An open letter to the Community from our Co-founder, Carley Roney

KnotJackie · August 2013

An open letter to the Community from our Co-founder, Carley Roney:

"I founded The Knot Community as a place where you could really enjoy and be honest about being a bride – share your nightmares, dreams, concerns and get help and advice from others who *really* understood what you were going through. In recent months, bullies, under the guise of "giving honest feedback" have tried to make this an unwelcome place for many new brides to come for advice. Community members were belittled for sport, made to feel stupid for their questions, humiliated for their preferences. That is not the community I was trying to create, and this goes deeply against The Knot’s brand mission. I have personally decided that enough is enough and that these members should be banned for good.

It was sad to me that these fellow women were ruining the spirit of The Knot Community, but it also troubled me deeply how it was affecting the lives of the women who work for me. These hard-working girls who come to the office every day trying to make a difference and create a great environment -- a helpful, fun service -- for brides do not deserve to have their jobs and spirits undermined. Our attention should be on "how do we make The Knot even better for our brides?" and not "how do we stop these random mean girls from bullying our other brides?"…and bullying us. I simply won't stand for that. I strive to create a great place to work with exciting jobs where women can have an impact on each others' lives.

I am saddened that members of The Knot who have been with us for so long would exhibit such negative, awful behavior. Our team tried for several months to work with them. It is not fair to anyone -- my brides, my staff, my partners -- to tolerate it for another second.

This was simply the only choice we had.

We hope that you, the loyal members of our incredible community will support us in our effort to protect the world’s best place to be a bride.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

-C"

Carley Roney

Cofounder, xo group inc

s-aries8990 · August 2013

KnotJackie said:

An open letter to the Community from our Co-founder, Carley Roney:

"I founded The Knot Community as a place where you could really enjoy and be honest about being a bride – share your nightmares, dreams, concerns and get help and advice from others who *really* understood what you were going through. In recent months, bullies, under the guise of "giving honest feedback" have tried to make this an unwelcome place for many new brides to come for advice. Community members were belittled for sport, made to feel stupid for their questions, humiliated for their preferences. That is not the community I was trying to create, and this goes deeply against The Knot’s brand mission. I have personally decided that enough is enough and that these members should be banned for good.

It was sad to me that these fellow women were ruining the spirit of The Knot Community, but it also troubled me deeply how it was affecting the lives of the women who work for me. These hard-working girls who come to the office every day trying to make a difference and create a great environment -- a helpful, fun service -- for brides do not deserve to have their jobs and spirits undermined. Our attention should be on "how do we make The Knot even better for our brides?" and not "how do we stop these random mean girls from bullying our other brides?"…and bullying us. I simply won't stand for that. I strive to create a great place to work with exciting jobs where women can have an impact on each others' lives.

I am saddened that members of The Knot who have been with us for so long would exhibit such negative, awful behavior. Our team tried for several months to work with them. It is not fair to anyone -- my brides, my staff, my partners -- to tolerate it for another second.

This was simply the only choice we had.

We hope that you, the loyal members of our incredible community will support us in our effort to protect the world’s best place to be a bride.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

-C"

Carley Roney

Cofounder, xo group inc

BS

NYCBruin · August 2013

KnotJackie said:

An open letter to the Community from our Co-founder, Carley Roney:

"I founded The Knot Community as a place where you could really enjoy and be honest about being a bride – share your nightmares, dreams, concerns and get help and advice from others who *really* understood what you were going through. In recent months, bullies, under the guise of "giving honest feedback" have tried to make this an unwelcome place for many new brides to come for advice. Community members were belittled for sport, made to feel stupid for their questions, humiliated for their preferences. That is not the community I was trying to create, and this goes deeply against The Knot’s brand mission. I have personally decided that enough is enough and that these members should be banned for good.

It was sad to me that these fellow women were ruining the spirit of The Knot Community, but it also troubled me deeply how it was affecting the lives of the women who work for me. These hard-working girls who come to the office every day trying to make a difference and create a great environment -- a helpful, fun service -- for brides do not deserve to have their jobs and spirits undermined. Our attention should be on "how do we make The Knot even better for our brides?" and not "how do we stop these random mean girls from bullying our other brides?"…and bullying us. I simply won't stand for that. I strive to create a great place to work with exciting jobs where women can have an impact on each others' lives.

I am saddened that members of The Knot who have been with us for so long would exhibit such negative, awful behavior. Our team tried for several months to work with them. It is not fair to anyone -- my brides, my staff, my partners -- to tolerate it for another second.

This was simply the only choice we had.

We hope that you, the loyal members of our incredible community will support us in our effort to protect the world’s best place to be a bride.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

-C"

Carley Roney

Cofounder, xo group inc

Well that's just a lie.

AddieCake · August 2013

If you tried to work with them, why didn't they know they were about to be banned with no warning?

ETA: The only "working with them" they were aware of was employees asking for their help interacting on this website. So....thanks for the help, here's a banning for your trouble?

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

So are we all going to get banned now if we tell people to go google ideas themselves or tell them that cash bars and dollar dances are rude? I'm willing to stay around, but I'm not going to validate bad ideas.

This.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

So your employees were bullied? They were helpless under the TOS to handle the situation?

NYCBruin · August 2013

Also, the honest feedback that TK used to give is what made it a good place to be a bride.

If I wanted people to squeal over my terrible ideas, tell me "it's your day, do what you want," and validate rude things like cash bars, not providing enough seats, and giving my BMs "jobs," then I wouldn't have gone to TK in the first place. There are plenty of other websites out there that do that. Most of them better than TK.

s-aries8990 · August 2013

An open letter to the Community from our Co-founder, Carley Roney:

"I founded The Knot Community as a place where you could really enjoy and be honest about being a bride – share your nightmares, dreams, concerns and get help and advice from others who *really* understood what you were going through. In recent months, bullies, under the guise of "giving honest feedback" have tried to make this an unwelcome place for many new brides to come for advice. Community members were belittled for sport, made to feel stupid for their questions, humiliated for their preferences. That is not the community I was trying to create, and this goes deeply against The Knot’s brand mission. I have personally decided that enough is enough and that these members should be banned for good.

It was sad to me that these fellow women were ruining the spirit of The Knot Community, but it also troubled me deeply how it was affecting the lives of the women who work for me. These hard-working girls who come to the office every day trying to make a difference and create a great environment -- a helpful, fun service -- for brides do not deserve to have their jobs and spirits undermined. Our attention should be on "how do we make The Knot even better for our brides?" and not "how do we stop these random mean girls from bullying our other brides?"…and bullying us. I simply won't stand for that. I strive to create a great place to work with exciting jobs where women can have an impact on each others' lives.

I am saddened that members of The Knot who have been with us for so long would exhibit such negative, awful behavior. Our team tried for several months to work with them. It is not fair to anyone -- my brides, my staff, my partners -- to tolerate it for another second.

This was simply the only choice we had.

We hope that you, the loyal members of our incredible community will support us in our effort to protect the world’s best place to be a bride.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

-C"

Carley Roney

Cofounder, xo group inc

misshart00 · August 2013

So, what are the rules now since the TOS doesn't seem to matter. I agree with PP that I don't want to get banned because I told a bride her idea was rude, but I'm not going to sit around and blow sunshine up the entitled brides butts.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

I take high offense to the overuse and misuse of the term bully. As someone who was bullied relentlessly for two years in high school (so I know the difference between being truly bullied and being told something that you just don't want to hear), you using the word bully so loosely and inappropriately is horrible. Brides were never bullied. They were told the truth about their rude ideas and they didn't like the answers. That does not equate to them being bullied.

AddieCake · August 2013

Ditto. I am still mulling over how much participation I want to have here any more. I have no intention of sticking around if I can't flat out tell people I think something is a bad idea.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

AddieL73 said:

Ditto. I am still mulling over how much participation I want to have here any more. I have no intention of sticking around if I can't flat out tell people I think something is a bad idea.

Let's do an experiment. Addie, tell me you are getting married and plan on doing something against etiquette. . . like having registry inserts in your invitations, or a cash bar, or something.

OliveOilsMom · August 2013

Your hard working girls who run this Community were asking for the banned members help for the last few months. In all of the conversations KJ had with Stage and Linger (are we even allowed to say their names or are they like Voldemort?), why didn't she say, there have been many internal discussions about your posting style - you need to lighten up. Why were they not given the chance to change their posting style?

And are we allowed to disagree with brides who have terrible ideas? Because I'd rather hurt a brides feelings by telling her that her BP aren't slaves than have her loose her friends after her wedding because of her treatment towards the BP.

MayDay513 · August 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

AddieL73 said:

Ditto. I am still mulling over how much participation I want to have here any more. I have no intention of sticking around if I can't flat out tell people I think something is a bad idea.

Let's do an experiment. Addie, tell me you are getting married and plan on doing something against etiquette. . . like having registry inserts in your invitations, or a cash bar, or something.

I actually like would to know what the KG's think of all these things:
PPD
Cash Bar/Potluck/Honeymoon Fund
Tiered Reception
Treating WP like Slaves
and other Bridezilla behavior that demonstrates that they've forgotten that wedding guests are supposed to be their nearest and dearest friends and family NOT money bags.

We get at least one of these a day. Where some newbie who posts about any of the above and WE ALL disagree, and the newbie stomps her feet, throws a giant temper-tantrum, calls us names and then gets banned.

AddieCake · August 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

AddieL73 said:

Ditto. I am still mulling over how much participation I want to have here any more. I have no intention of sticking around if I can't flat out tell people I think something is a bad idea.

Let's do an experiment. Addie, tell me you are getting married and plan on doing something against etiquette. . . like having registry inserts in your invitations, or a cash bar, or something.

You want me to make a post about it on the boards? I might get banned for trolling. Or, you know, just trying to get my post count up. (My personal fave)

annathy03 · August 2013

KnotJackie said: An open letter to the Community from our Co-founder, Carley Roney: "I founded The Knot Community as a place where you could really enjoy and be honest about being a bride – share your nightmares, dreams, concerns and get help and advice from others who *really* understood what you were going through. In recent months, bullies, under the guise of "giving honest feedback" have tried to make this an unwelcome place for many new brides to come for advice. Community members were belittled for sport, made to feel stupid for their questions, humiliated for their preferences. That is not the community I was trying to create, and this goes deeply against The Knot’s brand mission. I have personally decided that enough is enough and that these members should be banned for good. It was sad to me that these fellow women were ruining the spirit of The Knot Community, but it also troubled me deeply how it was affecting the lives of the women who work for me. These hard-working girls who come to the office every day trying to make a difference and create a great environment -- a helpful, fun service -- for brides do not deserve to have their jobs and spirits undermined. Our attention should be on "how do we make The Knot even better for our brides?" and not "how do we stop these random mean girls from bullying our other brides?"…and bullying us. I simply won't stand for that. I strive to create a great place to work with exciting jobs where women can have an impact on each others' lives. I am saddened that members of The Knot who have been with us for so long would exhibit such negative, awful behavior. Our team tried for several months to work with them. It is not fair to anyone -- my brides, my staff, my partners -- to tolerate it for another second. This was simply the only choice we had. We hope that you, the loyal members of our incredible community will support us in our effort to protect the world’s best place to be a bride. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart. -C" Carley Roney Cofounder, xo group inc
**************************************************************************************************

To the bolded, really? Why were they constantly reassured when they asked KJ/KP that their posts weren't against TOS then? Why didn't they receive warnings or guidance about posts you/they thought were "bullying" (and I'm with Maggie that calling this bullying is completely belittling to people who have actually been bullied).

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It isn't the fact that users were banned, it's the way TK went about it. We, the TK community, were told 5 warnings = banned, and then TK went and banned users with no warnings (which to me says they weren't given a chance to tone things down or whatever you were hoping for, and certainly weren't "working with them"). This is unacceptable, because the rules need to be applied to everyone equally.

ETA: Separation, quote box issues.

winelover123 · August 2013

@xcalygrl - I loved your post. KGs - stop misusing the term "bully." It's quite offensive. So, are we going to get banned if we tell new brides that cash bars and treating your BP like shit are awful ideas and they get their feelings hurt? Does that make me a bully?

misshart00 · August 2013

huynhette said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

AddieL73 said:

Ditto. I am still mulling over how much participation I want to have here any more. I have no intention of sticking around if I can't flat out tell people I think something is a bad idea.

Let's do an experiment. Addie, tell me you are getting married and plan on doing something against etiquette. . . like having registry inserts in your invitations, or a cash bar, or something.

I actually like would to know what the KG's think of all these things:
PPD
Cash Bar/Potluck/Honeymoon Fund
Tiered Reception
Treating WP like Slaves
and other Bridezilla behavior that demonstrates that they've forgotten that wedding guests are supposed to be their nearest and dearest friends and family NOT money bags.

We get at least one of these a day. Where some newbie who posts about any of the above and WE ALL disagree, and the newbie stomps her feet, throws a giant temper-tantrum, calls us names and then gets banned.

I think everyone at TK is in favor of these things because it makes them more money. They don't care if you have no friends after YOUR day as long as they squeeze you for every penny they can.

MayDay513 · August 2013

misshart00 said:

huynhette said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

AddieL73 said:

Ditto. I am still mulling over how much participation I want to have here any more. I have no intention of sticking around if I can't flat out tell people I think something is a bad idea.

Let's do an experiment. Addie, tell me you are getting married and plan on doing something against etiquette. . . like having registry inserts in your invitations, or a cash bar, or something.

I actually like would to know what the KG's think of all these things:
PPD
Cash Bar/Potluck/Honeymoon Fund
Tiered Reception
Treating WP like Slaves
and other Bridezilla behavior that demonstrates that they've forgotten that wedding guests are supposed to be their nearest and dearest friends and family NOT money bags.

We get at least one of these a day. Where some newbie who posts about any of the above and WE ALL disagree, and the newbie stomps her feet, throws a giant temper-tantrum, calls us names and then gets banned.

I think everyone at TK is in favor of these things because it makes them more money. They don't care if you have no friends after YOUR day as long as they squeeze you for every penny they can.

Penny sucking vampires.

AddieCake · August 2013

annathy03 said:

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It isn't the fact that users were banned, it's the way TK went about it. We, the TK community, were told 5 warnings = banned, and then TK went and banned users with no warnings (which to me says they weren't given a chance to tone things down or whatever you were hoping for, and certainly weren't "working with them"). This is unacceptable, because the rules need to be applied to everyone equally.

ETA: Separation, quote box issues.

Exactly.

It's like a former boss I had who got fired unceremoniously in the middle of the day w/no warning after she had done a lot of dirty work FOR the higher ups. Most everyone I worked with couldn't stand her, but they ALL objected to the way she was let go. It was so unprofessional and left a bad taste in everyone's mouths about the higher ups. Suddenly nobody remembered their issues with the fired woman. They only cared about how poorly she was treated by the higher ups.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

AddieL73 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

AddieL73 said:

Ditto. I am still mulling over how much participation I want to have here any more. I have no intention of sticking around if I can't flat out tell people I think something is a bad idea.

Let's do an experiment. Addie, tell me you are getting married and plan on doing something against etiquette. . . like having registry inserts in your invitations, or a cash bar, or something.

You want me to make a post about it on the boards? I might get banned for trolling. Or, you know, just trying to get my post count up. (My personal fave)

No no, just here and then I was going to respond, and then you could tell me if I was being too mean.

But you are right, I don't want you to get in trouble for the post count stuff ><

s-aries8990 · August 2013

annathy03 said:

**************************************************************************************************

To the bolded, really? Why were they constantly reassured when they asked KJ/KP that their posts weren't against TOS then? Why didn't they receive warnings or guidance about posts you/they thought were "bullying" (and I'm with Maggie that calling this bullying is completely belittling to people who have actually been bullied).

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. It isn't the fact that users were banned, it's the way TK went about it. We, the TK community, were told 5 warnings = banned, and then TK went and banned users with no warnings (which to me says they weren't given a chance to tone things down or whatever you were hoping for, and certainly weren't "working with them"). This is unacceptable, because the rules need to be applied to everyone equally.

ETA: Separation, quote box issues.

Yep yep yep yep yep yep yep

annathy03 · August 2013

AddieL73 said:

Exactly.

It's like a former boss I had who got fired unceremoniously in the middle of the day w/no warning after she had done a lot of dirty work FOR the higher ups. Most everyone I worked with couldn't stand her, but they ALL objected to the way she was let go. It was so unprofessional and left a bad taste in everyone's mouths about the higher ups. Suddenly nobody remembered their issues with the fired woman. They only cared about how poorly she was treated by the higher ups.

*************************************************************************************************************

Yep. I mean as the company, you get to MAKE the rules, but can't be bothered to follow them? That is just such bullshit.

AddieCake · August 2013

This thread needs a rainbow.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

http://s2.favim.com/orig/28/glitter-rainbow-unicorn-Favim.com-237329.gif

How to you like dem apples?

Maggie0829 · August 2013

And puppies!

KDM323 · August 2013

Quote them in the Knot magazines one week then ban them from the community the next.

I'm not a math whiz by any means...but something just isn't adding up. Because if they were such "bullies" that they needed to be removed from the community - why QUOTE THEIR ADVICE in the printed publications?

MoxieMickie · August 2013

You lost me when you described the adults who work for you as "girls."

AddieCake · August 2013

drexelkathy said:

Quote them in the Knot magazines one week then ban them from the community the next.

I'm not a math whiz by any means...but something just isn't adding up. Because if they were such "bullies" that they needed to be removed from the community - why QUOTE THEIR ADVICE in the printed publications?

To be fair, they did already answer to this. They said previously they had no input or knowledge of what got printed from the forums in the magazine but will review all future ones.

Here's a kitten in case you don't like that I disagreed with you in any way, Kathy:

KDM323 · August 2013

MoxieMickie said:

You lost me when you described the adults who work for you as "girls."

I just loved your post by the way. Amen!

KDM323 · August 2013

AddieL73 said:

drexelkathy said:

Quote them in the Knot magazines one week then ban them from the community the next.

I'm not a math whiz by any means...but something just isn't adding up. Because if they were such "bullies" that they needed to be removed from the community - why QUOTE THEIR ADVICE in the printed publications?

To be fair, they did already answer to this. They said previously they had no input or knowledge of what got printed from the forums in the magazine but will review all future ones.

Here's a kitten in case you don't like that I disagreed with you in any way, Kathy:

Thank God for the kitten or I think I may have cried.

And...you know, you were right and I was wrong...they DID answer that question previously.

An open letter to the Community from our Co-founder, Carley Roney

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