"Promise" Rings

missjecka · July 2013

tarratall said:

I think it is nice when a significant other buys you jewelry, but just like I didn't call the locket from my first serious boyfriend a "promise locket," I just wouldn't call a piece of jewelry a promise ring. You don't call foreplay "promise sex" so until that happens, I'm only seeing syrupy sweet high school memories of friends that are now married to different people than they were promised to.

Not to knock you all that rock the pre-e-ring-bling, but I just don't usually dig the name. Totally cool with jewelry though.

I think my stone was considered a "promise ring" stone and sadly, most places consider under a certain weight to be such. I love my ring though and wouldn't trade it for the world.

This! (Also, I love your entire comment and agree with it whole-heartedly.)

When I hear "promise ring", I think of my 17-year-old self looking at them on the internet and dreaming of my then-boyfriend giving me one before we both went off to college...

...then I think about our rough breakup that happened a month and a half into college, and how I would've sold that thing in a heartbeat, buying some comics or movie tickets with the cash. And then I proceed to look at my engagement ring and realize this is the real thing.

I don't know. It just sounds... juvenile and a way of justifying that you're more in love than those who are dating and don't have some kind of pretend-symbolic ring on their finger. (Because, no matter what those with promise rings say, you're still just dating.)

[/snark]

s-aries8990 · July 2013

missjecka said:

tarratall said:

I think it is nice when a significant other buys you jewelry, but just like I didn't call the locket from my first serious boyfriend a "promise locket," I just wouldn't call a piece of jewelry a promise ring. You don't call foreplay "promise sex" so until that happens, I'm only seeing syrupy sweet high school memories of friends that are now married to different people than they were promised to.

Not to knock you all that rock the pre-e-ring-bling, but I just don't usually dig the name. Totally cool with jewelry though.

I think my stone was considered a "promise ring" stone and sadly, most places consider under a certain weight to be such. I love my ring though and wouldn't trade it for the world.

This! (Also, I love your entire comment and agree with it whole-heartedly.)

When I hear "promise ring", I think of my 17-year-old self looking at them on the internet and dreaming of my then-boyfriend giving me one before we both went off to college...

...then I think about our rough breakup that happened a month and a half into college, and how I would've sold that thing in a heartbeat, buying some comics or movie tickets with the cash. And then I proceed to look at my engagement ring and realize this is the real thing.

I don't know. It just sounds... juvenile and a way of justifying that you're more in love than those who are dating and don't have some kind of pretend-symbolic ring on their finger. (Because, no matter what those with promise rings say, you're still just dating.)

[/snark]

See, I agree and disagree with you here. I don't think it's justifying that you're more in love or more serious than another couple because, duh, a shiny ring only means one person spent money...

I also disagree that it's a "pretend symbol" because a symbol hold whatever meaning the interpreter decides. It's like getting someone a charm bracelet and saying that the event-related charm (graduation, "Mom," birthday, house) is only a pretend symbol of that significant event.

I agree that it means you're only still dating, and that the general mindset of those who get them are the syrupy teen couples.

But sometimes, especially for young but serious couples, it's a nice piece of jewelry with the promise of commitment, not necessarily marriage.

cmmurphy89 · July 2013

s-aries8990 said:

BF got me a promise ring instead of an engagement ring when we were 18. He brought up the idea of getting engaged and I told him I would say no, especially since I would be living in a dorm room for the next 4 years. I think he really wanted me to wear a ring on my ring finger to give him piece of mind while I was in College 3 hours away. We still are together, but aren't engaged because we just aren't in a position to get married yet and I would be annoyed to have a super duper long engagement (like 4, 5, 6 years).

This is mine:

It's small but I love it and wear it proudly every day. It's a gift from him and a reminder of everything we've been through together (you change a lot between 17 and 23).

I think that it IS juvenile, but it's ok for juveniles... like kids in HS/College who really AREN'T ready for marriage at that point (some are, but most aren't). I think that a promise ring is a promise of commitment, something with more meaning than a gift, but not everyone is in the position to get married when they decide they want to commit their lives to each other. And they may not be ready to do so for several reasons (money, ability to devote their time, leaving for a job, leaving for college, etc.)

I think that giving promise rings past the age of like 25 or so are kind of odd? I guess you could say?, but not necessarily stupid.

FH got me the exact same ring when I was 18!! I still wear it as a necklace.

Ours had a lot to do with my age I was 18, just starting college and he was 23, just starting his career. Since we started dating when I was 17, my parents were worried I would miss out on all the things that were being a Senior and starting college because I was dating someone so much older who had already grown out of all of those things. The promise ring to us recognized our desire to get married but knowing that financially, emotionally and maturity-wise we weren't there yet.

Plus we avoided years of people asking about the wedding plans, and the stigma of getting married so young. I have nothing against people who get married young, the people in my circles assume if you get married before 25 that you'll get divorced before your 30.

missjecka · July 2013

s-aries8990 said: missjecka said: tarratall said: I think it is nice when a significant other buys you jewelry, but just like I didn't call the locket from my first serious boyfriend a "promise locket," I just wouldn't call a piece of jewelry a promise ring. You don't call foreplay "promise sex" so until that happens, I'm only seeing syrupy sweet high school memories of friends that are now married to different people than they were promised to.
Not to knock you all that rock the pre-e-ring-bling, but I just don't usually dig the name. Totally cool with jewelry though.
I think my stone was considered a "promise ring" stone and sadly, most places consider under a certain weight to be such. I love my ring though and wouldn't trade it for the world. This! (Also, I love your entire comment and agree with it whole-heartedly.)
When I hear "promise ring", I think of my 17-year-old self looking at them on the internet and dreaming of my then-boyfriend giving me one before we both went off to college...
...then I think about our rough breakup that happened a month and a half into college, and how I would've sold that thing in a heartbeat, buying some comics or movie tickets with the cash. And then I proceed to look at my engagement ring and realize this is the real thing.
I don't know. It just sounds... juvenile and a way of justifying that you're more in love than those who are dating and don't have some kind of pretend-symbolic ring on their finger. (Because, no matter what those with promise rings say, you're still just dating.)
[/snark] See, I agree and disagree with you here. I don't think it's justifying that you're more in love or more serious than another couple because, duh, a shiny ring only means one person spent money...

I also disagree that it's a "pretend symbol" because a symbol hold whatever meaning the interpreter decides. It's like getting someone a charm bracelet and saying that the event-related charm (graduation, "Mom," birthday, house) is only a pretend symbol of that significant event.

I agree that it means you're only still dating, and that the general mindset of those who get them are the syrupy teen couples.

But sometimes, especially for young but serious couples, it's a nice piece of jewelry with the promise of commitment, not necessarily marriage.

I think this is really because of what I've experience with former classmates of mine in college who got promise rings and suddenly begun hanging out only with couples who were engaged and/or had promise rings. It was as if it became a key to a country club. Maybe it was my 20-year-old self being jealous of this sign of commitment, but still... it's not really any different than dating and getting a nice piece of jewelry.

I guess I just don't get it and still feel it to be a tad juvenile.

winelover123 · July 2013

FI got me one 4 months into our relationship. I actually got him one too. To us, it meant that our relationship became a serious one and we were in it for the long haul. He got me mine when I was 19. I still wear it sometimes.

melbelleup · August 2013

I do have a promise ring from my FI. He actually gave it to me a day before my birthday after we started dating (2012) because he didn't want it to be my birthday gift. It was to show we were serious about each other. Actually, my engagement ring matches my promise ring which that was my requirement when him and I started talking about engagement rings. I wouldn't have it any other way and I wear both of them together often.

NerdyLucy · August 2013

What's with the random flagging? I've got 3 from this thread alone.

@knotporscha @knotjackie

erinlin25 · August 2013

I think they are fine to show you are committed to your relationship, but I think its silly when younger relationships (like in HS) say its a promise to get married. Every 15 year old girl in love will say they are going to marry their HS sweetheart but it should not be a promise they make since who knows where life is leading you.

My husband gave me a ring about a year into our relationship just because it was pretty-- it was a purple amethyst (my fav color). We bought it at a flea market for $5. A year later he bought me a blue sapphire (my birthstone) for my birthday. He had moved that summer back to his hometown to open a business and I was not ready to move that far and leave my family/friends/jobs, etc and we both knew we were not ready for an engagement. We knew it was a possibility but both wanted to be sure I was comfortable living up there before an engagement was even an option. He wanted me to move but did not want me to be obligated to do something I was not ready for. I would not have promised to marry him to only move and then potentially be miserable. We still refused to call it a promise ring. While we hoped it would all lead an engagement we still were not going to through around titles that we could not guarantee would happen. Luckily it all worked out and we were engaged last year and got married 2 months ago.

I feel an engagement ring is the promise to get married. Why would anyone promise to get engaged if they are not ready to get married? I personally do not get it, but to each their own.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

s-aries8990 said:

missjecka said:

tarratall said:

I think it is nice when a significant other buys you jewelry, but just like I didn't call the locket from my first serious boyfriend a "promise locket," I just wouldn't call a piece of jewelry a promise ring. You don't call foreplay "promise sex" so until that happens, I'm only seeing syrupy sweet high school memories of friends that are now married to different people than they were promised to.

Not to knock you all that rock the pre-e-ring-bling, but I just don't usually dig the name. Totally cool with jewelry though.

I think my stone was considered a "promise ring" stone and sadly, most places consider under a certain weight to be such. I love my ring though and wouldn't trade it for the world.

This! (Also, I love your entire comment and agree with it whole-heartedly.)

When I hear "promise ring", I think of my 17-year-old self looking at them on the internet and dreaming of my then-boyfriend giving me one before we both went off to college...

...then I think about our rough breakup that happened a month and a half into college, and how I would've sold that thing in a heartbeat, buying some comics or movie tickets with the cash. And then I proceed to look at my engagement ring and realize this is the real thing.

I don't know. It just sounds... juvenile and a way of justifying that you're more in love than those who are dating and don't have some kind of pretend-symbolic ring on their finger. (Because, no matter what those with promise rings say, you're still just dating.)

[/snark]

See, I agree and disagree with you here. I don't think it's justifying that you're more in love or more serious than another couple because, duh, a shiny ring only means one person spent money...

I also disagree that it's a "pretend symbol" because a symbol hold whatever meaning the interpreter decides. It's like getting someone a charm bracelet and saying that the event-related charm (graduation, "Mom," birthday, house) is only a pretend symbol of that significant event.

I agree that it means you're only still dating, and that the general mindset of those who get them are the syrupy teen couples.

But sometimes, especially for young but serious couples, it's a nice piece of jewelry with the promise of commitment, not necessarily marriage.

No, it would be like getting a charm bracelet to celebrate that you will one day buy a house, or you hope to graduate next year.

CreatureFromTheBlackLagoon · August 2013

wittykitty14 said:

We got a "promise" ring because we didn't have the money for an engagement ring. It may sound stupid, but neither of us were comfortable being engaged and not having a ring for me.

Do you believe that an engagement ring has to be expensive?

Bubblegum5586 · August 2013

s-aries8990 said:
I think that it IS juvenile, but it's ok for juveniles... like kids in HS/College who really AREN'T ready for marriage at that point (some are, but most aren't). I think that a promise ring is a promise of commitment, something with more meaning than a gift, but not everyone is in the position to get married when they decide they want to commit their lives to each other. And they may not be ready to do so for several reasons (money, ability to devote their time, leaving for a job, leaving for college, etc.)

I think that giving promise rings past the age of like 25 or so are kind of odd? I guess you could say?, but not necessarily stupid.

I agree with this. I got a promise ring from FI when we were dating in college - a year and a half into our relationship. We still had 2 more years of college yet and were no way near ready for an actual engagement (I wore my promise ring on my right hand, so it woudn't look like an engagment ring). We graduated, moved in together and after 6 years of dating he proposed with a engagement ring.

BethanyandJacob · August 2013

GB520 said:

I think the concept is dumb. I would rather have someone wait til they are actually ready financially and mature enough to get married. My feeling is this if you are over say 19 then it's silly. I think if you want one past that age because to me it's worth waiting and saving up for a real engagment ring. I don't like the promise for a promise especially bc since engagment is a promise to get married.

lol did you even read any of the previous posts?

emilygardensname · August 2013

It's like a step system. A promise ring is designed to allow the other individual whoms getting married with yall a chance to test out your honesty. I've seriously met plenty of brides that regret not supplying your partner with a promise ring. It just makes the whole process easier, and is a good training wheel for the real thing. THE WEDDING RING. Think of it as a form of training wheels for your hand. It's an important step in the process of getting hitched. Nowadays women, and the like, don't like to wear promise rings because they're often too heavy. This is not true. Heavy objects usually don't go on your hands. Why would a ring be heavy? This is just not sensible. Who would design a heavy ring? Who? Anyway. There are a few drawbacks like procrastination on getting the real deal. THE WEDDING RING. Now if you're a little weary of your situation, I'd suggest forgoing the promise ring and just going for the real deal ring. This helps out a lot of soon to be couples too. All in all when you weigh the two, it's clear that the promise ring is just a product of mass corporate greed. It's probably best that you don't go with a promise ring at all. DONT.

CarolinaPeach13 · August 2013

BF sorta kinda gave me a "promise ring." For our first Valentine's day I wanted a ring because I rarely wear bracelets, didn't have my ears pierced at the time so earrings were out, and had a gazillion nice necklaces that I didn't wear much anyways. He gave me a gorgeous sapphire and diamond ring with a promise that we would be faithful and happy with each other, but never ever said anything about "I promise to marry you one day." We'd only been dating 6 ish months at that point and knew we wanted to be together and get married but were way too young to be engaged. We're still not engaged, and I definitely don't wear that ring as any sort of engagement ring.

I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I get the whole thing about not being able to afford an expensive ring, but on the other hand, why not just actually be engaged and that's your engagement ring? To me, if you're going to promise to marry someone, you're engaged.

Pepper6 · August 2013

I typically associate a "promise" ring with young couples (ie, high school/college) as a sign of commitment at that age/situation, not a promise for a future marriage. I do find it a bit odd to give promise rings after college age, but as long as the couple is happy with what it means to them, then to each his own.

Knottie05915374 · August 2014

My "boyfriend" (man friend - we're 40) is a little old fashion and wanted to give me a ring once our relationship became more than just casual dating as a symbol of his commitment to developing us and staying true to me. I thought it was sweet and romantic. I appreciated that he thought enough of the significance of our relationship to create a special moment that I'll always remember tone and present a beautiful ring to me. This happened on my birthday a few weeks ago and we went engagement ring shopping this past weekend.

climbingsingle · August 2014

Knottie05915374 You're bumping a post that's over a year old. If you'd like to talk about promise rings, please start a new post.

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