My parents passed away.. How should I honor them?

xstamcd · September 2013

For all the posters who seem to feel they wrote the book on what is 'too funereal' or have some instinct that there shouldn't be a recognition of sadness and grief in a public way at a wedding, I politely ask you to stuff your etiquette book somewhere - somewhere remote and away from this website. Recognizing grief is part of life and stuffing it away and trying to make it private, especially when you are with the people in the world who love you the most and want to support you, is not helpful. It is one small part of an otherwise joyful occasion. It does not ruin it or stain the entire event. Joy and grief are inseparable in life and to force people who want to share this with their loved ones into some very private expression isn't kind. Maybe that works for you but it doesn't work for everyone.

Also, families have different cultures - and so maybe your family and your friends feel 'cheated' or guilted to have a donation made in lieu of a favor, but many of our family and friend cultures support that and would feel that it is a wise use of those funds. There is no singular right or wrong way to do this.

Viczaesar · September 2013

gimbali said:

Viczaesar said:

gimbali said:

@Vicshoweveryouspellit people make mistakes, get over it. @NYCMercedes a wedding IS a joyous occasion, who would argue with that? no one here is suggestng to completely change the focus of their wedding are they? But you don't get that it makes some people happy to remember the lives of their loved ones and to have their presence acknowledged at a wedding. I'm sure the bride and groom would inform those guests who were close to the deceased person beforehand, its not they are going to surprise everyone with some morbid tribute are they? And to everyone else I really do not think that it's going to be a big deal to them. I honestly think anyone who would be so upset as to have the entire wedding ruined for them because of a minute or two of silence or a lit candle is overreacting. But then that's just me.

Get over what? Finding that mental image amusing? No, thank you.

Well it was supposed to be amusing because it's absolutely ridiculous and it's not going to happen so mission accomplished. Glad you got a laugh out of it.
I don't know what it is with some people, why they have to see it that way. When I see a memorial table at any event, I think more of "I remember that amazing person too, how kind they were to me and how they always made me feel welcome at their home. I wish they were here to celebrate this occasion with us in person but I know they're here in spirit" I think it's the same sentiment with my family and everyone I know but I guess it's a culture thing. Maybe Americans are just pessimistic that way or very negative? I'm not sure. Maybe someone could enlighten us.

I don't know what you're yammering on about, but I'm glad you're not going to be screwing your new husband while crying on the dance floor.

Viczaesar · September 2013

xstamcd said:

For all the posters who seem to feel they wrote the book on what is 'too funereal' or have some instinct that there shouldn't be a recognition of sadness and grief in a public way at a wedding, I politely ask you to stuff your etiquette book somewhere - somewhere remote and away from this website. Recognizing grief is part of life and stuffing it away and trying to make it private, especially when you are with the people in the world who love you the most and want to support you, is not helpful. It is one small part of an otherwise joyful occasion. It does not ruin it or stain the entire event. Joy and grief are inseparable in life and to force people who want to share this with their loved ones into some very private expression isn't kind. Maybe that works for you but it doesn't work for everyone.
Also, families have different cultures - and so maybe your family and your friends feel 'cheated' or guilted to have a donation made in lieu of a favor, but many of our family and friend cultures support that and would feel that it is a wise use of those funds. There is no singular right or wrong way to do this.

Neither of those are the reason that advertizing donations in lieu of favors is inappropriate.

Jen4948 · September 2013

xstamcd said:

For all the posters who seem to feel they wrote the book on what is 'too funereal' or have some instinct that there shouldn't be a recognition of sadness and grief in a public way at a wedding, I politely ask you to stuff your etiquette book somewhere - somewhere remote and away from this website. Recognizing grief is part of life and stuffing it away and trying to make it private, especially when you are with the people in the world who love you the most and want to support you, is not helpful. It is one small part of an otherwise joyful occasion. It does not ruin it or stain the entire event. Joy and grief are inseparable in life and to force people who want to share this with their loved ones into some very private expression isn't kind. Maybe that works for you but it doesn't work for everyone.
Also, families have different cultures - and so maybe your family and your friends feel 'cheated' or guilted to have a donation made in lieu of a favor, but many of our family and friend cultures support that and would feel that it is a wise use of those funds. There is no singular right or wrong way to do this.

Sorry, but no. We are not going to "stuff our etiquette books" for you.

When you invite someone, regardless of who they are or how you know them, to a wedding, you are not inviting them to share your grief. Not all expressions of grief are appropriate or acceptable-regardless of how much you loved and miss the deceased. Weddings are not "memorials" for the dead-no matter how you or your family mourn them on other occasions.

There are appropriate ways to remember deceased loved ones at weddings that do not shove your grief in the faces of those present-some of whom, especially if they were close to the deceased, probably would lose it if too blatant reminders are employed. These include tributes in programs and on websites, wearing or carrying something associated with or belonging to the deceased, and providing food, drink, decorations, and entertainment that the deceased would have enjoyed. All of these are lovely ways to remember absent loved ones and "incorporate" their memories in a wedding.

MachStu · September 2013

Well, it looks like we can all agree on one thing here, that everyone grieves differently. Do what you want. It's your wedding day. You can be certain that others are doing what they want on their own wedding day as well. There are no "rules" to celebrating the lives of those who passed on. Just do what is best for you and your SO. Don't let others dictate how you want to celebrate your loved ones. The only opinion that matters is yours. - Jessi

Shopgrl512 · September 2013

You people are ridiculous! This bride asked for ideas to remember her parents, NOT to have people bash the way others would like to include their lost loved ones in their special day. May all of you who made those terribly insensitive comments never be faced with having to plan your wedding day without your parent, or lost loved one. Kudos to the brides who are having photos, candles, flowers, DONATIONS (by the way, what kind of ass hole would read that a couple donated $ to a charity and be annoyed by it?) and all the other lovely ideas. I am truly disappointed in humanity after reading this thread.

wildcatsjf · September 2013

I'm so sorry for your loss. My Dad passed away twelve years ago, but I still want a part of him at my wedding with me. I'm planning on having him name stitched in blue on the inside of my dress (or maybe not his name, but a favorite phrase) and my Mom has offered to let me wear his wedding ring on the day. If it doesn't fit my thumb well, then I'll have it tied to my bouquet. Subtle, but I'll know and my immediate family will know, and that matters most. I might mention in my vows that I know my Dad would be proud of me, but since I haven't written my vows yet I might cut that out if it feels like it takes away from the happiness of the ceremony. I hope these ideas help...

Viczaesar · September 2013

Shopgrl512 said:

You people are ridiculous! This bride asked for ideas to remember her parents, NOT to have people bash the way others would like to include their lost loved ones in their special day. May all of you who made those terribly insensitive comments never be faced with having to plan your wedding day without your parent, or lost loved one. Kudos to the brides who are having photos, candles, flowers, DONATIONS (by the way, what kind of ass hole would read that a couple donated $ to a charity and be annoyed by it?) and all the other lovely ideas. I am truly disappointed in humanity after reading this thread.

The kind who doesn't like things donated in their name, or who has a moral objection to the charity in question, or who finds loud proclamations of charitable giving to be extremely crass.

opselly · September 2013

My dad died 15 years ago and I lost mum in May. I've got a few things that other people won't realise but I'll know what's happening - I've got a necklace from each of them embroidered under my dress, the restaurant are playing a couple of their favourite songs during the meal as part of the regular background music, my step dad is having two sets of cutlery at his place as he is sitting where my dad should be and there is a monogram on the table plan with my mum and day's initials that is worked into a pattern.

gimbali · September 2013

Jen4948 said:

xstamcd said:

For all the posters who seem to feel they wrote the book on what is 'too funereal' or have some instinct that there shouldn't be a recognition of sadness and grief in a public way at a wedding, I politely ask you to stuff your etiquette book somewhere - somewhere remote and away from this website. Recognizing grief is part of life and stuffing it away and trying to make it private, especially when you are with the people in the world who love you the most and want to support you, is not helpful. It is one small part of an otherwise joyful occasion. It does not ruin it or stain the entire event. Joy and grief are inseparable in life and to force people who want to share this with their loved ones into some very private expression isn't kind. Maybe that works for you but it doesn't work for everyone.
Also, families have different cultures - and so maybe your family and your friends feel 'cheated' or guilted to have a donation made in lieu of a favor, but many of our family and friend cultures support that and would feel that it is a wise use of those funds. There is no singular right or wrong way to do this.

Sorry, but no. We are not going to "stuff our etiquette books" for you.

When you invite someone, regardless of who they are or how you know them, to a wedding, you are not inviting them to share your grief. Not all expressions of grief are appropriate or acceptable-regardless of how much you loved and miss the deceased. Weddings are not "memorials" for the dead-no matter how you or your family mourn them on other occasions.

There are appropriate ways to remember deceased loved ones at weddings that do not shove your grief in the faces of those present-some of whom, especially if they were close to the deceased, probably would lose it if too blatant reminders are employed. These include tributes in programs and on websites, wearing or carrying something associated with or belonging to the deceased, and providing food, drink, decorations, and entertainment that the deceased would have enjoyed. All of these are lovely ways to remember absent loved ones and "incorporate" their memories in a wedding.

Dear Jen, if the only emotion you can muster for a dead person is grief, even after 5, 10, 15 years, then I truly do feel sorry for you. Maybe it's too hard for you fathom that some people can come to terms with someone's death and the thought of that person actually makes them, dare I say HAPPY. Obviously these brides do not wish to push their "grief" on anyone. They are only trying to remember someone who is an important part of their life, someone who made them, I think I'm feeling daring coz i'll say it again: HAPPY, on their special day. To them a slideshow would make them happy, maybe their guests would love it. Who the hell are you to proclaim otherwise? Go "Shove" your own grief and negative outlook on life somewhere else.

jenniferurs · September 2013

I'm confused by those who think a guest's momentary hint of sadness should supersede a bride or groom's feeling of comfort in how they've chosen to remember their loved one. It's one moment. And if it lasts longer than a moment, then there's something wrong with the guest, not the bride or groom who decided to honor the deceased. There's no reason why a flower on an empty chair or a lit candle or any of that should be ruining someone's entire night. And if it doesn't ruin someone's night, what's the complaint? At the end of the day, this day is in celebration of the bride and groom and, having been to many weddings, I can't IMAGINE thinking that my thoughts and feelings should be placed above theirs. I went to an extremely religious wedding two weeks ago. It made me uncomfortable, because I'm not extremely religious and the hour long Catholic ceremony was a bit much for me. But do I think that they should not have proceeded with their day in the way they wanted in order to make sure I was comfortable? Of course not. At the end of the day, my main wish for them on their special day is to celebrate in whatever way would make them happiest and I'm more than happy to put my own personal feelings on it aside and have a good time regardless. Anyone who would do and/or expect otherwise is incredibly selfish and doesn't understand who the day is centered around.

itzMS · September 2013

jenniferurs said:

I'm confused by those who think a guest's momentary hint of sadness should supersede a bride or groom's feeling of comfort in how they've chosen to remember their loved one. It's one moment. And if it lasts longer than a moment, then there's something wrong with the guest, not the bride or groom who decided to honor the deceased. There's no reason why a flower on an empty chair or a lit candle or any of that should be ruining someone's entire night. And if it doesn't ruin someone's night, what's the complaint? At the end of the day, this day is in celebration of the bride and groom and, having been to many weddings, I can't IMAGINE thinking that my thoughts and feelings should be placed above theirs. I went to an extremely religious wedding two weeks ago. It made me uncomfortable, because I'm not extremely religious and the hour long Catholic ceremony was a bit much for me. But do I think that they should not have proceeded with their day in the way they wanted in order to make sure I was comfortable? Of course not. At the end of the day, my main wish for them on their special day is to celebrate in whatever way would make them happiest and I'm more than happy to put my own personal feelings on it aside and have a good time regardless. Anyone who would do and/or expect otherwise is incredibly selfish and doesn't understand who the day is centered around.

You had a choice to attend the ceremony. If you're not religious or are uncomfortable by religion, you could have easily skipped the ceremony.

A guest won't have a choice but to see or hear an outward memorial to a deceased person.

Had I put out a picture or made any reference to my deceased father at my wedding, it would have made my guests very sad. It would have been selfish of ME to do this to my guests. The day is centered around my husband and I getting married...not our deceased family members.

kapd0187 · September 2013

I think you ideas are great, regardless of others opinions. Yes, maybe there are certain things that can be slightly morbid, etc. But really it is all about how you want to honor those who could not be with you on your day.

I don't feel that making donations in lieu of a traditional favor is tasteless, or pointing yourself out as "selfless". People need to calm down. MANY people make donations in lieu of favors. Usually because it is a nice gesture and sometimes the favors are just wasteful anyways. Why not put the money towards something good instead of something to be ingested or thrown away by others. Plus if it is a note on the cake pop, great. You did a two in one by giving them something and giving to something better.

fpsecretive · September 2013

First off, I am so sorry for your loss.

Second off - remember that your wedding day is for you & you fiancee to become husband & wife ... and not worry about folks, neither one of you know, think you should/should not do.

My second husband passed away about 3 months prior to the wedding of one of my daughters, from my 1st marriage, I wore black, as I was in mourning - with my daughter's and her new husband's blessings. I was not the only one wearing black so I didn't stand out like a sore thumb. My second husband was cremated, and part of his ashes put in a small urn-pendant that we pinned to her petticoat, so when her father walked her down the aisle, a part of her step-father with her also.

She & her fiance set up a memorial table with candles that were wrapped with rice paper print of a photo of a departed loved one and listed the relationship to the groom or bride. Not one guest at the wedding thought this was tacky, funeral feeling, or uncomfortable. (In fact, they are still getting compliments to this day about how they included that touch.)

There is a video on YouTube of a bride, who also lost her father shortly before the wedding, having the adult males close to her dance with her since her father was not there to do it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPDXmbaXvgw . Recently on the news I also saw a young woman arrange to have her father-daughter dance recorded now then that video will be played at her wedding in the future (as she is not yet engaged) as her father had only a few months left to live - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRF3mj0xbZg . Touching, sweet, special, ... etc, but also sentimental for the bride just as much as her bridesmaids doing a quirky, happy dance or whatever.

About tears at a wedding - yes, there will be some but not out of mourning of being reminded someone special is "no longer there" but sentimental thoughts attached to the couple and the wedding itself. I cried when my daughter walked down the aisle but not out of sadness but because I had a flash of her growing from a small baby into a young woman now starting her own family. Did I cry at seeing the memorial candle of my husband (and father)? No, even though my grief was still fresh I did not shed any tears at the sight. Instead I was touched and pleased she included them into her special day. I very much doubt I would've felt uncomfortable or "renewed sense" of grief if my daughter opted to placed an empty chair with flowers - the attention always remained on the couple. She gave me the candles with the photos of my father * husband on them and when I look at them I do not think of sadness, grief, sense of loss but instantly of her wedding day & how beautiful she looked and what a wonderful job she & her husband did on planning things: a smile in place of a tear.

What I am trying to say is this:
Do what you and your soon-to-be husband decide to do to honor those who have passed away, and anyone else who has passed but you wanted/want to be part of your special day. If it is flowers on a chair - then so be it. If it is a memorial candle - that is fine too. If it is carrying/wearing something - then so be it. After all - it is you & your husband's celebration.

As someone in this thread shared: a wedding is supposed to be joyous.Whatever you eventually decide to do to honor/include parents at your wedding - just be assured that your parents will indeed smiling down at you & your husband on your wedding day so the day will remain filled with joy.

I wish the two of you the very best!

jenniferurs · September 2013

fpsecretive said:

First off, I am so sorry for your loss.

Second off - remember that your wedding day is for you & you fiancee to become husband & wife ... and not worry about folks, neither one of you know, think you should/should not do.

My second husband passed away about 3 months prior to the wedding of one of my daughters, from my 1st marriage, I wore black, as I was in mourning - with my daughter's and her new husband's blessings. I was not the only one wearing black so I didn't stand out like a sore thumb. My second husband was cremated, and part of his ashes put in a small urn-pendant that we pinned to her petticoat, so when her father walked her down the aisle, a part of her step-father with her also.

She & her fiance set up a memorial table with candles that were wrapped with rice paper print of a photo of a departed loved one and listed the relationship to the groom or bride. Not one guest at the wedding thought this was tacky, funeral feeling, or uncomfortable. (In fact, they are still getting compliments to this day about how they included that touch.)

There is a video on YouTube of a bride, who also lost her father shortly before the wedding, having the adult males close to her dance with her since her father was not there to do it - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPDXmbaXvgw . Recently on the news I also saw a young woman arrange to have her father-daughter dance recorded now then that video will be played at her wedding in the future (as she is not yet engaged) as her father had only a few months left to live - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MRF3mj0xbZg . Touching, sweet, special, ... etc, but also sentimental for the bride just as much as her bridesmaids doing a quirky, happy dance or whatever.

About tears at a wedding - yes, there will be some but not out of mourning of being reminded someone special is "no longer there" but sentimental thoughts attached to the couple and the wedding itself. I cried when my daughter walked down the aisle but not out of sadness but because I had a flash of her growing from a small baby into a young woman now starting her own family. Did I cry at seeing the memorial candle of my husband (and father)? No, even though my grief was still fresh I did not shed any tears at the sight. Instead I was touched and pleased she included them into her special day. I very much doubt I would've felt uncomfortable or "renewed sense" of grief if my daughter opted to placed an empty chair with flowers - the attention always remained on the couple. She gave me the candles with the photos of my father * husband on them and when I look at them I do not think of sadness, grief, sense of loss but instantly of her wedding day & how beautiful she looked and what a wonderful job she & her husband did on planning things: a smile in place of a tear.

What I am trying to say is this:
Do what you and your soon-to-be husband decide to do to honor those who have passed away, and anyone else who has passed but you wanted/want to be part of your special day. If it is flowers on a chair - then so be it. If it is a memorial candle - that is fine too. If it is carrying/wearing something - then so be it. After all - it is you & your husband's celebration.

As someone in this thread shared: a wedding is supposed to be joyous.Whatever you eventually decide to do to honor/include parents at your wedding - just be assured that your parents will indeed smiling down at you & your husband on your wedding day so the day will remain filled with joy.

I wish the two of you the very best!

Great post.

Jen4948 · September 2013

Sorry folks, you're out of luck.

Once again...there are many appropriate and beautiful ways to remember deceased loved ones at a wedding. If you need to do more than those on your wedding day, do them in private-not in the middle of your ceremony or reception. Weddings are not memorial services for the deceased-they are for the living.

Also, sorry folks, but weddings are NOT "do whatever you want, it's YOUR DAY" occasions. There are any number of threads here about how as soon as you involve a single other person through invitation or asking for their assistance, it is NOT your day anymore. It's also THEIR day.

Newbies, get this through your skulls. You don't get to rewrite etiquette because you're getting married. That you don't have both parents or some other loved one with you, or something else is going on in your life, doesn't give you carte blanche to forget about the feelings of everyone else who you are asking to share the day with you.

jenniferurs · September 2013

Jen4948 said:

Sorry folks, you're out of luck.

Once again...there are many appropriate and beautiful ways to remember deceased loved ones at a wedding. If you need to do more than those on your wedding day, do them in private-not in the middle of your ceremony or reception. Weddings are not memorial services for the deceased-they are for the living.

Also, sorry folks, but weddings are NOT "do whatever you want, it's YOUR DAY" occasions. There are any number of threads here about how as soon as you involve a single other person through invitation or asking for their assistance, it is NOT your day anymore. It's also THEIR day.

Newbies, get this through your skulls. You don't get to rewrite etiquette because you're getting married. That you don't have both parents or some other loved one with you, or something else is going on in your life, doesn't give you carte blanche to forget about the feelings of everyone else who you are asking to share the day with you.

And if everyone else likes the idea, what then?

Jen4948 · September 2013

jenniferurs said:

Jen4948 said:

Sorry folks, you're out of luck.

Once again...there are many appropriate and beautiful ways to remember deceased loved ones at a wedding. If you need to do more than those on your wedding day, do them in private-not in the middle of your ceremony or reception. Weddings are not memorial services for the deceased-they are for the living.

Also, sorry folks, but weddings are NOT "do whatever you want, it's YOUR DAY" occasions. There are any number of threads here about how as soon as you involve a single other person through invitation or asking for their assistance, it is NOT your day anymore. It's also THEIR day.

Newbies, get this through your skulls. You don't get to rewrite etiquette because you're getting married. That you don't have both parents or some other loved one with you, or something else is going on in your life, doesn't give you carte blanche to forget about the feelings of everyone else who you are asking to share the day with you.

And if everyone else likes the idea, what then?

Then you're all guilty of an etiquette fail.

Popularity of a not good idea doesn't make etiquette go away. And if you've evoked intense grief of another survivor in the process, that's even more of an etiquette fail because that's exactly why the idea is not condoned.

jenniferurs · September 2013

I guess my friends and family just aren't the "intense grief" type. We see photographs of deceased loved ones and we smile upon shared memories. We're not really the type of group to freak out over a set of pictures.

Jen4948 · September 2013

jenniferurs said:

I guess my friends and family just aren't the "intense grief" type. We see photographs of deceased loved ones and we smile upon shared memories. We're not really the type of group to freak out over a set of pictures.

It really kind of depends on how the pictures are presented.

If the photos in question are part of a set of family photos that included living family members as well, that would be sweet. I wouldn't have a problem with that.

What I'd have a problem with would be a big single photo or a flower on an empty chair because it calls lots of attention to the reason someone isn't there.

MachStu · September 2013

How boring would all our weddings be if they fit into one singular mold? Be yourself! Do what is right for you and at the end of it all, you will be much happier for following what you wanted to do. Some people may RAVE about your wedding. Some people might call your wedding an "etiquette fail." As long as you had an amazing time and did it your way, that's all that matters.

- Jessi

itzMS · September 2013

jenniferurs said:

I guess my friends and family just aren't the "intense grief" type. We see photographs of deceased loved ones and we smile upon shared memories. We're not really the type of group to freak out over a set of pictures.

@jenniferurs You also realize that your friends and family likely tell you that your idea is splendid just because they don't want to hurt your feelings, right?

Haven't you ever told a friend or family member that her new haircut or outfit was stunning (when it was really ugly) just to not hurt her feelings?

You're getting some honest, straightforward, feedback here that is true to etiquette.

jenniferurs · September 2013

itzMS said:

jenniferurs said:

I guess my friends and family just aren't the "intense grief" type. We see photographs of deceased loved ones and we smile upon shared memories. We're not really the type of group to freak out over a set of pictures.

@jenniferurs You also realize that your friends and family likely tell you that your idea is splendid just because they don't want to hurt your feelings, right?

Haven't you ever told a friend or family member that her new haircut or outfit was stunning (when it was really ugly) just to not hurt her feelings?

You're getting some honest, straightforward, feedback here that is true to etiquette.

My earlier post clarified that this was never my original plan/idea; it only became my plan once a multitude of my friends and family members had suggested it themselves.

MrsLlorada13 · September 2013

My fiancee's mother passed away earlier this year. How can we honnor her without making it too morbid or depressing? It's coming up fast and I am running out of appropriate ideas...

Jen4948 · September 2013

MrsLlorada13 said:

My fiancee's mother passed away earlier this year. How can we honnor her without making it too morbid or depressing? It's coming up fast and I am running out of appropriate ideas...

Your fiance can wear or carry something she owned or was associated with her; you can give her a tribute in a wedding program if you are doing that; you can provide food, drink, music or other entertainment, or flowers or other decorations that she would have enjoyed.

MValdez 0407 · September 2013

To honor the memory of my loved ones ,we are including family and friends in a candle lighting when we do our unity candle ,while playing what a wonderful world.I am also having special bouquets made up for them as well.There will be chairs with their pictures in frames in The front row as well as being mentioned in our program and a prayer will be read. While many may think this is morbid or too over the top , I believe it is a beautiful way to remember and respect them regardless of popular option. Never let anyone tell you different it is your day. Do what will make you happy.

Jen4948 · September 2013

MValdez 0407 said:

To honor the memory of my loved ones ,we are including family and friends in a candle lighting when we do our unity candle ,while playing what a wonderful world.I am also having special bouquets made up for them as well.There will be chairs with their pictures in frames in The front row as well as being mentioned in our program and a prayer will be read. While many may think this is morbid or too over the top , I believe it is a beautiful way to remember and respect them regardless of popular option. Never let anyone tell you different it is your day. Do what will make you happy.

Very poor advice in this forum. See other posts advising not doing this at the expense of the feelings of others.

MDonin · February 2014

This is how we'll be remembering our passed relatives at our wedding. Our rings will be heirlooms from our deceased relatives. I'll be wearing my fiance's grandmother's ring and he will be wearing my father's ring. I'll have my dad's favorite flower in my bouquet. We're planning on having some pictures set up by our guestbook/place card table of our deceased relatives at their weddings: all of our grandparents and my parents. In our early stages of planning, I got this idea from the queen of etiquette herself, Martha Stewart, by the way.

Best of luck planning! Like many have said before me, your wedding is a celebration of both your families and your joining of your lives together. Do what you feel is right for you.

flyingfoxes · February 2014

I'm honoring my dad by having a charm with his picture on a blue ribbon that attaches to my bouquet. I'm also throwing around the idea of having a heart-shaped cutout of one of his shirts sewn into my gown over my heart. We know he's not physically here any more, but you bet your ass his spirit will be! There's no need to dwell on the loss of his physical presence (and I ADORED my dad). I would be a crying mess if we drew too much attention to the loss of his physical attendance. We'll just skip the dad-daughter part of the reception, and I'll walk myself down the aisle.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

Here's a few ideas our editors came up with on how to honor deceased loved ones at your wedding....

http://blog.theknot.com/2014/02/26/12-ways-to-honor-deceased-loved-ones-at-your-wedding/

My parents passed away.. How should I honor them?

Re: My parents passed away.. How should I honor them?

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