RANT: Invitation fail.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

I got an email from a friend inviting H and I to her wedding. Attached to the email was an image of an invitation. I'm not a huge fan of e-invites for a wedding, but that turned out to be small fries compared to the rest. Issues:

- RSVP due 8/24, wedding 11/30 - there is no explaining this and I can't understand it.

- "after-five attire"

- "adults only"

- wedding website lists location/time of RD but says "WP and family only"

- invite said 5:00, day-of schedule on website says "doors at 5:00, ceremony at 5:30" (i.e. they're trying to get people to show up 30 minutes early)

- I linked to their Amazon registry and they are registered for clothing like sweatshirts, outerwear, and t-shirts

- no room blocks (not against etiquette per se, but annoying since there are bunch of OOT guests)

I'm convinced this is a direct result of places like WW and the bees constantly telling brides they can do whatever they want. Just ugh.

itzMS · August 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

I got an email from a friend inviting H and I to her wedding. Attached to the email was an image of an invitation. I'm not a huge fan of e-invites for a wedding, but that turned out to be small fries compared to the rest. Issues:

- RSVP due 8/24, wedding 11/30 - there is no explaining this and I can't understand it.
- "after-five attire"

- "adults only"
- wedding website lists location/time of RD but says "WP and family only"
- invite said 5:00, day-of schedule on website says "doors at 5:00, ceremony at 5:30" (i.e. they're trying to get people to show up 30 minutes early)
- I linked to their Amazon registry and they are registered for clothing like sweatshirts, outerwear, and t-shirts
- no room blocks (not against etiquette per se, but annoying since there are bunch of OOT guests)

I'm convinced this is a direct result of places like WW and the bees constantly telling brides they can do whatever they want. Just ugh.

Sounds like you were B-listed.

That would get a big fat "No" RSVP from me.

grumbledore · August 2013

I don't think she was B-listed - but it does sound like the couple if B-listing with an RSVP date that early.

Everything about that invite is just icky. I would definitely consider declining.

elizabetheleven · August 2013

southernbelle0915 said:
I got an email from a friend inviting H and I to her wedding. Attached to the email was an image of an invitation. I'm not a huge fan of e-invites for a wedding, but that turned out to be small fries compared to the rest. Issues:

- RSVP due 8/24, wedding 11/30 - there is no explaining this and I can't understand it.
- "after-five attire"
- "adults only"
- wedding website lists location/time of RD but says "WP and family only"
- invite said 5:00, day-of schedule on website says "doors at 5:00, ceremony at 5:30" (i.e. they're trying to get people to show up 30 minutes early)
- I linked to their Amazon registry and they are registered for clothing like sweatshirts, outerwear, and t-shirts
- no room blocks (not against etiquette per se, but annoying since there are bunch of OOT guests)

I'm convinced this is a direct result of places like WW and the bees constantly telling brides they can do whatever they want. Just ugh.

What is "after-five attire"!? Lol
After 5:00 I'm usually in Pjs...

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

Blegh!

banana468 · August 2013

Just say, "I'm so sorry we can't make it but we hope you and your FI will b enjoy the B.U.M. Equipment sweatshirts!"

itzMS · August 2013

grumbledore said:

I don't think she was B-listed - but it does sound like the couple if B-listing with an RSVP date that early.

Everything about that invite is just icky. I would definitely consider declining.

If she just got the invite now, and has to RSVP by Saturday...that sounds like a pretty little B-list invite to me :-)

I would assume since this couple is also having their wedding on a holiday weekend, that travel and whatnot is crazy expensive. They might have tried to have some logic by getting guests to RSVP/reserve flights & rooms early...but it's still bizzare.

banana468 · August 2013

I think they're bad planners and they're on the first tier. We received an invitation in mid March and had to respond by April 1st for a mid June wedding.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

nope to the nope

I would not even send them a Kermit Pez dispenser. Well, I might...everyone should have one.

grumbledore · August 2013

cap816 said:

I get all that is wrong with her invitation, but if this is your friend, just let it go. Your talking so badly about someone with whom you are so close is honestly just as gross - if not more so - than her breaches of etiquette, which I would assume are unintentional. And if she's not really your friend, then decline the invitation and simply do her the favor of ceasing association.

Boo. No. You're wrong.

It's not hard to figure out how to be polite if you aren't sure of something.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

What is after-five attire? Serious question, not sarcastic.

grumbledore · August 2013

banana468 said:

I think they're bad planners and they're on the first tier. We received an invitation in mid March and had to respond by April 1st for a mid June wedding.

That was my thought process - that the early RSVP date was because they have no idea what they're doing and either mailed their invitations late or are planning to invite more once the first RSVPs come in.

Either way, ew.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

Really @cap816?

By sending a scanned copy of the invitation 3 days before the RSVP date, the bride is indicating that OP was not good enough of a friend to send a real invitation to when she sent out her other invitations. It may not be her intent, but it's horribly offensive to be B-Listed. Also, it's also rude to demand RSVP 3 months before the event.

She's not speaking badly about the person. She's speaking about the etiquette breaches of the conversation which is very common on this board and heck, entertaining.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

@cap816 - Start of your second sentence of your post - "Your" should be "You're."

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

grumbledore said:

banana468 said:

I think they're bad planners and they're on the first tier. We received an invitation in mid March and had to respond by April 1st for a mid June wedding.

That was my thought process - that the early RSVP date was because they have no idea what they're doing and either mailed their invitations late or are planning to invite more once the first RSVPs come in.

Either way, ew.

But they didn't mail anything! They attached a picture of an invitation to an email.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

cap816 said:

KeptInStitches said:

@cap816 - Start of your second sentence of your post - "Your" should be "You're."

I see it. And it's NOT "You are." It's "Your," the possessive of "You talking."

You might want to invest in a grammar and spelling book, as well as one on etiquette.

Your sentence- "Your (sic) talking so badly about someone with whom you are so close is honestly just as gross. . . ."

Which should read "You are talking so badly yadda yadda."

"Your" is meant to be the contraction of "You are" so the correct spelling is "You're."

ETA: Ok, you got it now! Good on ya!

ShesSoCold · August 2013

cap816 said:

alisonmarie658 said:

cap816 said:

I get all that is wrong with her invitation, but if this is your friend, just let it go. Your talking so badly about someone with whom you are so close is honestly just as gross - if not more so - than her breaches of etiquette, which I would assume are unintentional. And if she's not really your friend, then decline the invitation and simply do her the favor of ceasing association.
Yeah, I'm gonna disagree with you here. Proper etiquette is not that hard to find or figure out and no one should be above figuring out proper event hosting etiquette -- there are zero excuses when you have the internet on your phone. And she didn't say how close they were -- we've all been invited to weddings of people we aren't THAT close to. A "friend" can describe a lot of different relationships.

Also, your =/= you're.

You are welcome to disagree with my opinion, but "Your" was actually spelled correctly. Your is the possessive form of you. I wasn't trying to use the contraction of "You are."

ETA: Also the term "friend" doesn't describe a lot of different relationships. Your mistaking that word with acquaintance.

Yes, but the bolded is the incorrect use, unless you weren't done with that sentence.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

LOL I see what she's saying. She doesn't mean "You are talking so badly....." She means " Your talking so badly about someone with whom you are close is honestly just as gross" exactly as she wrote it. It's just poorly written and confusing.

She means, "Speaking as badly as you are about your close friend is honestly just as gross" (edited for further clarity)

Dottie05 · August 2013

I don't agree with @cap816's post but in that sentence she used "your" correctly.

"Your talking so badly about someone with whom you are so close is honestly just as gross - if not more so - than her breaches of etiquette, which I would assume are unintentional."

I'm not an English teacher so I don't know the correct verbiage, but it was not speaking directly to the OP it was talking about the OP's actions.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

Dottie and Cap....are you the same person or is that a very common Avatar?

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

I don't have the balls to tell someone all the etiquette faux-pas they had committed. Unless I was asked.

southernbelle0915 · August 2013

cap816 said: I get all that is wrong with her invitation, but if this is your friend, just let it go. Your talking so badly about someone with whom you are close is honestly just as gross - if not more so - than her breaches of etiquette, which I would assume are unintentional. And if she's not really your friend, then decline the invitation and simply do her the favor of ceasing association.

I disagree with the bolded. I'm pointing out etiquette flaws in her invitation (this IS the etiquette board) - not saying anything her character or about her personally.

It's a little dramatic to say that calling out etiquette flaws on an anonymous online etiquette forum is "just as gross if not more so" than a bride asking for an RSVP in 3 days for a wedding that's more or less in December, telling your guests what to wear (after-five attire), pointing out who's not invited (adults only), telling people they're not invited to the RD (WP and family only), telling people to show up early, etc.

I think it's really helpful for people to learn from the missteps of others. I lurked for a long time before creating a name and posting. I avoided some etiquette faux pas because of info like this and was thankful to realize how it might be received by a guest.

ETA - quote boxes not separating.

Dottie05 · August 2013

Common avatar. I've personally got money-saving on the brain!

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

Oh yes, Southern Belle, I forgot to mention the learning experience part. Think of it as an etiquette lesson.

Here's another one:

Don't post about your invitations on Facebook and ask everyone to get your RSVPS in when not everyone on your FB is invited! I got one of those yesterday. She had 4 people reply by asking where their invites are. To one of them - she told him that she sent his invitation to his mother and he should tell his mom whether he's coming or not (he's a 39 year old married man. To the others, she "liked" the comments.

GypsyWife_ · August 2013

My friend put a post on Fb saying," finalizing my RSVP list ! those who did not respond, your seats will be filled"

phira · August 2013

My after 5 attire is no pants. Maybe I should go to the wedding in your place!

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

phira said:

My after 5 attire is no pants. Maybe I should go to the wedding in your place!

HAHA. Actually, mine is no bra, a tshirt and pajama pants.

MuppetOverlord · August 2013

GypsyBridetobe said:

My friend put a post on Fb saying," finalizing my RSVP list ! those who did not respond, your seats will be filled"

That's harsh! Someone posted one once (not sure if it was on here) saying that they met their space limit and accepted RSVPS on a first come, first serve basis. Sorry to those who didn't reply quickly enough. (Posted before the RSVP date

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

cap816 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

cap816 said:

KeptInStitches said:

@cap816 - Start of your second sentence of your post - "Your" should be "You're."

I see it. And it's NOT "You are." It's "Your," the possessive of "You talking."

You might want to invest in a grammar and spelling book, as well as one on etiquette.

Your sentence- "Your (sic) talking so badly about someone with whom you are so close is honestly just as gross. . . ."

Which should read "You are talking so badly yadda yadda."

"Your" is meant to be the contraction of "You are" so the correct spelling is "You're."

ETA: Ok, you got it now! Good on ya!

Why would I need a book on etiquette? I did not condone the bride's behavior. I just think it's terrible to talk badly about someone you call a friend.

Oh my sincere bad!

Can you pick me up a book about improving reading comprehension? :-P

phira · August 2013

MuppetOverlord said:

phira said:

My after 5 attire is no pants. Maybe I should go to the wedding in your place!

HAHA. Actually, mine is no bra, a tshirt and pajama pants.

I really think we all need to crash this wedding in our "after 5" attire. The photos would be phenomenal.

grumbledore · August 2013

PrettyGirlLost said: grumbledore said: banana468 said: I think they're bad planners and they're on the first tier. We received an invitation in mid March and had to respond by April 1st for a mid June wedding. That was my thought process - that the early RSVP date was because they have no idea what they're doing and either mailed their invitations late or are planning to invite more once the first RSVPs come in.
Either way, ew. But they didn't mail anything! They attached a picture of an invitation to an email.

Yep I think I misunderstood this earlier. I assumed they did this for everyone and not just the OP. (Like, they only made one invitation and they scanned it and sent to all invited.) I thought maybe someone messed up and didn't mail the invites so they had to scramble at the last minute.

I still don't understand why they have an RSVP date 2 months before the wedding.

(Edited because WHY THE HELL CAN TK/KGs NOT FIX THESE QUOTE BOX ISSUES UGH.)

RANT: Invitation fail.

Re: RANT: Invitation fail.

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