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Hosted Cocktail hour and Bar then go to cash??? help???wedding is in 2 weeks???

MBasdakisMBasdakis
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
So the last thing to finalize with our venue, a hotel, is our bar. I know what you are thinking, I have been working on it for months and now that we are  2 weeks away this is what I have come up with, thoughts???? please!!!!
We will host cocktails, beer, wine, champs, and soda for all of cocktail hour. Once the reception opens we will host wine, champs and sodas for the entire reception. Hard spirits will be $12 and beer will be $6 - prices from the hotel - and the "spirits and beer" will go to a cash bar for the remainder of the reception, but the vino - 4 good selections- and champs, will be hosted the whole night. Is this tacky or problematic to convert to cash for the reception? We are hosting valet and making a very nice wedding for our guests, but simply cant afford the hotels price open bar or packages + 23% service charge +8.25% tax on top of it. 
Thoughts? 
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Re: Hosted Cocktail hour and Bar then go to cash??? help???wedding is in 2 weeks???

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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Seriously?

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    MBasdakis said:
    So the last thing to finalize with our venue, a hotel, is our bar. I know what you are thinking, I have been working on it for months and now that we are  2 weeks away this is what I have come up with, thoughts???? please!!!!
    We will host cocktails, beer, wine, champs, and soda for all of cocktail hour. Once the reception opens we will host wine, champs and sodas for the entire reception. Hard spirits will be $12 and beer will be $6 - prices from the hotel - and the "spirits and beer" will go to a cash bar for the remainder of the reception, but the vino - 4 good selections- and champs, will be hosted the whole night. Is this tacky or problematic to convert to cash for the reception? We are hosting valet and making a very nice wedding for our guests, but simply cant afford the hotels price open bar or packages + 23% service charge +8.25% tax on top of it. 
    Thoughts? 

    You asked if it's problematic or tacky. Yes and yes. I'd expect to pay for my parking but never for refreshments.
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    MBasdakisMBasdakis
    First Anniversary First Comment
    We are hosting the vino and champs for the whole event, and that will not be a problem at all. Adding the beer in is not the bank breaking part either, its really the question of having "hard spirits" for cocktail hour only hosted  -  and then moving that part to cash for the reception. If guests still want it after the cocktail hour, they are welcome to it, we just can't keep that part specifically hosted for the entire reception. thoughts? 
     There are plenty of drinks for guests to have a good time - Good Champs, Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir and Cabernet. + Beer + sodas
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    misshart00misshart00 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    MBasdakis said:
    We are hosting the vino and champs for the whole event, and that will not be a problem at all. Adding the beer in is not the bank breaking part either, its really the question of having "hard spirits" for cocktail hour only hosted  -  and then moving that part to cash for the reception. If guests still want it after the cocktail hour, they are welcome to it, we just can't keep that part specifically hosted for the entire reception. thoughts? 
     There are plenty of drinks for guests to have a good time - Good Champs, Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir and Cabernet. + Beer + sodas

    Thoughts are the same. No one should have to open their wallet.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited September 2013
    MBasdakis said:
    We are hosting the vino and champs for the whole event, and that will not be a problem at all. Adding the beer in is not the bank breaking part either, its really the question of having "hard spirits" for cocktail hour only hosted  -  and then moving that part to cash for the reception. If guests still want it after the cocktail hour, they are welcome to it, we just can't keep that part specifically hosted for the entire reception. thoughts? 
     There are plenty of drinks for guests to have a good time - Good Champs, Chardonnay, Pinot Grigio, Pinot Noir and Cabernet. + Beer + sodas
    Lose this and just host the beer, wine, champagne, and virgin drinks.  Forget about expecting guests to pay for hard liquor.  If you don't want to pay for it, don't offer it.
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Yup. Skip the hard alcohol altogether, just serve beer, wine, and soft drinks and don't have anything available for sale. Perfectly acceptable.
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    mc4dj13mc4dj13 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    Are you paying for the gas to get them to your venue? Are you paying for their dry cleaning? It is not totally absurd to hold a cash bar for your guests for the reception portion. If not for your love then there would be no party in question, right? If it is all you are able to accommodate then it is a better option than, say a dry wedding? This preconception that the guests cannot pay for a single thing at your wedding hurts MY head. 
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    MBasdakisMBasdakis
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thank you for the feedback ladies. 
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    happyfor25happyfor25 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    I would suggest removing the hard liquor and champagne altogether.  The money you save could then be applied to the cost of beer and wine for the entire evening.

    I do find it amazing that this is an issue just 2 weeks prior to your wedding.  Did you not even consider this part of your budget when selecting your venue, entree choices, etc.?  I guess I just don't understand this because in my area, open bars are the norm.  I have been to weddings that run the gamut from budget to extravagant but there is ALWAYS an open bar.  The difference would be in the venue and food choices.  I've been to wedding reception at exclusive hotels (with top shelf open bar) and at VFW halls, fire halls, church halls (with budget-friendly open bar offerings).  Couples would choose a buffet with less expensive options or plated basic chicken. Hotel wedding packages in my area rarely, if ever, break down the cost of open bar, it is simply a choice of top shelf or not top shelf.  One can choose lower cost entrees to lower the cost.

    I'm not saying there is anything at all wrong with limited bars or dry weddings, it is just something I am not familiar with. 


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    MBasdakisMBasdakis
    First Anniversary First Comment
    We host parties ALL the time at our home and Always cover everything we supply, thing is when its gone its gone, or when we run out we are out. In this case at the hotel, the "gone" or run out portion would be our wallets for "hard spirits" only  into the actual reception. But, just like at our home, our "guests" who have specific drink selections, may still want it and the hotel does offer it. I don't want them running out to the hotels bar for these if that's what they want.  And we do ALOT of entertaining, that being said, guests will only have to pay for hard spirits, past what we are hosting for cocktail hour. After reading these boards, it makes me freak out as I NEVER have gone to a wedding without my ID and some cash, so for those that say they never bring cash / a credit card I am super confused? 

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    loves2shop4shoesloves2shop4shoes member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    Do not ask your guests to pay for anything.

    Have a limited open bar of wine and champagne.

    At my wedding, we had an open bar all night.  It was a limited bar of beer, wine, champagne, two signature cocktails, and soda.  And all of the guests loved it.

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    MBasdakisMBasdakis
    First Anniversary First Comment
    We are not having a DRY wedding, and it is an open bar for all wine and camps, for the entire night,  just asking how to accommodate guests who may prefer hard spirits past cocktail hour? Offer a cash option after cocktail hour or send them to the hotels bar where they can pay cash, since we can not host the "hard spirits" for the whole night.
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    happyfor25happyfor25 member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    MBasdakis said:
    We are not having a DRY wedding, and it is an open bar for all wine and camps, for the entire night,  just asking how to accommodate guests who may prefer hard spirits past cocktail hour? Offer a cash option after cocktail hour or send them to the hotels bar where they can pay cash, since we can not host the "hard spirits" for the whole night.
    It is fine to just not offer any hard spirits.  It would be rude of your guests to leave your party and go to the hotel bar.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    MBasdakis said:
    We are not having a DRY wedding, and it is an open bar for all wine and camps, for the entire night,  just asking how to accommodate guests who may prefer hard spirits past cocktail hour? Offer a cash option after cocktail hour or send them to the hotels bar where they can pay cash, since we can not host the "hard spirits" for the whole night.
    Leave it alone already.  We answered you repeatedly: If they want what you're not providing, it's rude of them to run out and buy it.  You can't accommodate these people.  They're being rude to you.  Stop enabling it by being concerned about this.
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @MBadakis. I never bring cash to weddings. I have never needed to pay for anything. Offer what you can afford to offer, and that's it.
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    RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Simply decide what you can afford to host, and provide only those options.  You aren't required to have an entire bar available so that any guest can order whatever random mixed drink they feel like having that night. You don't have to cater to to every whim of your guests.  You're the host, you decide what you want to make available to your guests, and that is good hosting. You provide a variety of options, and if a guest doesn't like any of the dozen options available...well, you tried. It's not like you're saying 'we only have beer, if you don't want that there's a water fountain out by the bathrooms'.  Soft drinks, beer, wine, and champagne are plenty. Or, ditch the champagne and offer a signature cocktail or two. (I hardly know anyone who drinks champagne anymore.)  Have a spiked punch, a margarita or daquiri machine, pitchers of mimosas, or just a couple of popular hard liquors that can be quickly mixed with the available soft drinks. Really, if someone wants to order a Purple People Eater or a Buttery Nipple, they can hike to the bar for that. It's not something you need to worry about being prepared for. Offer a variety of options and you're in the clear. It's not your problem if some people are overly picky.
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    harper0813harper0813 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    MBasdakis said:
    We are not having a DRY wedding, and it is an open bar for all wine and camps, for the entire night,  just asking how to accommodate guests who may prefer hard spirits past cocktail hour? Offer a cash option after cocktail hour or send them to the hotels bar where they can pay cash, since we can not host the "hard spirits" for the whole night.
    We are talking in circles here. You are covering enough bases by offering beer, wine and non-alcoholic drinks. If you expect someone to really be upset over not being able to drink hard liquor, then that person is ungrateful and not worth knowing. Host only what you can afford. You may not mind whipping out cash at a wedding, but many, many people do and it's considered poor etiquette. 

    If you really want to offer some sort of hard liquor, host a signature drink or two. Negroni, gin gimlet, sidecar, whatever. 
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    mommapizanomommapizano member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    I say beer and wine reception, honestly people can't complain and if they do that's pretty rude. Maybe you can do a signature cocktail to offer some hard liquor if you are dead set on it? I would think that might be cheaper than a full bar. 


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    meghansheaodomeghansheaodo member
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    MBasdakis said:
    We are not having a DRY wedding, and it is an open bar for all wine and camps, for the entire night,  just asking how to accommodate guests who may prefer hard spirits past cocktail hour? Offer a cash option after cocktail hour or send them to the hotels bar where they can pay cash, since we can not host the "hard spirits" for the whole night.
     If they decide they would like something other than what you are providing and will pay for it either way, why not make it convenient for the guest and have the cash option? Instead of the guests running back and forth from hotel bar to your reception. I've never attended a wedding without cash and my ID either. I made a post earlier about this type of thing as this is all news to me. So maybe I am not the best one to offer up advice :/
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    meghansheaodo said:
    MBasdakis said:
    We are not having a DRY wedding, and it is an open bar for all wine and camps, for the entire night,  just asking how to accommodate guests who may prefer hard spirits past cocktail hour? Offer a cash option after cocktail hour or send them to the hotels bar where they can pay cash, since we can not host the "hard spirits" for the whole night.
     If they decide they would like something other than what you are providing and will pay for it either way, why not make it convenient for the guest and have the cash option? Instead of the guests running back and forth from hotel bar to your reception. I've never attended a wedding without cash and my ID either. I made a post earlier about this type of thing as this is all news to me. So maybe I am not the best one to offer up advice :/
    Because the bolded is rude.  A polite guest does not run out to buy something that the host hasn't provided-even alcohol.  Guests are not entitled to alcohol-only free alcohol.  If the host isn't going to provide it, the guest needs to suck it up.
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    mikencindymikencindy member
    First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    • Never have a cash bar at a wedding! It is Tacky!!!
    • We are having open bar for cocktail hour and because of cost will switch to beer and wine for the rest of the reception. Something to consider if possible:)
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    meghansheaodo said:
      If they decide they would like something other than what you are providing and will pay for it either way, why not make it convenient for the guest and have the cash option? Instead of the guests running back and forth from hotel bar to your reception. I've never attended a wedding without cash and my ID either. I made a post earlier about this type of thing as this is all news to me. So maybe I am not the best one to offer up advice :/
    Pretend you're hosting a dinner party.
    You're serving entree choices of chicken, pork and vegetarian pasta.
    There's a guy, Steve, at your party that you know loves steak but you just can't afford to host it to everyone so you don't offer it.
    But then what if he loves steak so much that he might leave the party temporarily to hit Ruth Chris down the street? Clearly that's ungrateful on his part... but that's his prerogative.
    Two wrongs don't make a right by saying, "Steve! You can have steak if you pay me $20."

    You don't flash an upgrade in front of people who are suppose to be your honored guests, who you are hosting, but then put conditions on it (in this case, money).

    I don't drink beer, wine or champagne. I drink mixed drinks and shots. So here's some perspective from an unbiased observer:
    When I go to a wedding that offers free beer and wine but is charging for my cocktail, I find it really annoying that my husband gets to drink for free, but if I want the drink that's sitting right in front of me, I have to fork over cash at an event I was supposed to be a guest at.
    Conversely... if we go to a wedding that offers free beer and wine and has no liquor... my husband gets to drink his fill and I happily call myself the DD and enjoy my Diet Coke.

    I never feel like the host was rude if there's no liquor available at all. I do feel like the host is rude if I'm essentially being taunted with something I'd normally enjoy, but I can only get it if I open my wallet.


    Also, please avoid offering liquor for cocktail hour than taking it away. Three big reasons:
    1. Some people don't do well if they mix their alcohols. If they start with mixed drinks but then have to switch to wine after cocktail hour, that might not sit well.
    2. There will probably be a big rush on the bar at the end of cocktail hour as people clamor to get the drinks that are going away. It's going to create a less than desirable atmosphere for both your guests and the wedding schedule.
    3. You run the risk of people's being surprised when they order a drink that they previously got for free but are suddenly now charged for. It can be a very awkward situation if they don't have money.

    So pick what you can afford to offer completely the entire night and offer that and only that throughout.
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    ceceibsonceceibson member
    5 Love Its First Anniversary First Comment
    I hosted a preception before our wedding and a reception after.  As luck would have it, hard liquor was never an issue because neither venue permitted it.

    I did, however, host ---- meaning, pay for ---- beer, wine and non-alcholic drinks at both parties from beginning to end.

    Not one guest mentioned the lack of hard liquor.  
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