Kids at the reception...give me your opinions.

kmmssg · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

lwoehlk said:

lwoehlk said:

1. Are you having kids at the reception? 2. If not, what is your cut off age? Are you providing a sitter? 3. If yes, Are you provinding child activities? 4. What has the response been like? Are people pissed? We are undecided. Personally, I don't want toddlers and babies running around. Above 10 or 12 and I would be fine. I have about 10 cousins, he has 1, and we have 2 friends' children that would be out. It isn't a cost issue (our venue offers kids meals at a reduced price and we have room in the budget) but its more of an atmosphere thing. Our reception is at a hotel, so a sitter is feasible, and almost all parents are out of towers. If you have kids, I would GREATLY appreciate your input.
1) we had kids at ours. Our cutoff was nieces and nephews (which our Rb and fg were) and wp's kids. Though we did have one couple write in their kids. I was pissed but decided not to fight it. 2) do not make a cutoff age. Invite in circles. Picking an arbitrary age could mean splitting up families. Can't do that. And honestly, if you are worried about toddlers acting up, children of all ages can be a terror. In fact I would say a 10 year olds tantrum could be far worse than an infant that would probably sleep most of the time. You have to trust parents to do their job. 3) I only printed off a wedding coloring book and gave them some stickers. Nothing much because dancing will totally entertain them. I'm pretty sure the kids meals came our early so these things just gave them something to do while the adult meals came out/parents ate. 4) everyone that didn't have kids were fine with it....with the exception of the write-in friends.

Firmly disagree with this. From what I've seen, it's the infants and toddlers who can't handle it and have temper tantrums, not the 10 year olds. And too many parents CAN'T be trusted to do their jobs.

I think age cut-offs are fine, as long as it doesn't leave, say, one child in a family at home because they fall under the cut-off (albeit very close). So if one is 10 and one is 9, and the cut-off is 10, I'd still invite the 9 year old. But if one is 10 and one is 4, then I think there is no need to invite the 4 year old because they are pretty far apart in age and at different stages of development. Well if you don't trust any parents to so their job, then don't have any kids at all. A toddlers or 10 year old's parent is responsible to take care of their children, be it crying or acting out. I have seen plenty of 10 year olds throw fits so you you simply cannot have the blanket assumption that babies are the only children that will cause some sort of disruption. I firmly disagree with your thoughts on splitting up families.

Then let's agree to disagree, shall we?

Some parents are good about taking care of their kids, some are not.

And I find the "not splitting up families" argument to be total fucking bullshit when it comes to families with really rambunctious, misbehaving kids kids-regardless of how old they are, and how well or badly their parents take care of them.

If I don't want them to come, but I do want well-behaved kids, then you know what? I don't give a fucking damn whose feelings are hurt by the badly-behaved kids of any age not being invited, whether or not their siblings are, because they and their parents have demonstrated a total lack of respect for the feelings and needs of the hosts, the venue, and the others present. Nor will I refuse to invite anyone else's kids just because those kids aren't invited. The consequences of bad behavior are that those kids don't get rewarded with future invitations.

I won't split up a family BUT I will skip inviting a family if it means dealing with ill-behaved children and parents who do nothing about it. I do not have to tolerate that and it seems like a lot of people just put up with it and don't deal with the problem.

Many years ago I became friends with 3 guys in my unit. We were all single, just good friends, and never interested in each other. We were really good friends. We have all gotten married since, had kids (or more kids in my case) and we live close to one another. One guy has 4 daughters who are absolute hellions and my friend and his wife are very ineffective parents. I got really tired of it and quit inviting them to anything I hosted. I have a real love and affection for the kids in the other two families and I wasn't going to stop inviting those kids to avoid the demon spawn.

Did it affect the friendship? Yes - it is over. That is what happens when someone decides not to deal with your awful kids. I still see the other kids all the time and they are college bound now.

Shia · August 2013

1. I am only inviting 8 kids. My two brothers (14 &17), nephews 5 & 4 months, niece 18 months, cousin 14 and two out of town kids ages 4 & 5. My guest list is 80 including the kids above. Now if I have invited everyones kids my guest would be 94 and we can't afford everyone.

2. There is no cut off age.

3. No sitter will be provided.

4. I haven't had any responses yet, but I know many of the parents of the other 14 kids will be upset but we can't afford it.

arrippa · August 2013

MrsRadke said:

1. Are you having kids at the reception?
2. If not, what is your cut off age? Are you providing a sitter?
3. If yes, Are you provinding child activities?
4. What has the response been like? Are people pissed?

1.We are only inviting the kids of the OOT guests. Both of our families and close family friends are OOT guests and we really want them there. We had planned for no children but I didn't think it was fair to ask my guests to fly across the country without their kids. Plus, I do know that most of them would have declined and I really wanted them there. It was a choice between kids or having them decline, I will always choose to invite kids. It is more important for me to have them attend than not having kids.

2. There is no cut off age as the range of kids there is a baby to a ten year old (most of them are in the 2-5 age range).

3. I am NOT providing any child activities. I trust my guests to take care of their children. If they get loud during the ceremony, they will take them outside. I know they are bringing toys for their own children.

4. Nope, everyone is happy, even my local guests whose children I did not invite I haven't heard one word from them.

kwlodarski · August 2013

Thank you NYCBruin! Circles were something I had never considered and am very glad I gave this post a look through.

Unfortunately, the only child (that I can think of right now) I am worried about at the ceremony and reception is my FI's nephew. He's 2 right now and the only times I've ever seen him he was in tantrum mode.

Maggie0829 · August 2013

kwlodarski said:

Thank you NYCBruin! Circles were something I had never considered and am very glad I gave this post a look through.
Unfortunately, the only child (that I can think of right now) I am worried about at the ceremony and reception is my FI's nephew. He's 2 right now and the only times I've ever seen him he was in tantrum mode.

Well you know what they say about the terrible twos. How old will he be at the time of your wedding? If your wedding is a year a way, a year of growth is a lot for a small child and you will be surprise in the changes that a kid makes and goes through in that time period. I know my niece at 2 or so was a handful, just a ball of energy, non-stop running and talking, and temper tantrums galore. Now at 3 she is a bit more calm and is better able to communicate exactly what she is needing or wanting so the temper tantrums aren't as prevalent.

PrettyGirlLost · August 2013

MrsRadke said:
1. Are you having kids at the reception?
2. If not, what is your cut off age? Are you providing a sitter?
3. If yes, Are you provinding child activities?
4. What has the response been like? Are people pissed?

1. The only kids we are planning on inviting are children in the bridal party and nursing infants. Those kids are/will be the following ages by our wedding- 3 years x2 , 7months, almost 2 years, almost 7 years, 16months, and 6 years.

2. No age cut-off. The cut-off is bridal party kids and nursing infants. Most of our friends and relatives do not have young kids (under 12), and the few OOT guests that do have kids under 12 do not bring them to OOT events (weddings, conventions we attend together, etc.)

We are not providing a sitter, but a few of the bridal party members have already told me they plan on having a relative come and get the kids at some point in the night so that they can enjoy the rest of evening without them.

3. We are providing a gift bag for the kids- coloring book, crayons, etc.

4. We'll see! I'm pretty sure we won't have any issues with our decision as I have attended other child-free weddings or events with most of the ppl on our guest list.

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

Well if you don't trust any parents to so their job, then don't have any kids at all. A toddlers or 10 year old's parent is responsible to take care of their children, be it crying or acting out. I have seen plenty of 10 year olds throw fits so you you simply cannot have the blanket assumption that babies are the only children that will cause some sort of disruption.
I firmly disagree with your thoughts on splitting up families.

Then let's agree to disagree, shall we?

Some parents are good about taking care of their kids, some are not.

And I find the "not splitting up families" argument to be total fucking bullshit when it comes to families with really rambunctious, misbehaving kids kids-regardless of how old they are, and how well or badly their parents take care of them.

If I don't want them to come, but I do want other kids who are well-behaved, then you know what? I don't give a fucking damn whose feelings are hurt by the badly-behaved kids of any age not being invited, whether or not their siblings are, because they and their parents have demonstrated a total lack of respect for the feelings and needs of the hosts, the venue, and the others present. Nor will I refuse to invite anyone else's kids just because those kids aren't invited. The consequences of bad behavior are that those kids don't get rewarded with future invitations.

**

Sure lets agree to disagree, but since you followed that by more discussion, as will I. I feel like a family with multiple kids is a social unit and they (including any of the kids) shouldn't be split up. I agree with kmmssg that you should make the choice not to include that family or all kids (not inviting any kids) in that case. I get that you take the position of not rewarding bad behavior and I would usually agree and think a lot of problems have come in this generation from this idea that everyone needs to be included and get a trophy, but I also recognize that there could be implications for splitting up kids and the "good" one getting to go to a fancy event and the "bad" one gets squat.
It is truly up to the parents to grow their children into mature, well behaved adults, and while there are many that may not do a good job, I don't think it's your position to draw the lines and discipline within that family unit by splitting them up.

That is only my opinion and you've made it clear that you don't give an f'ing damn if your position hurts the parent's or children's feelings. At least op has several positions to consider. Agree to disagree.

Edit: sorry I lost the boxes in my attempt to shorten the history of this discussion. Drives me nuts on my mobile when long threads happen.

Jen4948 · August 2013

lwoehlk said:

Well if you don't trust any parents to so their job, then don't have any kids at all. A toddlers or 10 year old's parent is responsible to take care of their children, be it crying or acting out. I have seen plenty of 10 year olds throw fits so you you simply cannot have the blanket assumption that babies are the only children that will cause some sort of disruption. I firmly disagree with your thoughts on splitting up families.

Then let's agree to disagree, shall we?

Some parents are good about taking care of their kids, some are not.

And I find the "not splitting up families" argument to be total fucking bullshit when it comes to families with really rambunctious, misbehaving kids kids-regardless of how old they are, and how well or badly their parents take care of them.

If I don't want them to come, but I do want other kids who are well-behaved, then you know what? I don't give a fucking damn whose feelings are hurt by the badly-behaved kids of any age not being invited, whether or not their siblings are, because they and their parents have demonstrated a total lack of respect for the feelings and needs of the hosts, the venue, and the others present. Nor will I refuse to invite anyone else's kids just because those kids aren't invited. The consequences of bad behavior are that those kids don't get rewarded with future invitations.

** Sure lets agree to disagree, but since you followed that by more discussion, as will I. I feel like a family with multiple kids is a social unit and they (including any of the kids) shouldn't be split up. I agree with kmmssg that you should make the choice not to include that family or all kids (not inviting any kids) in that case. I get that you take the position of not rewarding bad behavior and I would usually agree and think a lot of problems have come in this generation from this idea that everyone needs to be included and get a trophy, but I also recognize that there could be implications for splitting up kids and the "good" one getting to go to a fancy event and the "bad" one gets squat. It is truly up to the parents to grow their children into mature, well behaved adults, and while there are many that may not do a good job, I don't think it's your position to draw the lines and discipline within that family unit by splitting them up. That is only my opinion and you've made it clear that you don't give an f'ing damn if your position hurts the parent's or children's feelings. At least op has several positions to consider. Agree to disagree. Edit: sorry I lost the boxes in my attempt to shorten the history of this discussion. Drives me nuts on my mobile when long threads happen.

Clarification: You know, most parents don't get their panties in a wad if it turns out their 10 year old can come but their 2 year old or younger can't-especially when told that it's 10 or older.

Not only that, but if I've decided not to invite kids who are out of control and whose parents won't control them, it's after seeing this in person on multiple occasions, and knowing that if those kids are allowed loose they will go on a tear that has the potential to cause serious harm to my guests, whose well-being I do care about, and damage to the venue, which I have to pay for. I don't, as you've pointed out, give a fucking damn whose position it is how these children should be treated, because the parents don't give a fucking damn about anything but themselves-not even about their children. Whether or not their feelings are hurt are the fucking least of my problems at that point.

Jen4948 · August 2013

cap816 said:

Jen4948 said:

lwoehlk said:

Well if you don't trust any parents to so their job, then don't have any kids at all. A toddlers or 10 year old's parent is responsible to take care of their children, be it crying or acting out. I have seen plenty of 10 year olds throw fits so you you simply cannot have the blanket assumption that babies are the only children that will cause some sort of disruption. I firmly disagree with your thoughts on splitting up families.
Then let's agree to disagree, shall we?

Some parents are good about taking care of their kids, some are not.

And I find the "not splitting up families" argument to be total fucking bullshit when it comes to families with really rambunctious, misbehaving kids kids-regardless of how old they are, and how well or badly their parents take care of them.

If I don't want them to come, but I do want other kids who are well-behaved, then you know what? I don't give a fucking damn whose feelings are hurt by the badly-behaved kids of any age not being invited, whether or not their siblings are, because they and their parents have demonstrated a total lack of respect for the feelings and needs of the hosts, the venue, and the others present. Nor will I refuse to invite anyone else's kids just because those kids aren't invited. The consequences of bad behavior are that those kids don't get rewarded with future invitations.

** Sure lets agree to disagree, but since you followed that by more discussion, as will I. I feel like a family with multiple kids is a social unit and they (including any of the kids) shouldn't be split up. I agree with kmmssg that you should make the choice not to include that family or all kids (not inviting any kids) in that case. I get that you take the position of not rewarding bad behavior and I would usually agree and think a lot of problems have come in this generation from this idea that everyone needs to be included and get a trophy, but I also recognize that there could be implications for splitting up kids and the "good" one getting to go to a fancy event and the "bad" one gets squat. It is truly up to the parents to grow their children into mature, well behaved adults, and while there are many that may not do a good job, I don't think it's your position to draw the lines and discipline within that family unit by splitting them up. That is only my opinion and you've made it clear that you don't give an f'ing damn if your position hurts the parent's or children's feelings. At least op has several positions to consider. Agree to disagree. Edit: sorry I lost the boxes in my attempt to shorten the history of this discussion. Drives me nuts on my mobile when long threads happen.

Clarification: You know, most parents don't get their panties in a wad if it turns out their 10 year old can come but their 2 year old or younger can't-especially when told that it's 10 or older.

Not only that, but if I've decided not to invite kids who are out of control and whose parents won't control them, it's after seeing this in person on multiple occasions, and knowing that if those kids are allowed loose they will go on a tear that has the potential to cause serious harm to my guests, whose well-being I do care about, and damage to the venue, which I have to pay for. I don't, as you've pointed out, give a fucking damn whose position it is how these children should be treated, because the parents don't give a fucking damn about anything but themselves-not even about their children. Whether or not their feelings are hurt are the fucking least of my problems at that point.

Well aren't you classy.

They're the ones who cause damage, so I try to prevent that...yeah, I'm classy. They're not.

Jen4948 · August 2013

cap816 said:

Jen4948 said:

cap816 said:

Jen4948 said:

lwoehlk said:

Well if you don't trust any parents to so their job, then don't have any kids at all. A toddlers or 10 year old's parent is responsible to take care of their children, be it crying or acting out. I have seen plenty of 10 year olds throw fits so you you simply cannot have the blanket assumption that babies are the only children that will cause some sort of disruption. I firmly disagree with your thoughts on splitting up families.
Then let's agree to disagree, shall we?

Some parents are good about taking care of their kids, some are not.

And I find the "not splitting up families" argument to be total fucking bullshit when it comes to families with really rambunctious, misbehaving kids kids-regardless of how old they are, and how well or badly their parents take care of them.

If I don't want them to come, but I do want other kids who are well-behaved, then you know what? I don't give a fucking damn whose feelings are hurt by the badly-behaved kids of any age not being invited, whether or not their siblings are, because they and their parents have demonstrated a total lack of respect for the feelings and needs of the hosts, the venue, and the others present. Nor will I refuse to invite anyone else's kids just because those kids aren't invited. The consequences of bad behavior are that those kids don't get rewarded with future invitations.

** Sure lets agree to disagree, but since you followed that by more discussion, as will I. I feel like a family with multiple kids is a social unit and they (including any of the kids) shouldn't be split up. I agree with kmmssg that you should make the choice not to include that family or all kids (not inviting any kids) in that case. I get that you take the position of not rewarding bad behavior and I would usually agree and think a lot of problems have come in this generation from this idea that everyone needs to be included and get a trophy, but I also recognize that there could be implications for splitting up kids and the "good" one getting to go to a fancy event and the "bad" one gets squat. It is truly up to the parents to grow their children into mature, well behaved adults, and while there are many that may not do a good job, I don't think it's your position to draw the lines and discipline within that family unit by splitting them up. That is only my opinion and you've made it clear that you don't give an f'ing damn if your position hurts the parent's or children's feelings. At least op has several positions to consider. Agree to disagree. Edit: sorry I lost the boxes in my attempt to shorten the history of this discussion. Drives me nuts on my mobile when long threads happen.

Clarification: You know, most parents don't get their panties in a wad if it turns out their 10 year old can come but their 2 year old or younger can't-especially when told that it's 10 or older.

Not only that, but if I've decided not to invite kids who are out of control and whose parents won't control them, it's after seeing this in person on multiple occasions, and knowing that if those kids are allowed loose they will go on a tear that has the potential to cause serious harm to my guests, whose well-being I do care about, and damage to the venue, which I have to pay for. I don't, as you've pointed out, give a fucking damn whose position it is how these children should be treated, because the parents don't give a fucking damn about anything but themselves-not even about their children. Whether or not their feelings are hurt are the fucking least of my problems at that point.

Well aren't you classy.

They're the ones who cause damage, so I try to prevent that...yeah, I'm classy. They're not.

Your language and behavior throughout this thread certainly beg to differ.

I think that whether or not they are classy is not the issue.

The issue is whether or not kids should be invited to the reception, and the answer is that it depends on whether or not the hosts want them there. If they don't, then the answer is no. If they do, then the answer is yes.

Jen4948 · August 2013

cap816 said:

Jen4948 said:

cap816 said:

Jen4948 said:

cap816 said:

Jen4948 said:

lwoehlk said:

Well if you don't trust any parents to so their job, then don't have any kids at all. A toddlers or 10 year old's parent is responsible to take care of their children, be it crying or acting out. I have seen plenty of 10 year olds throw fits so you you simply cannot have the blanket assumption that babies are the only children that will cause some sort of disruption. I firmly disagree with your thoughts on splitting up families.
Then let's agree to disagree, shall we?

Some parents are good about taking care of their kids, some are not.

And I find the "not splitting up families" argument to be total fucking bullshit when it comes to families with really rambunctious, misbehaving kids kids-regardless of how old they are, and how well or badly their parents take care of them.

If I don't want them to come, but I do want other kids who are well-behaved, then you know what? I don't give a fucking damn whose feelings are hurt by the badly-behaved kids of any age not being invited, whether or not their siblings are, because they and their parents have demonstrated a total lack of respect for the feelings and needs of the hosts, the venue, and the others present. Nor will I refuse to invite anyone else's kids just because those kids aren't invited. The consequences of bad behavior are that those kids don't get rewarded with future invitations.

** Sure lets agree to disagree, but since you followed that by more discussion, as will I. I feel like a family with multiple kids is a social unit and they (including any of the kids) shouldn't be split up. I agree with kmmssg that you should make the choice not to include that family or all kids (not inviting any kids) in that case. I get that you take the position of not rewarding bad behavior and I would usually agree and think a lot of problems have come in this generation from this idea that everyone needs to be included and get a trophy, but I also recognize that there could be implications for splitting up kids and the "good" one getting to go to a fancy event and the "bad" one gets squat. It is truly up to the parents to grow their children into mature, well behaved adults, and while there are many that may not do a good job, I don't think it's your position to draw the lines and discipline within that family unit by splitting them up. That is only my opinion and you've made it clear that you don't give an f'ing damn if your position hurts the parent's or children's feelings. At least op has several positions to consider. Agree to disagree. Edit: sorry I lost the boxes in my attempt to shorten the history of this discussion. Drives me nuts on my mobile when long threads happen.

Clarification: You know, most parents don't get their panties in a wad if it turns out their 10 year old can come but their 2 year old or younger can't-especially when told that it's 10 or older.

Not only that, but if I've decided not to invite kids who are out of control and whose parents won't control them, it's after seeing this in person on multiple occasions, and knowing that if those kids are allowed loose they will go on a tear that has the potential to cause serious harm to my guests, whose well-being I do care about, and damage to the venue, which I have to pay for. I don't, as you've pointed out, give a fucking damn whose position it is how these children should be treated, because the parents don't give a fucking damn about anything but themselves-not even about their children. Whether or not their feelings are hurt are the fucking least of my problems at that point.

Well aren't you classy.

They're the ones who cause damage, so I try to prevent that...yeah, I'm classy. They're not.

Your language and behavior throughout this thread certainly beg to differ.

I think that whether or not they are classy is not the issue.

The issue is whether or not kids should be invited to the reception, and the answer is that it depends on whether or not the hosts want them there. If they don't, then the answer is no. If they do, then the answer is yes.

My comments have absolutely nothing to do with this thread's subject matter. They're about your personal conduct within it.

Sorry, but I won't discuss that with you. If the mods have a problem with it, I will discuss that with them. I will only discuss the thread's subject matter with you.

NYCBruin · August 2013

What is going on? My head hurts.

Jen4948 we don't have mods anymore. TK got rid of them months ago.

And do you really have "discussions" with KP offline?

And what the hell do you think is the thread's subject, this thing has more tangents (many of which are yours) than it has posts about the actual question.

Jen4948 · August 2013

NYCBruin said:

What is going on? My head hurts.

Jen4948 we don't have mods anymore. TK got rid of them months ago.

And do you really have "discussions" with KP offline?

And what the hell do you think is the thread's subject, this thing has more tangents (many of which are yours) than it has posts about the actual question.

What the thread is "the hell" about: The OP is asking everyone if they invited kids and if they think kids should be invited to the reception. And my answer is "it depends."

Whether or not I have discussions with anyone offline concerns only me. I'm certainly not going to tell you.

NYCBruin · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

NYCBruin said:

What is going on? My head hurts.

Jen4948 we don't have mods anymore. TK got rid of them months ago.

And do you really have "discussions" with KP offline?

And what the hell do you think is the thread's subject, this thing has more tangents (many of which are yours) than it has posts about the actual question.

What the thread is "the hell" about: The OP is asking everyone if they invited kids and if they think kids should be invited to the reception. And my answer is "it depends."

Whether or not I have discussions with anyone offline concerns only me. I'm certainly not going to tell you.

Hahahahahahaha.

If I was better with graphic design I would make you a "Jen4948 for Mod" pic that you could use as your siggy, it would save you a lot of posting time kissing up to the KGs and lecturing people about what you think the TOS say.

Jen4948 · August 2013

NYCBruin said:

Jen4948 said:

NYCBruin said:

What is going on? My head hurts.

Jen4948 we don't have mods anymore. TK got rid of them months ago.

And do you really have "discussions" with KP offline?

And what the hell do you think is the thread's subject, this thing has more tangents (many of which are yours) than it has posts about the actual question.

What the thread is "the hell" about: The OP is asking everyone if they invited kids and if they think kids should be invited to the reception. And my answer is "it depends."

Whether or not I have discussions with anyone offline concerns only me. I'm certainly not going to tell you.

Hahahahahahaha.

If I was better with graphic design I would make you a "Jen4948 for Mod" pic that you could use as your siggy, it would save you a lot of posting time kissing up to the KGs and lecturing people about what you think the TOS say.

Am I supposed to care about that?

I'm going to let this thread go back to the subject matter now as per the OP, so ta-ta...

LDubHawksFan · August 2013

Wow that got heated! Jen you are obviously talking about some specific child that you don't want to invite. You could not invite both of their kids. I actually agree with you that it is decision of the host to decide who gets invited, but I still think its rude to split up families and I do know some parents that would take offense (panties in a wad, I suppose) if you only invited half of their family. The whole point of this discussion was to get other perspectives. I really didn't mean for this discussion to get so far off base, although op asked several questions all at once so maybe it was bound to happen. Good luck to Jen and op.

ashleyep · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

Not only that, but if I've decided not to invite kids who are out of control and whose parents won't control them, it's after seeing this in person on multiple occasions, and knowing that if those kids are allowed loose they will go on a tear that has the potential to cause serious harm to my guests, whose well-being I do care about, and damage to the venue, which I have to pay for. I don't, as you've pointed out, give a fucking damn whose position it is how these children should be treated, because the parents don't give a fucking damn about anything but themselves-not even about their children. Whether or not their feelings are hurt are the fucking least of my problems at that point.

-----

Couldn't you make the same argument for not inviting someone's douchey boyfriend? Isn't splitting up a family similar (also a social unit) to splitting up a couple? I'm not saying you have to inviting your guest's kids, obviously you don't, and I don't even really have a problem with only inviting nursing children and excluding others within a famile. However, no one would get away here with justifying splitting up a couple by saying "I don't give a damn what they think" the way you're justifying splitting up a family. If you hate those parents that much, why are you even inviting them?

KickAssMOH · August 2013

To the OP - I was in a similar quandry (wouldn't have minded the well-behaved 8, 10, and 12 yo children of my cousin...but did not want the toddler of my other cousin to attend) and we decided that it was best to do a totally kid-free wedding. We thought it would be offensive to set a cut-off age that would result in one cousin unable to bring her kids and the other cousin (her sister) with all of her kids in tow. While it wasn't technically "splitting up a family" it felt wrong in our particular situation.

We are happy we went with a "no kids whatsoever" policy. Now we have zero explaining to do to the parents.

simplykayla · August 2013

We will be having kids at our wedding. (Assuming all guests RSVP yes) we will have 4 kids under the age of 18, 9 kids under the age of 10, and two babies less than a year old. All the children are either our own (we have two), cousins or siblings. For us, it didn't make any sense to not invite children to the wedding. Most of our guests are OOT anyway, and we knew that would be easiest for them as we wanted everyone to be able to attend.
I'll be (hopefully) making some kids bags for the youngest ones with toys, coloring, etc. to keep them occupied during the wedding.
So far everyone is very relieved that we are allowing children. My mom's whole side of the family was recently invited to a cousin's wedding where no kids were allowed. The problem with this was that any babysitters they had were family invited to the wedding. They were all prepared to not attend (4 families), until my grandparents offered to stay home with all of the children. (Part of the issue here was that said cousin sent out invites way late, only about four weeks before the wedding, and only gave everyone a few days to respond. They just couldn't pull a babysitter together that quickly).

It really just depends on you, your circle, and the type of wedding you want. As long as you allow plenty of time for parents to find care for their kiddos, you're fine.

OjitosVerdes · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

lwoehlk said:

Well if you don't trust any parents to so their job, then don't have any kids at all. A toddlers or 10 year old's parent is responsible to take care of their children, be it crying or acting out. I have seen plenty of 10 year olds throw fits so you you simply cannot have the blanket assumption that babies are the only children that will cause some sort of disruption. I firmly disagree with your thoughts on splitting up families.
Then let's agree to disagree, shall we?

Some parents are good about taking care of their kids, some are not.

And I find the "not splitting up families" argument to be total fucking bullshit when it comes to families with really rambunctious, misbehaving kids kids-regardless of how old they are, and how well or badly their parents take care of them.

If I don't want them to come, but I do want other kids who are well-behaved, then you know what? I don't give a fucking damn whose feelings are hurt by the badly-behaved kids of any age not being invited, whether or not their siblings are, because they and their parents have demonstrated a total lack of respect for the feelings and needs of the hosts, the venue, and the others present. Nor will I refuse to invite anyone else's kids just because those kids aren't invited. The consequences of bad behavior are that those kids don't get rewarded with future invitations.

** Sure lets agree to disagree, but since you followed that by more discussion, as will I. I feel like a family with multiple kids is a social unit and they (including any of the kids) shouldn't be split up. I agree with kmmssg that you should make the choice not to include that family or all kids (not inviting any kids) in that case. I get that you take the position of not rewarding bad behavior and I would usually agree and think a lot of problems have come in this generation from this idea that everyone needs to be included and get a trophy, but I also recognize that there could be implications for splitting up kids and the "good" one getting to go to a fancy event and the "bad" one gets squat. It is truly up to the parents to grow their children into mature, well behaved adults, and while there are many that may not do a good job, I don't think it's your position to draw the lines and discipline within that family unit by splitting them up. That is only my opinion and you've made it clear that you don't give an f'ing damn if your position hurts the parent's or children's feelings. At least op has several positions to consider. Agree to disagree. Edit: sorry I lost the boxes in my attempt to shorten the history of this discussion. Drives me nuts on my mobile when long threads happen.

Clarification: You know, most parents don't get their panties in a wad if it turns out their 10 year old can come but their 2 year old or younger can't-especially when told that it's 10 or older.

Not only that, but if I've decided not to invite kids who are out of control and whose parents won't control them, it's after seeing this in person on multiple occasions, and knowing that if those kids are allowed loose they will go on a tear that has the potential to cause serious harm to my guests, whose well-being I do care about, and damage to the venue, which I have to pay for. I don't, as you've pointed out, give a fucking damn whose position it is how these children should be treated, because the parents don't give a fucking damn about anything but themselves-not even about their children. Whether or not their feelings are hurt are the fucking least of my problems at that point.

Well this all escalated quickly. This thread is making my eyes/head spin so forgive me if someone has already pointed this out, but regarding the bolded -

The OP mentioned that almost all the parents on her invite list were OOT, making splitting up the families or not a moot point. I might consider an argument for age cutoffs if the parents are local, but asking them to leave little 9 month old Johnny at home in another city/state but 8 year old Susie can some just doesn't seem reasonable.

ETS after my eyes could focus again: To the second bolded .... judge-y pants much? I grew up with two cousins that my parents adopted who had pretty severe behavioral problems for a while due to their mother's drug abuse while she was pregnant and sexual abuse while they were young. Those problems persisted for years after they had been adopted, and they certainly weren't due to my "parents not giving a fucking damn" about them. I'm the first to agree that there are some awful, entitled parents out there that raise little monsters, but behavioral problems can have many roots. The difference may be that my parents happily left us all home for most weddings when we were young.

I also agree with the OP that pointed out that you obviously have a huge problem with a specific family, and appear to loathe the parents. Then why invite any of them?

And lastly - I also agree with the OP that splitting up kids is no different than excluding a douchey boyfriend of a bridesmaid.

tigersgirlgv · August 2013

MuppetOverlord said:

MrsRadke said:

1. Are you having kids at the reception? 2. If not, what is your cut off age? Are you providing a sitter? 3. If yes, Are you provinding child activities? 4. What has the response been like? Are people pissed? We are undecided. Personally, I don't want toddlers and babies running around. Above 10 or 12 and I would be fine. I have about 10 cousins, he has 1, and we have 2 friends' children that would be out. It isn't a cost issue (our venue offers kids meals at a reduced price and we have room in the budget) but its more of an atmosphere thing. Our reception is at a hotel, so a sitter is feasible, and almost all parents are out of towers. If you have kids, I would GREATLY appreciate your input.

I hate having a bunch of kids at weddings. My experience is that the parents stop paying attention because they feel like there's enough people to watch them...or they think the running around and tantrums are cute and ignore them. Weddings I've been to with kids have quickly become a circus. The last one I went to had a kid put his whole hand right into the cake and grabbed frosting.
I am only having the flower girl and ring bearer at my wedding. If anyone was breastfeeding, I would have made an exception. The response from guests has been that people got babysitters and one person asked my FMIL if her daughter can come and declined because she can't. We don't like that person, it was a courtesy invite for FMIL...so we are unaffected.
I host A LOT of parties and BBQs etc...at my home and kids come. I always have something for those kids to do. I find that the best activities allow them to be creative. I'm a Discovery Toys distributor so I have a ton of toys and I just pull them out.
Things like the Playful Patterns set are really cool because they can occupy a lot of kids at once:
Also, coloring books and things are good.

Nothing to add about kids, but just had to say I had this playful patterns set as a kid

It was lots of fun for my sisters and I.

Jen4948 · August 2013

lwoehlk said:

Wow that got heated! Jen you are obviously talking about some specific child that you don't want to invite. You could not invite both of their kids. I actually agree with you that it is decision of the host to decide who gets invited, but I still think its rude to split up families and I do know some parents that would take offense (panties in a wad, I suppose) if you only invited half of their family. The whole point of this discussion was to get other perspectives. I really didn't mean for this discussion to get so far off base, although op asked several questions all at once so maybe it was bound to happen. Good luck to Jen and op.

No, actually I wasn't. That said, I have known, and babysat, kids who did misbehave and refused to accept the rules and discipline of the occasion, and if it were up to me, I wouldn't invite them because I think it would be at too great a risk to the property and safety of other guests.

And kids are not social units with their parents or each other, so it is not rude per etiquette to split up families when the kids are far apart in age and/or the one(s) not invited can't/won't control their behavior. If they can't be counted on to behave themselves, and their parents can't be counted on to keep them under control, then I'm sorry, but whether they have "hurt feelings" about not being invited is, I think, going to be low on the couple's list of priorities. Much higher up would be protecting their guests from physical injury and the venue from damage caused by unruly kids.

Simply Fated · August 2013

I do not think of siblings as social units the same way I think of significant others as social units. Siblings as social units just isn't logical.

Jbirdd38 · August 2013

I think of a typical wedding reception as an adult event. It's romantic, intimate, and involves drinking. Personally, I don't want children at my wedding. I want our friends that have children to come, have a great time, and stay awhile. I know that if they bring their kids, they'll be busy with them all evening and then go home early. I've heard many people say that kids at a wedding is tacky. However, I totally understand how others may feel a wedding isn't a wedding without kids. I don't think you can go wrong, and I try to remember that our guests are invited to our wedding. They are not obligated to attend if it doesn't work for them. Our friends with children definitely understand why we aren't invited kids, and they are not offended. In fact, some have even said they are looking forward to a night out without them. Additionally, many of our friends with kids had no children at their own weddings too-- they get it.

WildMagelet · August 2013

1. Are you having kids at the reception?
2. If not, what is your cut off age? Are you providing a sitter?
3. If yes, Are you provinding child activities?
4. What has the response been like? Are people pissed?

1. Yes

2. Cut-off ages split up families. If you're wanting to limit kids you should consider inviting in circles. 2b. Parents don't like leaving their kids with strangers. If I were going to I would be more inclined to hire a teenage family member to offer to play with the kids at the reception instead so they can still be near their families.

3. Possible. My cousin did a basket of coloring books, cars, slinkies, and basic card games that got taken around to the small kids at her reception. It was a big hit with the kids at our table.

4. No, but as a guest - I may decline an OOT wedding where I couldn't bring my kids. I am not a fan of leaving my children with random strangers.

SingleMom31 · August 2013

To the OP - We're getting married in a couple weeks and have an 8 month old.

We're having a small wedding, and there were only two families with kids. I invited both, but made sure to tell both families that its in a restaurant where there won't be room to have them run around, won't have children's activities, etc. One is coming, the other isn't. As a mom, I'd appreciate the honesty - "Cousin Sally, it's going to be somewhere that Little Johnny would need to sit at a table for an evening and there won't be a dance floor or any place to run around." It might cause me to make a different choice.

I don't like age cutoffs. My 8 month old behaves better in restaurants than my step sister's 5 year old - not because of an age difference, but bc of a parenting difference. We always bring an extra bottle, appropriate toys, baby puffs to snack on, etc.and if she fusses, one of is takes her out. Step sister ignores her kid, who is running all over, tripping up wait staff, etc.

One thing that I was very thankful for as a new mom is that most people knew that I was exclusively breast feeding (EBF) and everyone invited our infant with us places. Before I did it, I had no idea how hard EBF was or how much of a commitment it is. Our daughter fed every 2 hours (sometimes 3) at the beginning. If I needed to miss a feeding, I needed to pump after every feeding for a day or two before (generally getting a half ounce at a time) to get a 2-3 oz bottle to leave with someone. Plus, if you're out when you'd otherwise feed, it gets fairly uncomfortable since you're full. I would usually take my pump with me and find a quiet place to pump while I was out. In the case of a wedding, we'd have had to decline since logistically, it would have been very hard to leave her with someone for that long. If you have any EBF moms that are "must be there" guests, consider an exception for the infants. As a side note, they're usually quiet since you can let them nurse through the ceremony and a nursing baby is a quiet baby.

niki&rob · August 2013

Jen4948 said:

lwoehlk said:

Wow that got heated! Jen you are obviously talking about some specific child that you don't want to invite. You could not invite both of their kids. I actually agree with you that it is decision of the host to decide who gets invited, but I still think its rude to split up families and I do know some parents that would take offense (panties in a wad, I suppose) if you only invited half of their family. The whole point of this discussion was to get other perspectives. I really didn't mean for this discussion to get so far off base, although op asked several questions all at once so maybe it was bound to happen. Good luck to Jen and op.

No, actually I wasn't. That said, I have known, and babysat, kids who did misbehave and refused to accept the rules and discipline of the occasion, and if it were up to me, I wouldn't invite them because I think it would be at too great a risk to the property and safety of other guests.

And kids are not social units with their parents or each other, so it is not rude per etiquette to split up families when the kids are far apart in age and/or the one(s) not invited can't/won't control their behavior. If they can't be counted on to behave themselves, and their parents can't be counted on to keep them under control, then I'm sorry, but whether they have "hurt feelings" about not being invited is, I think, going to be low on the couple's list of priorities. Much higher up would be protecting their guests from physical injury and the venue from damage caused by unruly kids.

Oh Jenn you don't have a clue!

A house may fall on your head for all the stupid, ridiculous, immature and bitchy comments you have made. Grow up, your tempting fate sister. If i were to meet you in person i would probably do something out of my character.

Jen4948 · August 2013

niki&rob said:

Jen4948 said:

lwoehlk said:

Wow that got heated! Jen you are obviously talking about some specific child that you don't want to invite. You could not invite both of their kids. I actually agree with you that it is decision of the host to decide who gets invited, but I still think its rude to split up families and I do know some parents that would take offense (panties in a wad, I suppose) if you only invited half of their family. The whole point of this discussion was to get other perspectives. I really didn't mean for this discussion to get so far off base, although op asked several questions all at once so maybe it was bound to happen. Good luck to Jen and op.

No, actually I wasn't. That said, I have known, and babysat, kids who did misbehave and refused to accept the rules and discipline of the occasion, and if it were up to me, I wouldn't invite them because I think it would be at too great a risk to the property and safety of other guests.

And kids are not social units with their parents or each other, so it is not rude per etiquette to split up families when the kids are far apart in age and/or the one(s) not invited can't/won't control their behavior. If they can't be counted on to behave themselves, and their parents can't be counted on to keep them under control, then I'm sorry, but whether they have "hurt feelings" about not being invited is, I think, going to be low on the couple's list of priorities. Much higher up would be protecting their guests from physical injury and the venue from damage caused by unruly kids.

Oh Jenn you don't have a clue!
A house may fall on your head for all the stupid, ridiculous, immature and bitchy comments you have made. Grow up, your tempting fate sister. If i were to meet you in person i would probably do something out of my character.

Until you do the same you are in no position to tell anyone else to do so.

niki&rob · August 2013

hahaaha Jenn you you have the best come backs. Hmm get some life experience, move out of your parents house and turn 18 years old before you respond to a grown up problem. You are very inconsiderate, if you have friends, i would be surprised. By the way, you highlighted my comment " your tempting fate sister". let me explain to you what i meant, since you didn't understand. Being self righteous, as you are. The more you think other peoples children are bad, once you have kids, whoa sister your gonna be in trouble. karma is a bitch, your kids will be more out of control than anyone else's. Hopefully you do not reproduce though, the world doesn't more people like you.

niki&rob · August 2013

Jenn, i forgot to add.... I think it is so amazing that you have gained so many "love it" points. You must live such a fufilling life. to have your ass stuck to a chair commenting on other peoples problems must take up so much time. How do you keep a social life?

Kids at the reception...give me your opinions.

Re: Kids at the reception...give me your opinions.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards