Alcoholics at the Wedding.

JessaLorrain · August 2013

Sooo My Mom and some of my other family members are known for their excessive drinking and i really don't want anyone being belligerent or any dwi's ruining everyone's good time. My Fiance thinks we should just offer beer or just have no drinks at our reception, but i would like to serve some alcohol. Can anyone think of a compromise so people can have fun without over-indulging?

Ashes_3 · August 2013

Let adults make their own decisions on how much they drink. It is perfectly acceptable to have a dry reception if you choose too.

Simply Fated · August 2013

Will there be a bartender to cut them off if they have too many?
You can go the beer only route, but people can get drink off of beers.

getoverwhatever · August 2013

Stop judging your guests, and make sure there are plenty of cabs available

SomethingBeautiful08 · August 2013

The only sure fire way of making sure that people don't have too much to drink is to have a dry wedding, and check everyone before they come in for anything they might be hiding. If someone really wants to have too much at your wedding, they will find a way. That being said, if your Mom or anyone else is seeking help for alcoholism and you are close enough to speak openly about that I would ask them what think would be best for them. If they aren't seeking treatment, then I think you need to let adults make adult decisions.

misssunshine17 · August 2013

Having a dry wedding is perfectly acceptable, but you should trust your guests. Have cab numbers ready.

another KT · August 2013

We had the same issue. We decided to go with a lunch reception and served beer, wine, and mimosas. It went very well.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

There's a difference between being an alcoholic and just drinking excessively from time to time. Pet peeve of mine having suffered from addiction myself.

If they just like to drink a lot then have alcohol if you want it and treat your guests like adults. A good bartender will cut people off when they've had too much. Leaving cab numbers at the bar or providing shuttle service back to the hotel (if there is one) are also options.

If they're truly alcoholics then its your call. Depending on how far into their recovery they are they may just need to learn to be around it. Alcohol is different then drugs- it's much more available and more common at public places so they're bound to be exposed at some point. I'm not saying throw it in their face but if you're paying and you want alcohol, there's no reason not to have it.

Other options to reduce alcohol: Beer and wine only, brunch or lunch reception, cake & punch reception (at a non meal time)

AddieCake · August 2013

Either have a dry wedding or trust your guests to be responsible.

melbelleup · August 2013

acove2006 said:

If they just like to drink a lot then have alcohol if you want it and treat your guests like adults. A good bartender will cut people off when they've had too much. Leaving cab numbers at the bar or providing shuttle service back to the hotel (if there is one) are also options.

Bolded is what we're doing. Granted, the hotel and reception place are right next to each other.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

I like the dry wedding idea if you really anticipate a problem. If it's really important to you to provide alcohol, beer and wine is better than open bar, but can still lead to drunks.

We provided a shuttle to our hotel blocks for our guests because we had a full, open bar. If lots of these people will be staying in hotels, this might be a good option.

If it's local, people will probably drive themselves to the wedding/reception - and most adults don't like to leave their cars so they'll probably choose to drive over taking a cab anyway. Maybe ask a cab company for some business cards and put a few at the bar and/or in the bathroom so they at least have the option. Otherwise, it's their responsibility to not drink and drink.

fearlessbrideMI · August 2013

We are having a dry wedding because one its at 2pm with BBQ and ending at 5. And two there are a few "strained" relationships between some of my family members and I know when alcohol is added to the mix it just gets worse. Plus while I am excited to have everyone there FI only wanted to go to the court house to get married so I needed to keep this as low key and short as possible, so short ceremony, great BBQ, have some cake and done. No DJ no alcohol will help shorten our event.

Jen4948 · August 2013

You can have a dry wedding. If you do provide alcohol, authorize your bartenders to cut off drunk guests, have security available, and have cabs available so they don't drive.

krizzo17 · August 2013

Honestly, if these people are truly alcoholics, they will find a way to be drunk if they want to be. My mother's sisters drank beer out of the trunk of a car in the parking lot at their mother's funeral. Having a dry wedding, or limiting alcohol, won't change anything for people like that. However, that might be an ok idea if these people do not routinely show up drunk or bring their own alcohol to other dry events.

ktbabe530 · August 2013

Offering food and coffee late night or cut off the open bar an hour before the reception ends. This might not be the best in terms of etiquette, but hopefully it will help sober people up.

Also, call a local cab company ask that they send X number of cabs over around the time the reception is going to end.

T1990 · August 2013

My bartender actually asked me is there anyone I need to keep an eye on. We were thinking of doing a dry wedding but the owner of the venue I am using said either way the people who like to drink will find a way even if its going back to their cars and drinking. We are now doing just beer and wine. It is a very good idea to have some kind of transportation for them.

cheapbrideincentpa · August 2013

I disagree with the let them make their own choices, as (at least in my state) if you host a party and someone leaves drunk, kills someone in an accident, you can be held liable for it. Sure you can get insurance to cover you financially, but no insurance is going to cover you criminally if your negligence is found to have contributed to a death.

Are you buying and serving the alcohol or is the venue doing it? I recently went to a wedding where every guest got drink chips- (3 per person) and once you were out, no more alcohol- you couldn't even buy any. Sure it didn't stop me from taking chips from a non-drinker, but I think it kept most people in line. You could use the chip on any type of alcohol offered.

clg1213 · August 2013

Nota big fan of the drink tickets/chips...feels like a business conference meal or something of that sort. And you'll def find people trying to gather up extra chips.

We're going dry at our brunch wedding for several of the reasons discussed, including the liability issue. It just takes some pressure off.

We may end up hanging out in the on-site bar area later in the evening for a very informal gathering, will likely end up being primarily the folks staying on-site.

JessaLorrain · August 2013

Thank for all the comment and ideas! They've been very helpful

AddieCake · August 2013

cheapbrideincentpa said:

Are you buying and serving the alcohol or is the venue doing it? I recently went to a wedding where every guest got drink chips- (3 per person) and once you were out, no more alcohol- you couldn't even buy any. Sure it didn't stop me from taking chips from a non-drinker, but I think it kept most people in line. You could use the chip on any type of alcohol offered.

Ugh.

cheapbrideincentpa · August 2013

Better than no alcohol at all. I much prefer a cash bar over a dry wedding.

KDM323 · August 2013

cheapbrideincentpa said:

Better than no alcohol at all. I much prefer a cash bar over a dry wedding.

A dry wedding is perfectly acceptable by etiquette standards. A cash bar is not.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

cheapbrideincentpa said:

Better than no alcohol at all. I much prefer a cash bar over a dry wedding.

It's cool to prefer that personally, but it's not good etiquette to "host" an event where there's a cash bar.

Simply Fated · August 2013

I am not sure how cash bars at events like wedding receptiond are that helpful at keeping alcoholics sober. I mean, doesn't alcohol usually cost money?

NYCBruin · August 2013

cheapbrideincentpa said:

I disagree with the let them make their own choices, as (at least in my state) if you host a party and someone leaves drunk, kills someone in an accident, you can be held liable for it. Sure you can get insurance to cover you financially, but no insurance is going to cover you criminally if your negligence is found to have contributed to a death.

Are you buying and serving the alcohol or is the venue doing it? I recently went to a wedding where every guest got drink chips- (3 per person) and once you were out, no more alcohol- you couldn't even buy any. Sure it didn't stop me from taking chips from a non-drinker, but I think it kept most people in line. You could use the chip on any type of alcohol offered.

Drink tickets/chips are horribly tacky. Your wedding isn't a carnival.

They also don't solve the problem. Trust me, I've attended my fair share of corporate events with drink tickets and am very good at getting more from people who are leaving early/don't feel like drinking/whatever. Also a big tip to a bar tender can get them to not take your ticket and let you reuse the same ticket multiple times. The type of people the OP is worried about are the ones that will master this system and still get very drunk.

And what state do you live in? Many people are completely misinformed about alcohol laws. To my knowledge, no state holds the host of the party liable if there are licensed bartenders that are actually serving the alcohol.

OP-you can do beer only or beer and wine. This may cut down some of the drinking, but it's not going to completely eliminate the potential problem. Nor will a dry reception, people may drink before, bring in flasks, etc. Try to accept that people may get drunk/very drunk at your wedding because there really isn't anything you can do to totally prevent it. Ways to ease your concerns:

Hire licensed bartenders. Remind them that they can/should cut off guests. You can even point out some people they should "keep an eye on."

Serve only beer or beer/wine. This will prevent people from getting as drunk as quickly (maybe).

Have business cards of cab companies available at the bar and near the exit. If you're super worried about drinking and driving, you can pre-pay cab drivers so that people don't have to pay for their own cabs home (and are thus more likely to take advantage of the cab service).

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

NYCBruin said:

cheapbrideincentpa said:

I disagree with the let them make their own choices, as (at least in my state) if you host a party and someone leaves drunk, kills someone in an accident, you can be held liable for it. Sure you can get insurance to cover you financially, but no insurance is going to cover you criminally if your negligence is found to have contributed to a death.

Are you buying and serving the alcohol or is the venue doing it? I recently went to a wedding where every guest got drink chips- (3 per person) and once you were out, no more alcohol- you couldn't even buy any. Sure it didn't stop me from taking chips from a non-drinker, but I think it kept most people in line. You could use the chip on any type of alcohol offered.

Drink tickets/chips are horribly tacky. Your wedding isn't a carnival.

They also don't solve the problem. Trust me, I've attended my fair share of corporate events with drink tickets and am very good at getting more from people who are leaving early/don't feel like drinking/whatever. Also a big tip to a bar tender can get them to not take your ticket and let you reuse the same ticket multiple times. The type of people the OP is worried about are the ones that will master this system and still get very drunk.

And what state do you live in? Many people are completely misinformed about alcohol laws. To my knowledge, no state holds the host of the party liable if there are licensed bartenders that are actually serving the alcohol.

OP-you can do beer only or beer and wine. This may cut down some of the drinking, but it's not going to completely eliminate the potential problem. Nor will a dry reception, people may drink before, bring in flasks, etc. Try to accept that people may get drunk/very drunk at your wedding because there really isn't anything you can do to totally prevent it. Ways to ease your concerns:

Hire licensed bartenders. Remind them that they can/should cut off guests. You can even point out some people they should "keep an eye on."

Serve only beer or beer/wine. This will prevent people from getting as drunk as quickly (maybe).

Have business cards of cab companies available at the bar and near the exit. If you're super worried about drinking and driving, you can pre-pay cab drivers so that people don't have to pay for their own cabs home (and are thus more likely to take advantage of the cab service).

She lives in PA, as do I, and as far as I know you are correct NYCBruin.

cheapbrideincentpa · August 2013

Pa does not license bartenders.. there are various certifications you can have (aka RAMP), which could limit liability- but its not 100%. Its also not required to bartend.

NYCBruin · August 2013

cheapbrideincentpa said:

Pa does not license bartenders.. there are various certifications you can have (aka RAMP), which could limit liability- but its not 100%. Its also not required to bartend.

Google is awesome:

http://www.cwolaw.com/Potential-Liability-Supplying-and-Serving-Alcohol-–-Social-Host-Liability-Pennsylvania

No, PA's Dram Shop Act (the laws that make people liable for serving someone who later drunkenly drives and injures someone) do not apply to social hosts. These laws only apply to retailers.

phira · August 2013

If you don't want to have a dry wedding, which is probably the best option:

Hire bartenders and explain that they are welcome to cut off anyone who seems like they've had enough.

Have cab numbers available for guests.

Have a shuttle take people to hotels where you've blocked off rooms.

Don't have a full bar--serve beer and wine, or a couple of signature cocktails.

Have your reception at a time when excessive drinking is less likely (lunch BBQ, brunch)

Obviously, you probably won't choose every single option here, and depending on your budget, some of them might not be feasible.

JellyBean52513 · August 2013

The subject line of your post is misleading, as you're calling people who get drunk "alcoholics". Alcoholics will show up drunk to your wedding if that's their MO; my father is an alcoholic and showed up drunk to my parent-teacher conferences when I was in elementary school. Nothing you do will prevent an alcoholic from drinking, and it has nothing to do with your wedding. If you are concerned about people drinking too much at your wedding, don't provide them alcohol, period. Otherwise, don't pre-judge your guests and allow them to be adults and make adult decisions. Plenty of weddings have gone down in history without being ruined (or anyone being killed) by drinking.

Please be mindful of the words you choose, because the type of people you are concerned about are not alcoholics, they are people who you believe lack the self-control and maturity to know when enough is enough.

phira · August 2013

JellyBean52513 said:

The subject line of your post is misleading, as you're calling people who get drunk "alcoholics". Alcoholics will show up drunk to your wedding if that's their MO; my father is an alcoholic and showed up drunk to my parent-teacher conferences when I was in elementary school. Nothing you do will prevent an alcoholic from drinking, and it has nothing to do with your wedding. If you are concerned about people drinking too much at your wedding, don't provide them alcohol, period. Otherwise, don't pre-judge your guests and allow them to be adults and make adult decisions. Plenty of weddings have gone down in history without being ruined (or anyone being killed) by drinking.

Please be mindful of the words you choose, because the type of people you are concerned about are not alcoholics, they are people who you believe lack the self-control and maturity to know when enough is enough.

Yeah, I was actually surprised because I assumed based on the title of the post that the OP was concerned about serving alcohol around recovering alcoholics or something. You don't have to be an alcoholic to abuse alcohol.

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