Wedding Etiquette Forum

Cursing and etiquette

2

Re: Cursing and etiquette

  • @TerriHugg - You may not be sensitive in general, but that you are willing to disregard something based on the use of curse words is rather short sighted.

    It was @Jen4948 who suggested "gentle redirection" as the best way to get a point across. 

    If you have been around for years as you say, you know that gentle redirection and asking nicely does not work.  You have seen the evidence that nice, yet blunt,  well thought responses can turn a poster into a banshee with little effort.  None of the posters that are being referenced having turned the internet into a sewer ever got nasty, mean or started cursing until this happens.  Then is when the gloves would come off.

    Well I disagree with the bolded, but I respect your opinion. But I have to clarify myself because in a way I mispoke in my original post. I honestly only "promptly" disregard etiquette advice with curse words in it. My school of thought is that if you can't deliver etiquette advice while practicing good etiquette why should I listen to you?

    But when it comes to real life, I don't always disregard advice when cursing is used if it is in fact good advice. 
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  • edited September 2013
    TerriHugg said:
    phira said:
    Cursing might be rude, etiquette-wise, but the point of this board it do discuss wedding etiquette. We encourage people to practice proper wedding etiquette ... but we're not actually necessarily etiquette-ing on the board.

    Basically, we'd suggest that people NOT have curse words in their wedding invitations. Or we'd suggest that people not violently swear at their wedding party.

    Anyway. You're being kind of an asshole by saying that you ignore people's advice if there are swears in it. I hate the whole, "Well, if you just ask nicely, THEN people will listen to you." Good advice is good advice.
    Well, I don't agree with calling me an asshole. But you are right that it could be good advice even if people are swearing when giving it. I can admit when I'm wrong. And I apologize to anyone I offended because that was not my intention. 

    But I never said the whole "Well, if you just ask nicely, THEN people will listen to you." I don't know where that came from, but it wasn't me. 
    How is calling her that not a personal attack? Just because you added "kind of being"?? This is why people want the "puppies and rainbows" so they don't have to be attacked like this!
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

  • @TerriHugg - the sensitive portion was not directed solely at you.  Being sensitive on the internet or these boards was brought up further down in the discussion.  I was basically using it in the general sense.

    I get what you are saying but it is hard to sensor yourself when you are just trying to be yourself. How I give advice on here is how I would give advice to my best friend.  I have no problem saying to my friend "Are you fucking crazy?!" so I feel like I should be the same way on here.  I don't know, it is hard to explain but I feel like I can give advice better by being myself then when I try to sensor myself.  When I try to sensor myself it never comes out they way I want it to or makes as much sense as it would if I just talk like I normally talk.

    I guess you could equate it to trying to talk like a freaking genius with a crazy high IQ when you aren't one...you tend to sound silly and confusing.  KWIM?
    @Maggie0829 I can honestly understand that. It makes sense when you put it that way. 
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  • Just a funny thing about cursing on TK - I was on TK from 2002-2004. Cursing wasn't even allowed back then. You weren't able to post any replies with curse words. 
    TerriHugggrumbledore
  • TerriHugg said:
    phira said:
    Cursing might be rude, etiquette-wise, but the point of this board it do discuss wedding etiquette. We encourage people to practice proper wedding etiquette ... but we're not actually necessarily etiquette-ing on the board.

    Basically, we'd suggest that people NOT have curse words in their wedding invitations. Or we'd suggest that people not violently swear at their wedding party.

    Anyway. You're being kind of an asshole by saying that you ignore people's advice if there are swears in it. I hate the whole, "Well, if you just ask nicely, THEN people will listen to you." Good advice is good advice.
    Well, I don't agree with calling me an asshole. But you are right that it could be good advice even if people are swearing when giving it. I can admit when I'm wrong. And I apologize to anyone I offended because that was not my intention. 

    But I never said the whole "Well, if you just ask nicely, THEN people will listen to you." I don't know where that came from, but it wasn't me. 
    How is calling her that not a personal attack? Just because you added "kind of being"?? This is why people want the "puppies and rainbows" so they don't have to be attacked like this!

    For the love of all that's holy - she was not attacked.  Yes, by adding "kind of being" implies that she is acting like an asshole. You can act like something and not be something.  Would it have been less offensive if she had said brat or jerk?

    This is exactly the sensitivity that I (and others) have talked about.  Terri said she said doesn't agree with being called an asshole, but she certainly didn't imply she was attacked.

     

    grumbledorePrettyGirlLost
  • TerriHugg said:

    @TerriHugg - You may not be sensitive in general, but that you are willing to disregard something based on the use of curse words is rather short sighted.

    It was @Jen4948 who suggested "gentle redirection" as the best way to get a point across. 

    If you have been around for years as you say, you know that gentle redirection and asking nicely does not work.  You have seen the evidence that nice, yet blunt,  well thought responses can turn a poster into a banshee with little effort.  None of the posters that are being referenced having turned the internet into a sewer ever got nasty, mean or started cursing until this happens.  Then is when the gloves would come off.

    Well I disagree with the bolded, but I respect your opinion. But I have to clarify myself because in a way I mispoke in my original post. I honestly only "promptly" disregard etiquette advice with curse words in it. My school of thought is that if you can't deliver etiquette advice while practicing good etiquette why should I listen to you?

    But when it comes to real life, I don't always disregard advice when cursing is used if it is in fact good advice. 

    I'm not sure I'm clear on what you're disagreeing with.  How did I get that wrong in my statement?  I said you aren't sensitive, which you have said several times and you say in the bolded you disregard advice with curse words in it. 

    FTR, I do see your point that maybe etiquette advice shouldn't include swearing, but I also agree wtih Maggie (and others) that if that's how a person talks in real life, that's how it's going to be here.

    Also, please explain, why should good advice online with curse words be any different than good advice in real life with curse words?  If it's good advice, it's good advice.

     

  • Just a funny thing about cursing on TK - I was on TK from 2002-2004. Cursing wasn't even allowed back then. You weren't able to post any replies with curse words. 

    Excellent point.  I do remember when I first joined that you couldn't type any curse words; I, personally, was referencing the harshness just in the bluntness of answers. 

    And of course there were many creative ways posters got around the curse word censors.

     

    climbingsinglegrumbledore
  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013
    TerriHugg said:

    @TerriHugg - You may not be sensitive in general, but that you are willing to disregard something based on the use of curse words is rather short sighted.

    It was @Jen4948 who suggested "gentle redirection" as the best way to get a point across. 

    If you have been around for years as you say, you know that gentle redirection and asking nicely does not work.  You have seen the evidence that nice, yet blunt,  well thought responses can turn a poster into a banshee with little effort.  None of the posters that are being referenced having turned the internet into a sewer ever got nasty, mean or started cursing until this happens.  Then is when the gloves would come off.

    Well I disagree with the bolded, but I respect your opinion. But I have to clarify myself because in a way I mispoke in my original post. I honestly only "promptly" disregard etiquette advice with curse words in it. My school of thought is that if you can't deliver etiquette advice while practicing good etiquette why should I listen to you?

    But when it comes to real life, I don't always disregard advice when cursing is used if it is in fact good advice. 

    I'm not sure I'm clear on what you're disagreeing with.  How did I get that wrong in my statement?  I said you aren't sensitive, which you have said several times and you say in the bolded you disregard advice with curse words in it. 

    FTR, I do see your point that maybe etiquette advice shouldn't include swearing, but I also agree wtih Maggie (and others) that if that's how a person talks in real life, that's how it's going to be here.

    Also, please explain, why should good advice online with curse words be any different than good advice in real life with curse words?  If it's good advice, it's good advice.

    Well this is where I might put my foot in myself even more. But honestly, I'd just be more inclined to listen to someone I've actually met in person even if cursing is involved rather than some random stranger on the internet. I can't be the only one to think that way. 

    Also in real life when someone is cursing, it's easier to see what their intentions are when giving advice. For example, Maggie used the example of saying to her best friend "Are You fucking crazy" and saying that on here because that's the way she speaks in real life. Because she is friends with the person she is saying that too in person it is clear what her intentions are and what she is trying to do. But on the internet saying, "You are fucking crazy" can be interpreted in multiple ways" Maggie could indeed be saying it from a loving and helpful place or she could be saying it from a cold place meant to insult, be rude, and attack the person asking for help. (However, I must admit that it could be misinterpreted in-person too.)

    For that reason, I find I am much more inclined to follow good advice using cursing in-person that I am online. 

    Oh and what I meant before is that I disagree with it being short-sighted. 
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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    edited September 2013

    @TerriHugg - Thank you.  That helps clarify a bit.

    I think your example of how things can be taken on the internet is why new posters are always encouraged to lurk, a lot.  I made the mistake of when I first joined to not lurk.  I jumped right in without having a clue and got ripped for it.  If I had lurked a bit, I would have learned Maggie's (since she's our example du jour) posting style and would have known that her use of "Are you fucking crazy" is meant from that place of helpfulness and not meant to insult. 

    Every board did/does have a sticky stating what you should know if you are a first timer, new to the boards.  No one reads them.  If they did and lurked a bit, perhaps they wouldn't be so quick to judge the harsh, blunt, cursing ways.  But rather take it with grain of salt and wade through to find the true nuggets of golden advice.  Instead they just get their feelings hurt, run to the KGs whining about the mean old regs and suddenly every bad idea under the sun is being validated.

    FTR - Maggie is not who ripped me when I first joined.  That poster hasn't been in around in a very long time, like years.

    ETA:  Apologies for starting to ramble, I think the afternoon is getting to me.

     

  • We give out the etiquette advice we do so that you don't offend any of your guests. We are not your friends, family, or guests, so how we decide to get across our point here doesn't really matter. 
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    southernbelle0915TeddiD34
  • Eh, but that's not really a problem with cursing. That's a problem with missing something like 90% of communication, which is nonverbal. Generic you could write something that could be read either as coming from a loving, helpful place, or something that could come from a mocking place, without using any profanity.
  • I curse like a sailor.  But not in polite company.  I think working where I do has made it worse (law firm) because everyone here swears constantly.  I avoid it almost entirely around my DD and family but that's it.

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  • TerriHugg said:
    phira said:
    Cursing might be rude, etiquette-wise, but the point of this board it do discuss wedding etiquette. We encourage people to practice proper wedding etiquette ... but we're not actually necessarily etiquette-ing on the board.

    Basically, we'd suggest that people NOT have curse words in their wedding invitations. Or we'd suggest that people not violently swear at their wedding party.

    Anyway. You're being kind of an asshole by saying that you ignore people's advice if there are swears in it. I hate the whole, "Well, if you just ask nicely, THEN people will listen to you." Good advice is good advice.
    Well, I don't agree with calling me an asshole. But you are right that it could be good advice even if people are swearing when giving it. I can admit when I'm wrong. And I apologize to anyone I offended because that was not my intention. 

    But I never said the whole "Well, if you just ask nicely, THEN people will listen to you." I don't know where that came from, but it wasn't me. 
    How is calling her that not a personal attack? Just because you added "kind of being"?? This is why people want the "puppies and rainbows" so they don't have to be attacked like this!
    I think it's an asshole thing to ignore people because you don't think they're speaking properly.
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  • And it's folks like you that have started turning TK into puppies and rainbows.  If you think it's harsh around here now, you should have been here years ago.  I'm sorry that bluntness makes you uncomfortable, how do you function in real life?  Perhaps you should read the Special Snowflake thread. I used to enjoy TK, got myself bashed a few times but generally enjoyed reading and popping in with advice on occasion.  Now it's a ghost town thanks to posters like you.

    What either of you fail to notice is that no one ever starts off cursing, only when some poor newb got there feelers hurt and starts throwing around their own hateful language does anyone ever start swearing.

    Jen I'm sure you were one of the big players in why Stage & Linger got banned.

    If you're so special and sensitive maybe the interwebz isn't for you.

    ETA:  And it's not against TOS, so get over youselves.

    All of this.  I came to TK (under my old sn) years ago looking for advice and I found it - unfiltered and guaranteed to make me not look like an asshole.  Others deserve the same.  A blunt delivery, to me, gets the point across better.  There are rules you should not break if you want to be a good host.  Break them at your peril.

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  • Eh, but that's not really a problem with cursing. That's a problem with missing something like 90% of communication, which is nonverbal. Generic you could write something that could be read either as coming from a loving, helpful place, or something that could come from a mocking place, without using any profanity.
    This is very true.

    I could say "You are acting crazy" or "You are acting fucking crazy" on here and people could misinterpret each one the same way.  Some may think I am being witty or sarcastic or whatever but others could think I was being dead serious and really calling someone crazy.  That is why I have learned to try to fully explain what I am trying to get across and provide back up details as to why I say certain things.

    Just having something in written form will always cause people to misinterpret things.  But, and this is mostly for the newbs, instead of getting your feelings hurt or running to Mom (KGs) to tell on us, maybe try to think about how things are posted in different ways.  Also questions are more then welcomed for further explanations.

    In the end misinterpretation will happen but no one has a problem explaining themselves further if need be.

  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited September 2013
    ashleyep said:
    We give out the etiquette advice we do so that you don't offend any of your guests. We are not your friends, family, or guests, so how we decide to get across our point here doesn't really matter. 
    Not to mention it's exactly why I have trusted the advice on here for years - because you people have no reason whatsoever to kiss my ass or bullshit me.  My friends and family have every reason to lie - because they don't want to upset me.  You guys don't give a shit and that's why it works.

    This is also why I can't stand Wedding Bee and fucking Offbeat Bride - because you are moderated if you don't kiss the ass of every entitled, bitchy, rude bride who wants to have a BYOB, potuck, cash grab reception with a honeymoon registry.  It's useless.

    If cursing gets your panties in a wad, oh well.

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    MrsMack10612daveANDkristenxhellokittyPrettyGirlLost
  • ashleyep said:
    We give out the etiquette advice we do so that you don't offend any of your guests. We are not your friends, family, or guests, so how we decide to get across our point here doesn't really matter. 
    Not to mention it's exactly why I have trusted the advice on here for years - because you people have no reason whatsoever to kiss my ass or bullshit me.  My friends and family have every reason to lie - because they don't want to upset me.  You guys don't give a shit and that's why it works.

    This is also why I can't stand Wedding Bee and fucking Offbeat Bride - because you are moderated if you don't kiss the ass of every entitled, bitchy, rude bride who wants to have a BYOB, potuck, cash grab reception with a honeymoon registry.  It's useless.

    If cursing gets your panties in a wad, oh well.
     I 100% agree with this.  I was able to host my guests properly and everyone had a great time. I drove my MOH crazy while she was planning her wedding because all the "mean regs" turned me into a etiquette pusher. 

     

    grumbledoredaveANDkristenPrettyGirlLost
  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013
    phira said:
    TerriHugg said:
    phira said:
    Cursing might be rude, etiquette-wise, but the point of this board it do discuss wedding etiquette. We encourage people to practice proper wedding etiquette ... but we're not actually necessarily etiquette-ing on the board.

    Basically, we'd suggest that people NOT have curse words in their wedding invitations. Or we'd suggest that people not violently swear at their wedding party.

    Anyway. You're being kind of an asshole by saying that you ignore people's advice if there are swears in it. I hate the whole, "Well, if you just ask nicely, THEN people will listen to you." Good advice is good advice.
    Well, I don't agree with calling me an asshole. But you are right that it could be good advice even if people are swearing when giving it. I can admit when I'm wrong. And I apologize to anyone I offended because that was not my intention. 

    But I never said the whole "Well, if you just ask nicely, THEN people will listen to you." I don't know where that came from, but it wasn't me. 
    How is calling her that not a personal attack? Just because you added "kind of being"?? This is why people want the "puppies and rainbows" so they don't have to be attacked like this!
    I think it's an asshole thing to ignore people because you don't think they're speaking properly.
    Ok. 
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  • Eh, but that's not really a problem with cursing. That's a problem with missing something like 90% of communication, which is nonverbal. Generic you could write something that could be read either as coming from a loving, helpful place, or something that could come from a mocking place, without using any profanity.
    This is very true.

    I could say "You are acting crazy" or "You are acting fucking crazy" on here and people could misinterpret each one the same way.  Some may think I am being witty or sarcastic or whatever but others could think I was being dead serious and really calling someone crazy.  That is why I have learned to try to fully explain what I am trying to get across and provide back up details as to why I say certain things.

    Just having something in written form will always cause people to misinterpret things.  But, and this is mostly for the newbs, instead of getting your feelings hurt or running to Mom (KGs) to tell on us, maybe try to think about how things are posted in different ways.  Also questions are more then welcomed for further explanations.

    In the end misinterpretation will happen but no one has a problem explaining themselves further if need be.
    You make a good point here. Misinterpretation can happen with anything you say. I guess my problem is that it's most likely to happen when using curse words because of what the words once meant. According to dictionary.com "curse: is the following:

    cursekərs/
    verb
    gerund or present participle: cursing
    1. 1.
      invoke or use a curse against.
      "it often seemed as if the family had been cursed"
      synonyms:put a curse on, put the evil eye on, anathematizedamnhexjinx;More
    2.
    utter offensive words in anger or annoyance.

    In none of those descriptions is it a positive or useful thing. So when someone using curse words when speaking it can be seen as offensive because in all honesty that is/was the nature of cursing. So you can be saying something that is helpful, but because you used a curse word it comes off as offensive or negative because that is a nature of cursing words. However, I have to admit the nature of cursing has changed and I've had difficulty accepting that. Hence the reason, why i find it difficult to accept advice when a curse is involved. 

    And yes I know that definition i provided is a bit off from what we are referring to as "cursing."
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  • @TerriHugg - I will say that most of the time that I am using curse words is out of annoyance.

    I don't typically start out cursing in advice I am giving.  It is only when posters tend to come back and say "but I am special" or "my situation is unique" or "you all are big meaning heads for not agreeing with me" that I tend to bring out the curse words.  Thus using them in annoyance.

    The only time I start out with cursing is if the poster begins with a rude opening post that tells the rest of us how to respond to her.

    TerriHugggrumbledore
  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013
    @TerriHugg - I will say that most of the time that I am using curse words is out of annoyance.

    I don't typically start out cursing in advice I am giving.  It is only when posters tend to come back and say "but I am special" or "my situation is unique" or "you all are big meaning heads for not agreeing with me" that I tend to bring out the curse words.  Thus using them in annoyance.

    The only time I start out with cursing is if the poster begins with a rude opening post that tells the rest of us how to respond to her.
    Call me self-rightous or one of those chasing the ponies and rainbows, but why does someone else being rude in an opening post mean you have to respond just as rudely with a curse or not? It is possible that you could be misinterpreting the original poster's intentions as well. Furthermore, if they are rude off the bat I personally don't even see the point in entertaining that person to begin with because whether how rudely or not your respond or whether cursing is involved that poster probably won't listen to you anyway. So I know many people may disagree but I rarely see times when cursing is justified.
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    photokitty
  • By the way, I just have to add that I am thoroughly enjoying this discussion. While I realize I'm in the minority, It's really interesting to read everyone else's opinions. 
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    photokitty
  • @Terrihugg - I have to say, you are coming off as very self righteous, judgy and better than you to anyone who choose to use swear words or engage a rude poster.

    I also have to asked, if you prefer to chase puppies & rainbows, why are you on TK, which has a reputation for being harsher while WW or WB are the kinder, gentler wedding forums?  If you've been around for years as you say, the cursing doesn't really bother you (I know it's more recent that we can actually type the swears vs. sh!t or other variants, but they still got used) all that much does it.

     

  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited September 2013

    @Terrihugg - I have to say, you are coming off as very self righteous, judgy and better than you to anyone who choose to use swear words or engage a rude poster.

    I also have to asked, if you prefer to chase puppies & rainbows, why are you on TK, which has a reputation for being harsher while WW or WB are the kinder, gentler wedding forums?  If you've been around for years as you say, the cursing doesn't really bother you (I know it's more recent that we can actually type the swears vs. sh!t or other variants, but they still got used) all that much does it.

    I don't prefer to chase puppies and rainbows. I don't understand how I can sit here, admit i'm wrong for some views, admit my flaws, apologize for offending people, so and so forth but you say I think I'm better than everyone. I by no means think I'm better than anyone here.  I don't know anyone of you to say that I am. 

    I'm obviously on here because I enjoy the conversation as I just stated. And you right. It doesn't bother me that much, because if it did  I wouldn't be on here. However, as I stated multiple times before I just don't like cursing. And since every post on here isn't filtered with cursing all the time, I tolerate it. 

    I've thanked you for your view point, agreed to disagree, said I agreed with Maggie on some points, etc. so I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong exactly. I'm just being honest and wanted to engage in conversation. 

    And to be completely honest what inspired my starting this thread was one similar to this started a while back but it accidentally got deleted when the board structure switched over. In that thread, the discussion was similar and someone even posted a video stating why the idea of rejecting cursing is dumb. Yet, no one decided to resort to saying they were just chasing puppies and rainbows. In that thread people discussed whether not people should use curse words when discussing etiquette. 

    I really did think this would just be interesting conversation to read other opinions whether they are the same as mine or not. But I guess I was wrong. So once again, I apologize for those I offended with my opinion and I apologize for even starting this thread. 
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    NYCMercedesPrettyGirlLost
  • @TerriHugg - I will say that most of the time that I am using curse words is out of annoyance.

    I don't typically start out cursing in advice I am giving.  It is only when posters tend to come back and say "but I am special" or "my situation is unique" or "you all are big meaning heads for not agreeing with me" that I tend to bring out the curse words.  Thus using them in annoyance.

    The only time I start out with cursing is if the poster begins with a rude opening post that tells the rest of us how to respond to her.
    Call me self-rightous or one of those chasing the ponies and rainbows, but why does someone else being rude in an opening post mean you have to respond just as rudely with a curse or not? It is possible that you could be misinterpreting the original poster's intentions as well. Furthermore, if they are rude off the bat I personally don't even see the point in entertaining that person to begin with because whether how rudely or not your respond or whether cursing is involved that poster probably won't listen to you anyway. So I know many people may disagree but I rarely see times when cursing is justified.
    I will refer you back to your definition of cursing. I tend to curse a lot when I am annoyed or angry. Someone coming on here and being rude right off the bat annoys me thus me cursing.

    And anytime someone tries to tell me what to do or how to respond my first reaction, whether on here or in real life is "Fuck you!"  Now I may not say that out loud in real life, especially at the work place because that could get me fired, but I definitely think it.  And since on here I do not have to sensor myself because I am not afraid of being fired from TK so I say what I am thinking.

    Also, if you are outright rude in your first post then why even assume that you shouldn't get rude responses right back.  If you want to be talked to nicely then speak nicely back.  If you want curses thrown at you then act like a rude ass.

    TerriHugg
  • TerriHugg said:
    @TerriHugg - I will say that most of the time that I am using curse words is out of annoyance.

    I don't typically start out cursing in advice I am giving.  It is only when posters tend to come back and say "but I am special" or "my situation is unique" or "you all are big meaning heads for not agreeing with me" that I tend to bring out the curse words.  Thus using them in annoyance.

    The only time I start out with cursing is if the poster begins with a rude opening post that tells the rest of us how to respond to her.
    Call me self-rightous or one of those chasing the ponies and rainbows, but why does someone else being rude in an opening post mean you have to respond just as rudely with a curse or not? It is possible that you could be misinterpreting the original poster's intentions as well. Furthermore, if they are rude off the bat I personally don't even see the point in entertaining that person to begin with because whether how rudely or not your respond or whether cursing is involved that poster probably won't listen to you anyway. So I know many people may disagree but I rarely see times when cursing is justified.
    For me, it implies more emotion.  If I say "That is offensive and would really upset me" to someone who is doing something rude, it comes of as a clinical criticism, not an emotional one, and people are more likely to dismiss how people would react if put in that situation.  However, if I say "That is offensive and would piss me right the fuck off", it conveys a stronger emotional response.

    In general, I think using 'alternative' words sounds kind of juvenile.  If someone cuts me off in traffic and I say "You meany-head", I'd feel like I was 5 years old.  Not to mention, that doesn't feel quite as good as shouting "you rat fucking bastard asshole piece of shit", even if only to myself. 
    KeptInStitchesMaggie0829AjulianaSwazzle
  • @TerriHugg - I will say that most of the time that I am using curse words is out of annoyance.

    I don't typically start out cursing in advice I am giving.  It is only when posters tend to come back and say "but I am special" or "my situation is unique" or "you all are big meaning heads for not agreeing with me" that I tend to bring out the curse words.  Thus using them in annoyance.

    The only time I start out with cursing is if the poster begins with a rude opening post that tells the rest of us how to respond to her.
    Call me self-rightous or one of those chasing the ponies and rainbows, but why does someone else being rude in an opening post mean you have to respond just as rudely with a curse or not? It is possible that you could be misinterpreting the original poster's intentions as well. Furthermore, if they are rude off the bat I personally don't even see the point in entertaining that person to begin with because whether how rudely or not your respond or whether cursing is involved that poster probably won't listen to you anyway. So I know many people may disagree but I rarely see times when cursing is justified.
    I will refer you back to your definition of cursing. I tend to curse a lot when I am annoyed or angry. Someone coming on here and being rude right off the bat annoys me thus me cursing.

    And anytime someone tries to tell me what to do or how to respond my first reaction, whether on here or in real life is "Fuck you!"  Now I may not say that out loud in real life, especially at the work place because that could get me fired, but I definitely think it.  And since on here I do not have to sensor myself because I am not afraid of being fired from TK so I say what I am thinking.

    Also, if you are outright rude in your first post then why even assume that you shouldn't get rude responses right back.  If you want to be talked to nicely then speak nicely back.  If you want curses thrown at you then act like a rude ass.
    Well I can truly appreciate that. And I see your point that if someone first post was rude they should expect rude responses back. I think it's just that, I go back to the whole "misinterpretation thing". It's possible that the person wasn't even intending to be rude so then you can respond intentionally trying to be rude when thinking the original poster meant to be rude when she wasn't or vice versa. Anyway, I definitely do know what it's like be irritated by posters. We just react differently, which is completely fine. I just don't respond when a poster is being rude mean while you respond rudely to put them in their place. We just have different methods which is totally understandable. 
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  • TerriHugg said:

    @Terrihugg - I have to say, you are coming off as very self righteous, judgy and better than you to anyone who choose to use swear words or engage a rude poster.

    I also have to asked, if you prefer to chase puppies & rainbows, why are you on TK, which has a reputation for being harsher while WW or WB are the kinder, gentler wedding forums?  If you've been around for years as you say, the cursing doesn't really bother you (I know it's more recent that we can actually type the swears vs. sh!t or other variants, but they still got used) all that much does it.

    I don't prefer to chase puppies and rainbows. I don't understand how I can sit here, admit i'm wrong for some views, admit my flaws, apologize for offending people, so and so forth but you say I think I'm better than everyone. I by no means think I'm better than anyone here.  I don't know anyone of you to say that I am. 

    I'm obviously on here because I enjoy the conversation as I just stated. And you right. It doesn't bother me that much, because if it did  I wouldn't be on here. However, as I stated multiple times before I just don't like cursing. And since every post on here isn't filtered with cursing all the time, I tolerate it. 

    I've thanked you for your view point, agreed to disagree, said I agreed with Maggie on some points, etc. so I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong exactly. I'm just being honest and wanted to engage in conversation. 

    And to be completely honest what inspired my starting this thread was one similar to this started a while back but it accidentally got deleted when the board structure switched over. In that thread, the discussion was similar and someone even posted a video stating why the idea of rejecting cursing is dumb. Yet, no one decided to resort to saying they were just chasing puppies and rainbows. In that thread people discussed whether not people should use curse words when discussing etiquette. 

    I really did think this would just be interesting conversation to read other opinions whether they are the same as mine or not. But I guess I was wrong. So once again, I apologize for those I offended with my opinion and I apologize for even starting this thre
     
    Drat  STUCK IN THE BOX:
     
    I never said you were better than anyone else, I said you were coming across that way.  You even called yourself self righteous.  Jumping to you thinking you're better than others wouldn't be a far stretch.
     
    I don't know why you're getting so defensive about doing something wrong.  I thought we were having a discussion and I was asking questions about your viewpoint and things you specifically said, trying to get clarity.
     
    You said you might be one of the ones chasing "ponies & rainbows". 
     
    Why is wrong for me to question if that's how you feel, why are you here and not one of the more rainbow sites.

     

  • Pepper6 said:
    TerriHugg said:
    @TerriHugg - I will say that most of the time that I am using curse words is out of annoyance.

    I don't typically start out cursing in advice I am giving.  It is only when posters tend to come back and say "but I am special" or "my situation is unique" or "you all are big meaning heads for not agreeing with me" that I tend to bring out the curse words.  Thus using them in annoyance.

    The only time I start out with cursing is if the poster begins with a rude opening post that tells the rest of us how to respond to her.
    Call me self-rightous or one of those chasing the ponies and rainbows, but why does someone else being rude in an opening post mean you have to respond just as rudely with a curse or not? It is possible that you could be misinterpreting the original poster's intentions as well. Furthermore, if they are rude off the bat I personally don't even see the point in entertaining that person to begin with because whether how rudely or not your respond or whether cursing is involved that poster probably won't listen to you anyway. So I know many people may disagree but I rarely see times when cursing is justified.
    For me, it implies more emotion.  If I say "That is offensive and would really upset me" to someone who is doing something rude, it comes of as a clinical criticism, not an emotional one, and people are more likely to dismiss how people would react if put in that situation.  However, if I say "That is offensive and would piss me right the fuck off", it conveys a stronger emotional response.

    In general, I think using 'alternative' words sounds kind of juvenile.  If someone cuts me off in traffic and I say "You meany-head", I'd feel like I was 5 years old.  Not to mention, that doesn't feel quite as good as shouting "you rat fucking bastard asshole piece of shit", even if only to myself. 
    Your response made me smile. I can definitely see how it can make you feel good. 
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