The dreaded gap...

mercimarie · August 2013

Went to a wedding on Saturday and it was the first time I had really experienced much of a gap. Up until then I had no idea how uncomfortable they really are, especially since the invitation said "reception immediately to follow". I thought we were a bit cheeky to stop in the pub on the way down for a couple pints but I'm glad we did as it ended up being a 3 hour wait until we ate! No canapes to tide us over, nothing. Not that a gap was ever an option for us anyway, but I am so happy that we are having a tightly timed day. Ceremony, transfer to reception, cocktail hour with canapes, dinner, dancing, evening buffet, Bob's yer uncle.

Not even going to mention standing in heels in the hot sun (37C/97F) waiting for the ceremony to begin.... half an hour late. Whoops I just did.

What's the longest gap you've had to endure?

itzMS · August 2013

My cousin had a 5 hour gap scheduled.

"Intimate ceremony" at her church at 1:00. DH & I were invited, and technically I'm her first cousin once-removed, so clearly it wasn't very intimate.

6:00 reception. There was some implication on the invite that there was a mini-reception in between, but there was not.

It took place in a small town an hour's drive away from our house. DH & I went to the ceremony, hung out in the church parking lot talking to relatives for a bit...then decided we couldn't take it anymore and just went home.

We honestly could've driven back home, showered, took a nap, and still drive back in time for the reception.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Sorry for your experience mercimarie - unhosted gaps suck.

My worst one was a 5 hour gap. The bride wanted to take photos at several historical locations around the city and hit a few bars. Confession - we skipped the ceremony. It was going to be a significantly long drive to get there where it wouldn't have been worth going home in between. We would have had to sit at a bar for 5 hours. No way. I still feel terrible for that wedding party

elizabetheleven · August 2013

itzMS said:
My cousin had a 5 hour gap scheduled.
"Intimate ceremony" at her church at 1:00. DH & I were invited, and technically I'm her first cousin once-removed, so clearly it wasn't very intimate.
6:00 reception. There was some implication on the invite that there was a mini-reception in between, but there was not.
It took place in a small town an hour's drive away from our house. DH & I went to the ceremony, hung out in the church parking lot talking to relatives for a bit...then decided we couldn't take it anymore and just went home.
We honestly could've driven back home, showered, took a nap, and still drive back in time for the reception.

We just went to one with a 5 hour gap as well. We ended up going to get lunch then went to some garage sales on the way to the reception.

NYCBruin · August 2013

Gaps don't bother me as much as other etiquette fails. I know they're rude and won't be having one because of that, but having gone to so many weddings with them I think I'm just used to them. My circle is definitely the "go to a bar for a pint" type of group. I don't find an hour or so gap terribly annoying and that hour at a bar is usually a lot of fun. So shorter gaps are rude, but not the worst etiquette breach in my head.

One wedding I went to had an 11 am ceremony and a 6 pm reception. That was horrible. At least I got to take a nap, but I did have to "get ready" twice and that sucked.

mercimarie · August 2013

@NYCBruin, yowza I think that one takes the cake!

kmcmaster05 · August 2013

I went to one that essentially had a two-hour gap minute gap, which was completely useless. We drove to the ceremony, drove back to the hotel (semi-destination wedding), and 90 minutes later the Coach bus to the reception was leaving. 90 minutes is such an AWKWARD amount of time. Not enough time to really nap and get ready again. the hotel had no bar ... we just grabbed a sandwich after the ceremony and sat around for an hour. UGH. And My date for the wedding was in the bridal party so he was out doing photos. so lame.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

I was in a wedding where they had an hour and a half gap. The bridal party didn't need to be at the reception venue until 5 for pictures during cocktail hour and the ceremony ended at 3:30. Luckily it was local so H (who was also in the wedding) stopped by my parents house to say hi and then grabbed a quick bite at McDonald's since we were hungry.

Gaps are rude no matter what. Guests do not feel like sitting around waiting for the rest of your wedding day to start.

NYCBruin · August 2013

mercimarie said:

@NYCBruin, yowza I think that one takes the cake!

Yeah, it was pretty bad. I think there might have been a second "reception" during that time, too. So tiered reception + gap = etiquette fail

Jen4948 · August 2013

The biggest gap I ever endured took place at my brother's wedding, but it wasn't planned for-it was the result of a timing error on the venue's part.

The ceremony and reception took place in different rooms at the same venue, and unfortunately the reception room was not ready when the ceremony was over. While picture-taking was going on for the couple, families, and whole wedding party, the guests were forced to stand in a tightly crowded area waiting about 1/2 an hour or so. This was not my brother's or SIL's or our families' fault-we were expecting the venue to be ready to serve cocktails and appetizers while we took pictures, but due to some error at their end they were not ready to begin the reception.

It wasn't pleasant and I've kept it in mind all these years between his wedding and what may be mine: to make sure guests are not left hanging like that while the reception area is made ready for them.

WinstonsGirl · August 2013

Gaps are super common here. I think my wedding is the only non gap wedding I've ever attended. Most are 3-4 hours. I don't mind them cos I'm used to them. Usually a group of us just hit a restaurant or pub for a mini lunch and drinks. Pre game for the wedding.

One wedding had the new big casino in town in the middle of the ceremony and reception locations. I gambled to win money for the cash bar.

The one that confused me the most though was a recent wedding. Gaps here are usually done for the photos, but the bride and groom did a first look and all of their photos before. After the ceremony they took us on a 90 min cruise around the lake, with drinks and appies. Once the boat docked, we had just over an hour gap before cocktail hour began. Apparently, the couple used the time to check into the honeymoon suite and relax before the reception. We were lucky as there was a huge outdoor art/crafts fair going on right outside the hotel, so we wandered through that to kill time

ShesSoCold · August 2013

My cousin had a two and a half hour gap ON A FOOTBALL SUNDAY. We were PISSED. The gap was from 3:30 - 6 so we should have missed both the beginning and the end of the game. We thought, "eff them, we're waiting for them, they can wait for us" and missed half the cockatil hour to see the end of the game in the bar downstairs. I don't think anyone even noticed.

photokitty · August 2013

I hate gaps - now at least! The longest one I endured was actually the best wedding I remember as a kid - bc the gap was long enough that my poor father had enough time to take all us kiddos to the zoo! Long enough to ride the train, see cat canyon and walk around till we were pooped! All in wedding attire and my dad in a suit - only gap I ever enjoyed - but pretty sure the worst one my father ever had :-p

mercimarie · August 2013

WinstonsGirl said:

Gaps are super common here. I think my wedding is the only non gap wedding I've ever attended. Most are 3-4 hours. I don't mind them cos I'm used to them. Usually a group of us just hit a restaurant or pub for a mini lunch and drinks. Pre game for the wedding.

One wedding had the new big casino in town in the middle of the ceremony and reception locations. I gambled to win money for the cash bar.

The one that confused me the most though was a recent wedding. Gaps here are usually done for the photos, but the bride and groom did a first look and all of their photos before. After the ceremony they took us on a 90 min cruise around the lake, with drinks and appies. Once the boat docked, we had just over an hour gap before cocktail hour began. Apparently, the couple used the time to check into the honeymoon suite and relax before the reception. We were lucky as there was a huge outdoor art/crafts fair going on right outside the hotel, so we wandered through that to kill time

"relax" hey? bow chica wow wow.

mlg78 · August 2013

In 2006 I went to an 11am wedding with a 6pm reception. I have another planned for December. Ugh.

nsweare · August 2013

I think gaps are rude and I would never have one. That said, I also believe that because I am a self-sufficient adult I am capable of entertaining myself for a couple hours on a Saturday afternoon. Gaps are incredibly common for the weddings where I live. Most church ceremonies are at 2 and cocktail hour/reception starts at 6. I've gone home before, or gone to a local bar and grill to hang with family/other guests. I never really liked the gap, but they are so common-place I never questioned them.

All that said, I would never have a gap for my wedding as I prefer the weddings with no gap to the weddings with one. Oh, and the obvious rude factor. Trying to avoid that as much as possible.

missmo14 · August 2013

We are having a hosted gap. Drinks and appies after the ceremony while we do photos. Then a 2 hour open deck bus tour of the las vegas strip from the ceremony to the reception. There will be drinks and music onboard. The first course will also come out promptly at the start of the reception.

Simply Fated · August 2013

I think it was three hours. The ceremony and venue places were right near each, but almost an hour away from home. There was nothing in the area to do. So boring.

JellyBean52513 · August 2013

Maybe it's because I'm not married yet so I'm not invested in the traditions that come with it...but I honestly could not see myself taking more than 30 minutes of pictures. I mean really... a couple of posed ones with H, a few with the bridal party, aaaaand we're good to go. When my ex-FI and I did our engagement photos I was exhausted after the first 2 location changes. It just seems so contrived to purposely pose like we're doing something cute in a random location where we'd never actually be, wearing clothes we wouldn't really wear. I especially can't get behind this when it means making guests wait for hours.

Bubbles2014 · August 2013

7 hours - Not kidding. Midday wedding, then the B and G went to a soccer game of the team the groom was coaching, then a 7pm finger food reception (with cash bar).

winelover123 · August 2013

I've never been to one. If it were too out of the way for me, I'd just pick either the ceremony or the reception to go to.

allispain · August 2013

I've only ever been to one with a gap - 2 hours. Ceremony and reception were on Staten Island - ceremony in a Catholic church, so they had limited options as to the timing (picked the latest they could - 4 pm). Mass lasted about an hour, cocktail hour didn't begin back at the hotel until 7 pm. Part of the reason for the gap was potential traffic - it could have taken a good chunk of that time to drive the 5 miles back to the hotel (rush hour traffic). It didn't take long at all, so we went up to our hotel room, changed into PJs briefly, and watched an episode of Law and Order (in honor of the bride, who's a prosecutor). Then got back into nice clothes and went downstairs for the food! Not exactly my favorite thing - I wanted to nap but didn't have enough time to do so - but I can see why they had things set up that way.

kmmssg · August 2013

In my 53 years I have only been to one wedding with a gap and I married into a Catholic family.

It was in the middle of BFE inside of BFE. This little town had a dive bar, a post office, a Catholic church, and farms as far as a passport could take you.

I am not a bar person. I wasn't even in college. DH isn't either and we were stuck with a 3 1/2 hour gap while the B&G and the WP took pictures and went bar hopping for shots of Jager. We were about an hour and 10 minutes from home and a good 35-40 minutes away from the reception hall.

We found an Applebee's in the next town over and stayed an extraordinarily long time and tipped the waitress very well. I decided then and there that I don't do gaps, I will attend either the reception or the wedding without any guilt whatsoever, and it will most likely the the reception.

Gaps are incredibly rude.

mmm4763 · August 2013

Oh the gap...

One was an 11am ceremony, 6pm reception--I was in the bridal party and we were scheduled for the entire gap (lunch with the bridal party, pictures at a gazillion places around town, etc etc)--In July in South Florida with floor length dresses. By the end of the night I was so incredibly exhausted and pretty much died once getting to the hotel room. (We also had something like a 6 or 7am hair and makeup "call time" as well)

The other was a destination wedding. So not only did we all fly there (upstate NY, Fingerlakes region) but then we had to drive 2 hours to the ceremony (beautiful but still a drive!) and then 2 hours back to the reception location. In addition to allowing for drive time there was additional "gap" somewhere in there. Traveled with another couple (actually, the couple of the horrendous gap wedding mentioned above) and that made it bearable. We stopped somewhere in a small town, drank a beer and ate some appetizers before continuing on our way to the reception! (In that case, the gap was probably the best part of the whole day)

arrippa · August 2013

I have never been to a gap wedding before. All the weddings that I have attended have been in CA, MA or NH (and one DW in HI). I wonder if weddings in those areas just don't have gaps or I just know really etiquette savy people.

Jessa617 · August 2013

Merci were we at the same wedding???

I went to a wedding Saturday where the ceremony was an outdoor ceremony on a hot an humid day. The bride's limo was running a half hour late so everyone was standing outside in the grass, sinking in wearing our heels for what seemed like an hour but was really only 35 minutes. Still a long time to stand!! I now understand why it's so important to offer your guests seats during an outdoor ceremony. Even though the ceremony was 5 minutes long, they brought us outside so much earlier.

Then there were passed hors d'oeuvres, which only came around to my table twice with the same appetizer (a tiny scallop). I'd say maybe 45min to an hour passed before the tray came around the second time. I was waiting for the other app to come around but they never did... Oh and no AC! It was extremely hot inside the hall.

Dinner finally came three hours after the wedding started and my meal was straight raw, not rare...completely raw. Then I had to wait for a new meal... I ended up leaving early but from what I saw the rest of the night was so much better.

mercimarie · August 2013

@Jessa617, sounds very similar! By the time I got home at 11:30 I was so tired from being in the sun all day, I just wanted to sink into bed. I mean, as long as the day turned out how they wanted it to, then I can look past all else, but I definitely took notes on what I would prefer not to do.

Peaseblossom55 · August 2013

There have been gaps at almost every wedding I've ever attended, they don't bother me too much anymore. Depending on how long or the location, FI & I will go back home or go to a restaurant. Two years ago we went to FI's cousin's wedding in Ohio. They had a gap but they had a hospitality suite set up at the hotel, so during the gap you could go hang out in this suite they had lots of food and alcohol, it was a nice option to have.

mrsbizzz · August 2013

This begs the question then, is any gap acceptable? We have a 3:30 ceremony that will be over at 4:30 and cocktail hour cannot begin before 5pm per venue rules. By all of this logic, even a half hour - 15 minutes of which would be taken up by traveling from the ceremony to reception venue - is too long.

Jen4948 · August 2013

drmrs2014 said:

This begs the question then, is any gap acceptable? We have a 3:30 ceremony that will be over at 4:30 and cocktail hour cannot begin before 5pm per venue rules. By all of this logic, even a half hour - 15 minutes of which would be taken up by traveling from the ceremony to reception venue - is too long.

Can you back the ceremony up to 3:45? That would help to minimize the gap.

It really is best to not plan for gaps.

mercimarie · August 2013

Gosh 15 minutes is hardly a gap though is it? What if there's traffic? I know I wouldn't side eye 15 minutes to get settled at the reception venue before the hors d'oeuvres and cocktails come out. Having said that, we've scheduled everything to be ready for our anticipated guest arrival of 3:45, but all of our guests are arriving by a shuttle bus we've arranged so we don't really need to worry about waiting for stragglers.

The dreaded gap...

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