Why is it so hard to understand.....

Smirnoffbride · September 2013

@cmelliot I have lurked on these boards for quite a while and read a lot of the regular's replies. I would just like to say that what you view as rude and unhelpful, I see completely differently. Yes, the replies are sometimes blunt, but all the people here are trying to make sure that brides looking for advice don't make the same mistakes as others before them have or are about to. This is an etiquette board and while you may not think something that you are doing is rude and while you may think that giving options is great and will benefit all your guests, this board is about a whole community of brides that would like to do things the right way without offending or upsetting anybody. Anyway,that's just my 2 cents worth and I would just like to say thanks to all the regs, because I love the fact that you are all straight to the point and that when I get married I will know exactly what the right etiquette would be in any given situation.

Smirnoffbride · September 2013

Sorry, just wanted to add that I did have paragraphs, but when I posted from my ipad they disappeared, so sorry about that.

CrazyCatLady3 · September 2013

ceceibson said:

Why are you inviting people to your wedding who wouldn't know you don't need a gift card to Lowe's? We didn't register. It was not a first wedding for us, for one thing, and we were already living together. We frankly hoped people would give us nothing, and the vast majority did just that.

Those that did give us a gift gave us (1) a personal or decorative item that clearly reflected our personalities; (2) booze; (3) booze; (4) booze and

(5) gift cards to places like Home Depot and Lowe's [because our guests know we're always doing something to one of our homes] and local restaurants.

We didn't need a gift card registry to give our guests "options".

I'm not a proponent of GC registries, but as to your first point, plenty of people have to invite their parents' friends etc. to their wedding who may not know everything going on in their lives. I am inviting friends of my parents who I haven't spoken to in a long time, as a courtesy to my mom. They have no way of knowing where I shop. As for me, I'm not registering for GCs because I'd rather get a check, as PPs have pointed out, but I don't think wedding guests always know a ton about the couple's spending/shopping habits.

jenniferurs · September 2013

misshart00 said:

I am genuinely curious about the people who say their friends and family think it's a great idea. Do those friends know that it just sends you a check minus fees? No one answers my question when I ask. And most brides dont even understand how they work. I would have way less of a problem with them if the company actually booked stuff, so Aunt Sally actually bought you the candlelit dinner.

The hotel I'm considering for my honeymoon does that. They allow people to directly buy you things like excursions, spa treatments, or experiences (like the dinner for two on the beach). How does that differ from asking someone to buy you a spatula?

ashleyep · September 2013

jenniferurs said:

misshart00 said:

I am genuinely curious about the people who say their friends and family think it's a great idea. Do those friends know that it just sends you a check minus fees? No one answers my question when I ask. And most brides dont even understand how they work. I would have way less of a problem with them if the company actually booked stuff, so Aunt Sally actually bought you the candlelit dinner.

The hotel I'm considering for my honeymoon does that. They allow people to directly buy you things like excursions, spa treatments, or experiences (like the dinner for two on the beach). How does that differ from asking someone to buy you a spatula?

We've actually extended the honeymoon registry conversation further before to say "if it meant that you actually did get the item you requests, would it be okay?" I don't have a problem with it if you're actually getting that dinner for two.

Others have said they don't like because they don't like funding your honeymoon and think that registries should be for your home. Or you can use the cash they give you for whatever you want.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

ashleyep said:

jenniferurs said:

misshart00 said:

I am genuinely curious about the people who say their friends and family think it's a great idea. Do those friends know that it just sends you a check minus fees? No one answers my question when I ask. And most brides dont even understand how they work. I would have way less of a problem with them if the company actually booked stuff, so Aunt Sally actually bought you the candlelit dinner.

The hotel I'm considering for my honeymoon does that. They allow people to directly buy you things like excursions, spa treatments, or experiences (like the dinner for two on the beach). How does that differ from asking someone to buy you a spatula?

We've actually extended the honeymoon registry conversation further before to say "if it meant that you actually did get the item you requests, would it be okay?" I don't have a problem with it if you're actually getting that dinner for two.

Others have said they don't like because they don't like funding your honeymoon and think that registries should be for your home. Or you can use the cash they give you for whatever you want.

I would have no problem buying something from a HM registry if, in fact, you actually get that item. But most HM registries cut a check, minus a fee, to the couple so nothing is actually purchased.

ashleyep · September 2013

@Maggie0829 agreed.

jenniferurs · September 2013

ashleyep said:

jenniferurs said:

misshart00 said:

I am genuinely curious about the people who say their friends and family think it's a great idea. Do those friends know that it just sends you a check minus fees? No one answers my question when I ask. And most brides dont even understand how they work. I would have way less of a problem with them if the company actually booked stuff, so Aunt Sally actually bought you the candlelit dinner.

The hotel I'm considering for my honeymoon does that. They allow people to directly buy you things like excursions, spa treatments, or experiences (like the dinner for two on the beach). How does that differ from asking someone to buy you a spatula?

We've actually extended the honeymoon registry conversation further before to say "if it meant that you actually did get the item you requests, would it be okay?" I don't have a problem with it if you're actually getting that dinner for two.

Others have said they don't like because they don't like funding your honeymoon and think that registries should be for your home. Or you can use the cash they give you for whatever you want.

If someone doesn't want to fund my honeymoon, that's completely fine. I have a traditional gift registry or they're free to give cash. Or nothing at all for that matter. I guess I'm just not seeing the philosophical difference in asking for a fun excursion and asking for a new set of pots. Either way, you're asking someone to fund something for you and your guest is free to choose which (if any) they'd like to give.

kdmorain21 · September 2013

There is a snarky board for those who are snarky.

daveANDkristen · September 2013

jenniferurs said:

ashleyep said:

jenniferurs said:

misshart00 said:

I am genuinely curious about the people who say their friends and family think it's a great idea. Do those friends know that it just sends you a check minus fees? No one answers my question when I ask. And most brides dont even understand how they work. I would have way less of a problem with them if the company actually booked stuff, so Aunt Sally actually bought you the candlelit dinner.
The hotel I'm considering for my honeymoon does that. They allow people to directly buy you things like excursions, spa treatments, or experiences (like the dinner for two on the beach). How does that differ from asking someone to buy you a spatula?
We've actually extended the honeymoon registry conversation further before to say "if it meant that you actually did get the item you requests, would it be okay?" I don't have a problem with it if you're actually getting that dinner for two.

Others have said they don't like because they don't like funding your honeymoon and think that registries should be for your home. Or you can use the cash they give you for whatever you want.

If someone doesn't want to fund my honeymoon, that's completely fine. I have a traditional gift registry or they're free to give cash. Or nothing at all for that matter. I guess I'm just not seeing the philosophical difference in asking for a fun excursion and asking for a new set of pots. Either way, you're asking someone to fund something for you and your guest is free to choose which (if any) they'd like to give.

Does the hotel charge a fee for this service?

A registry is not a list of things you are "asking for". It is a list of things that you would like for your home. You don't publicize it. If someone wants to ask where you're registered or google it, it's because they want to buy you a gift. They can choose to buy a gift with no guidance, or if they want to make sure they are getting you something that you need or is your style, they can consult the registry.

CASH is everyone's style. And that is what HM registries typically are, cash registries. If your hotel offers a service where your guests can call up and prepay for a massage that you will actually receive, fine.

jenniferurs · September 2013

daveANDkristen said:

jenniferurs said:

ashleyep said:

jenniferurs said:

misshart00 said:

I am genuinely curious about the people who say their friends and family think it's a great idea. Do those friends know that it just sends you a check minus fees? No one answers my question when I ask. And most brides dont even understand how they work. I would have way less of a problem with them if the company actually booked stuff, so Aunt Sally actually bought you the candlelit dinner.
The hotel I'm considering for my honeymoon does that. They allow people to directly buy you things like excursions, spa treatments, or experiences (like the dinner for two on the beach). How does that differ from asking someone to buy you a spatula?
We've actually extended the honeymoon registry conversation further before to say "if it meant that you actually did get the item you requests, would it be okay?" I don't have a problem with it if you're actually getting that dinner for two.

Others have said they don't like because they don't like funding your honeymoon and think that registries should be for your home. Or you can use the cash they give you for whatever you want.

If someone doesn't want to fund my honeymoon, that's completely fine. I have a traditional gift registry or they're free to give cash. Or nothing at all for that matter. I guess I'm just not seeing the philosophical difference in asking for a fun excursion and asking for a new set of pots. Either way, you're asking someone to fund something for you and your guest is free to choose which (if any) they'd like to give.

Does the hotel charge a fee for this service?

A registry is not a list of things you are "asking for". It is a list of things that you would like for your home. You don't publicize it. If someone wants to ask where you're registered or google it, it's because they want to buy you a gift. They can choose to buy a gift with no guidance, or if they want to make sure they are getting you something that you need or is your style, they can consult the registry.

CASH is everyone's style. And that is what HM registries typically are, cash registries. If your hotel offers a service where your guests can call up and prepay for a massage that you will actually receive, fine.

No ma'am. No fee.

And I understand what you're saying about purposefully seeking out registries to see what kind of gift you'd like, but it's not like I'd be promoting this registry in any different way. It'd be in the same place my other gift registry is (on my wedding website).

KeptInStitches · September 2013

@jenniferurs, I'd have no problem giving to that registry if I wanted to, say, purchase a romantic dinner for you and your H. And I have no problem with the registries being listed on the website so long as they're not, say, some big giant glittery link saying "Registry this way!"

Swazzle · September 2013

kdmorain21 said:

There is a snarky board for those who are snarky.

No way! Where?!

misshart00 · September 2013

KeptInStitches said:

@jenniferurs, I'd have no problem giving to that registry if I wanted to, say, purchase a romantic dinner for you and your H. And I have no problem with the registries being listed on the website so long as they're not, say, some big giant glittery link saying "Registry this way!"

This. I also hate when people use honeymoon registries to fund their entire honeymoon. What happens when they only get $500? How do you explain to those that gave you the candlelit dinner that you didn't actually do it because you didn't go to London?

LiLe422 · September 2013

kdmorain21 said:

There is a snarky board for those who are snarky.

Oh FFS. Lurk a little, why don't ya.

southernbelle0915 · September 2013

kdmorain21 said:

There is a snarky board for those who are snarky.

OMGGGG for real?!

gmcr78 · September 2013

This exact thing happened to me. I thought I bought the couple a ziplining tour or something, and didn't find out until after that it's nothing more than a check written to the couple minus the fees the company keeps. I was pissed.

grumbledore · September 2013

Deleted - I had a blonde moment and thought I was in a different thread. My bad.

grumbledore · September 2013

Honeymoon registries suck. I will never buy a gift for someone from a honeymoon registry.

1) I don't want to pay for your honeymoon;

2) I don't like when people ask for cash, which is what you are doing;

3) I don't want a portion of my gift to you to go to processing fees, it's wasteful and stupid.

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

Deleted due to cmelliott = troll.

For some reason this GIF seemed relevant. AW maybe?

GypsyWife_ · September 2013

It s an unbelievable day for tk. I have been on all day and no cleaning was done. Thanks cmelliot. Lol .

Dreamergirl8812 · September 2013

cowgirl8238 said:

@cmelliot stop being a troll...between this posting and the tattoo cover ups I beginning to think the only reason you are on here is to start shit with others and turn around to play the victim card...not happening with me...
I suggest we all stop feeding her, lest we unleash the curse of the gremlins:

This.

Why is it so hard to understand.....

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