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I'm not going to sacrifice my experience for the sake of being "polite". #BridalRights!

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Re: I'm not going to sacrifice my experience for the sake of being "polite". #BridalRights!

  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    What is this even about? Yikes. Absolute train wreck.
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  • JaneAustensGhostJaneAustensGhost member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper First Answer
    Why would anyone need you to tell them what they can and can't do?   You're a tool. 
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  • aRachel21aRachel21 member
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    RebeccaB88 said:

    I'm not sure your ADD is as well treated as you think it is.


    Lol.

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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
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    OP, if you want to have a conversation about the reasons behind certain etiquette rules, stick around. Many of us find that stuff fascinating. But barging in with attitude and bragging about breaking them? Not so much. Good luck; you're going to need it to rebuild your relationships later.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    *sigh*
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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I think the PP have covered the points of your OP pretty thoroughly.  

    In response to your reply, hosting your own shower or party is AW and gift grabby.  Your BP shouldn't feel like "slaves" at these parties because they should be volunteering if they choose to throw one for you in the first place.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • CheleLynCheleLyn member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    simplykayla said:
    Holy hell. Please do not start complaining that you have "only" $30,000 for your wedding, and "only" $1000 for your dress, so you can't afford to host your guests properly. Budget is never, ever an excuse to be rude to your guests.
    You host the wedding that you can afford, and part of being a good host is doing everything you can to not be rude to your guests and to ensure their comfort. If that means you have to cut money from stuff that YOU want, too bad.

    Our budget is $5,000. I spent $200 on my dress. The majority of our budget is going to food and drinks and things to make our guests as comfortable as possible.

    I decided that we will do pictures between the ceremony and reception, so I cut our budget in decor and other unimportant things so that we could afford to properly host our guests with appetizers during this time, because an unhosted gap is RUDE. 

    edit: Paragraphs.
    This is us, too. I was thinking "ONLY $30,000"? Seriously, one CAN have a fabulous wedding on less than 30K 
    ~*~June 21, 2014~*~


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  • ItsthevixItsthevix member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    Wow! A lot of unsupportive people here! And all with etiquette advice on how to not be rude... :)

    Look, Minx. Weddings are really stressful and you're obviously feeling the stress. I totally understand. For the record, I'm with you on the whole, "not inviting over-dramatic, immature jerks to your wedding" thing. But when it comes to having better friends, it often starts with being the friend you want to have. Have lunch with your friend and tell her that you understand that she's in this relationship right now and that as her friend, even though you worry about how crazy things get with them, you trust her to make her own decisions. She's an adult and she can choose to be around whatever behavior she wants to, and it won't make you love her any less. But at the same time, you're afraid that there could be a scene at the wedding and you'd rather he not attend. Understand if she's mad about it, but if those things really happened, she should understand. And if she doesn't, perhaps you've outgrown her.

    As for friends not wanting to hear about your wedding all the time, you can't be a jerk about it. :D Yes, it is exciting and stressful and consists of 8 million details that you'd LOVE to talk about, even if it's only so you can get it straight in your head. But it isn't all about you. They've got their own things going on and after a few minutes, it all turns into Charlie Brown's teacher honking at them. :D Friendships go both ways, and the same way you don't want to spend all day every day talking about someone's cat, they don't want every conversation to revolve around escort cards and first dance songs. Good friends LISTEN more then they talk. So limit it to no more than a 2 minute update on what's going in, and then move on to something about them. They'll appreciate the attention and the chance to talk about what else is going on in life, and you'll likely find you actually enjoy having a moment to think about the rest of the world, not just your little part of it.  Don't let planning this wedding make you lose touch with what is going on around you.

    As for kid's only, I'm with you. lol. I love kids, but a few out of control children can ruin an event.  Go ahead and put it on the invites, just be nice about it. A simple "This is an adults-only event" should do it.

    It's okay to get fed up. But please remember, no matter WHAT you spend, or who you invite, a wedding is just one day. It is the marriage that matters. This whole exercise is really about the fact that you are joining your life and your will to another. Treat the day (and the people involved with it) with the kindness, patience and affection that it, and they deserve. The rest will work itself out. :)

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  • msuprincess04msuprincess04 member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    thinkminx said:
    ...and FI and I will be handling most planning and details. For any events such as showers and parties, it is important to make the BP feel more like guests and really like a party instead of slave labor. ...
    Are you planning your own shower?
    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
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  • RedJacks25RedJacks25 member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    tl;dr
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  • arrippaarrippa member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer

    Who thought going to an etiquette board and throwing etiquette out is a good idea.

    Look, I get that you think a wedding should be all about you because that's what the magazines and tv shows tell us. But they don't care what happens after the wedding. They don't care about the people who side eye you or talk behind your back. Trust me, I've been to a few etiquette disaster weddings, and people do talk. How do you want your guests to remember your wedding? I want my guests to have had a good time where they saw us get married and everyone was properly hosted. Why wouldn't you want the same?

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    thinkminx said:
    To sum things up, my IPad isn't incorporating my paragraph breaks (which I've stated 2x), there was a part about other brides getting a flurry of replies being told they have to do things a certain way and are made to feel uncomfortable discussing their wedding with people they thought were close friends (wasn't my personal experience my close friends have been great), and the time between ceremony and reception, I'm trying to be an advocate for other brides who may have similar feelings. It is easy to get overwhelmed with etiquette. We have budgeted carefully for our wedding (ie not having flowers in centerpieces to cut cost) as have plenty of people and sometimes certain expectations have to be weighed and considered. FI comes from an enormous family, 36 first cousins on one side and 29 on the other. And they all have 4+ kids each and everyone wants dates and kids and so on, and we are having an afternoon ceremony according to their church, which leaves a gap between that and the reception, which I stated we would reccomend somewhere to go. Unfortunately unless we want to serve everyone White Castle, or have a back yard BBQ which some guests would call "in poor taste", we are left to set aside the feelings of some of our guests. My dream wedding was immediate family and a formal Sunday brunch, which FI said no way to. $30,000 is a fair budget to work with, and of that budget I've cut my "dream wedding" someone mentioned down to $1000 for my dress/shoes/jewelry. I do hair and makeup so that is an additional savings as well as not getting engagement pictures or save the dates. I'm simply not translating very well that sometimes we just need to let the couple have a day that is about celebrating their union and letting some "ettiquite" slide. Good luck planning and hopefully making everyone else happy : )
    You are choosing to have the gap.  You could choose to have your reception immediately follow your ceremony, but let me guess, you want an evening/dinner reception.

    No one is going to let etiquette faux pas slide on a etiquette board, just because a bride and groom are getting married.  The entire point of this board is to help prevent couples from being rude boars and mistreating their guests on their wedding day.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • ItsthevixItsthevix member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its

    It is great that you're concerned only with the guests and what you think is important to them. As a Bride, I'm concerned both with the guests having a wonderful time at the event, and the Couple maintaining their sanity and their financial health before, during and after the event. It's fine for us to have different priorities. Between the two of us, everyone is taken care of. :)

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