Bridal Shower Etiquette

Re: Bridal Shower Etiquette

• lfk2013 member

  

  September 2013

  I think were going to have to agree to disagree.  I see nothing wrong with having a honeymoon registry in addition to a "traditional" registry.  I also see nothing wrong with bending etiquette (because in the minds of some people, using address labels and getting married on a Sunday is comparable to "asking for money").  I guess it depends on where you would draw the line.  Everyone's line is different, and saying someone is wrong because their line is slightly different than yours irks me.

  

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• Salsera29 member

  

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  So in the minds of some people, religious Jews are rude because they cannot get married on Friday night or Saturday before sundown? 

  
  

  With the address labels, you are confusing "rude" and "tacky." Some people think they are tacky. Nobody thinks it's rude because it has nothing to do with the comfort of your guests. 

  
  

  Continuously arguing an "opinion" that is against etiquette on an etiquette board irks me. 
  

  
  

  
  

  Report4 Reply
• Xstatic3333 member

  

  September 2013

  I swear there's been some sort of strange bad advice invasion lately. I promise you all, you are going to get money for gifts. You will get less if you offend some of your guests. Just because you and your friends think HM registries are neat doesn't mean Great Aunt Mildred will. If the etiquette argument doesn't work, think about how the fees and offense to some guests will hurt your overall bottom line. I hate thinking of it that way, but it seems like money talks around here.

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• APDSS22 member

  

  September 2013

  MoreChocolatePlease said:

  New game: every time "Honeymoon registry" is mentioned, take a shot.
  

  Thank you.

  Report1 Reply
• KeptInStitches member

  

  September 2013

  Agreed. I don't think I can write another rebuttal of honeymoon registries and continue to be nice.

  

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• NYCMercedes member

  

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  I think I must be dreaming. Actually, it's nightmares.

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• manateehugger member

  

  September 2013

  lfk2013 said:

  I think were going to have to agree to disagree.  I see nothing wrong with having a honeymoon registry in addition to a "traditional" registry.  I also see nothing wrong with bending etiquette (because in the minds of some people, using address labels and getting married on a Sunday is comparable to "asking for money").  I guess it depends on where you would draw the line.  Everyone's line is different, and saying someone is wrong because their line is slightly different than yours irks me.

  You posting this tells me you have not spent a lot of time on this site.
  

  

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• misshart00 member

  

  September 2013

  I'm alway curious, when people say "oh my friends and family love the idea," do your friends and family know that they are not buying you a candlelit dinner or swimming with the dolphins?  Do your (general) friends and family know that the company is sending you a check minus a fee?  That's my big problem with it.

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• manateehugger member

  

  September 2013

  misshart00 said:

  I'm alway curious, when people say "oh my friends and family love the idea," do your friends and family know that they are not buying you a candlelit dinner or swimming with the dolphins?  Do your (general) friends and family know that the company is sending you a check minus a fee?  That's my big problem with it.

  This. And my ultimate question with honeymoon registries: Is there a reason they can't just write a check to you and put "Have a wonderful honeymoon!" in the memo? Isn't that just cleaner all around?
  

  

  Report3 Reply
• simplykayla member

  

  September 2013

  Holy moly. People need to learn to read before throwing bad advice out there.
  
  I edited my initial post to ask that nobody suggest honeymoon registries. If that's the only post they're reading, now they know.
  

  Report7 Reply
• lfk2013 member

  

  September 2013

  PDKH said:

  lfk2013 said:

  I think were going to have to agree to disagree.  I see nothing wrong with having a honeymoon registry in addition to a "traditional" registry.  I also see nothing wrong with bending etiquette (because in the minds of some people, using address labels and getting married on a Sunday is comparable to "asking for money").  I guess it depends on where you would draw the line.  Everyone's line is different, and saying someone is wrong because their line is slightly different than yours irks me.

  You posting this tells me you have not spent a lot of time on this site.
  

  Actually, I have.  I am also literate and know how to look for the information I require.  

  
  

  You're entitled to your opinion.

  
  

  I thought these boards were about being supportive and suggesting better ideas rather than telling someone they're wrong and implying that they're an idiot, but yet lacking in suggestions on what they could do instead.  Just because you did things to the letter and that fit your personality and style doesn't mean that will work for someone else.  

  
  

  People can give you a gift however they want...but they also want more options on how and what to give nowadays.  Flame me, block me, do whatever to me, but that's not going to change your opinion or mine.  

  

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• misshart00 member

  

  September 2013

  No one has answered my question.  It's not really rhetorical.  I'm genuinely curious.

  Report1 Reply
• ashleyep member

  

  September 2013

  lfk2013 said:

  PDKH said:

  lfk2013 said:

  I think were going to have to agree to disagree.  I see nothing wrong with having a honeymoon registry in addition to a "traditional" registry.  I also see nothing wrong with bending etiquette (because in the minds of some people, using address labels and getting married on a Sunday is comparable to "asking for money").  I guess it depends on where you would draw the line.  Everyone's line is different, and saying someone is wrong because their line is slightly different than yours irks me.

  You posting this tells me you have not spent a lot of time on this site.
  

  Actually, I have.  I am also literate and know how to look for the information I require.  

  
  

  You're entitled to your opinion.

  
  

  I thought these boards were about being supportive and suggesting better ideas rather than telling someone they're wrong and implying that they're an idiot, but yet lacking in suggestions on what they could do instead.  Just because you did things to the letter and that fit your personality and style doesn't mean that will work for someone else.  

  
  

  People can give you a gift however they want...but they also want more options on how and what to give nowadays.  Flame me, block me, do whatever to me, but that's not going to change your opinion or mine.  

  The point of these boards are to help you plan a successful wedding. Part of that is being a good host and not being rude to your guests. No one is going to validate a bad idea that has the potential to offend some guests.

  
  

  A honeymoon registry doesn't give your guests any more options. Cash is and always has been an option (unless you live in an area where giving cash is rude - in which case, a honeymoon registry would still be rude).

  

  Report5 Reply
• manateehugger member

  

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  lfk2013 said:

  PDKH said:

  lfk2013 said:

  I think were going to have to agree to disagree.  I see nothing wrong with having a honeymoon registry in addition to a "traditional" registry.  I also see nothing wrong with bending etiquette (because in the minds of some people, using address labels and getting married on a Sunday is comparable to "asking for money").  I guess it depends on where you would draw the line.  Everyone's line is different, and saying someone is wrong because their line is slightly different than yours irks me.

  You posting this tells me you have not spent a lot of time on this site.
  

  Actually, I have.  I am also literate and know how to look for the information I require.  

  
  

  You're entitled to your opinion.

  
  

  I thought these boards were about being supportive and suggesting better ideas rather than telling someone they're wrong and implying that they're an idiot, but yet lacking in suggestions on what they could do instead.  Just because you did things to the letter and that fit your personality and style doesn't mean that will work for someone else.  

  
  

  People can give you a gift however they want...but they also want more options on how and what to give nowadays.  Flame me, block me, do whatever to me, but that's not going to change your opinion or mine.  

  I have no intention of tearing you down; I do have intentions of countering your opinions with proper etiquette.

  I said it doesn't seem like you've spent much time on this site because if you read around, women on this site often talk about "victimless" etiquette bends. Some object to labels, some think the clear ones are fine. Some object to wearing your gown at an AHR, some do not. Some object to wearing a tux before 6:00pm, some think your groom should wear what he wants on his wedding day.

  What ALL etiquette-minded people object to is acting like you are somehow entitled to demand money and/or treat your guests like crap because you happen to be getting married (something, that at the end of the day, most people do and isn't really that special).

  NO ONE says anyone who chooses to use a honemoon registry is an idiot (but thanks for putting words into our mouths). Usually, I think these are people who just don't know any better. Every time someone asks for an opinion on HR's, the response is "Tacky to ask for cash. Don't register. Say you're saving up. People get the hint." They offer a perfectly acceptable alternative. This alternative is offered EVERY TIME.

  The only time most members think a poster is a jerk is when they are given great advice and choose to tacky anyway.
  

  ETA: Caring about how you host your guests and caring about what they think of you as a bride and a host should not be a personality trait, it should be inate to every decent person.

  

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• Salsera29 member

  

  September 2013

  PDKH said:

  lfk2013 said:

  PDKH said:

  lfk2013 said:

  I think were going to have to agree to disagree.  I see nothing wrong with having a honeymoon registry in addition to a "traditional" registry.  I also see nothing wrong with bending etiquette (because in the minds of some people, using address labels and getting married on a Sunday is comparable to "asking for money").  I guess it depends on where you would draw the line.  Everyone's line is different, and saying someone is wrong because their line is slightly different than yours irks me.

  You posting this tells me you have not spent a lot of time on this site.
  

  Actually, I have.  I am also literate and know how to look for the information I require.  

  
  

  You're entitled to your opinion.

  
  

  I thought these boards were about being supportive and suggesting better ideas rather than telling someone they're wrong and implying that they're an idiot, but yet lacking in suggestions on what they could do instead.  Just because you did things to the letter and that fit your personality and style doesn't mean that will work for someone else.  

  
  

  People can give you a gift however they want...but they also want more options on how and what to give nowadays.  Flame me, block me, do whatever to me, but that's not going to change your opinion or mine.  

  I have no intention of tearing you down; I do have intentions of countering your opinions with proper etiquette.

  I said it doesn't seem like you've spent much time on this site because if you read around, women on this site often talk about "victimless" etiquette bends. Some object to labels, some think the clear ones are fine. Some object to wearing your gown at an AHR, some do not. Some object to wearing a tux before 6:00pm, some think your groom should wear what he wants on his wedding day.

  What ALL etiquette-minded people object to is acting like you are somehow entitled to demand money and/or treat your guests like crap because you happen to be getting married (something, that at the end of the day, most people do and isn't really that special).

  NO ONE says anyone who chooses to use a honemoon registry is an idiot (but thanks for putting words into our mouths). Usually, I think these are people who just don't know any better. Every time someone asks for an opinion on HR's, the response is "Tacky to ask for cash. Don't register. Say you're saving up. People get the hint." They offer a perfectly acceptable alternative. This alternative is offered EVERY TIME.

  The only time most members think a poster is a jerk is when they are given great advice and choose to tacky anyway.
  

  ETA: Caring about how you host your guests and caring about what they think of you as a bride and a host should not be a personality trait, it should be inate to every decent person.

  I loved this and wish I could love it 10 times!!!

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• Salsera29 member

  

  September 2013

  simplykayla said:

  Holy moly. People need to learn to read before throwing bad advice out there.
  
  I edited my initial post to ask that nobody suggest honeymoon registries. If that's the only post they're reading, now they know.
  

  Too late, look what you've done!! (Just kidding. This happens all the damn time). 

  Report3 Reply
• mrstowne

  

  September 2013

  Here is another idea instead of cash. Maybe register at REI or a sporting goods place and you can pick items like camping stuff or sports items that you like to do with your fiancé.  Even though you have lived together maybe you might want to update your dishes, or even your sheets.  I too would feel uncomfortable going to a shower that asks for cash as a gift. People spend what they are comfortable with but they don't want everyone else to know what they spent.  It becomes almost a competition thing and those that can't afford as much will feel inferior.  If you want cash for your honeymoon consider a money tree or dollar dance at the wedding.

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• KeptInStitches member

  

  September 2013

  mrstowne said:

  Here is another idea instead of cash. Maybe register at REI or a sporting goods place and you can pick items like camping stuff or sports items that you like to do with your fiancé.  Even though you have lived together maybe you might want to update your dishes, or even your sheets.  I too would feel uncomfortable going to a shower that asks for cash as a gift. People spend what they are comfortable with but they don't want everyone else to know what they spent.  It becomes almost a competition thing and those that can't afford as much will feel inferior.  If you want cash for your honeymoon consider a money tree or dollar dance at the wedding.

  Bad advice. It's rude to shake down your guests for cash at the reception (or anywhere else, for that matter), and people do feel pressured into participating whether they want to or not.

  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2013

  mrstowne said:

  Here is another idea instead of cash. Maybe register at REI or a sporting goods place and you can pick items like camping stuff or sports items that you like to do with your fiancé.  Even though you have lived together maybe you might want to update your dishes, or even your sheets.  I too would feel uncomfortable going to a shower that asks for cash as a gift. People spend what they are comfortable with but they don't want everyone else to know what they spent.  It becomes almost a competition thing and those that can't afford as much will feel inferior.  This advice is spot on from an etiquette perspective. 

  
  

  If you want cash for your honeymoon consider a money tree or dollar dance at the wedding. This is not good etiquette advice. It's never ok to ask for money. A money tree, honeymoon jar, dollar dance, etc. are all ways of asking for money, which is always considered rude.

  
  

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• manateehugger member

  

  September 2013

  Besides being rude and tacky, dollar dances are boring as hell to watch.

  

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• Salsera29 member

  

  September 2013

  So, votes on the next suggestion?  Cash bar to save money perhaps? I feel like we're on some Internet version of candid camera.  

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