Let me preface with this is an opinion post. I know there is no such thing as "Bridal Rights", and feel free to call me a whatever-zilla, control freak, type-A, etc etc. I've been called worse and probably before breakfast. It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of engagement and wedding planning. Some of us get more caught up than others. I'm in that 'some of us' category. A firm believer in the motto "when you fail to prepare, you're preparing to fail", I spend most of my days negotiating with Murphy's Law. After spending my first 24 years letting life happen to me (and feeling unfulfilled), I started to make an effort to produce the life I wanted. It's been fantastic!
Now for my first invented Bridal Right, "I can let responsible guests bring a date of their choice, and tell an irresponsible guest that they have a more limited selection". Because it's about the wedding of two people in love who are paying for this huge ****ing party, to celebrate their love! It isn't about a former best friend who's suddenly turned "fair weather" because she's started dating some ***hole, who nobody (NOBODY) likes. When asking how her weekend was it shouldn't be responded to with "oh I was screaming in the back of a van down the interstate because he thought it was funny to open the sliding door repeatedly while we weren't wearing seat belts and the driver was going 80mph". Followed by "I punched him in the face and when we got home he locked me out while having a hot tub party so I ran around back and jumped in with my clothes on, all in between phone calls from his ex".
I'm sorry, but if you have a friend who is lost and gets defensive if you bring it up, then you have the right to say, "I'm sorry, I really care about you, but the relationship you're in makes you behave differently than you used to, and I appreciate your understanding that I don't want to risk conflict or distraction on a very special day to me."
The Second Bridal Right should be, "It's okay to talk about your wedding to your single friends, friends with children, busy friends, family, strangers, etc.". I'm blessed to have a great team of family, friends, clients, and coworkers to bounce ideas off of and share this experience with. There are so many posts on here of brides just looking for that kind of team, or a pick me up, validation, you name it. And these brides get a list of "Too Bad" or "You have to ----- or you'll be rude!" or my least favorite "it sounds like you don't realize they have a life too". Yes some brides are over the top with things they need their party to do, but most of the brides I've read simply want the kind of friendship they had before they were engaged and written off. Bridal Doppler Radar has picked up a major case of fair weather winds shifting towards anyone with a ring. I support those brides who are just excited and searching for advice and comfort from the people who used to provide it when asking for reassurance on a date, a test, shoes... Why should a wedding be any different? Friends should be friends! And maybe say "I'm getting a little overwhelmed hearing about this wedding, I can't imagine how you must feel. Let's take a break and catch a movie".
A good third Bridal Right, "You don't have to have an all ages wedding". I have severe attention deficit (which I am treated for professionally), and some distractions really overwhelm me. So if I want to be fully present in the once in a lifetime moment while saying my vows, then maybe I need to set aside someone's feelings for them and request they leave their little screaming teether at home. Does Rosemary's baby belong in a church? Probably more than some of us, but that can be a different service and for a different occasion. If you don't like it, don't come. We need all of the parking we can get and it will save us on alcohol. Some parents however, will really appreciate an opportunity to have a grown up night out while in-laws or neighbors babysit. As we all know, this ish gets expensive, and if weddings were intended to be more kid friendly, the invitations would request that you and your baby farm celebrate the nuptials of so and so at Chuckie Cheese.
Let's shoot for Bridal Right number four, and see how divided we can make brides everywhere. "If it isn't in the budget, and wasn't on the wish list of THE BRIDE AND GROOM, then don't squeeze in a cocktail hour because you have to entertain guests from out of town between the ceremony and reception" Or any other variety of going broke out of politeness. We aren't doing a cocktail hour because we want to be able to afford a mortgage and that was one of the cuts we made to make our celebration more affordable. So if guests need to have a second lunch or a pre-dinner drink, we will have a list of recommended bars and restaurants in the area.
Because at the end of the day, no matter who says what, you go home to your husband or wife, not Aunt Pam or Uncle Jack, a former friend, or long lost cousin. Anyone who gets so flustered that they decline to attend, probably wasn't the best person to have there anyway. Your wedding is about you, your fiancé and whoever else you both want to make it about. Why would you want to celebrate with someone who would rather impose on your Wedding Day, than who would be excited to observe reasonable requests? At their wedding, they can have screaming babies, domestic disputing couples, heavy drinkers, and fair weather friends.