Gift giving

BrandNewJ · July 2013

We were invited the engagement party 2 days before. Until I got there I honestly thought it was a last minute event-- it was not. We ended up leaving early because we didn't know anyone. So we were probably B-listed for that as well. However, there were only 60 people there, so I'd assume we'd be in the top 200, but I guess not. We were actually extremely close in college! Like we would hang out or speak daily. And close enough now to have lunch twice a month, but I guess not top 200 material. We decided not to go. It's not worth it just for desserts. It's not a traveling event, but gas alone won't be worth it. I went through the rest of the registry, and I now solidify my opinion of this being a gift grabbing event. There are no items less than $50 with a majority from Sur La Table. FI laughed. We will be declining.

PatriceC59 · July 2013

Good for you! This is totally tacky and gift-grabby and if there is one thing I've learned from the ladies on TK, tiered weddings = big fat NO NO!!

I know it's kind of a bummer to find out in this way that someone you thought you were pretty good friends with didn't think you made the "top 200 cut." It's a lame feeling. Someone who I thought I was friends with asked me to spend VIP dollars ("we're doing everything top shelf/VIP only!!!) to fly out to her bach party in Vegas on memorial day weekend (I couldn't for multiple reasons, but mostly because I couldn't take off work that weekend). Then, did not invite me to the wedding.

Send a card sans gift and call it a day! It was sweet of you to give an engagement gift

jcrmc · July 2013

Ugh. I had to re-read the OP since I was under the impression that the invites were going to be ceremony/dinner/dessert or ceremony/dessert. Finding out you arent even going to be at the ceremony is suuuuuuper tacky. I mean, the whole point of a reception (proper point, anyway) is to celebrate your nuptials and thank your guests for joining you in your special day.

If you DO go to the dessert reception, dont feel you need to bring a gift. I say bring a card at least, to congratulate etc. but a gift is not at all necessary.

If you WANT to get her something, feel free, but you dont HAVE to....hell, you dont HAVE to even if you were invited to the whole thing!!!

grumbledore · July 2013

NYCMercedes said:

If you like to party, I'd go as weddings are usually a blast. Do not bring anything but your well wishes.

This. And I'd probably have a couple of drinks before I went so I didn't have to buy any at the probably cash bar. Just sayin'.

Jen4948 · July 2013

GlassButton said:

GlassButton said:

@glasssbutton OP has already given the couple a $50 gift card. Why should they bother getting another gift card when they aren't special enough to actually watch the ceremony?
Yup, you're right. She shouldn't. I wouldn't even go. I only suggested it if she wished to go.

But even if OP wished to go, she should not have to sit there and estimate the cost of her & FI's dessert and use that amount as a gift.
You're again right. She shouldn't have to. However, I just always give back what I believe was spent on myself when I go somewhere I really don't want to go and is a gift grabbing event. I barely go to those (I've only gone 2 because I had to). Why do I give it back? I have no clue. I just do it because I feel if you invite me to such a thing you're desperate for money. I'm not giving you more but I'm also not leaving you with less. If it's an event I am gladly going then I just give depending on the circumstance.

There's no way for the OP to know "what was spent on her" because 1) it's none of her business, 2) the hosts may have gotten a good deal with a steep discount on guest meals, and 2) there is no requirement that guests "cover their plates" because gift giving is supposed to be optional.

This may be what you individually like to do, but it doesn't work as general advice or etiquette.

Gift giving

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