Time Between Service and Reception

hilaryturner · August 2013

I am from a small town where it is customary for there to be a gap between the service and the reception for pictures. During every wedding there is a time gap, everyone has gotten used to this.The pictures take place in various locations and include bride, groom, wedding party and immediate family. I am trying to figure out an appropriate time for the service and the reception. I spoke to my minister for the day and he suggested 3 pm for the service which would end around 4 and 6 30 for the reception. Have any other brides had this kind of gap? My concern is fitting all pictures in during that time, but if I moved the service up would there be too large of a time gap?

ksblumb · August 2013

As a guest, I'm personally not a fan of "gaps" in general, but anything over an hour really irks me. If you are doing this, you should provide a cocktail hour at the reception site so that your guests don't have to fill 2.5 hours. What are they supposed to do for that amount of time? Sit in some local bar and just wait? Just this spring we went to a 2pm religious ceremony with a 6:30pm reception. We sat in a bar and had nachos and were bored out of our minds waiting. By the time the reception rolled around, we were kind of over the entire day.

We personally did a "first look" about 2 hours before our ceremony. It was nice to have some time to ourselves that afternoon in midst of all the wedding hoopla and we had more than enough time for all of our pictures.. Pictures were really, really important to me. So I didn't want to feel rushed, and I didn't want our guests standing around waiting on us.

Walking down the isle was still really special and emotional. (DH actually didn't cry when he first saw me, but did as I was coming down the isle). After the ceremony we took maybe 5 minutes of pictures while the sun was setting, but it was so nice to just be able to sit and eat with our guests and enjoy everyone.

Edit: If you are dead set about not doing a first look, have all of you and your bridal party, you and your family, FI and groomsmen, FI and his family done beforehand. That way after the ceremony there are only the combination pics to worry about.

libby2483 · August 2013

Gaps of any length are very rude, even if they are the norm in your circle. Consider taking some pictures ahead of time; even if you don't want to see your groom before the wedding, you can each still do bridal party pictures and possibly some family pictures separately before the ceremony.

briana144 · August 2013

Gaps are also common for us. We are doing our ceremony at 1:00 which will finish about 2:30 our reception starts at 5:30 with dinner at 6:30. I wasn't going to do anything during the break, but my grandpa really wanted his favorite band to play during our reception. We already had our dj booked, so I decided to do a little pre reception with that band playing from 3-5. I wouldn't worry about it too much though. I actually like the break when I go to weddings.

doeydo · August 2013

I am not a fan of "gaps" at a wedding but you could just get your pictures done during a cocktail hour.

snoopycac · August 2013

Everytime I have been to a wedding with a "gap" I was very annoyed. It was really inconvenient and plain irritating.

To get rid of it you can do pictures before the ceremony. If you don't want to see each other before the ceremony you can even do all of the separate pictures that way by the time the ceremony is finished all you need to do are the bridal party pictures and such. That would mean ceremony starting about 5, then ending about 5:30ish, pictures would take probably about 45 min between ceremony and reception. Have the reception start right away, and with travel time and finding seats and looking around the room, you can have your grand entrance after everyone is settled a little bit and party all night long!

Viczaesar · August 2013

Regardless of how common it is in your circle, gaps are rude. Your guests should be taken care of from the beginning of the ceremony to the end of the reception.

NYCMercedes · August 2013

I agree with @viczaesar, @snoopycac, and all other PP. Even if it's common, it's terribly rude to your honored guests. Don't keep them waiting for you.

Abbyjensen · August 2013

Gaps are rude. I KNOW that they are common. I know that it is difficult to plan, especially around catholic ceremonies. They are still rude. If I go to a wedding with a gap, I will usually skip the ceremony unless it's convinient. So if there is a gap, make it as small as possible.

Bubbles2014 · August 2013

Do as many pictures before as possible. Personally we are going to have all pictures (first look, BP, immediate family) before the ceremony. After the ceremony will be the group pictures and then we will sneak off for 20-30 minutes to have a private moment and some pictures as the sun is setting.

JoanE2012 · August 2013

briana144 said:

Gaps are also common for us. We are doing our ceremony at 1:00 which will finish about 2:30 our reception starts at 5:30 with dinner at 6:30. I wasn't going to do anything during the break, but my grandpa really wanted his favorite band to play during our reception. We already had our dj booked, so I decided to do a little pre reception with that band playing from 3-5. I wouldn't worry about it too much though. I actually like the break when I go to weddings.

Why? I find myself sitting around bored to tears. An unhosted gap is very rude and is a waste of guest's time.

KDM323 · August 2013

hilaryturner said:

I am from a small town where it is customary for there to be a gap between the service and the reception for pictures. During every wedding there is a time gap, everyone has gotten used to this.The pictures take place in various locations and include bride, groom, wedding party and immediate family. I am trying to figure out an appropriate time for the service and the reception. I spoke to my minister for the day and he suggested 3 pm for the service which would end around 4 and 6 30 for the reception. Have any other brides had this kind of gap? My concern is fitting all pictures in during that time, but if I moved the service up would there be too large of a time gap?

Gaps are rude. They leave your guests with nothing to eat, drink or do. Please move your ceremony or reception time (or both) and host a cocktail hour for your guests while you do your photos if you have to. A good photographer can get your formal pictures done in an hour (while your other guests are at the hosted cocktail hour)

MyNameIsNot · August 2013

Gaps are rude. It doesn't matter if other people are rude, you should know better than to treat people that way.

Keep post-ceremony photos to an hour and host a cocktail hour while you're gone.

hilaryturner · August 2013

I appreciate all your input and will definitely take it into consideration. It is not that time gaps occur in my "circle", they occur as a kind of tradition in my hometown. During the break the family of either the bride or the groom opens up their homes for drinks, entertainment and finger foods. Its never really a "bored to tears" break by any means as most people are occupied by family and friends. I have to agree with briana144 I too enjoy the gap when I go to weddings, it gives everyone time to breathe and relax, as long as the gap is well planned. I guess I should have explained this when asking the question, but thank you everyone again.

TiaTea · August 2013

Inconvenient and rude are different things .

A gap might be inconvenient but not necessarily rude. Even if the ceremony is at 11AM and the party is at 6PM, as an adult person , I do not need someone to babysit me for the whole day.

As long as the invitation clearly states what time is what, I can find things to do in between.

If the wedding is in my hometown, I'll go home and do whatever I would do on a regular day .Then go to the party in the evening. If its in another town, I'll take to opportunity to get to know the town, see some museums or churches, go shopping, relax in my hotel, or pretty much the same I would do if I am on vacation. Even if there is only an hour or two, I can sit somewhere and read something. Why do you have to fill a whole day with wedding related events?

It will be rude only if the invitation states that the reception starts at 4PM, but the bride and groom show up at 5 or 6 PM , making the guests wait .

artbyallie · August 2013

Sorry, TiaTea, but you're wrong. It is rude to invite people to an event and fail to host them from start to finish.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

hilaryturner said:

I appreciate all your input and will definitely take it into consideration. It is not that time gaps occur in my "circle", they occur as a kind of tradition in my hometown. During the break the family of either the bride or the groom opens up their homes for drinks, entertainment and finger foods. Its never really a "bored to tears" break by any means as most people are occupied by family and friends. I have to agree with briana144 I too enjoy the gap when I go to weddings, it gives everyone time to breathe and relax, as long as the gap is well planned. I guess I should have explained this when asking the question, but thank you everyone again.

I still don't understand this. Why would guests need time to "breathe and relax" between the ceremony and the reception? It isn't like you asked them to run a marathon. They sat and watched your ceremony and then they drove to your reception venue. Not very strenuous in my eyes.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Here's what you could do to avoid the gap:

- Start at 2:30pm and take all the photos you want of you with your BMs, just you with your family/aunts/uncles/etc. Get all those photos out of the way.

- Do a 'first look' around 3:30pm and follow with some individual photos of you and FI. Read about them and testimonials of people who did them - it's an awesome opportunity for you and your FH to have a bit of alone time (rare on your wedding day) and makes the ceremony really special.

- Start your ceremony around 4:30pm. Done by 5:30pm.

- Host a cocktail hour from 5:30-6:30pm while you take more pictures.

- Arrive at your reception at 6:30pm as originally planned.

There's really no reason to have an unhosted gap. Don't justify it as accommodating your guests - like they need time to relax. They don't.

kmmssg · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:

hilaryturner said:

I appreciate all your input and will definitely take it into consideration. It is not that time gaps occur in my "circle", they occur as a kind of tradition in my hometown. During the break the family of either the bride or the groom opens up their homes for drinks, entertainment and finger foods. Its never really a "bored to tears" break by any means as most people are occupied by family and friends. I have to agree with briana144 I too enjoy the gap when I go to weddings, it gives everyone time to breathe and relax, as long as the gap is well planned. I guess I should have explained this when asking the question, but thank you everyone again.

I still don't understand this. Why would guests need time to "breathe and relax" between the ceremony and the reception? It isn't like you asked them to run a marathon. They sat and watched your ceremony and then they drove to your reception venue. Not very strenuous in my eyes.

Agree with Maggie. I never understand the idea that guests can go "freshen up" after the wedding at their hotel or the breathe and relax thing. I sat in a chair, watched you get married, and it was not a stressful event. My makeup still looks great, I am quite well rested from sitting, and I am ready to go to the reception.

When I am invited to a wedding with a gap I send regrets. I only attended one and after that I said never again. FTR - I married into a Catholic family and have yet to attend a wedding with a gap.

hilaryturner · August 2013

Really? Every wedding I have ever attended here in my hometown (which has been a few recently) have had gaps. I personally do not find it one bit rude, especially when there are things planned for the guests during that time.

I have asked most of my close family and friends about this and they to have said they will not mind a gap if there is entertainment...which there will be.

Thanks again though!

Maggie0829 · August 2013

hilaryturner said:

Really? Every wedding I have ever attended here in my hometown (which has been a few recently) have had gaps. I personally do not find it one bit rude, especially when there are things planned for the guests during that time.

I have asked most of my close family and friends about this and they to have said they will not mind a gap if there is entertainment...which there will be.

Thanks again though!

But why not just go ahead and have the reception right after the wedding? I mean if you are going to spend money and time planning even more things between the ceremony and reception then you may as well save yourself some cash and time and just not have a gap with entertainment and just have the reception immediately after the ceremony. Again, this does not make sense to me.

Then again, if a night reception is truly important to you as the couple then you have to make a decision to forgo the catholic ceremony. And then vice versa, if getting married in a catholic church is the most important thing then you have to give up your vision of a night ceremony. You cannot have both without being rude to your guests. And finally, more then likely, your close friends and family will put on a smile and tell you that they do not mind the gap because they don't want to be mean and tell you that your idea sucks.

banana468 · August 2013

Wait a sec. Is something hosted in the gap? What are the guests doing during that time?

hilaryturner · August 2013

banana468 said:

Wait a sec. Is something hosted in the gap? What are the guests doing during that time?

I am from a really small community, where we will be getting married. Usually during that time, the brides or grooms family will open their home and have finger foods, drinks and entertainment. This will occur during the gap until the reception starts. That is the only way I've ever seen weddings go in my hometown, but obviously (according to the comments) this is not the norm.

TiaTea · August 2013

@atrbyallie "It is rude to invite people to an event and fail to host them from start to finish"

You think of it as one event. As many people do. But please understand , that for just as many people those are two separate events: 1. a ceremony, and 2. a party.
One is the serious, official part, either at a church , or a court , or somewhere else. The other one is just a party. That's why the gap is acceptable. And the host should know who the guests are and act accordingly.
The OP said that in her area it is common, so maybe that's how they look at it there.

banana468 · August 2013

TiaTea said:
@atrbyallie "It is rude to invite people to an event and fail to host them from start to finish"

You think of it as one event. As many people do. But please understand ,
that for just as many people those are two separate events: 1. a ceremony,
and 2. a party.
One is the serious, official part, either at a church , or a
court , or somewhere else. The other one is just a party. That's why the gap is acceptable. And the host should know who the guests are and act accordingly.
The OP said that in her area it is common, so maybe that's how they look at it there.

Tia, you write very nicely but you frequently give advice that is against proper etiquette. The ceremony and reception may be at v two places but the guests need to be hosted from the time the ceremony begins until the reception ends. They are one large event from start to finish. This is also why you can't invite guests to ceremony only.

Again, you seem very nice but just not very well informed.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

banana468 said:

@atrbyallie "It is rude to invite people to an event and fail to host them from start to finish"

You think of it as one event. As many people do. But please understand , that for just as many people those are two separate events: 1. a ceremony, and 2. a party.
One is the serious, official part, either at a church , or a court , or somewhere else. The other one is just a party. That's why the gap is acceptable. And the host should know who the guests are and act accordingly.
The OP said that in her area it is common, so maybe that's how they look at it there.
Tia, you write very nicely but you frequently give advice that is against proper etiquette. The ceremony and reception may be at v two places but the guests need to be hosted from the time the ceremony begins until the reception ends. They are one large event from start to finish. This is also why you can't invite guests to ceremony only.

Again, you seem very nice but just not very well informed.

Is there a way to love this more than once? Tia - it's not just bad for the OP, but it's bad for lurkers when you say things that are false and terrible breaches of etiquette. It just doesn't help anyone.

ShesSoCold · August 2013

Jen4948 · August 2013

Planning to have a gap really is inconsiderate of your guests. What are they supposed to do while you take pictures? Leaving them to fend for themselves for an hour or more, still wearing wedding attire, with nothing to do, eat, or drink, regardless of what's "common" in your area, is just plain rude.

You need to host your guests from the start of the ceremony to the end of the reception. That's why there are "cocktail hours" that start as soon as the ceremony is over-they are for the purpose of occupying guests while pictures are taken.

artbyallie · August 2013

TiaTea said:

@atrbyallie "It is rude to invite people to an event and fail to host them from start to finish"

You think of it as one event. As many people do. But please understand , that for just as many people those are two separate events: 1. a ceremony, and 2. a party.
One is the serious, official part, either at a church , or a court , or somewhere else. The other one is just a party. That's why the gap is acceptable. And the host should know who the guests are and act accordingly.
The OP said that in her area it is common, so maybe that's how they look at it there.

Yeah, no, it is still one event. The reception's purpose is to thank your guests for witnessing your marriage. Thus it is part of the event that is a wedding.

cbonifant · August 2013

Two hours should be plenty of time for pictures. You might even consider starting the reception at 6:00 or even a cocktail hour at 5:00!

Did you have e-pics done? That should give you a good idea of how long it will take to have your wedding pictures taken. (Our e-pics took an hour, so we're figuring an hour and a half at least for our wedding pics, with all of the other people involved.)

We will have an hour and a half gap between the end of our ceremony and the start of our cocktail hour. If you're worried about what your guests will do in the time between ceremony and reception, include a list of things to do in the area on your wedding website. That way, they will be able to better plan their afternoon.

banana468 · August 2013

cbonifant said:
Two hours should be plenty of time for pictures. You might even consider starting the reception at 6:00 or even a cocktail hour at 5:00!

Did you have e-pics done? That should give you a good idea of how long it will take to have your wedding pictures taken. (Our e-pics took an hour, so we're figuring an hour and a half at least for our wedding pics, with all of the other people involved.)

We will have an hour and a half gap between the end of our ceremony and the start of our cocktail hour. If you're worried about what your guests will do in the time between ceremony and reception, include a list of things to do in the area on your wedding website. That way, they will be able to better plan their afternoon.

Or you could host them since that's what you should be doing.

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