Family Won't Attend Wedding
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I hesitate to even post something this personal because it's unlike me to do so but I've been very upset on a certain matter and am seeking any advice!
My fiancé
and I dated for a little less than five years before he finally 
asked me to
marry him two months ago. (I said yes, ha!) Anyway, my family loves him and his
family and thinks they are all wonderful people. In all fairness to my family,
they have always voiced their anti Catholic beliefs and my fiancé and family
just happen to be Catholic. I always assumed my happiness would trump something
as small as a denomination difference since we all ultimately believe the same
way.
When I first told my family that we would be having our wedding at the beach they were thrilled and expressed that travel would not be an issue whatsoever, and that they would love to attend. When I further explained that we would be having the ceremony in the Catholic church in order for my fiancé to get his sacraments, they flipped out and have continuously told me they will not attend the wedding. Over time, they have begun to bring up the cost of traveling to a destination wedding as part of the issue, even though they had originally stated it wouldn't be a problem.
Do I continue planning and to what my fiancé and I so want to do? One way or the other someone is going to be upset. I keep trying to focus on the happiness of my fiancé and our new family and not so much the happiness of my close minded relatives. Keep in mind when I say relatives, I mean immediate family (parents and grandparents). I also fear that if they don't come, my cousins, aunts and uncles, etc. will feel no need to come.
I need some guidance please!
Thanks
Re: Family Won't Attend Wedding
I'm not catholic but my husband is and he had to actually sign a paper saying we would raise our children Catholic.
It is very important for my fiance to get his sacrament of marriage and for this reason, it is important to me. We have both discussed raising our children Catholic (even though my family would be upset) and have agreed to do just that.
My family is extremely closed-minded, which they see as just trying to advise in the best way possible. They are against drinking as well. I am very different from the family I left in that small town when I moved away for college and I believe they have trouble seeing that. Ultimately, regardless of who marries us, where we get married, etc., we have decided specific fundamental ways to live our lives and raise our children. That won't change. I try explaining this to my family and they are truly so Anti-Catholic that they say they will not attend the wedding and "endorse a Catholic wedding" because they feel that will go against their religion. We aren't even having mass at the wedding, just enough to allow my fiance to get his sacraments. My grandfather is a pastor and when asked if he would like to be a part of the service, he said he would not.
I've been engaged several months now and we plan to marry in less than 10 months. However, no one on my family has even so much as sent a text asking how wedding planning is going. My brother, who has always been a loner and has always somewhat resented my family for reasons such as what I am currently going through, said he will be there with bells on. Therefore, I do have one supportive family member. I would obviously just like them all.
Did I mention my family (although traditionally are expected to pay for the ceremony and reception) will not be paying for any expenses? My fiance and I will be saving up and paying for all expenses his parents will not be paying for. It might not seem fair, but I feel this further lessens my family's influence in decisions being made. I would LOVE to include them in decision making and advice, however the fundamental and serious issues that should be decided by bride and groom should be off limits to them in my opinion.
Ok gotcha. I was confused because of the destination part and knowing how the churches around here operate.
I would honestly call your family's bluff. Tell them you're sorry they won't be able to attend and that you'll miss them. It's really hard. But if you cave on this, they are going to be running your life for many years to come. Will they boycott your hypothetical children's graduations if they go to catholic school? I'm sorry that your family is behaving this way.
FWIW- my family is Catholic and FI's is Baptist. Neither myself or FI are particularly religious. We've been fortunate that both families are understanding, for the most part. We had our daughter baptized Catholic and FI's grandparents wouldn't come. My grandparents aren't particularly happy that we aren't getting married in a church. However, they all understand that we are adults and will make decisions for ourselves and love us and support us unconditionally.
Well now I'm completely confused! You would think a priest would know but I guess not. I'm back at square one too then I guess. I promise that was exactly what he told me so I'm sorry if I caused any confusion!
Ok, please don't attack me for this comment. But what is the take on having a church ceremony to have a religious aspect done & blessing by the church & then doing a beach ceremony with an officiant that would sign the marriage license. I'm not sure how you would handle the logistics of it, early morning church service w/his immidiate family & then beach ceremony later afterwards with everyone else?
The only reason I bring this up is that I have friends who were married outside of the church, several years after getting married they became very strong in their faith to the point they wanted to have a marriage recognized by the church. So I guess you could say did a renewing of the vows of sorts but it was the traditional wedding ceremony (traditional in regards to vows) where only people present were parents, siblings & they both just wore suits.
I
I don't think you can separate the two. I don't understand that antagonism between religions.
Do what you and your FI want. If they can be adult enough overcome this antagonism, great. If not, well it's too damn bad for them.