between the ceremony and reception.

See, that's exactly what I would be doing if I had a gap.

libby2483 · July 2013

LavenderHoneyBee said:

QueerFemme said:

lavendergirl1 said:

I am attending a wedding next week that said "Black Tie Optional" on the invite... I'm totally ok with wearing a pretty long dress and I'm imagining they will be pulling out all the stops but I'm not worried about that. The ceremony is at 2:30pm and the reception starts at 7pm. So if it's black tie optional, thats just for the reception? Do I wear a different dress for the ceremony? My date is in the wedding party and will be wearing a tux and we will be doing pictures I'm assuming with the family between the ceremony and reception. So my question is; should I wear a less formal dress for the ceremony and change into a party/black tie gown for the reception later on?
personally, I would skip the ceremony and meet your date at the reception. these people are rude as hell.

Ditto.

Seriously ladies?? That is so rude! Come on now. OP - Every wedding I've been has had a gap, so it's just the norm for me. Typically, I've worn the same thing. However, if I wanted to wear something extra formal (ie long) for the reception, I would just wear a nice dress for the ceremony and change later.

Yeah, I know meeting rudeness with rudeness doesn't follow proper etiquette. But the question asked WWYD, and I personally find gaps so rude, that I would rather skip the ceremony than sit around all day in black tie attire or have to go home and change. So, yeah, that's what I would do.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

ibby2483 well I appreciate you acknowledging that the solution of skipping the gap is rude. It's odd the me that those who would be so offended by a gap, would then think that acting rude in turn would be an acceptable response. To each their own, I know plenty of people who have skipped ceremonies - I just would never do it (regardless of the gap) bc at the end of the day - isn't that what its all about?

Black Tie Optional with a gap...wwyd?

Re: Black Tie Optional with a gap...wwyd?

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