Invitation came in...

svc2014 · September 2013

Salsera29 said:

My invitation to my cousin's wedding was addressed the same, to "Salsera and Guest" after I was engaged. My then-FI had met my cousin more than once by this point. I was really irritated and surprised. But then, she had a WP-only head table, closed the bar during dinner, and didn't have chairs for everyone at the ceremony so at least she kept the theme going.

I don't think there is anything wrong with closing the bar during dinner. I actually cannot thing of a wedding that I've been too that has kept it open... Many venues recommend it since they are trying to serve the guests and don't want people up and getting in the servers ways.

AeroAndy04 · September 2013

That's a bummer. When doing our invites a couple months ago, there were only a couple work-related guests whose SO's name I didn't know. I just put Mr. and Mrs. Work friend. Only single friends got an "and guest."

As for the 4 weeks, I wouldn't say B-list for sure. I asked for a 4 week RSVP date without a B-list and was really glad I did. Out of 330 invited, I had received less than half of the total RSVPs by the date. Given that it was a destination wedding, people needed to make arrangements. I was really glad I had the extra time to contact people and make sure they had all the info and travel/hotel stuff taken care of. But, on the other hand, is it a big deal if there is a B-list? Those are people who wouldn't be invited at all if it weren't for one. A B-list provides an opportunity to attend! And I can totally understand the bride wanting to fill her venue as much as she can.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

My bridesmaid invited me with "Guest." Her wedding is 3 weeks after mine; he will be my husband at her wedding. And when my and FI first met I was living with bridesmaid and FI was our neighbor. So she's known him for 7 years.

So rude and so lazy. And it was an E-vite so his name probably won't be anywhere because I just clicked that me and "Guest" would both be attending.

[Deleted User] · September 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

My bridesmaid invited me with "Guest." Her wedding is 3 weeks after mine; he will be my husband at her wedding. And when my and FI first met I was living with bridesmaid and FI was our neighbor. So she's known him for 7 years.

So rude and so lazy. And it was an E-vite so his name probably won't be anywhere because I just clicked that me and "Guest" would both be attending.

That takes the cake! Yikes,

Simply Fated · September 2013

Thanks for the replies so far!

Question, do you ladies think I should reply with my name AND his? There is a line that says M_____. Should I write in "Ms. Simply Fated and guest" or write in Ms. Simply Fated and Boyfriend's Name? Does it matter? I know if I was the bride I'd want the name, but this whole thing has me thrown lol.

Xstatic3333 · September 2013

AeroAndy04 said:
That's a bummer. When doing our invites a couple months ago, there were only a couple work-related guests whose SO's name I didn't know. I just put Mr. and Mrs. Work friend. Only single friends got an "and guest."

As for the 4 weeks, I wouldn't say B-list for sure. I asked for a 4 week RSVP date without a B-list and was really glad I did. Out of 330 invited, I had received less than half of the total RSVPs by the date. Given that it was a destination wedding, people needed to make arrangements. I was really glad I had the extra time to contact people and make sure they had all the info and travel/hotel stuff taken care of. But, on the other hand, is it a big deal if there is a B-list? Those are people who wouldn't be invited at all if it weren't for one. A B-list provides an opportunity to attend! And I can totally understand the bride wanting to fill her venue as much as she can.

Please don't B-list. Even if you've seen it promoted as an idea in magazines, in real life guests can usually figure out they were b-listed and find it extremely hurtful. Just budget for all your invites and if you get declines you have bonus honeymoon money. (I know you didn't personally b-list, just putting this out there for other brides).

Salsera29 · September 2013

svc2014 said:

Salsera29 said:

My invitation to my cousin's wedding was addressed the same, to "Salsera and Guest" after I was engaged. My then-FI had met my cousin more than once by this point. I was really irritated and surprised. But then, she had a WP-only head table, closed the bar during dinner, and didn't have chairs for everyone at the ceremony so at least she kept the theme going.

I don't think there is anything wrong with closing the bar during dinner. I actually cannot thing of a wedding that I've been too that has kept it open... Many venues recommend it since they are trying to serve the guests and don't want people up and getting in the servers ways.

I think it would have been better if we had some kind of heads-up. I have never been to a wedding where they closed the bar, so it was surprising that all of a sudden we couldn't get a drink. Had I known, I would have gotten one before dinner, NBD.

ETA: I forgot why this was an etiquette issue...they closed the bar for everyone except the WP.

ashleyep · September 2013

Simply Fated said:

Thanks for the replies so far!

Question, do you ladies think I should reply with my name AND his? There is a line that says M_____. Should I write in "Ms. Simply Fated and guest" or write in Ms. Simply Fated and Boyfriend's Name? Does it matter? I know if I was the bride I'd want the name, but this whole thing has me thrown lol.

Write both of your names. I can't imagine that she would be offended that you wrote his name and not "And Guest"

Salsera29 · September 2013

Simply Fated said:

Thanks for the replies so far!

Question, do you ladies think I should reply with my name AND his? There is a line that says M_____. Should I write in "Ms. Simply Fated and guest" or write in Ms. Simply Fated and Boyfriend's Name? Does it matter? I know if I was the bride I'd want the name, but this whole thing has me thrown lol.

Definitely write his name. Maybe they will realize their faux-pas, and if not at least his name will be on the escort card. Hopefully.

phira · September 2013

Write his name. There's only ever one "M" line anyway. I wrote, "Ms Phira and Mr Fiance" on the last RSVP card I got (which was addressed to both of us by name).

JeeGooDowster · September 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

My bridesmaid invited me with "Guest." Her wedding is 3 weeks after mine; he will be my husband at her wedding. And when my and FI first met I was living with bridesmaid and FI was our neighbor. So she's known him for 7 years.

So rude and so lazy. And it was an E-vite so his name probably won't be anywhere because I just clicked that me and "Guest" would both be attending.

JeeGooDowster · September 2013

oops sorry, meant to type in..."what a massiv B"

APDSS22 · September 2013

Definitely write in his name. Even if they don't notice their rudeness, if it was a lazy, couldn't be bothered to figure out spelling his name issue, you'll have solved it.

Gisellerina · September 2013

@SimplyFated - FMIL may not have been provided with both your names. We unfortunately had an invitation addressed as "Mr. Friend of Now H and Guest". Well, Mr. Friend is married and has been married to the same woman for a number of years. But, since I had never met him and since fiance had not caught that when proofreading his guest list before invitations were addressed, that's how it went out. Accidents happen - especially when the person addressing the invitations doesn't know everyone personally. Not that it made it any less mortifying for me - Mr. & Mrs. Friend are my parents' ages! I felt soooo rude! Fortunately, they were nice about it.

I had an almost 4 week RSVP deadline because I had to tell the florist how many centerpieces over 3 weeks out (out of season, out of country flowers to be ordered). No B-Listing or any other rude nonsense. 4-week RSVPs are common with my friends and family anyway as are "early" invitations.

SKPM · September 2013

Like several other PPs, our RSVP date was close to 5 weeks out. In part because I didn't actually know any better, and in part because our venue and caterer requested numbers at 3 weeks out. If I were to do it again, I would probably see if the venue/caterer could work with "soft numbers" 3 weeks out, set the RSVP date 3 weeks out, and get "hard numbers" in by 1.5-2 weeks. But 3-4 week RSVP dates seem more and more common these days.

Simply Fated · September 2013

Update....

Last night (maybe it was this morning?) her fiance called his mother and asked about it and she said that it was what "you're supposed to do."

It's not like I'm crying into my pillow over it, but it was hurtful to see "and guest" as though my bf is interchangable with anyone.

I'll reply with his name, for sure.

phira · September 2013

Simply Fated said:

Update.... Last night (maybe it was this morning?) her fiance called his mother and asked about it and she said that it was what "you're supposed to do." It's not like I'm crying into my pillow over it, but it was hurtful to see "and guest" as though my bf is interchangable with anyone. I'll reply with his name, for sure.

So this happened to me recently, but not for a wedding. My grandmother's 80th birthday party is coming up; it's going to be a big formal party, and all my aunts and uncles are trying to participate in planning/hosting. One aunt and uncle live across the country, so to help, they were put in charge of sending invitations.

I got an invitation addressed to "Phira and Guest." My fiance and I have been together for almost 2 years, and my aunt and uncle met him and talked to him a lot at a party last year, when they were last in town. Obviously, they didn't know that about a week after we got the invite, we were getting engaged, but I did; it made me really upset that my almost-fiance was just "Guest."

There was really no excuse--even if my aunt and uncle didn't remember my fiance's (then boyfriend's) name, I'm facebook friends with my aunt. His name was right there. And my aunt and uncle had to get my address from my mom--they could have asked, "What's Phira's boyfriend's name? Are they still together?" SO many ways they could have double checked. I'm going to see if my sister was invited as "Sister and Guest" or if her boyfriend of 4 years was addressed properly on the invitation.

The thing is ... it seems so small. Like, it's not like I can't bring my fiance because he wasn't invited. But it made me feel like I was just being invited with a guest because I'm 26 and I'm allowed to bring someone. Or like my partner was just some kind of faceless space-holder and not a real person with a name who shares a life with me. It basically felt like my relationship meant nothing to the person in charge of the guest list. Like, "Yeah, invite Phira! I guess she might be seeing someone--give her a guest."

Anyway, like I said, it seems like it shouldn't be a big deal, but it really hurts.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

Here's my advice: Reply with Simply Fated/Phira and Johan Slussenburger. When the bride asks who Johan is, tell her he's your mailman.

"Oh, sorry, did you mean to write FI instead of Guest?"

SKPM · September 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Here's my advice: Reply with Simply Fated/Phira and Johan Slussenburger. When the bride asks who Johan is, tell her he's your mailman.

"Oh, sorry, did you mean to write FI instead of Guest?"

Hah. Love this. Please do this, someone.

phira · September 2013

Aaaah too bad I already RSVPed

APDSS22 · September 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Here's my advice: Reply with Simply Fated/Phira and Johan Slussenburger. When the bride asks who Johan is, tell her he's your mailman.

"Oh, sorry, did you mean to write FI instead of Guest?"

If anyone ever invites me with "and Guest" again, I'm totally doing this...

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