Non traditional- Non diamond engagement rings?

Swazzle · August 2013

I wanted to be a nun when I grew up.

True story.

GoldenPenguin · August 2013

wazzle said:

I wanted to be a nun when I grew up.

True story.

buddysmom80 · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

buddysmom80 said:

aliciaharrison said:

buddysmom80 said:

aliciaharrison said:

@buddymoms80 The ring was bought as a promise ring. I'm not complaining one bit about not being engaged. I riff with my boyfriend a lot about how I want to get engaged and have my engagement ring, but at the same time, I know there is much we need to work on and we can't afford to get married at this point in our lives. With the down payment he's putting down on the condo, as well as all other fees associated with it, he can't afford to get me an engagement ring.

It all boils down to what I want compared to what is needed at the moment. Do I need to get married sooner rather than later? No, but I want to. But we also have seen first hand what happens to some couples who get married young. We don't want that to happen to us.

Why do you need a ring to symbolize that though? I guess that's what I can't wrap my head around. It's like you need an actual something to say "SEE! YOU PROMISED ME THIS!!!!" which I think is silly. Like I said in a prior post, my BF and I talked things out, came up with a timeline and that's it. There was no ring or piece of jewelry. We were on the same page about where we wanted to be in life.
I guess because we both come from some very traditional families even though some of the things we do or plan to do aren't traditional. I like the idea of a promise ring but it doesn't have to be seen as a promise to get married. We both look at it as both a promise to get married one day and as a symbol of our love for each other.

I had a timeline as well but it didn't work out because things just don't work out the way you want them sometimes. I wanted to be engaged by 25, married by 27, and have at least one kid by the time I'm 30. My 25th birthday is in October and I won't be moving in with my boyfriend until at least December.

Like I said, we both come from traditional families. Hell maybe a month ago, my mother told me that she and my father weren't really expecting to get engaged or even married,. Just that my father proposed to her one day out of the blue and that was that.

I come from a traditional family as well, but I don't have a promise ring. My BF is mature enough to tell my dad (who's the traditional one, he went crazy when we moved in together) that he promises to marry me soon. My dad didn't ask "so, is there a promise ring?" because like what @brisox81 said, I'm not 16.

And I'm not talking about your own timeline, a timeline as a couple ie: we should get engaged by X, married by X, etc.
My parents could care less about the fact that he gave me a promise ring. They know he will marry me one day and they are happy he is in my life. His family is a bit more traditional than mine but either way, they didn't care he gave me a promise ring.

Neither one of us expected the other give each other promise rings. We just did.

You say your parents don't care, but use the excuse of coming from a traditional family to justify the need for a promise ring.

Just admit it, it's a pacifier for the real deal.

GoldenPenguin · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

My parents could care less about the fact that he gave me a promise ring. They know he will marry me one day and they are happy he is in my life. His family is a bit more traditional than mine but either way, they didn't care he gave me a promise ring.

Neither one of us expected the other give each other promise rings. We just did.

*couldn't

If they could care less, they would.

phira · August 2013

Swazzle said:

I wanted to be a nun when I grew up.

True story.

I wanted to be a farmer's wife. Not a farmer--a farmer's wife.

Swazzle · August 2013

@phira - Bahahaha so glamorous!

buddysmom80 · August 2013

@aliciaharrison my BF's mom has a ton of health issues and relies on us to get around to her numerous doctor's appointments. Still, it has not caused our timeline to change. I know it sucks going through that, but it doesn't answer the question at hand:

what is the point of the ring itself?????

GoldenPenguin · August 2013

@phira I was trying to find a funny gif for you too, but there is a huge void of farmer gifs on the internet. I'm disappointed in myself.

Swazzle · August 2013

buddysmom80 · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

buddysmom80 said:

@aliciaharrison my BF's mom has a ton of health issues and relies on us to get around to her numerous doctor's appointments. Still, it has not caused our timeline to change. I know it sucks going through that, but it doesn't answer the question at hand:

what is the point of the ring itself?????
As a symbol of our love for each other and as promise we will get married one day.

And I'm glad that your situation is different than mine. But that is not the case for my BF. As I have stated, the poor guy has been taking care of his parents since he was 7. He's now 29, which means he has spent the last 22 years taking care of his parents.

No, actually my BF is in the same situation. He has taken care of his mother his whole life, and it hasn't changed our decisions on what we want to do with OUR future. You don't let family dictate how you're going to spend your life.

So if I don't have a promise ring, are you saying that there is no commitment between myself and my BF because I would totally beg to differ.

Blackbird230 · August 2013

@buddysmom80, i think you're missing the point a bit. Although in society, promise rings kind of get a bad wrap as a "pre-engagement" or "place holder." Really I think what @aliciaharrison and I (since I have one too) are trying to get across is that it's just a symbol of our love. All rings don't have to have a wedding meaning. My BF gave it to me because he thought it was pretty and he knew I liked it. It just happened to also come across that he loves me very much and we see a future together.

buddysmom80 · August 2013

@buddysmom80, i think you're missing the point a bit. Although in society, promise rings kind of get a bad wrap as a "pre-engagement" or "place holder." Really I think what @aliciaharrison and I (since I have one too) are trying to get across is that it's just a symbol of our love. All rings don't have to have a wedding meaning. My BF gave it to me because he thought it was pretty and he knew I liked it. It just happened to also come across that he loves me very much and we see a future together.

No, I'm not missing the point at all. I think you guys are missing the point that promise rings are somewhat juvenille. If my boyfriend gave me a ring and told me "oh it's a promise ring" I would tell him to return it. I don't need a piece of jewelry to symbolize our "commitment to being engaged someday". We communicate that through talking to each other, not buying jewelry.

GoldenPenguin · August 2013

Kait said:

@buddysmom80, i think you're missing the point a bit. Although in society, promise rings kind of get a bad wrap as a "pre-engagement" or "place holder." Really I think what @aliciaharrison and I (since I have one too) are trying to get across is that it's just a symbol of our love. All rings don't have to have a wedding meaning. My BF gave it to me because he thought it was pretty and he knew I liked it. It just happened to also come across that he loves me very much and we see a future together.

The point is that "promise rings" are for 17-year-old high schoolers who say they're going to be 2gether 4-eva! In a mature, ADULT relationship, you talk about a commitment, and then, if it's the intention, you get engaged and then married.

If your boyfriend gets you a present, and it's a ring that's not an engagement ring, it doesn't have to mean anything more than... it's a present. Just because it's a RING doesn't mean it has to symbolize anything more. If it was a necklace, would it be a "promise necklace?" No, it would be a necklace. Calling it a "promise ring" makes you sound like an immature teenager. THAT is the point.

buddysmom80 · August 2013

Okay so for all your promise ring fans, here's a question for you. To me, an engagement ring is a promise to get married soon. Soooo, what's a promise ring then? A promise to be engaged?

I'm going to be honest here, it's 1) really immature and b) a legit placeholder/pacifier for the real deal and III) A way for 16 year old dudes to get laid.

GoldenPenguin · August 2013

buddysmom80 said:

Okay so for all your promise ring fans, here's a question for you. To me, an engagement ring is a promise to get married soon. Soooo, what's a promise ring then? A promise to be engaged?

I'm going to be honest here, it's 1) really immature and b) a legit placeholder/pacifier for the real deal and III) A way for 16 year old dudes to get laid.

I promise to maybe think about wanting to marry you someday!

SQUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

[Deleted User] · August 2013

buddysmom80 said:

Okay so for all your promise ring fans, here's a question for you. To me, an engagement ring is a promise to get married soon. Soooo, what's a promise ring then? A promise to be engaged?

I'm going to be honest here, it's 1) really immature and b) a legit placeholder/pacifier for the real deal and III) A way for 16 year old dudes to get laid.

This is exactly what I think! What is a promise ring? I thought an engagement ring is a symbol of the couple making a promise of getting married as well. Do we need physical objects (like promise rings) to show others and ourselves that we "in love"?? I don't think so! Words and expression mean so much more than a ring.

GoldenPenguin · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

BriSox81 said:

Kait said:

@buddysmom80, i think you're missing the point a bit. Although in society, promise rings kind of get a bad wrap as a "pre-engagement" or "place holder." Really I think what @aliciaharrison and I (since I have one too) are trying to get across is that it's just a symbol of our love. All rings don't have to have a wedding meaning. My BF gave it to me because he thought it was pretty and he knew I liked it. It just happened to also come across that he loves me very much and we see a future together.

The point is that "promise rings" are for 17-year-old high schoolers who say they're going to be 2gether 4-eva! In a mature, ADULT relationship, you talk about a commitment, and then, if it's the intention, you get engaged and then married.

If your boyfriend gets you a present, and it's a ring that's not an engagement ring, it doesn't have to mean anything more than... it's a present. Just because it's a RING doesn't mean it has to symbolize anything more. If it was a necklace, would it be a "promise necklace?" No, it would be a necklace. Calling it a "promise ring" makes you sound like an immature teenager. THAT is the point.

Really because my BF and I both know people who are around his age, 29, who have given promise rings to their SO. I think everybody has their own opinion on the matter. I have never had anyone call me a teenager for the fact that I have a promise ring from my BF.

I think it means something different to everyone. I think it's a sweet gesture to have. My BF is the only guy I have been with that has gotten me any kind of jewelry as a gift.

If I was 29, in a long-term relationship, and my boyfriend gave me a FUCKING PROMISE RING, I would cutabitch. WHY in the WORLD would you give someone a "promise ring" at 29 fucking years old. If you're "promising" to marry them - GET A FUCKING ENGAGEMENT RING.

buddysmom80 · August 2013

southernpeach89 said:

buddysmom80 said:

Okay so for all your promise ring fans, here's a question for you. To me, an engagement ring is a promise to get married soon. Soooo, what's a promise ring then? A promise to be engaged?

I'm going to be honest here, it's 1) really immature and b) a legit placeholder/pacifier for the real deal and III) A way for 16 year old dudes to get laid.
This is exactly what I think! What is a promise ring? I thought an engagement ring is a symbol of the couple making a promise of getting married as well. Do we need physical objects (like promise rings) to show others and ourselves that we "in love"?? I don't think so! Words and expression mean so much more than a ring.

Well apparently to some people we do need physical objects. Therefore, you totally get an engagement/wedding planning do-over!

I just think it comes off as immature, especially when we're all women here.

phira · August 2013

I think we can have our own opinions on promise rings without giving @aliciaharrison shit about having one and not getting upset with her boyfriend that it wasn't an engagement ring.

Also, closest I can get to "farmer's wife:"

buddysmom80 · August 2013

BriSox81 said:

aliciaharrison said:

BriSox81 said:

Kait said:

@buddysmom80, i think you're missing the point a bit. Although in society, promise rings kind of get a bad wrap as a "pre-engagement" or "place holder." Really I think what @aliciaharrison and I (since I have one too) are trying to get across is that it's just a symbol of our love. All rings don't have to have a wedding meaning. My BF gave it to me because he thought it was pretty and he knew I liked it. It just happened to also come across that he loves me very much and we see a future together.
The point is that "promise rings" are for 17-year-old high schoolers who say they're going to be 2gether 4-eva! In a mature, ADULT relationship, you talk about a commitment, and then, if it's the intention, you get engaged and then married.

If your boyfriend gets you a present, and it's a ring that's not an engagement ring, it doesn't have to mean anything more than... it's a present. Just because it's a RING doesn't mean it has to symbolize anything more. If it was a necklace, would it be a "promise necklace?" No, it would be a necklace. Calling it a "promise ring" makes you sound like an immature teenager. THAT is the point.
Really because my BF and I both know people who are around his age, 29, who have given promise rings to their SO. I think everybody has their own opinion on the matter. I have never had anyone call me a teenager for the fact that I have a promise ring from my BF.

I think it means something different to everyone. I think it's a sweet gesture to have. My BF is the only guy I have been with that has gotten me any kind of jewelry as a gift.
If I was 29, in a long-term relationship, and my boyfriend gave me a FUCKING PROMISE RING, I would cutabitch. WHY in the WORLD would you give someone a "promise ring" at 29 fucking years old. If you're "promising" to marry them - GET A FUCKING ENGAGEMENT RING.

Except my BF wants us to live with each other before he proposes and he can't afford to purchase me an engagement ring as of the moment since he's putting a down payment on a condo and paying all of the fees associated with getting it.

And my promise ring is not a place holder for an engagement nor is it a promise to marry me. It's a symbol of our love and a promise to get engaged when we are ready and can afford to plan a wedding.

Again, it is your opinion. You are entitled to it but don't shit on my views on it.

Once again, it's back to your BF and what he wants to do, but that's a whole different thread...

To the bolded: do you see how juvenille that sounds? Like if you said that to me in person, I would laugh in your face.
ETA: Also you can't tell us where to shit.

buddysmom80 · August 2013

aliciaharrison said:

buddysmom80 said:

BriSox81 said:

aliciaharrison said:

BriSox81 said:

Kait said:

@buddysmom80, i think you're missing the point a bit. Although in society, promise rings kind of get a bad wrap as a "pre-engagement" or "place holder." Really I think what @aliciaharrison and I (since I have one too) are trying to get across is that it's just a symbol of our love. All rings don't have to have a wedding meaning. My BF gave it to me because he thought it was pretty and he knew I liked it. It just happened to also come across that he loves me very much and we see a future together.
The point is that "promise rings" are for 17-year-old high schoolers who say they're going to be 2gether 4-eva! In a mature, ADULT relationship, you talk about a commitment, and then, if it's the intention, you get engaged and then married.

If your boyfriend gets you a present, and it's a ring that's not an engagement ring, it doesn't have to mean anything more than... it's a present. Just because it's a RING doesn't mean it has to symbolize anything more. If it was a necklace, would it be a "promise necklace?" No, it would be a necklace. Calling it a "promise ring" makes you sound like an immature teenager. THAT is the point.
Really because my BF and I both know people who are around his age, 29, who have given promise rings to their SO. I think everybody has their own opinion on the matter. I have never had anyone call me a teenager for the fact that I have a promise ring from my BF.

I think it means something different to everyone. I think it's a sweet gesture to have. My BF is the only guy I have been with that has gotten me any kind of jewelry as a gift.
If I was 29, in a long-term relationship, and my boyfriend gave me a FUCKING PROMISE RING, I would cutabitch. WHY in the WORLD would you give someone a "promise ring" at 29 fucking years old. If you're "promising" to marry them - GET A FUCKING ENGAGEMENT RING.

Except my BF wants us to live with each other before he proposes and he can't afford to purchase me an engagement ring as of the moment since he's putting a down payment on a condo and paying all of the fees associated with getting it.

And my promise ring is not a place holder for an engagement nor is it a promise to marry me. It's a symbol of our love and a promise to get engaged when we are ready and can afford to plan a wedding.

Again, it is your opinion. You are entitled to it but don't shit on my views on it.

Once again, it's back to your BF and what he wants to do, but that's a whole different thread...

To the bolded: do you see how juvenille that sounds? Like if you said that to me in person, I would laugh in your face.
And if I didn't agree with any of his ideas or plans, I wouldn't have agreed to be moving in with him when I do or when he wants to get engaged. I think moving in with each other and living with each other for some time before we get engaged is a smart idea. We have no idea what it would be like sharing that kind of space for an extended period of time.

And I don't care if you think it sounds juvenile. That is again your opinion. I honestly don't believe it to be so.

I think you should re-think this whole promise ring thing when complete strangers thinks it's ridiculous.

Also your logic on this is bad.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

@jeanacorina had a promise ring and no one ever got this excited about it. ETA: I also think @narwhal had one, but I can't remember fo sho.

I never had one, but if my H had given me a "promise ring" I would have worn it, even though it's not necessarily what I would have wanted, because it would have been a gift of love. I wouldn't ask for one, but if my SO gave me a pretty piece of jewelry (even a promise ring), then I'm going to wear that sucker, proudly. not because of what it IS, but because of who it is FROM.

I'm with @phira ... and I also don't think @aliciaharrison needs to feel like she has to defend herself. girl, if you have a promise ring, then you have a promise ring. you don't need to give all the why's and what-for's to explain it.

KeptInStitches · August 2013

I'm not sure to what degree we're separating the promise ring thing from our concerns about @aliciaharrison.

[Deleted User] · August 2013

I'm pro non-traditional engagement rings. Total opposite of my sister who told me it's not an engagement ring unless it has three diamonds (which hers does of course, she said this before her H proposed). Unfortunately BF is in love with the idea of a traditional solitaire so we won't quite me non-traditional as I thought. It will certainly not be white gold with a round or princess cut though (which are still gorgeous, but not us at all). I may suggest moissanite because I hate how much solitaire diamonds cost. Btw, morganite in rose gold is gorgeous. Moissanite is a great option if you can't handle jumping far from "tradition" like my BF. The tradition of engagement rings, particularly diamonds as the centre stone is a tradition less than a hundred years ago. Diamond companies made all the hype, and they succeeded,

[Deleted User] · August 2013

I'm also on the morganite + rose gold train. GORGEOUS.

CASK85 · August 2013

Getting back to the original point of this thread - I have a sapphire engagement ring that is pretty damn gorgeous. OP, if that is what you like then be sure to talk to your boyfriend about it.

Swazzle · August 2013

I think the thing for me is, if it's just a nice piece of jewelry from your (general 'your') BF then why does it need to be labeled as something more? It seems like calling it a "promise ring" is just making more out of a gift than it really is to validate something that really doesn't even need validation. It's a nice piece of jewelry from your BF who loves you. End of story. And so that's what I don't understand.

Bri's analogy that if it were a necklace instead of a ring, you wouldn't call it a "promise necklace" is spot on IMO.

psychbabe314 · August 2013

Hummingbird125 said:

Personally, I want a moissanite ring. I love how sparkly they are and I like that they're nearly as hard as diamonds. I made sure BF knew this by sending him three of my top choices - all moissanite - when he asked me for ideas, and I'm sure he was pleasantly surprised at the prices. For some crazy reason, he was under the impression that engagement rings should cost around 10k. Thank god I was able to correct him!!!

Wow! My friend had the same issue with her BF. He wanted 12K for an engagement ring and then she clarified. She was astounded, but they set a limit that made both him and her happy/comfortable.

As for the promise ring argument, to each their own.

My engagement ring will have a small diamond in it. Originally it was not going to. But, then my BF's mom said that she would be honored if he would use a diamond from a pair of earrings she has to put into an engagement ring (one for him and one for his twin brother). I almost started crying when BF told me about it. I am so honored that his mother approves and likes me enough to provide something like that. I'm super excited!

psychbabe314 · August 2013

@aliciaharrison That is is cool! You should probably get that stone fixed ;-)

OnceUponAVine · September 2013

My sister's engagement ring is absolutely gorgeous - its a large oval garnet surrounded my small diamonds on a plain gold band. (Think Kate Middleton's ring with a dark red center stone). I love my sister's ring but I'm a diamond kinda girl.

Non traditional- Non diamond engagement rings?

Re: Non traditional- Non diamond engagement rings?

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