They knew and they did it anyway...

jeull64 · August 2013

Southernbelle IS overreacting, in my opinion. And, I think its whining, again my opinion. She didnt like my opinion and how I expressed it in a public forum, so she complained that I violated TOS and asked that I be warned.

Now, her fellow lynch mob bridezillas have chosen me as their next target. Just as I predicted. Bet no one will complain about their various violations of the TOS. I certainly wont be asking someone to ban anyone for an opposing view. Its real life, welcome to it.

My choice to respect, or not respect my DIL has nothing to do with that. Just because Southernbelle doesnt get what she wants from her inlaws has zero bearing on how I should (or will) interact with my DIL or son for that matter. To make the conclusion that because I think its childish to have an issue with someone refusing to call someone something specific means that I am going to be a horrible mother in law, or person in general is illogical.

banana468 · August 2013

jeull64 said:
Attack all you want. If it is what my future DIL wants, then it is what she will get. Its her wedding, her marriage and her life.

THIS is the lynch mob I was talking about.

If you believe your FDIL deserves that respect then why not @southernbelle0915?

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

@jeull64 - you make it quite clear that you haven't read the TOS. You got warned because you violated the TOS. Also, calling everyone here a lynch mob and bridezillas is another one. Keep it coming.

Just out of curiosity, do you think my husband is "childish and immature" because he took the initiative to correct his family? You seem to really take issue with me inparticular but not anyone else involved or anyone who posted in support. I'm curious why you seem to be targeting me?

jeull64 · August 2013

Respect is earned and not demanded.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

jeull64 said:
Respect is earned and not demanded.

Why are you suggesting that I don't deserve respect?

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

@knotporscha - this poster still doesn't seem to understand that personal and targeted attacks are against TOS.

jeull64 · August 2013

Jen4948 said:
@southernbelle0915, is there any chance that jeull64 is your SIL's screen name?

haha nah - looks like she's an MOG (other threads). I just feel really sorry for her FDIL and her son if she acts like this IRL... that poor girl is in for more than she probably realizes.

WAIT... its ok to personally attack ME though??? You are a piece of work. I am finished with this entire conversation since there seems to be 2 sets of rules. Its ok to attack me, but if I say anything, you yell for an Admin.

Jen4948 · August 2013

jeull64 said:

Jen4948 said:
@southernbelle0915, is there any chance that jeull64 is your SIL's screen name?

haha nah - looks like she's an MOG (other threads). I just feel really sorry for her FDIL and her son if she acts like this IRL... that poor girl is in for more than she probably realizes.

WAIT... its ok to personally attack ME though??? You are a piece of work. I am finished with this entire conversation since there seems to be 2 sets of rules. Its ok to attack me, but if I say anything, you yell for an Admin.

It was neither a joke nor an attack. Given how hostile and how personally you've taken the OP's posts, it sounded like a reasonable possibility.

If you want people to take your advice seriously, then lose the name-calling, sarcasm, and hostile attitude.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

I didn't attack you, call you any names or otherwise. If there's any violation, @knotporscha will warn me - she administers warnings fairly. I really think you need to freshen up on the TOS...

+misslisa · August 2013

Methinks the MOG on the thread is taking this very, very personally. She's reading this as a suggestion that a new wife should 'cause a rift' between a new husband and his parents, and it's rankling her big-time.

It has nothing to do with any of us. I wish she could see that this situation has nothing to do with HER.

jeull64 · August 2013

Thank you for pointing out the TOS. I went back and read them again. It made reporting violations so much easier.

NerdyLucy · August 2013

jeull64 said:

Respect is earned and not demanded.

But it IS expected that one be called by her own name. To think otherwise is just plain silly.

NerdyLucy · August 2013

+misslisa said:

Methinks the MOG on the thread is taking this very, very personally. She's reading this as a suggestion that a new wife should 'cause a rift' between a new husband and his parents, and it's rankling her big-time.
It has nothing to do with any of us. I wish she could see that this situation has nothing to do with HER.

That would seem to be the case.

jlhart76 · August 2013

At a former job, I was covering for Laurie, the CEOs secretary. He paged me "Laurie, I need..." I replied, "This is Okie, Laurie isn't in but I'd be happy to do that for you." After the third time he called and I told him my name, he snapped "I don't care what your name is, Ill call you whatever I damn well want." Then he called my supervisor, who had a talk with me about "respecting your supervisors". Because of that, I'm sensitive to call people by the name they wish to be called. Its a matter of respecting them as a human being.

sarabellam · August 2013

The fact that jeull64 cannot see the vast chasm of difference in someone referring to her as "a piece of work," and her telling someone that she should remove herself from the gene pool truly has me floored.

ElcaB · August 2013

jlhart76 said: At a former job, I was covering for Laurie, the CEOs secretary. He paged me "Laurie, I need..." I replied, "This is Okie, Laurie isn't in but I'd be happy to do that for you." After the third time he called and I told him my name, he snapped "I don't care what your name is, Ill call you whatever I damn well want." Then he called my supervisor, who had a talk with me about "respecting your supervisors". Because of that, I'm sensitive to call people by the name they wish to be called. Its a matter of respecting them as a human being. I'm glad you got lectured because your CEO obviously had so much respect for you. I don't understand how you couldn't just return it!

ETA: Why am I in the quote boooooooooooooooooooooox!?!?!?!??

OjitosVerdes · August 2013

jeull64 said:

Southernbelle IS overreacting, in my opinion. And, I think its whining, again my opinion. She didnt like my opinion and how I expressed it in a public forum, so she complained that I violated TOS and asked that I be warned.

Now, her fellow lynch mob bridezillas have chosen me as their next target. Just as I predicted. Bet no one will complain about their various violations of the TOS. I certainly wont be asking someone to ban anyone for an opposing view. Its real life, welcome to it.

My choice to respect, or not respect my DIL has nothing to do with that. Just because Southernbelle doesnt get what she wants from her inlaws has zero bearing on how I should (or will) interact with my DIL or son for that matter. To make the conclusion that because I think its childish to have an issue with someone refusing to call someone something specific means that I am going to be a horrible mother in law, or person in general is illogical.

Oh Jesus.

There is no lynch mob. And to use the term for a bunch of people disagreeing with you on the internet, is ludicrous. Fine - you disagree that she has the right to be called by her legal and preferred name. A bunch of people have opinions that differ from yours. THAT is the "real life" that's going down here. Quit being so f***ing dramatic about it already.

Jen4948 · August 2013

ElcaB said:

jlhart76 said:

At a former job, I was covering for Laurie, the CEOs secretary. He paged me "Laurie, I need..." I replied, "This is Okie, Laurie isn't in but I'd be happy to do that for you." After the third time he called and I told him my name, he snapped "I don't care what your name is, Ill call you whatever I damn well want." Then he called my supervisor, who had a talk with me about "respecting your supervisors". Because of that, I'm sensitive to call people by the name they wish to be called. Its a matter of respecting them as a human being.

I'm glad you got lectured because your CEO obviously had so much respect for you. I don't understand how you couldn't just return it!

ETA: Why am I in the quote boooooooooooooooooooooox!?!?!?!??

Huh? The CEO had no respect for her.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

ElcaB said:

jlhart76 said:

At a former job, I was covering for Laurie, the CEOs secretary. He paged me "Laurie, I need..." I replied, "This is Okie, Laurie isn't in but I'd be happy to do that for you." After the third time he called and I told him my name, he snapped "I don't care what your name is, Ill call you whatever I damn well want." Then he called my supervisor, who had a talk with me about "respecting your supervisors". Because of that, I'm sensitive to call people by the name they wish to be called. Its a matter of respecting them as a human being.

I'm glad you got lectured because your CEO obviously had so much respect for you. I don't understand how you couldn't just return it!
ETA: Why am I in the quote boooooooooooooooooooooox!?!?!?!??

Huh? The CEO had no respect for her.
I sensed sarcasm in that post. Also - that gif cracks me up!! Throwback AND applicable. My favorite

Jen4948 · August 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Jen4948 said:

Huh? The CEO had no respect for her.

I sensed sarcasm in that post. Also - that gif cracks me up!! Throwback AND applicable. My favorite

Yeah, cute gif.

arrippa · August 2013

jeull64 said:

Southernbelle IS overreacting, in my opinion. And, I think its whining, again my opinion. She didnt like my opinion and how I expressed it in a public forum, so she complained that I violated TOS and asked that I be warned.

Now, her fellow lynch mob bridezillas have chosen me as their next target. Just as I predicted. Bet no one will complain about their various violations of the TOS. I certainly wont be asking someone to ban anyone for an opposing view. Its real life, welcome to it.

My choice to respect, or not respect my DIL has nothing to do with that. Just because Southernbelle doesnt get what she wants from her inlaws has zero bearing on how I should (or will) interact with my DIL or son for that matter. To make the conclusion that because I think its childish to have an issue with someone refusing to call someone something specific means that I am going to be a horrible mother in law, or person in general is illogical.

Why are you able to state your opinion but when we states ours, you yell "lynch mob"? Southernbelle has the right to be called her legal name anything else is disrepectful to her.

ElcaB · August 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

Jen4948 said:

ElcaB said:

jlhart76 said:

At a former job, I was covering for Laurie, the CEOs secretary. He paged me "Laurie, I need..." I replied, "This is Okie, Laurie isn't in but I'd be happy to do that for you." After the third time he called and I told him my name, he snapped "I don't care what your name is, Ill call you whatever I damn well want." Then he called my supervisor, who had a talk with me about "respecting your supervisors". Because of that, I'm sensitive to call people by the name they wish to be called. Its a matter of respecting them as a human being.

I'm glad you got lectured because your CEO obviously had so much respect for you. I don't understand how you couldn't just return it!
ETA: Why am I in the quote boooooooooooooooooooooox!?!?!?!??

Huh? The CEO had no respect for her.

I sensed sarcasm in that post. Also - that gif cracks me up!! Throwback AND applicable. My favorite

Indeed, you did

ETA: Because I'm still in the freaking QB.

Jen4948 · August 2013

ElcaB said:

southernbelle0915 said:

Jen4948 said:

ElcaB said:

jlhart76 said:

At a former job, I was covering for Laurie, the CEOs secretary. He paged me "Laurie, I need..." I replied, "This is Okie, Laurie isn't in but I'd be happy to do that for you." After the third time he called and I told him my name, he snapped "I don't care what your name is, Ill call you whatever I damn well want." Then he called my supervisor, who had a talk with me about "respecting your supervisors". Because of that, I'm sensitive to call people by the name they wish to be called. Its a matter of respecting them as a human being.

I'm glad you got lectured because your CEO obviously had so much respect for you. I don't understand how you couldn't just return it!
ETA: Why am I in the quote boooooooooooooooooooooox!?!?!?!??

Huh? The CEO had no respect for her.

I sensed sarcasm in that post. Also - that gif cracks me up!! Throwback AND applicable. My favorite

Indeed, you did

ETA: Because I'm still in the freaking QB.

Ahhhhhhh. My apologies, ElcaB.

RebeccaB88 · August 2013

jeull64 said:

Respect is earned and not demanded.

You aren't earning much of that around here.

SingleMom31 · August 2013

Just throwing in a different prospective... My FI and our daughter have one last name and I have my last name (haven't decided if I'm changing it or not). I get mail to The HisName Family; Mike, H, and Isabella HisName; Mike and H HisName; etc. Also, because of our daughter, I'm often called Mrs. HisName since people know hers and assume. After the first bit of correcting people, I've decided to go with it. When daycare called my office the other day, they goofed and my admin just said thank you and put them through. If his mom wants to send us an awesome care package with The HisName Family, I'm going to enjoy the cookies and not get my shorts in a bunch over how it was addressed. Not everyone sees it as a big deal. It may not even be a big deal to them...

Viczaesar · August 2013

jeull64 said:

Southernbelle IS overreacting, in my opinion. And, I think its whining, again my opinion. She didnt like my opinion and how I expressed it in a public forum, so she complained that I violated TOS and asked that I be warned.

Now, her fellow lynch mob bridezillas have chosen me as their next target. Just as I predicted. Bet no one will complain about their various violations of the TOS. I certainly wont be asking someone to ban anyone for an opposing view. Its real life, welcome to it.

My choice to respect, or not respect my DIL has nothing to do with that. Just because Southernbelle doesnt get what she wants from her inlaws has zero bearing on how I should (or will) interact with my DIL or son for that matter. To make the conclusion that because I think its childish to have an issue with someone refusing to call someone something specific means that I am going to be a horrible mother in law, or person in general is illogical.

Honey, get down off that crucifix. Somebody needs the wood.

s-aries8990 · August 2013

@jeull64 - so what you're saying is that southernbelle doesn't have a right to choose her own name?
That requesting to be called by her proper, legal name is dramatic?

That having something that is so personal, and a integral part of one's identity, being decided by an outsider just because "it's their preference" is obnoxious?

You think that southernbelle is being disrespectful by making a specific, completely level-headed, pointed, and ridiculously reasonable request and her in-laws are in the right for continuing to repeatedly go against her wishes?

That THEY are the ones who are ok to disrespect her at this point?

You are suggesting that SHE is the one causing a rift when it's the parents repeated actions that are making HER feel ostracized and picked on?

So this is all southernbelle's fault? Right?

I'm sorry, jeull, but you are the one who needs to meet the real world if that's how you think.

AND ALSO, she didn't gather her "her fellow lynch mob bridezillas" - they are calling you out because you are being ass backwards about this situation. Welcome to the internet! Not everyone is going to agree with you!

TiaTea · August 2013

Back to the name issue : I agree with @SingleMom31
I am a huge fan of keeping one's maiden name. But if you do that, naturally people will not always call you Ms. Maidenname, if they know only the names of the other members of your family. SingleMom31 pointed out to children/school situations. If your children have different last name than yours - your husbands name, the other parents will call you Mrs. Husband's ( children's) last name. If someone wants to casually invite your family, or even mention your family, it will be "lets invite the Simpsons", not " Lets invite the Simpsons and Marge Maidenname" . Which doesn't sound better, by the way, because it sounds as if she is not part of the same family .

Also the "Mrs". comes from "the mistress", meaning the female person of power in a household. And of course that is the wife of the male person of power in the household. With that said, Mrs also means "the wife of..." You can't be Mrs. Maidenname, because it's your father's name and you are not married to him. It's your mother who is "the Mrs" there - the female of power in your father's household. You, legally Ms. Maidenname , are "the mistress" ( the Mrs, the person in charge, the female of power, etc. ) of the household of Husbandsname ( children included)

I don't know what the intentions of those inlaws were , but maybe they were just overexcited and wanted the address to somehow show that it is to a married couple? Pretty much everybody who wants to address you as a family, would address you as Mrs and Mr Hisname, or "the Hisnames"
Wouldn't bother me at all.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

TiaTea said:

Back to the name issue : I agree with @SingleMom31
I am a huge fan of keeping one's maiden name. But if you do that, naturally people will not always call you Ms. Maidenname, if they know only the names of the other members of your family. They're my in-laws - they know what my name is. It's also not a slip since they have literally argued with me about what they think my name should be. This point is a good one for people who don't know your name but if you read the thread, that's not the case here. SingleMom31 pointed out to children/school situations. If your children have different last name than yours - your husbands name, the other parents will call you Mrs. Husband's ( children's) last name. If someone wants to casually invite your family, or even mention your family, it will be "lets invite the Simpsons", not " Lets invite the Simpsons and Marge Maidenname" . Which doesn't sound better, by the way, because it sounds as if she is not part of the same family .

Also the "Mrs". comes from "the mistress", meaning the female person of power in a household. And of course that is the wife of the male person of power in the household. With that said, Mrs also means "the wife of..." You can't be Mrs. Maidenname, because it's your father's name and you are not married to him. It's your mother who is "the Mrs" there - the female of power in your father's household. You, legally Ms. Maidenname , are "the mistress" ( the Mrs, the person in charge, the female of power, etc. ) of the household of Husbandsname ( children included) I don't understand how this relates to the issue at hand... at all.

I don't know what the intentions of those inlaws were , but maybe they were just overexcited and wanted the address to somehow show that it is to a married couple? How about, "You're now married!!" Pretty much everybody who wants to address you as a family, would address you as Mrs and Mr Hisname, or "the Hisnames"
Wouldn't bother me at all.

It's fine that it wouldn't bother you, but I don't know how I can be more clear about the circumstances. I told them I was keeping my last name, they argued with me telling me I shouldn't do that, I politely said it was a personal choice and mine to make, they told me they "disapproved". H and I asked that I be addressed by my name. They refuse to do so because they don't agree with my choice. THAT'S what bothers me.

I don't get my panties in a bunch over a random stranger assuming I changed my last name to my husbands. I realize that's the common thing to do, so no fault there. Trust me, we got PLENTY of cards addressed to Mr. and Mrs. HisLastName from people who didn't know I chose to keep my name. Oh well.

The issue here is that if you KNOW what someone's name is and you decide to call them something else because it's easier for you, more comfortable for you, rolls off the tongue better, etc. it's rude. Point blank. My friends/family don't insist on calling my husband Mr. MyLastName. Especially if they did and he said, "hey, I kept my name so my name is Mr. HisLastName" and they keep doing it.... I'd correct them for sure. How is this any different?

KDM323 · August 2013

@southernbelle0915...I agree with you and I see it this way.

Let's just swap out "names" here for a moment for the sake of an example.

Let's say that you were a vegetarian. You didn't eat meat. Not that you have an allergy, but that by CHOICE you don't eat meat.

And yet, your MIL insists on cooking every.single.meal with meat in it, every time you see her and every time you visit her house. In HER opinion, you should eat meat. It won't 'hurt' you.

Your husband has says "southernbelle doesn't eat meat" to his mother and asked her politely to please just NOT put meat in the spaghetti sauce or even just leave the pasta separate from the sauce so that you can have something to eat when you go to dinner at their house.

But yet, KNOWING that you don't eat meat, she continues to serve meat at every single meal and refuses to make ANY accommodations whatsoever for a guest she is inviting into her home.

It is rude. It is inconsiderate. It is passive aggressive bullshit. And she is wrong.

You aren't asking her to make a MAJOR accommodation to her world or her life by addressing you by your chosen name. Yet, she refuses to do so.

Its rude, it is inconsiderate and I'm sorry your MIL treats you that way. It is a poor reflection on HER. (And I'm also glad your husband has your back...he SHOULD. He is your husband. Heck, he probably realizes that his mother has passive aggressive tendencies. I bet if you look real hard, you'll see she has a history of doing passive aggressive things to her family/friends in order to get her way.)

They knew and they did it anyway...

Re: They knew and they did it anyway...

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