Cursing and etiquette

TerriHugg · September 2013

MrsMack10612 said:

TerriHugg said:

MrsMack10612 said:

@Terrihugg - I have to say, you are coming off as very self righteous, judgy and better than you to anyone who choose to use swear words or engage a rude poster.

I also have to asked, if you prefer to chase puppies & rainbows, why are you on TK, which has a reputation for being harsher while WW or WB are the kinder, gentler wedding forums? If you've been around for years as you say, the cursing doesn't really bother you (I know it's more recent that we can actually type the swears vs. sh!t or other variants, but they still got used) all that much does it.
I don't prefer to chase puppies and rainbows. I don't understand how I can sit here, admit i'm wrong for some views, admit my flaws, apologize for offending people, so and so forth but you say I think I'm better than everyone. I by no means think I'm better than anyone here. I don't know anyone of you to say that I am.

I'm obviously on here because I enjoy the conversation as I just stated. And you right. It doesn't bother me that much, because if it did I wouldn't be on here. However, as I stated multiple times before I just don't like cursing. And since every post on here isn't filtered with cursing all the time, I tolerate it.

I've thanked you for your view point, agreed to disagree, said I agreed with Maggie on some points, etc. so I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong exactly. I'm just being honest and wanted to engage in conversation.

And to be completely honest what inspired my starting this thread was one similar to this started a while back but it accidentally got deleted when the board structure switched over. In that thread, the discussion was similar and someone even posted a video stating why the idea of rejecting cursing is dumb. Yet, no one decided to resort to saying they were just chasing puppies and rainbows. In that thread people discussed whether not people should use curse words when discussing etiquette.

I really did think this would just be interesting conversation to read other opinions whether they are the same as mine or not. But I guess I was wrong. So once again, I apologize for those I offended with my opinion and I apologize for even starting this thre

Drat STUCK IN THE BOX:

I never said you were better than anyone else, I said you were coming across that way. You even called yourself self righteous. Jumping to you thinking you're better than others wouldn't be a far stretch.

I don't know why you're getting so defensive about doing something wrong. I thought we were having a discussion and I was asking questions about your viewpoint and things you specifically said, trying to get clarity.

You said you might be one of the ones chasing "ponies & rainbows".

Why is wrong for me to question if that's how you feel, why are you here and not one of the more rainbow sites.

Ok, I think we are missing each other here. I am not trying to be defensive at all. Like I said, I have thanked you for your viewpoints several times. When I wrote what I did, I didn't mean that I was chasing it literally. So that is my mistake. But I don't necessarily think my not liking cursing is wrong per se. And yes, I do think jumping to say I think I'm better than anyone would be a far stretch.

And on that note, I think I'm done with this thread as I see I am being very confusing and just stirring the pot. Neither of which was my intention. I apologize again for coming off the way I did and hurting anyone in the process.

Thanks again for your input. It is duly noted and appreciated.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

@TerriHugg - I usually give posters the benefit of the doubt but when in their OP they ask a question and then write "Please no rude comments or negative opinions" etc. That irritates me. I am a grown woman and I don't need someone telling me how I can respond to their post. Thus I will probably start out rude/on the defensive and tell them that instructing how posters respond is rude.

But if posters are suggesting doing something rude that they may or may not know is rude (again I usually give them the benefit of the doubt here) then I will tell them "no that is rude". If they come back with "why are you attacking me?" I will then respond in a rude manner out of annoyance and the fact that more emotion is needed to get my point across.

I think that if cursing is not your thing then that is perfectly fine but everyone has their own way to getting across what they want to say so there is no right or wrong way or that anyone's advice is less useful or more useful because of how they get their ideas across and the words they wish to use when doing so.

Pepper6 · September 2013

TerriHugg said:

Pepper6 said:

TerriHugg said:

Maggie0829 said:

@TerriHugg - I will say that most of the time that I am using curse words is out of annoyance.

I don't typically start out cursing in advice I am giving. It is only when posters tend to come back and say "but I am special" or "my situation is unique" or "you all are big meaning heads for not agreeing with me" that I tend to bring out the curse words. Thus using them in annoyance.

The only time I start out with cursing is if the poster begins with a rude opening post that tells the rest of us how to respond to her.

Call me self-rightous or one of those chasing the ponies and rainbows, but why does someone else being rude in an opening post mean you have to respond just as rudely with a curse or not? It is possible that you could be misinterpreting the original poster's intentions as well. Furthermore, if they are rude off the bat I personally don't even see the point in entertaining that person to begin with because whether how rudely or not your respond or whether cursing is involved that poster probably won't listen to you anyway. So I know many people may disagree but I rarely see times when cursing is justified.

For me, it implies more emotion. If I say "That is offensive and would really upset me" to someone who is doing something rude, it comes of as a clinical criticism, not an emotional one, and people are more likely to dismiss how people would react if put in that situation. However, if I say "That is offensive and would piss me right the fuck off", it conveys a stronger emotional response.

In general, I think using 'alternative' words sounds kind of juvenile. If someone cuts me off in traffic and I say "You meany-head", I'd feel like I was 5 years old. Not to mention, that doesn't feel quite as good as shouting "you rat fucking bastard asshole piece of shit", even if only to myself.

Your response made me smile. I can definitely see how it can make you feel good.

Well, it doesn't make me feel good per se because I loathe asshole drivers, but it does take the edge off feeling like I want to play bumper cars and ram the shit out of them until they get out of my way ;-p

casey8784 · September 2013

Maggie0829 said:

@TerriHugg - I usually give posters the benefit of the doubt but when in their OP they ask a question and then write "Please no rude comments or negative opinions" etc. That irritates me. I am a grown woman and I don't need someone telling me how I can respond to their post. Thus I will probably start out rude/on the defensive and tell them that instructing how posters respond is rude.

But if posters are suggesting doing something rude that they may or may not know is rude (again I usually give them the benefit of the doubt here) then I will tell them "no that is rude". If they come back with "why are you attacking me?" I will then respond in a rude manner out of annoyance and the fact that more emotion is needed to get my point across.

I think that if cursing is not your thing then that is perfectly fine but everyone has their own way to getting across what they want to say so there is no right or wrong way or that anyone's advice is less useful or more useful because of how they get their ideas across and the words they wish to use when doing so.

Hi Maggie, I'm pretty new on TK (so I could be wrong here) but one thing I've noticed from lurking so far is that the bolded sometimes could make for heated arguments - I think some people honestly don't get *why* something may be rude/tacky/inconsiderate, especially if one simply replies with, "No, that is rude." In another thread one poster was asking for an explanation on why "xyz" was rude, and others were (seemed?) quick to judge that she wasn't listening on purpose or was trying to be argumentative and curses flew from both sides. Then someone used another scenario as an example, and the OP finally understood. Some posters (no one here) seem to have quick, short, generic answers that could honestly be applied to 99% of the threads on the Etiquette board, so I can understand the OPs getting frustrated/defensive if they don't understand the reasoning behind the replies. (Just as I can see how other posters getting frustrated if they have to answer the same question on different threads over and over and over.)

Message boards kind of remind me of why I sometimes hate texting (instead of picking up the phone to make a call) - since it's all written, one can never know what tone someone is trying to convey. Anger, frustration, emphasizing...they're all forms of emotion. For me, it's easy to see how some people read into the wrong one - I know I've been guilty at times at reading a reply (or a text) and over-react cause I've inadvertently taken it the wrong way.

As for curses, I don't particularly like to use them, but in certain cases they can help vent some anger or frustration (yelling in my car to idiotic drivers who can't hear me and by that point are already a half mile down the road is a particular favorite of mine - after all, I do live in the state that supposedly has the worst drivers in the country - take a guess at which!). IRL I've been taken aback a few times if I asked/said something and got a curse-ridden reply when I didn't think what I had asked really warranted such a reply, but like other PPs have said, everyone has a different "style" that makes them, "them"!

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

I keep fantasizing about posting simply "Fuck this Shit" because it makes me giggle.

But my serious response is that this is a board regarding the etiquette of how to properly host your guests or not be rude to people during your planning.

We'll deliver our advice as we would in real life. Some swear, some don't, some swear more than others.

Either way, swears don't equate to rudeness.

I asked a friend if she wanted to hang out on Friday. She said "Fuck yeah!". I assume that means she really loves the prospect of mingling with yours truly on Friday.

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

I keep fantasizing about posting simply "Fuck this Shit" because it makes me giggle.

But my serious response is that this is a board regarding the etiquette of how to properly host your guests or not be rude to people during your planning.

We'll deliver our advice as we would in real life. Some swear, some don't, some swear more than others.

Either way, swears don't equate to rudeness.

I asked a friend if she wanted to hang out on Friday. She said "Fuck yeah!". I assume that means she really loves the prospect of mingling with yours truly on Friday.

MuppetOverlord · September 2013

I keep fantasizing about posting simply "Fuck this Shit" because it makes me giggle.

But my serious response is that this is a board regarding the etiquette of how to properly host your guests or not be rude to people during your planning.

We'll deliver our advice as we would in real life. Some swear, some don't, some swear more than others.

Either way, swears don't equate to rudeness.

I asked a friend if she wanted to hang out on Friday. She said "Fuck yeah!". I assume that means she really loves the prospect of mingling with yours truly on Friday.

Cursing and etiquette

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