I only have 1 hour of open bar. When should it begin?

jlazgrl · September 2013

With the venue package we selected it only includes 1 hour of open bar, after which everyone will have to buy their own drinks (not at all how i wanted, but the only way to get a full open bar was to upgrade to the premium package which we just cant afford). Our wedding planner at the venue said we can chose when we want it to start, but i have no idea. During cocktail hour? During dinner?

I feel like if i do it during cocktail hour it wouldnt be fair to my bridal party and everyone taking photos with us to miss it. Is it ok just to have tea and lemonade at that time?

misssunshine17 · September 2013

There isn't a way to make this right, unfortunately. I would skip the one hour and have a dry wedding.

Can you skip the one hour and do open beer and wine all night?

OliveOilsMom · September 2013

jlazgrl said:

With the venue package we selected it only includes 1 hour of open bar, after which everyone will have to buy their own drinks (not at all how i wanted, but the only way to get a full open bar was to upgrade to the premium package which we just cant afford). Our wedding planner at the venue said we can chose when we want it to start, but i have no idea. During cocktail hour? During dinner?
I feel like if i do it during cocktail hour it wouldnt be fair to my bridal party and everyone taking photos with us to miss it. Is it ok just to have tea and lemonade at that time?

One hour of Open Bar is not just unfair to your BP if you have it during cocktail hour, it's unfair to every one of your guests. Your guests should not have to open their wallets at all during reception. Have you asked your venue to see what the price would be to have just beer & wine all night, instead of a full open bar? Or perhaps beer & wine with one or two signature cocktails?

vk2204 · September 2013

Host what you can afford, please don't make your guests buy their own drinks.

LondonLisa · September 2013

I'm sorry, but there is no polite way to do this. It is against etiquette and rude to have your guests open their wallets at all. Also, there will be a rush for people to get drinks whilst they're free. Or worse, people will get a surprise when their once-free beverage now comes with a price.

I understand that weddings are expensive, but that is no reason to be rude to your guests. If I were in your shoes I would see if I could change the package to hosted beer and wine all night instead of open bar for an hour.

Etiquette-wise, your only options are a dry wedding, hosted beer & wine only, or scaling back elsewhere (decorations/dress etc) and having open bar all night.

STARMOON44 · September 2013

I just hate this trend of signing contracts with venues where you can't afford to properly host your guests, and then only worrying about it when it is too late.

Have the open bar during cocktail hour, but whatever way you slice it, it's rude.

ElcaB · September 2013

Have it during cocktail hour.

Is the venue requiring that you leave the bar "open" (open meaning available as a cash bar), or is that what you decided? If it's the latter, have the bar close after the one hour you paid for.

AprilH81 · September 2013

I would see if they can use the one hour of open bar to cover all night of soft drinks, beer and wine. Only one hour is rude (and even if the bar is closed where will they get water, tea and Diet Pepsi?) and a cash bar is rude.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I don't care when you have the open bar available because what you are planning is rude. You either pay for your guests to drink free of charge all night or you don't serve alcohol (or you knock it down to only serving beer and wine).

Did you not consider your budget before signing with this venue?

daveANDkristen · September 2013

Rather than switching to cash after the one hour open, ask if you can switch to consumption. Paying by consumption means that you are charged for each drink, but you are paying the tab instead of your guests.

banana468 · September 2013

daveANDkristen said:
Rather than switching to cash after the one hour open, ask if you can switch to consumption. Paying by consumption means that you are charged for each drink, but you are paying the tab instead of your guests.

This would be my recommendation too.

Peaseblossom55 · September 2013

daveANDkristen said:

Rather than switching to cash after the one hour open, ask if you can switch to consumption. Paying by consumption means that you are charged for each drink, but you are paying the tab instead of your guests.

Recommend this too!

KatWAG · September 2013

Can you switch your venue? Find a place where you can where you can host your guests properly.

aurorajanette · September 2013

There is no nice way to say to someone, "I would love to honor you for celebrating my wedding with me, and btw you have to pay for your own drinks". To reduce costs, serve only beer and wine, or make your own sangria and have sodas and water bottles and forgo the bar tending altogether. Or do what daveANDkristen suggested. And if you really can't do any of that, then have a dry wedding, because if I have to pay for something at an event that I'm a guest at, I just forgo it anyway.

crunchymamaof2 · September 2013

OP, when I first joined I asked a similar question. The package we selected came with 1 hour of an open bar, the rest cash. We worked out a deal to have soft drinks free all night along with the 1 hour and I thought that was a good compromise, even though in my gut it didn't feel right charging my guests.

My gut was right. All the women here said exactly what they're saying here. Especially the fact that the venue isn't affordable if you can't afford to host the bar properly. You don't need a full open bar. Beer and wine if just fine, as is a dry wedding.

We went back to our venue and asked if we could switch to beer and wine instead all night. It didn't save us hardly anything (FH wanted an extra hour of open bar so 2 hours open cost only a tad more than 4 hours beer and wine) but it didn't cost any extra and it allowed us to properly host our guests. I strongly urge you to look into this option (it does typically save a good chunk of money over a full bar).

If you can't afford anything more than the 1 hour, then you need to scrap a bar all together or switch venues. You can also scale back in many others areas (flowers, music, fewer/cheaper entrees, cake, décor, scrap transportation etc etc) in order to afford to have alcohol. People rarely remember centerpieces or the limo you arrived in. They do remember if the food was good, beverages (alcoholic or not) were plentiful, and there were good music and people. Making them pay for part of your wedding will most likely leave them angry and you don't want that to be what your wedding is remembered for.

AjaandRyan · September 2013

Is it possible to at least put wine on the table? They won't allow you to put more money on the bar tab as a retainer? Strange-you'd think that if you wanted an open bar, that a venue would be extremely supportive of that!

grumbledore · September 2013

I agree with PPs. Cash bars are impolite.

However, I will also say that there is a VERY popular venue in my area that has several large ballrooms and frequently has multiple weddings happening at the same time, and there is literally no way to get the bar closed down or limited if you have your wedding there. I can see, on some level, how this happens sometimes. That said, I would never choose to have my wedding there since that would be a deal breaker for me, because as everyone said, it's rude.

If you can host the bar for an hour and then close it, then fine. Do it during the cocktail hour or after dinner, imo. If you can host beer and wine all night for a similar price, then do that.

NYCMercedes · September 2013

grumbledore said:

I agree with PPs. Cash bars are impolite.

However, I will also say that there is a VERY popular venue in my area that has several large ballrooms and frequently has multiple weddings happening at the same time, and there is literally no way to get the bar closed down or limited if you have your wedding there. I can see, on some level, how this happens sometimes. That said, I would never choose to have my wedding there since that would be a deal breaker for me, because as everyone said, it's rude.

If you can host the bar for an hour and then close it, then fine. Do it during the cocktail hour or after dinner, imo. If you can host beer and wine all night for a similar price, then do that.

NOT fine to have it open for and hour and then close it. All PP, save one, said not to do that.

happyfor25 · September 2013

I agree with PPs, cash bars are simply rude. As others have suggested, I would see if you can apply the cost of one hour open bar to a package that would include beer and wine the whole evening.

I would be cautious about a consumption bar as it is very hard to budget for this. At my brother's wedding, his wife's family was from a region where cash bars were the norm. My brother was adamant that there would not be a cash bar. Wife's family (at the suggestion of the venue coordinator) decided on a consumption bar. My brother strongly encouraged them to not do this as his group of friends are heavy drinkers. Apparently it wasn't just his friends...ALL the guests drank heavily and the bar tab was exponentially more than the price of the open bar package would have been. His ILs had the resources to pay, they just didn't want to pay for an open bar if they weren't going to get their "money's worth".

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I like the idea for a consumption bar but it is a definitely know your crowd kind of thing. If your crowd are big drinkers the consumption price could be just as much as a full open bar. But if your crowd are light drinkers it would be a good option. I know for our wedding when our coordinator mentioned consumption bar I laughed because it probably would have cost us double what an open bar was (we are big drinkers).

Also with consumption bars you need to be careful that the venue staff isn't clearing off 1/3 or half drank drinks. Some times people will put their drinks down to go dance only to come back and see that it has been removed by the staff. This will up your consumption costs because your guests will have to keep going back to get refills.

grumbledore · September 2013

NYCMercedes? Hmm... I guess I wouldn't have a problem with it, but you may be right. I thought of it as akin to a champagne toast, and at least they would be paying for it. They may not have a lot of options, depending on the venue.

That place near me will not, under any circumstances, close or limit the bar - you pay for everything or your guests do - it's awful.

I'd rather have free drinks for an hour than not at all, but that doesn't answer whether it is rude or not to close the bar.

itzMS · September 2013

To me, this would be like giving your guests one bite each of Filet Mignon at dinner, and the rest of their meal being chicken nuggets unless they paid full price for the rest of the Filet.

Now, I could certainly survive eating chicken nuggets, but after having a bit of Filet...they would taste like shit.

Similar to getting my tasty vodka drink during cocktail hour, and be subjected to iced tea for the rest of the party unless I want to pay for it. Lame.

jlazgrl · September 2013

Ok so let me clarify a few things. To those of you asking if I considered my budget, yes I did. We were originally going to have an open bar all night. But do to a tragic accident a few months ago we had to take $5000 dollars out of our wedding money. All attending guests are aware of this situation and sympathize. Most of our guests are close family members and I have spoken to them about the problem and they would much rather have 1 hour of open bar than to have a dry wedding. So the question isnt whether or not to do it, but when.

banana468 · September 2013

If you're going to do it then do it for the first hour.

But why can't you scale back everything else? Can you cut back on appetizers, flowers, RD or honeymoon so you could at least do beer and wine all night?

itzMS · September 2013

jlazgrl said:

Ok so let me clarify a few things. To those of you asking if I considered my budget, yes I did. We were originally going to have an open bar all night. But do to a tragic accident a few months ago we had to take $5000 dollars out of our wedding money. All attending guests are aware of this situation and sympathize. Most of our guests are close family members and I have spoken to them about the problem and they would much rather have 1 hour of open bar than to have a dry wedding. So the question isnt whether or not to do it, but when.

We're not trying to be insensitive here, but even if you would've included the sad story in your OP, it doesn't make it okay to be impolite.

Host what you can afford all night, not just for a brief period of time. If that's a dry wedding, then fine. If it's just beer and wine, then fine.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I have to agree with banana. I am sorry that something occurred that was out of your control and I hope everyone involved is okay, but you shouldn't just cut one thing out completely, you should try to scale back your entire event so that you are still hosting your guests properly.

jlazgrl · September 2013

I havent yet looked into the beer and wine (definitely will) but as far as cutting the budget elsewhere, we already have. From making our own bouquets and centerpieces, to doing our own hair and make up, to no longer having a honeymoon.

Kate61487 · September 2013

Seriously talk to your venue about doing beer and wine all night vs. open for an hour and then cash. It's not even the fact that cash bars are super tacky. I would never endorse someone doing a full open bar for an hr and then closing the bar either; switching what's available on your guests halfway through is confusing and frustrating. None of these options are appealing:

A) open bar during cocktail hour then cash: some guests are in the know, other's aren't. Lines are CRAZY long during cocktail hour b/c those in the know are ordering 37 drinks so they can drink the rest of the night. Those not in the know are frustrated when they go up for round two and have to pull out their wallet or switch what they were drinking (and God forbid the awkwardness when the bartender doesn't tell them it's cash until after they've ordered and then they have to return the drink or try to borrow money from someone b/c they don't have cash)

open bar during dinner, dry before, cash after: again the issue of those in the know vs those who aren't. guests who are irritated b/c they've been drinking lemonade all night when they could have been drinking something else but they didn't know b/c when they first went to the bar there weren't other options. Guests who miss the open bar period all together b/c they weren't in the know and didn't need a refill during dinner. Your dinner hour is a clusterfuck of people in line for drinks rather than sitting enjoying the meal. If you try to do table visits during this time you'll miss a TON of people.

C) cash most of the night; open bar last hour: Most of your guests have already left b/c they were irritated by a cash bar and called it an early night due to your lack of proper hosting. Those who stayed are chugging drinks trying to get a buzz before they have to leave. It's a total waste of money because the vast majority of your guests won't even get to really appreciate/enjoy it (and yes, even if it's "part of the package" you are paying for it).

Doesn't it sound way more appealing to offer beer and wine and soft drinks all night and close down the liquor bar all together? Everyone knows what's available, gets to have their drink of choice consistently all night, don't have to stand in line and stockpile drinks for fear of them disappearing. It's just happier all around.

ETA: and sincerely - if the beer and wine thing doesn't work out - I'd consider a dry wedding less frustrating than the above described situations. Changing it in the middle is just poor form.

ls3475 · September 2013

The first hour for open bar would most likely be the best option.

The beer/wine optioin worked well at a recent wedding we attended.

Sorry about your situation.

ElcaB · September 2013

NYCMercedes said:

grumbledore said:

I agree with PPs. Cash bars are impolite.

However, I will also say that there is a VERY popular venue in my area that has several large ballrooms and frequently has multiple weddings happening at the same time, and there is literally no way to get the bar closed down or limited if you have your wedding there. I can see, on some level, how this happens sometimes. That said, I would never choose to have my wedding there since that would be a deal breaker for me, because as everyone said, it's rude.

If you can host the bar for an hour and then close it, then fine. Do it during the cocktail hour or after dinner, imo. If you can host beer and wine all night for a similar price, then do that.

NOT fine to have it open for and hour and then close it. All PP, save one, said not to do that.

Wait a minute. Lots of previous discussions on TK revolve around closing the bar for a period of time during dinner or elsewhere, and most members didn't consider that to be poor etiquette. How is closing the bar after an hour any different?

lfk2013 · September 2013

I've been to a wedding where it was beer & wine during the cocktail hour and then you had to pay afterwards. I thought it was really rude. I've also been to several where it's open bar all the way. For ours, since we're getting married in the morning, we're doing unlimited mimosas (coffee, tea, sodas, etc. come with the package). It ends up being a lot cheaper.

You should be able to talk with the venue about it. Otherwise, I would just say it's dry and save the money you would be spending for something else. Regardless of who knows about your circumstances, people are still going to be offended.

I only have 1 hour of open bar. When should it begin?

Re: I only have 1 hour of open bar. When should it begin?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards