Is this a rude question?

aurianna · September 2013

My right hand ring has ceylon sapphires and I get asked a lot about what stones they are. I think it just goes with the territory of having something a little different.

I am an absolute jewel fiend and love to see people's e-rings so I'd most likely ask out of pure curiosity. In fact I had to go look up morganite and I think it's insanely pretty and before this thread when I didn't know it existed and I'm pretty sure if I saw someone with it I would have asked them what it was just so I could know
(now I'm sitting here, imagining things I could do with it and rose gold and black diamond chips....)

So I'm sorry it annoys you when people ask but as far as wanting to know the stone, in 99% of the cases I doubt it's because they're trying to gauge the cost of the ring. It's just something out of the ordinary so they want to know.

Now... people who ask about carat size and price... yeah. That's tacky ask heck.

My diamond is a decent carat weight all on its own but it's also a trillion cut which makes it look way bigger than it really is. I've been asked about the size before. Also immediately upon seeing it someone asked me, "Wow. What does your fiance do for a living?" Things like that get under my skin, cuz yeah, they're fishing...

wiki8 · September 2013

OP, I got the same questions the first couple weeks after we got engaged. Not from everyone, most people would just compliment it. But there were a few "That can't be a diamond, it would be like a $20k ring!" Actually, if you knew anything about rings you would know it didn't cost nearly that much. It's a 1 ct center with a .4 ct halo, it's not small but it's definitely not outrageous. I would just be obnoxious back and say "I know, I love it, he did great!"

Of course then I had some rude people on the other side of the spectrum who commented on how the stone doesn't even take up the entire width of my finger. Some people are just going to be rude no matter what. That's life unfortunately.

EverAfer · September 2013

Congrats Phira!

For the OP.

We are the first in a circle of friends to get engaged in the last 10+ years!

Most of our friends are in long term relationships, so naturally, the girls ask questions and the guys ask FH questions separately. It's OK! The girls are waiting for the guys to propose and the guys are trying to figure it out. We answer all the questions to the best of our ability, and we tell a story that reflects us. Was I surprised? No, he begged me to steer him in the right direction. It saved him alot of stress and I got the ring I want--not romantic but I'm rocking that rock!

In the end, tell a story of why it's awesome for the two of you. That's all that matters. People asked me what it costs and I tell them, I also told them it was designed by me and I picked out the diamond. I told them my jeweler said I could have a bigger diamond in my budget, but I said no I would rather have it in this category for color, cut, and clarity.

The questions are necessarily intrusive, it may be that they genuinely want to know the back story. Gauge their tone.

lissydo · September 2013

My ring is also not a diamond, it is a clear natural, non-conflict stone, and it is 3 carats. I get the 'WOW, LOOK AT THAT ROCK" A lot, and I just say thanks and avoid any other questions they ask, they should know if you don't answer, that it was rude of them to ask. I asked not to have a diamond, for MANY reasons. And its no one else's business what kind of rock is in your ring.

audreyecu61 · September 2013

It is rude to ask how much money. It really isn't everyone's business. But some people are like that and you could nod and smile and maybe gauge their tone, or if you know the personality of the person, it would give you more of an idea on what to say. I do think it is intrusive. But that is my opinion.

The size of the ring didn't matter to me, as it was a second marriage, I was more than satisfied to have only a band. What meant more to me, was the idea that after all we had been through, seperately in our lives, all the pain and broken marriages, we were still intent to love again.
Good Luck

Peaseblossom55 · September 2013

so I've never heard of or seen a morganite ring before, how amazing! So pretty vvish I had seen that kind of stone before becoming engaged!

delujm0 · September 2013

wiki8 said:

OP, I got the same questions the first couple weeks after we got engaged. Not from everyone, most people would just compliment it. But there were a few "That can't be a diamond, it would be like a $20k ring!" Actually, if you knew anything about rings you would know it didn't cost nearly that much. It's a 1 ct center with a .4 ct halo, it's not small but it's definitely not outrageous. I would just be obnoxious back and say "I know, I love it, he did great!"

Of course then I had some rude people on the other side of the spectrum who commented on how the stone doesn't even take up the entire width of my finger. Some people are just going to be rude no matter what. That's life unfortunately.

OMG if someone said this to me i would punch them in the face. This is the Girl With Fat Fingers' worst nightmare (my ring finger is size 7.25, and i have a solitare e-ring...so if it took up the whole width of my ring finger it would have to be ENORMOUS).

I did let one of my bridesmaids try my ring on though, and on her 4.75 size ring finger it looked comically large. This is why these things are not one-size-fits-all, and there is no "standard" to be met. People are the worst.

Belle0720 · September 2013

Ditto everyone else, I'd ask what kind of stone it is too. But cost questions are out of line. I yahooed Morganite and it's beeeeautiful! My ring is an emerald cut diamond and I absolutely love it :-)

Bubblegum5586 · September 2013

phira said:

To me, rude questions/comments about rings are any questions/comments that further reinforce the shitty engagement ring culture. For example, asking how many carats it is, asking how much it cost,* commenting on how much your fiance loves you based on the ring ... GROSS.

I've been engaged for a week and a half and wearing my e-ring for a week, and the number one question I get is what the stone is. But it's a blue sapphire, so I expect the question. People have also asked some questions about my ring because it is very unusual (bezel setting with filigree) and they're curious about how we designed it, or what jeweler we went to.

Do NOT be ashamed that your ring does not have a diamond, or an "expensive" stone. Screw that. If anyone asks you if it's a diamond, feel free to say, with pride, "Nope, it's morganite. I absolutely love it." And then move on

I love all the blue sapphires!! Me too! I love love love my ring and I don't know anyone else's that looks like mine! Blue is my favorite color and sapphire is my birthstone

smalfrie19 · September 2013

I thankfully didn't get a lot of the "how much" comments or questions altho people do ask me what it is since it obviously NOT a diamond. I actually have a 3 stone aquamarine ring and I am IN LOVE with it. Its EXACTLY what I wanted

NavyWife777 · September 2013

scully13 said:

My ring is a very large. I get questions all the time in regards to how many carats, cost, comments like "your fiance must really love you," "the bigger the diamond, the more he loves you", etc. It makes me VERY uncomfortable, and that makes me sad, because I LOVE my ring. I usually just smile and stare at them until they shut up. People are strange in expressing their excitement for you, and I have come to the conclusion that with weddings and engagements, people always want to know as much as possible because it is such a special time.

Stupid boxes. Ugh.

I can't disagree with the "bigger the diamond, the more he loves you" comment enough. I chose a smaller diamond in mine because a bigger one almost looked odd with the type of band it has. It about preference and what you like and that you are happy. Granted, I can't find "how big is it" comments rude because there are people (like me) who were truly clueless to sizes until it came to buying one. I also tell them we didn't want a bigger one for reasons stated above. Thankfully I've never had someone grab my hand. They might have gotten punched.

I have looked up every stone mentioned in this thread and ladies I must say you have some gorgeous stones!

And @phira, congrats!!!

wiki8 · September 2013

delujm0 said:

wiki8 said:

OP, I got the same questions the first couple weeks after we got engaged. Not from everyone, most people would just compliment it. But there were a few "That can't be a diamond, it would be like a $20k ring!" Actually, if you knew anything about rings you would know it didn't cost nearly that much. It's a 1 ct center with a .4 ct halo, it's not small but it's definitely not outrageous. I would just be obnoxious back and say "I know, I love it, he did great!"

Of course then I had some rude people on the other side of the spectrum who commented on how the stone doesn't even take up the entire width of my finger. Some people are just going to be rude no matter what. That's life unfortunately.

OMG if someone said this to me i would punch them in the face. This is the Girl With Fat Fingers' worst nightmare (my ring finger is size 7.25, and i have a solitare e-ring...so if it took up the whole width of my ring finger it would have to be ENORMOUS).

I did let one of my bridesmaids try my ring on though, and on her 4.75 size ring finger it looked comically large. This is why these things are not one-size-fits-all, and there is no "standard" to be met. People are the worst.

Thank you! Some people really just don't understand there isn't a standard and everyone feels comfortable with something different on their own finger. However, the girl who made this comment did tell me before she wouldn't accept less than a 5 ct ring... so I probably should take her comments with a grain of salt.

atlastmrsg · September 2013

If you're uncomfortable, do what will make you feel better. If it's not answering questions, just say something like "To me, the ring is priceless. That's what matters." Or something else succinct, and end the discussion. You should be enjoying your engagement and ring, not worrying about answering questions. Do what will make you enjoy having the ring on your finger.

delujm0 · September 2013

wiki8 said:

Thank you! Some people really just don't understand there isn't a standard and everyone feels comfortable with something different on their own finger. However, the girl who made this comment did tell me before she wouldn't accept less than a 5 ct ring... so I probably should take her comments with a grain of salt.

People are so stupid. Bigger does not equal better. I hope she gets an enormous but terrible quality e-ring some day, and when she holds it up to anyone elses' "small" diamond it looks yellow. I already pity the man that decides she would be a good person to marry. Sigh.

kefryar · September 2013

Peaseblossom55 said:

so I've never heard of or seen a morganite ring before, how amazing! So pretty vvish I had seen that kind of stone before becoming engaged!

Peaseblossom55

thank you so much! it's a beautiful stone, I picked it out because of the color, I love the peach and I also knew I wanted a rose gold ring. diamonds are equally beautiful-I just knew it wasn't for me. Plus, my family has terrible luck with them, meaning they get lost.

Is this a rude question?

Re: Is this a rude question?

Lissa 5.17.14

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