Anyone else find this horribly offensive?

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

I hang around Wedding Wire (though I don't know why, I just end up fighting with a few of the brats on there) and came across this:

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/know-its-not-about-the-gifts-but-really/7704f693cdd0f742.html

Now, I totally understand laughing with your husband or SO about really strange and out there gifts. But bitching about only receiving $40? That behavior is repulsive IMO. What happened to accepting gifts graciously? I guess that went right out the window at the same time properly hosting did.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

How klassy.

allispain · August 2013

Not offensive necessarily, but definitely rude and bratty! Someone took the time to give you a gift - whether a check for $40, a picture frame, or whatever else they mention. Be thankful that they thought of you! Geez. Were there a couple gifts we got where I thought to myself - "Well, that's an odd one"? Sure. But we still appreciated the time and effort that people put into buying or making something for us, signing a card, bringing it all to the wedding, etc.

I've never been on the WW forums before - and now I know why. I'd probably be banned within a day for calling those women out :-)

NerdyLucy · August 2013

People are terrible.

ashleyep · August 2013

The rules of etiquette are funny in that as a guest you're really supposed to give a gift (even if the rules stop short of actually saying that), but as a host you're not supposed to expect one.

So I suppose that complaining to strangers on the internet is better than complaining to the gift givers face. As long as you act gracious and send a thank you card as necessary. I won't lie, I'll probably be bummed if someone doesn't give me a gift because I would never show up empty handed to a wedding, but I would never act anything less than gracious about it.

But yeah, a lot of the stuff they're complaining about in that thread is a little ridiculous.

jessicabessica · August 2013

Meh, there was a much worse thread along these lines over on R&G a week or two ago. I thought some of the complaints in that thread OP linked to were bratty, but others were amusing and things that would be a little insulting to receive (a regift that still has the original card).

allispain · August 2013

ashleyep said:
So I suppose that complaining to strangers on the internet is better than complaining to the gift givers face. As long as you act gracious and send you a thank you card as necessary. I won't lie, I'll probably be bummed if someone doesn't give me a gift because I would never show up empty handed to a wedding, but I would never act anything less than gracious about it.

Eh, we had several guests who did not bring a gift. I wasn't bummed in the least about it. One of them was my own sister, who had to take off from work in order to be there. She drove all that way, paid for a hotel room for the weekend, bought herself a new dress for the occasion (since she doesn't often get dressed up and didn't have anything in her closet that fit her at the time), etc. I'm well aware that she's not well-off financially - I was just happy that was able to come to the wedding in the first place. Her presence was gift enough for me, as cheesy as that may sound.

ashleyep · August 2013

allispain said:

show previous quotes

ashleyep said:
So I suppose that complaining to strangers on the internet is better than complaining to the gift givers face. As long as you act gracious and send you a thank you card as necessary. I won't lie, I'll probably be bummed if someone doesn't give me a gift because I would never show up empty handed to a wedding, but I would never act anything less than gracious about it.

Eh, we had several guests who did not bring a gift. I wasn't bummed in the least about it. One of them was my own sister, who had to take off from work in order to be there. She drove all that way, paid for a hotel room for the weekend, bought herself a new dress for the occasion (since she doesn't often get dressed up and didn't have anything in her closet that fit her at the time), etc. I'm well aware that she's not well-off financially - I was just happy that was able to come to the wedding in the first place. Her presence was gift enough for me, as cheesy as that may sound.

No I get it, I would definitely prefer someone come than not just because they can't give a gift, especially close family or friends. I gave less than I normally would for my friend a few weeks ago because I had spent sooo much money being a bridesmaid.

But someone like my parent's friends whom I don't even care if they're there or not it's kind of like, really? Why even come? But anyway, like I said, I would never be anything but gracious because I'm not supposed to expect anything anyway. But I can't help my feelings ha.

But some of those posts are complaining about guests who got hotel rooms. Maybe they can't afford a gift because they had to get a hotel room? Why is that an indicator of being well off? So I should take that $150 and give it to you instead of a hotel and stay sober so I can drive home instead?

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

jessicabessica said:

Meh, there was a much worse thread along these lines over on R&G a week or two ago. I thought some of the complaints in that thread OP linked to were bratty, but others were amusing and things that would be a little insulting to receive (a regift that still has the original card).

Oh I completely agree on the obvious regifting. What's R&G???

aurianna · August 2013

Id guess the AVERAGE gift we got for our rather pricy per plate wedding was $50. We were totally floored by the few people who gave double that. $40 sounds like a plenty generous gift to me. Ungrateful people need to go live in a cave

Eta
Oh. $40 between 6 people. Well, that might perplex me if all 6 were adults with jobs, I wouldn't complain about it online where people might find it.

jessicabessica · August 2013

@acove2006, Registering & Gifts board on TK. I would link to the thread, but I cannot find it now (deleted?) and I probably am not supposed to do that, anyway.

GlassButton · August 2013

After everything that's happened here, is this thread allowed with the TOS?

I ask because if this:

Personal attacks include, but are not limited to: starting a thread with a user’s name as the topic/title to “bash” them, linking to a thread to call out a user on their post, thoughts or beliefs (not a topic), calling a username out maliciously, starting a malicious or derogatory poll/question about a user, using images (memes, gifs, etc.) in a direct attack/vicious manner, etc.

Read more: The Knot: Terms of UseTheKnot.com - http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/the-knot-terms-of-use.aspx#ixzz2bTpttJhY

ashleyep · August 2013

GlassButton said:

After everything that's happened here, is this thread allowed with the TOS? I ask because if this: Personal attacks include, but are not limited to: starting a thread with a user’s name as the topic/title to “bash” them, linking to a thread to call out a user on their post, thoughts or beliefs (not a topic), calling a username out maliciously, starting a malicious or derogatory poll/question about a user, using images (memes, gifs, etc.) in a direct attack/vicious manner, etc. Read more: The Knot: Terms of UseTheKnot.com - http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/the-knot-terms-of-use.aspx#ixzz2bTpttJhY

Well it's making fun of WW, not other users on the Knot, so it's a little different. But you're right, it might be out of line.

Chipmunk415 · August 2013

Somewhat offensive as not everyone has money to burn on gifts. Some just flat out funny.

Honestly, I think the only time the bride and groom have the right to get pissed at someone over a gift is when a groom's family member who doesn't like bride and vice versa gives the couple divorce/annulment papers "in case you change your mind" with their information already entered!

GlassButton · August 2013

ashleyep said:
show previous quotes

GlassButton said:

After everything that's happened here, is this thread allowed with the TOS?

I ask because if this:

Personal attacks include, but are not limited to: starting a thread with a user’s name as the topic/title to “bash” them, linking to a thread to call out a user on their post, thoughts or beliefs (not a topic), calling a username out maliciously, starting a malicious or derogatory poll/question about a user, using images (memes, gifs, etc.) in a direct attack/vicious manner, etc.

Read more: The Knot: Terms of UseTheKnot.com - http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-tools-help-center/the-knot-about-us/articles/the-knot-terms-of-use.aspx#ixzz2bTpttJhY

Well it's making fun of WW, not other users on the Knot, so it's a little different. But you're right, it might be out of line.

I think the last time with a PPD the user (classyashley) that made the thread got banned. It did get out of hand but it started similar to this.

KnotJackie · August 2013

Hey -- thanks for the opportunity to chime in on this before speculating. I want to clarify: in this case, since there is not an attack on a TK user or thread, and it is about an idea - this is OK.

krizzo17 · August 2013

I love the calculator. Apparently I should get our neighbors, who we have known for less than a year, a $250 gift, but for my brother, I only need to increase that to $350. That was quite the special thread. I'm glad I found TK first.

ashleyep · August 2013

krizzo17 said:

I love the calculator. Apparently I should get our neighbors, who we have known for less than a year, a $250 gift, but for my brother, I only need to increase that to $350. That was quite the special thread. I'm glad I found TK first.

Right? Just because the wedding I was a bridesmaid in was only 40 miles away doesn't mean I didn't have to get two nights in a hotel (at $230/night!). Plus somehow even though I participated in (and paid for) 2+ pre-wedding events, the number still didn't come down. And, not that it should matter, but I also selected the drop down for "informal wedding at a house"

Jessa617 · August 2013

As a guest, what would the "rule of thumb" be for a destination wedding gift? Cost per couple is $2000 to attend the wedding. Are gifts expected?

Skv30 · August 2013

Knot Jackie - are you a moderator?

I'll admit I lurk way more than I post & this comment is not touching on the gift thing so I'm sorry if it ruffles feathers. My question really is if the rules about calling out posts or people has to do with cyber bullying then shouldn't it not be ok to do it to anyone, regardless of who you think you are bashing? That's like saying cyber bullying is bad but it's ok if you don't do it to my friends. If you are a moderator I hope you consider what that outlook may do to the knot bc this is a wonderful place & I'd hate for this to be what it becomes.

Chipmunk415 · August 2013

@krizzo, I didn't see the calculator. If that's the amount you give, then FI and I waay cheated Big Bro according to WW by giving what we could afford to give, and not giving extra.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

The calculator's like 5 pages into the thread. Apparently I way cheated my former friend by giving what I could afford to as well, so it would seem I'm in good company.

simplykayla · August 2013

I think my favorite from that thread is the BIL who took out $20, bought himself a drink at the bar, and then put the change in the card. I probably laughed harder than I should have at that one.

grumbledore · August 2013

simplykayla said:

I think my favorite from that thread is the BIL who took out $20, bought himself a drink at the bar, and then put the change in the card. I probably laughed harder than I should have at that one.

I'm a strong advocate of this method of dealing with cash bars.

krizzo17 · August 2013

The calculator in question

krizzo17 · August 2013

Well, the good news is that if I'm unemployed, attending alone, from PA, the couple are just family friends, and I need to buy an international plane ticket for an informal wedding on a weekday, my gift only has to be -$185.

I think every bride who checks her gifts with this calculator should be required to cut a check to any guest with a negative suggested gift amount.

ElcaB · August 2013

Jessa617 said:

As a guest, what would the "rule of thumb" be for a destination wedding gift? Cost per couple is $2000 to attend the wedding. Are gifts expected?

I've done lots of research on this since I went to a DW last year. Most of what I read says yes, gifts are still expected. I gave a "regular" gift at the bride's shower and a very small gift with a card for the wedding.

Xstatic3333 · August 2013

Except for the wacky re gifts, that thread bummed me out. I can't believe the girl who was confused about what to do with "only" $20. Apparently she missed the day in math class where you learn that small amounts of money can add up to a large amount.

d2va · August 2013

I would do the same if I were ever in a situation where I had to pay for my own beverages and the only cash I had was in the envelope.

MamaPolson · August 2013

.....seriously...nothing better to do ladies?

Megkup726 · August 2013

Thanks for today's entertainment!

http://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-forums/were-famous/cd933acdd72a419f.html

Ps. Alycia, in case you didn't read through all 10 pages of this one--you have been voted off..again

Anyone else find this horribly offensive?

Re: Anyone else find this horribly offensive?

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