Hi there, I need some ideas and honest but kind advice. But I'd like to provide a little background first. I appologize in advance for the length, I just want it to be clear where we're coming from.
My husband is a disabled veteran whose wife heartlessly left him as soon as she found out he had gotten severely wounded while he was deployed in Iraq (actually she had already been having an affair on him, but him getting injured sent her officially packing). Needless to say that ended in divorce. I met him after he spent months recovering (actually miraculously well, many thought he would never walk or function anywhere close to normal again) and had finally been medically discharged from the Army and had moved back to his home town where I'm from, and we met at church. He was still in the process of his divorce which was being dragged out rediculously long, but we quickly knew we were meant for each other.
I'm embarrassed to say even though I grew up Christian and he credited his recent turning to God for saving his life, we messed up and I got pregnant only a few months after meeting. We planned to marry probably sometime the following year given that it looked like his divorce might not be complete til then given the rate it was going with everything his ex was doing to complicate it.
But then as my pregnancy progressed it became high risk and to our pleasant surprise his divorce finally became finalized a month before I was due, but the pregnancy was barely holding out that long. Considering the high risk for medical complications and that the divorce was out of the way, we decided it best to marry asap in order for me and our baby to get on his military med ins which was much better than mine and would cover complications better.
We married in a rushed courthouse ceremony with only a few people, no attendants, or registry, and me about to pop and barely contained in the only rediculous dress I could find to squeeze into last minute, and it was horrendous and too short. I cringe to look at any pictures our friend took on his iPad that show me from the neck down. I can look back on the whole thing now and laugh better, but the day really was a disaster compared to what I always dreamed of. I felt like a blimp, was extremely hormonal and crying and upset about who knows what little things, worried about baby's and 8's health, and just unable to gracefully handle all the emotions coursing through me and it was everything I didn't want for my wedding day. Of course I get that it's the love that counts and that was ultimately there despite everything, especially later that night while waiting to be checked into the hospital (that's right, I went into labor that night! We got married just in the nick of time!) when we got to share a truly tender and love filled kiss that truly reflected us and our love, which thankfully a sweet nurse captured on a pic on my phone (the only pic from the whole day that I love, much less like). Our baby girl was born a few hours later, technically the next day, and was and is the best wedding gift from God we could ever receive, she is our treasure and not a regret for a moment!
I fully understand that it was our fault that we got pregnant when we did and had to deal with all the resulting circumstances and decisions, no one else's. But it's almost 2 years later and I'm still sad that I didn't feel more beautiful and joyous on my wedding day. I'm thinking about planning something for our 3rd anniversary next year, but I'm not sure what's appropriate? A vow renewal, reception, both?
Back before we had to do the rush wedding we had originally started to plan to incorporate some jewish vows and other elements into our wedding because even though we aren't jewish by blood we basically consider ourselves Messianic Jewish in many ways because we believe we are grafted in with Israel as God's people and believe in Christ as Messiah, so we were wanting a particular friend of ours who beleives the same as us to officiate and lead us through some certain traditions for the ceremony, but when we ended up with a courthouse wedding none of that ended up happening. Could we have a vow renewal and incorporate some of the jewish vows/elements then?
Also, I really would LOVE to be able to wear a beautiful gown that makes me feel beautiful for 1 special day. It doesn't have to be a white ballgown, but maybe a dif color or something not too typically wedding looking but still gorgeous? I keep not being able to tear my eyes away from Say Yes To The Dress and dreaming lol. I also want to include our daughter and my 6 and 7 yr old stepsons too if possible. Whatever we plan would still be relatively smallish, but bigger than what we had. Maybe 50-75 people tops. What would you all do in my shoes? What's acceptable?