MOH Wants to Bring Her Kids

erinlin25 · August 2013

3 of the 5 girls in my wedding party had children under the age of 2... they were still "there" for me the whole day. Husbands/Grandparents helped with the kids during the day and we all celebrated together at our wedding. My friends were so thrilled they were able to enjoy our wedding with their families. The kids were so cute and had a great time. People with younger kids especially usually are smart to sit in the back so if there is a problem they can quickly leave if needed. I'm sure they will have a plan. Babies cry, it happens. Someone with a 5 month old baby will need to be with her baby for feedings. And it would suck majorly if her husband or mother could not attend. So stop worrying about people not being there for you-- I promise you will have plenty of attention even when your friend needs to slip away to feed her baby for a few minutes. This girl is your MOH, let her kids come to the wedding.

Jen4948 · August 2013

erinlin25 said:

3 of the 5 girls in my wedding party had children under the age of 2... they were still "there" for me the whole day. Husbands/Grandparents helped with the kids during the day and we all celebrated together at our wedding. My friends were so thrilled they were able to enjoy our wedding with their families. The kids were so cute and had a great time. People with younger kids especially usually are smart to sit in the back so if there is a problem they can quickly leave if needed. I'm sure they will have a plan. Babies cry, it happens. Someone with a 5 month old baby will need to be with her baby for feedings. And it would suck majorly if her husband or mother could not attend. So stop worrying about people not being there for you-- I promise you will have plenty of attention even when your friend needs to slip away to feed her baby for a few minutes. This girl is your MOH, let her kids come to the wedding.

Sorry, no. Being someone's MOH does not require them to include your kids, not even if they're 5 months old. The OP and her FI have decided to have a no-kids wedding, which is their choice and right, and it needs to be respected. Whether or not the kids cry is not the point.

psychbabe314 · August 2013

Jessa617 said:

I am surprised at all the people telling OP she should suck it up and let the kids come. I've seen plenty of threads where a guest wants to bring their child and everyone tells them "Just tell them sorry, there are no kids invited, if that means you can't make it then I'll miss you".

Why all of a sudden is this different? If OP doesn't want kids at the wedding, then that is her personal decision. If one person can bring their kids then there could potentially be a domino effect.

OP- Let MOH know that you hope she can find a babysitter so that she can attend the wedding. If the 5 month old is strictly nursing (no formula and no solid food), then technically the 5mo should be able to come. I can't imagine that the only two people in MOH's life is her husband and her mother, no other family members? Friends? Nobody?

I have not read the entire thread, but I would agree with this. From some of the other things I've read from other threads the bride can have a no kids wedding. A wedding is a date night for some people. My parents never brought me and my siblings to a wedding until we were older, and even then it was only one wedding. They liked having a night away from us. Wedding can be extremely expensive, but isn't that one of the things the MOH should have accounted for when agreeing to be the MOH?

I can understand bringing the 5month old if she is still only nursing, but why the three year old? There will be not kids, except for the flower girl/ring bearer, for the kid to play with. Leaving both children with the mom seems perfectly fine to me. Unless you invited her mom too?

I don't know, people are saying to suck-it up, but if you don't want them there then you will have to put your foot down. She is not paying for the wedding, so she cannot force you to change your mind. If money is the issue and you could offer to chip in for a portion of the babysitting bill with a sitter of her choice (most mom's I know have at least one sitter by the time a kid is 3).

arrippa · August 2013

Honestly OP, only you can make this decision. I wanted a child free wedding but I knew that most of my OOT guests have kids. I decided to allow them to bring their kids because I wanted them to attend more than I wanted to have a child free wedding.

You are well in your rights to not allow them to come and she was rude in asking if she could bring them.

BMoreBride6 · August 2013

I think my biggest concern here is breastfeeding. 5 Months is still very young. And no, I don't think every guest who is breast feeding MUST be allowed to bring their infants, but the fact that she is in the wedding party and will very likely have to be with you the entire day could make things very difficult (and uncomfortable!) for her. Any other guest could potentially plan their day out in regards to feedings/pumping, but because your MOH is likely to be with you from morning until late in the evening, this could be very challenging for her to plan her feedings without her baby around. Can maybe someone watch the baby during the ceremony and allow her to bring them to the reception?

Maggie0829 · August 2013

Op, just tell your friend that she can't bring her kids. Stick to your no kids policy. Even if you didn't make it clear at the beginning when you asked her to be your MOH that you weren't inviting children (which I don't know why you would have to tell her that to begin with) it is still fine to not allow her kids.

Breast feeding, not breast feeding, family member has to watch the kids or a babysitter that the parents pick watches their kids, parents go out all the time without their children and make the necessary arrangements. A lot of times these arrangements are made last minute. I don't understand how being in a wedding is different then say the parents going to work for the day.

And if she is breast feeding she can still plan her pumping around your wedding schedule. Just make sure she knows when pictures will be taken so that she can plan around that. Once the reception starts she is just another guest at that point and does not have to be glued to your side so if she needs to leave and find a quiet space to pump for 30 minutes I am sure she is adult enough to figure it out. I mean for gosh sakes this is an adult woman who has two children I am sure she can figure things out on her own and does not need special treatment.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:

Op, just tell your friend that she can't bring her kids. Stick to your no kids policy. Even if you didn't make it clear at the beginning when you asked her to be your MOH that you weren't inviting children (which I don't know why you would have to tell her that to begin with) it is still fine to not allow her kids.

Breast feeding, not breast feeding, family member has to watch the kids or a babysitter that the parents pick watches their kids, parents go out all the time without their children and make the necessary arrangements. A lot of times these arrangements are made last minute. I don't understand how being in a wedding is different then say the parents going to work for the day.

And if she is breast feeding she can still plan her pumping around your wedding schedule. Just make sure she knows when pictures will be taken so that she can plan around that. Once the reception starts she is just another guest at that point and does not have to be glued to your side so if she needs to leave and find a quiet space to pump for 30 minutes I am sure she is adult enough to figure it out. I mean for gosh sakes this is an adult woman who has two children I am sure she can figure things out on her own and does not need special treatment.

While I still agree that she doesn't have to allow her kids, I do disagree with the bolded. Exclusively breastfeeding is entirely different than bottle feeding (I exclusively pumped for DS1 for 8 months and am still BFing my 11month old). It was very easy to leave my oldest son as I'd pump prior too or while we were gone and he'd take a bottle. But my youngest refuses a bottle. He was in the NICU for 3 weeks and I thought I'd be EPing again as he first refused to nurse. But once we got him home and kept trying he started nursing and now won't go near a bottle and hasn't since 2 months old. So from 2months -7 months it was near impossible to leave him for more than 2 hours at a time. I could pump to relieve any pressure but it was a waste. And trust me I tried to get him to like the damn bottle again- I had to throw out over 1400oz I had in the freezer. Once he started some solids at 7 months we could leave him longer.

All that say her pumping and leaving a bottle doesn't always work. In that case she needs to find a way to be with baby every few hours or she needs to decline part of the wedding. But its her situation to figure out.

Dreamergirl8812 · August 2013

I cannot imagine not letting my MOH bring her baby. She is my matron of HONOR. I just simply cannot imagine it.

I don't even know if my MOH is bringing her baby. If so, she will be the only child at the wedding (we also invited the best man's 4 kids but they're out of town so they decided to leave the kids at home). I'm sure I'll figure it out when she shows up with or without her 1 year old.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

acove2006 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Op, just tell your friend that she can't bring her kids. Stick to your no kids policy. Even if you didn't make it clear at the beginning when you asked her to be your MOH that you weren't inviting children (which I don't know why you would have to tell her that to begin with) it is still fine to not allow her kids.

Breast feeding, not breast feeding, family member has to watch the kids or a babysitter that the parents pick watches their kids, parents go out all the time without their children and make the necessary arrangements. A lot of times these arrangements are made last minute. I don't understand how being in a wedding is different then say the parents going to work for the day.

And if she is breast feeding she can still plan her pumping around your wedding schedule. Just make sure she knows when pictures will be taken so that she can plan around that. Once the reception starts she is just another guest at that point and does not have to be glued to your side so if she needs to leave and find a quiet space to pump for 30 minutes I am sure she is adult enough to figure it out. I mean for gosh sakes this is an adult woman who has two children I am sure she can figure things out on her own and does not need special treatment.

While I still agree that she doesn't have to allow her kids, I do disagree with the bolded. Exclusively breastfeeding is entirely different than bottle feeding (I exclusively pumped for DS1 for 8 months and am still BFing my 11month old). It was very easy to leave my oldest son as I'd pump prior too or while we were gone and he'd take a bottle. But my youngest refuses a bottle. He was in the NICU for 3 weeks and I thought I'd be EPing again as he first refused to nurse. But once we got him home and kept trying he started nursing and now won't go near a bottle and hasn't since 2 months old. So from 2months -7 months it was near impossible to leave him for more than 2 hours at a time. I could pump to relieve any pressure but it was a waste. And trust me I tried to get him to like the damn bottle again- I had to throw out over 1400oz I had in the freezer. Once he started some solids at 7 months we could leave him longer.
All that say her pumping and leaving a bottle doesn't always work. In that case she needs to find a way to be with baby every few hours or she needs to decline part of the wedding. But its her situation to figure out.

Your last sentence says it all.

Even if she has the issues that you had noted above, it is still her situation to figure out (and that is if she is breast feeding...we are all just making that assumption). In the end OP has the right to tell her friend no. Being the MOH does not mean you get special treatment over everyone else.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

Maggie0829 said:

acove2006 said:

Maggie0829 said:

Op, just tell your friend that she can't bring her kids. Stick to your no kids policy. Even if you didn't make it clear at the beginning when you asked her to be your MOH that you weren't inviting children (which I don't know why you would have to tell her that to begin with) it is still fine to not allow her kids.

Breast feeding, not breast feeding, family member has to watch the kids or a babysitter that the parents pick watches their kids, parents go out all the time without their children and make the necessary arrangements. A lot of times these arrangements are made last minute. I don't understand how being in a wedding is different then say the parents going to work for the day.

And if she is breast feeding she can still plan her pumping around your wedding schedule. Just make sure she knows when pictures will be taken so that she can plan around that. Once the reception starts she is just another guest at that point and does not have to be glued to your side so if she needs to leave and find a quiet space to pump for 30 minutes I am sure she is adult enough to figure it out. I mean for gosh sakes this is an adult woman who has two children I am sure she can figure things out on her own and does not need special treatment.

While I still agree that she doesn't have to allow her kids, I do disagree with the bolded. Exclusively breastfeeding is entirely different than bottle feeding (I exclusively pumped for DS1 for 8 months and am still BFing my 11month old). It was very easy to leave my oldest son as I'd pump prior too or while we were gone and he'd take a bottle. But my youngest refuses a bottle. He was in the NICU for 3 weeks and I thought I'd be EPing again as he first refused to nurse. But once we got him home and kept trying he started nursing and now won't go near a bottle and hasn't since 2 months old. So from 2months -7 months it was near impossible to leave him for more than 2 hours at a time. I could pump to relieve any pressure but it was a waste. And trust me I tried to get him to like the damn bottle again- I had to throw out over 1400oz I had in the freezer. Once he started some solids at 7 months we could leave him longer.
All that say her pumping and leaving a bottle doesn't always work. In that case she needs to find a way to be with baby every few hours or she needs to decline part of the wedding. But its her situation to figure out.

Your last sentence says it all.

Even if she has the issues that you had noted above, it is still her situation to figure out (and that is if she is breast feeding...we are all just making that assumption). In the end OP has the right to tell her friend no. Being the MOH does not mean you get special treatment over everyone else.

Oh I completely agree...it just kinda irks me when I see people (in general) say "oh she can just pump and someone can give baby a bottle." It's not always that easy. So while I still think its the MOH's issue to figure out, the OP should be a bit understanding whatever MOH chooses to do if there are similar circumstances at hand. But I do agree with everything you posted above :-)

MGP · August 2013

This happened to me a couple of years ago. I agreed to be a co-MOH for my best friend's wedding. Between the engagement and the wedding, both me and the other co-MOH (our other BFF) got pregnant and had babies. Co-MOH actually had 2 - just 13 months apart. Since were were both nursing and the babies were 3 months, 4 months, and 14 months old at the time of the wedding, we assumed (not the best judgment call on our part, I admit) that it would be OK to bring them. We were very wrong.

Bride said no, absolutely not, no kids. Co-MOH left her babies with her mother in law. I, on the other hand, was an out of town guest. No options for local babysitters or otherwise since my mother, father, and stepmother had all come with me in the prior months to help while I hosted her bridal shower and bachelorette party and couldn't make an additional trip with me.

My husband ended up staying in the hotel all weekend with the baby while I did the requisite MOH duties like rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, etc. I walked back and forth between the hotel and reception site every two hours to pump. I barely found a place to sit for dinner because it was open seating and the venue didn't set up enough tables. The entire experience was one of the most stressful things I have dealt with since becoming a mother.

And the kicker was - she ended up letting her 2 year old nephew come. It still upsets me to this day. Overall I spent three weekends away from home and about $2500 in travel costs, hosting costs, and wedding costs to be there for someone I truly care about. And to be told I couldn't bring my newborn - it just appalled me. The only reason I went along with it was because it was her day. Looking back I should have spoken up.

OP - please let your MOH bring her kids. It really won't affect her duties. It's not worth it being an issue later on in your friendship. Believe me.

vollebell · August 2013

I'm really surprised at how many people are telling the OP to make an exception! If I was invited to a wedding and couldn't bring my kids, but then see that someone else had an exception made for them, I would be really upset! As a guest! No means no. If she makes an exception for one, that's really unfair to all the other families she told couldn't do that. People also keep commenting on how much money and energy and time the MOH puts in to a wedding, but regular guests put in a lot of money and time too. People purchase gifts, hotel stays if they're not local, request work time off if they don't work a regular Mon-Fri job, attend bridal showers, and engagement parties. So that's not a valid argument either.

If you can't or don't want to make the exception for every guest with children, then don't make the exception for one guest. Even if it's a member of the bridal party.

NYCBruin · August 2013

vollebell said:

I'm really surprised at how many people are telling the OP to make an exception! If I was invited to a wedding and couldn't bring my kids, but then see that someone else had an exception made for them, I would be really upset! As a guest! No means no. If she makes an exception for one, that's really unfair to all the other families she told couldn't do that. People also keep commenting on how much money and energy and time the MOH puts in to a wedding, but regular guests put in a lot of money and time too. People purchase gifts, hotel stays if they're not local, request work time off if they don't work a regular Mon-Fri job, attend bridal showers, and engagement parties. So that's not a valid argument either.

If you can't or don't want to make the exception for every guest with children, then don't make the exception for one guest. Even if it's a member of the bridal party.

This would be unreasonable to be upset about. Just because someone else's children were invited doesn't mean that yours are entitled to attend.

vollebell · August 2013

The point of the OP is that no one's children, except her flower girls, are invited to the wedding. The OP also says that the MOH children are not invited and the MOH is trying to self invite them. I'm assuming this also means that the invitations were addressed in a way to show that children are not allowed or flat out say, no children. So, as a guest of a wedding where I receive an invitation that in one way or another states that no children are invited, and then I see someone's small children, I'd be upset.

Jen4948 · August 2013

MGP said:

This happened to me a couple of years ago. I agreed to be a co-MOH for my best friend's wedding. Between the engagement and the wedding, both me and the other co-MOH (our other BFF) got pregnant and had babies. Co-MOH actually had 2 - just 13 months apart. Since were were both nursing and the babies were 3 months, 4 months, and 14 months old at the time of the wedding, we assumed (not the best judgment call on our part, I admit) that it would be OK to bring them. We were very wrong.

Bride said no, absolutely not, no kids. Co-MOH left her babies with her mother in law. I, on the other hand, was an out of town guest. No options for local babysitters or otherwise since my mother, father, and stepmother had all come with me in the prior months to help while I hosted her bridal shower and bachelorette party and couldn't make an additional trip with me.

My husband ended up staying in the hotel all weekend with the baby while I did the requisite MOH duties like rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, etc. I walked back and forth between the hotel and reception site every two hours to pump. I barely found a place to sit for dinner because it was open seating and the venue didn't set up enough tables. The entire experience was one of the most stressful things I have dealt with since becoming a mother.

And the kicker was - she ended up letting her 2 year old nephew come. It still upsets me to this day. Overall I spent three weekends away from home and about $2500 in travel costs, hosting costs, and wedding costs to be there for someone I truly care about. And to be told I couldn't bring my newborn - it just appalled me. The only reason I went along with it was because it was her day. Looking back I should have spoken up.

OP - please let your MOH bring her kids. It really won't affect her duties. It's not worth it being an issue later on in your friendship. Believe me.

Sorry, but you can't determine whether or not it will affect the MOH's duties or whether it's worth it being an issue later on in their friendship based on your own experience or that you found it "appalling." This is not your wedding; you are not hosting it; you are not paying for it; so you can't expect those who are to consider the issue only from your perspective.

NYCBruin · August 2013

vollebell said: The point of the OP is that no one's children, except her flower girls, are invited to the wedding. The OP also says that the MOH children are not invited and the MOH is trying to self invite them. I'm assuming this also means that the invitations were addressed in a way to show that children are not allowed or flat out say, no children. So, as a guest of a wedding where I receive an invitation that in one way or another states that no children are invited, and then I see someone's small children, I'd be upset.

-----------------------------------
If someone sends an invitation that says "no children" or "adults only" or something to that effect, you have every right to be upset as that is horribly rude. Invitations should never say who is not invited.

However, if the invitation was just addressed to you and SO and not your children, you have no reason to be upset that your children were not invited. Who else made the guest list is none of your business. A couple doesn't need to justify not inviting your children any more than they need to justify not inviting your neighbor.

Edited because TK can't fix the wonky quote box problem.

vollebell · August 2013

I'm not upset. I'm agreeing that the MOH doesn't have the right to ask for her children to go to a wedding where no children are being allowed to go.

NYCBruin · August 2013

vollebell said:

I'm not upset. I'm agreeing that the MOH doesn't have the right to ask for her children to go to a wedding where no children are being allowed to go.

Right, but OP's other guests would have no way of knowing whether MOH's children were invited originally or not.

ETA: It's not that other children aren't ALLOWED to attend, it's that they weren't invited. And FTR I don't think the OP should/needs to make an exception for her MOH, I'm just pointing out that if she did, other guests would have no way of knowing that the MOH got an "exception to the rule" or if her children were invited originally for any reason.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

I didn't read past page 1 of responses but, whatever your reasons, you don't need to invite your MOH's kids. If you want to be nice about it, you can offer to pay for a babysitter that she approves of. Otherwise, well, she offered that they will stay with her mother or husband, she's found a solution.

We haven't invited kids in addition to FG and RB simply because I don't really like it when kids are at weddings and we didn't want the expense. We had one decline because of it, which is fine. We had one person tell us they were excited for a kid free afternoon. The others that have kids mostly, haven't said anything either way.

niki&rob · August 2013

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

Weesh · August 2013

MGP said:

This happened to me a couple of years ago. I agreed to be a co-MOH for my best friend's wedding. Between the engagement and the wedding, both me and the other co-MOH (our other BFF) got pregnant and had babies. Co-MOH actually had 2 - just 13 months apart. Since were were both nursing and the babies were 3 months, 4 months, and 14 months old at the time of the wedding, we assumed (not the best judgment call on our part, I admit) that it would be OK to bring them. We were very wrong.

Bride said no, absolutely not, no kids. Co-MOH left her babies with her mother in law. I, on the other hand, was an out of town guest. No options for local babysitters or otherwise since my mother, father, and stepmother had all come with me in the prior months to help while I hosted her bridal shower and bachelorette party and couldn't make an additional trip with me.

My husband ended up staying in the hotel all weekend with the baby while I did the requisite MOH duties like rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, etc. I walked back and forth between the hotel and reception site every two hours to pump. I barely found a place to sit for dinner because it was open seating and the venue didn't set up enough tables. The entire experience was one of the most stressful things I have dealt with since becoming a mother.

And the kicker was - she ended up letting her 2 year old nephew come. It still upsets me to this day. Overall I spent three weekends away from home and about $2500 in travel costs, hosting costs, and wedding costs to be there for someone I truly care about. And to be told I couldn't bring my newborn - it just appalled me. The only reason I went along with it was because it was her day. Looking back I should have spoken up.

OP - please let your MOH bring her kids. It really won't affect her duties. It's not worth it being an issue later on in your friendship. Believe me.

That sounds incredibly stressful. Thank you for sharing your experience, sometimes it's important to remember that the people we've asked to stand up there with us are human! They have lives and families and we might have to make compromises in order to be compassionate towards our friends.

That being said, I do think that people shouldn't ask to bring their children. In this case, your friend might have wanted to extend the invitation to your baby for your convenience. Having to walk back and forth every two hours sounds like an exhausting and miserable evening--not the memory that I would want anyone to have of my wedding.

Jen4948 · August 2013

niki&rob said:

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

In case you didn't notice, this is the Etiquette board.

Sorry, but "compassion" is not the only issue here. The wedding may well not be a good place for a newborn. And regardless, nobody has the right to expect that their babies be accommodated by hosts who don't choose to invite children-MOH or not.

MGP · August 2013

(Commented but quotes and paragraphs not coming through on iPad will repost later). Testing for paragraphs.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

niki&rob said:

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

In case you didn't notice, this is the Etiquette board.

Sorry, but "compassion" is not the only issue here. The wedding may well not be a good place for a newborn. And regardless, nobody has the right to expect that their babies be accommodated by hosts who don't choose to invite children-MOH or not.

breastfeeding mothers is where I'd make an exception....the only exception that I'd make and only for that baby, not any other kids the mother might have. If I recall, this wasn't a newborn though for OP's scenario.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

niki&rob said:

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

What about her other friend? And her cousin? and her coworker? and the monkey? and his uncle?

There's nothing wrong with having a child free wedding, not inviting any children does not mean she has no compassion at all. If she starts to make concessions for one person, the other mothers in the room are going to be might perturbed seeing that some kids were allowed but not theirs.

Jen4948 · August 2013

MuppetOverlord said:

Jen4948 said:

niki&rob said:

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

In case you didn't notice, this is the Etiquette board.

Sorry, but "compassion" is not the only issue here. The wedding may well not be a good place for a newborn. And regardless, nobody has the right to expect that their babies be accommodated by hosts who don't choose to invite children-MOH or not.

breastfeeding mothers is where I'd make an exception....the only exception that I'd make and only for that baby, not any other kids the mother might have. If I recall, this wasn't a newborn though for OP's scenario.

That's up to the OP. If she still feels like she doesn't want to make an exception, because someone else will come along asking for an exception for their kid, also possibly a breastfeeding infant that they didn't think they had to bring up, everyone will be asking for exceptions.

And breastfeeding babies cry, spit up, and need their diapers changed as much as other babies do. Whether or not any of that ruins the wedding is not the issue (in case someone else brings that up), but they do make attending unpleasant for those who have to hear, smell, and deal with it.

crunchymamaof2 · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

MuppetOverlord said:

Jen4948 said:

niki&rob said:

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

In case you didn't notice, this is the Etiquette board.

Sorry, but "compassion" is not the only issue here. The wedding may well not be a good place for a newborn. And regardless, nobody has the right to expect that their babies be accommodated by hosts who don't choose to invite children-MOH or not.

breastfeeding mothers is where I'd make an exception....the only exception that I'd make and only for that baby, not any other kids the mother might have. If I recall, this wasn't a newborn though for OP's scenario.

That's up to the OP. If she still feels like she doesn't want to make an exception, because someone else will come along asking for an exception for their kid, also possibly a breastfeeding infant that they didn't think they had to bring up, everyone will be asking for exceptions.

And breastfeeding babies cry, spit up, and need their diapers changed as much as other babies do. Whether or not any of that ruins the wedding is not the issue (in case someone else brings that up), but they do make attending unpleasant for those who have to hear, smell, and deal with it.

really? I highly doubt you'd smell anything, hear anything for more than a moment, and therefore have to deal with nothing. And even still, very unlikely that any of that would ruin a wedding.

OP- Do you *have* to let her kids come? Nope. If you choose to though, it's entirely up to you. She was rude to ask, and she obviously has a back up plan, so don't say yes out of guilt. Say yes only if you truly don't mind. But it's just fine to say no.

Jen4948 · August 2013

acove2006 said:

Jen4948 said:

MuppetOverlord said:

Jen4948 said:

niki&rob said:

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

In case you didn't notice, this is the Etiquette board.

Sorry, but "compassion" is not the only issue here. The wedding may well not be a good place for a newborn. And regardless, nobody has the right to expect that their babies be accommodated by hosts who don't choose to invite children-MOH or not.

breastfeeding mothers is where I'd make an exception....the only exception that I'd make and only for that baby, not any other kids the mother might have. If I recall, this wasn't a newborn though for OP's scenario.

That's up to the OP. If she still feels like she doesn't want to make an exception, because someone else will come along asking for an exception for their kid, also possibly a breastfeeding infant that they didn't think they had to bring up, everyone will be asking for exceptions.

And breastfeeding babies cry, spit up, and need their diapers changed as much as other babies do. Whether or not any of that ruins the wedding is not the issue (in case someone else brings that up), but they do make attending unpleasant for those who have to hear, smell, and deal with it.

really? I highly doubt you'd smell anything, hear anything for more than a moment, and therefore have to deal with nothing. And even still, very unlikely that any of that would ruin a wedding.
OP- Do you *have* to let her kids come? Nope. If you choose to though, it's entirely up to you. She was rude to ask, and she obviously has a back up plan, so don't say yes out of guilt. Say yes only if you truly don't mind. But it's just fine to say no.

I've attended religious services and had to sit near babies, newborn, nursing, and otherwise, who did all of these things for prolonged periods of time, it was highly noticeable, and it did ruin the occasion. For a wedding it would be that much worse.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

acove2006 said:

Jen4948 said:

MuppetOverlord said:

Jen4948 said:

niki&rob said:

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

In case you didn't notice, this is the Etiquette board.

Sorry, but "compassion" is not the only issue here. The wedding may well not be a good place for a newborn. And regardless, nobody has the right to expect that their babies be accommodated by hosts who don't choose to invite children-MOH or not.

breastfeeding mothers is where I'd make an exception....the only exception that I'd make and only for that baby, not any other kids the mother might have. If I recall, this wasn't a newborn though for OP's scenario.

That's up to the OP. If she still feels like she doesn't want to make an exception, because someone else will come along asking for an exception for their kid, also possibly a breastfeeding infant that they didn't think they had to bring up, everyone will be asking for exceptions.

And breastfeeding babies cry, spit up, and need their diapers changed as much as other babies do. Whether or not any of that ruins the wedding is not the issue (in case someone else brings that up), but they do make attending unpleasant for those who have to hear, smell, and deal with it.

really? I highly doubt you'd smell anything, hear anything for more than a moment, and therefore have to deal with nothing. And even still, very unlikely that any of that would ruin a wedding.
OP- Do you *have* to let her kids come? Nope. If you choose to though, it's entirely up to you. She was rude to ask, and she obviously has a back up plan, so don't say yes out of guilt. Say yes only if you truly don't mind. But it's just fine to say no.

I've attended religious services and had to sit near babies, newborn, nursing, and otherwise, who did all of these things for prolonged periods of time, it was highly noticeable, and it did ruin the occasion. For a wedding it would be that much worse.

I didn't say it wasn't up to the OP. I said it's where *I* would make the exception.

However, if newborns ruin occasions for you, I think you are highly sensitive.

Jen4948 · August 2013

MuppetOverlord said:

Jen4948 said:

acove2006 said:

Jen4948 said:

MuppetOverlord said:

Jen4948 said:

niki&rob said:

Screw Etiquette in this situation, where is your compassion for your friend?

In case you didn't notice, this is the Etiquette board.

Sorry, but "compassion" is not the only issue here. The wedding may well not be a good place for a newborn. And regardless, nobody has the right to expect that their babies be accommodated by hosts who don't choose to invite children-MOH or not.

breastfeeding mothers is where I'd make an exception....the only exception that I'd make and only for that baby, not any other kids the mother might have. If I recall, this wasn't a newborn though for OP's scenario.

That's up to the OP. If she still feels like she doesn't want to make an exception, because someone else will come along asking for an exception for their kid, also possibly a breastfeeding infant that they didn't think they had to bring up, everyone will be asking for exceptions.

And breastfeeding babies cry, spit up, and need their diapers changed as much as other babies do. Whether or not any of that ruins the wedding is not the issue (in case someone else brings that up), but they do make attending unpleasant for those who have to hear, smell, and deal with it.

really? I highly doubt you'd smell anything, hear anything for more than a moment, and therefore have to deal with nothing. And even still, very unlikely that any of that would ruin a wedding.
OP- Do you *have* to let her kids come? Nope. If you choose to though, it's entirely up to you. She was rude to ask, and she obviously has a back up plan, so don't say yes out of guilt. Say yes only if you truly don't mind. But it's just fine to say no.

I've attended religious services and had to sit near babies, newborn, nursing, and otherwise, who did all of these things for prolonged periods of time, it was highly noticeable, and it did ruin the occasion. For a wedding it would be that much worse.

I didn't say it wasn't up to the OP. I said it's where *I* would make the exception.

However, if newborns ruin occasions for you, I think you are highly sensitive.

You can think that, but it depends on the occasion, the newborns, and the parents in particular. If the baby lets loose, someone has to take it out. If the mother's standing up by the bride, someone else has to do it.

If it takes a while for the father or someone else to make the connection that "baby crying, smelling, etc. means I have to get up and take the baby out of here, change it, calm it down, etc." then I think that no matter what else happens at the wedding, what's going to be remembered isn't going to be how beautiful the bride is, how nice the occasion is, etc....just that there was a baby that wasn't being taken care of. And as I said, I've sat near babies that let loose and weren't immediately taken care of. It wasn't nice.

MOH Wants to Bring Her Kids

Re: MOH Wants to Bring Her Kids

Choose Another Board

Search Boards