HELP I am the best mans girlfriend and have a problem

Re: HELP I am the best mans girlfriend and have a problem

• Jen4948 member

  

  September 2013

  I think your boyfriend needs to tell the bride that his staying with the groom leaves you stranded on that Friday night, and since that isn't okay, either they need to accommodate you or not push for this plan.
  
  You're probably not going to know where at the ceremony you'll be seated until the last minute, but you should be seated with your boyfriend at the reception.
  

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• Liatris2010 mod

  

  September 2013

  knconley said:

  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 years. My boyfriends brother is getting married this month and my boyfriend is the best man. They are getting married in our hometown of Houston, but my boyfriend and I go to school 9 hours away. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday so we will get in late Thursday night. My boyfriend and I planned to stay with my parents Thursday night and drive into downtown Friday for the rehearsal dinner (downtown is an hour away from where I live). My boyfriends parents reserved a room at the hotel the bride and groom reserved downtown by the venue. The bride has requested that my boyfriend stay with his brother, the groom on Friday night before the wedding on Saturday. None of my family was invited to the wedding and neither my boyfriend or I have jobs to afford a 200 a night hotel room. With that being said, I will be the only one not staying at the hotel the night of the rehearsal dinner. I don't have a car to get around in because I will be riding with my boyfriend to Houston from school. That means I will have to ask my family to pick me up on Friday and drop me off on Saturday. That is 4 hours of driving for my family that was not invited. I'm not sure what to do. Plus I would have to show up to the wedding on Saturday alone. They have not told me where I am sitting at the ceremony. My boyfriend will be in the wedding party and my boyfriends parents will be at the front. Would it be rude if my boyfriend didn't stay with his brother on Friday night?

  Nope, if he doesn't want to stay with his brother he doesn't have to.
  

  

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• Liatris2010 mod

  

  September 2013

  knconley said:

  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 years. My boyfriends brother is getting married this month and my boyfriend is the best man. They are getting married in our hometown of Houston, but my boyfriend and I go to school 9 hours away. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday so we will get in late Thursday night. My boyfriend and I planned to stay with my parents Thursday night and drive into downtown Friday for the rehearsal dinner (downtown is an hour away from where I live). My boyfriends parents reserved a room at the hotel the bride and groom reserved downtown by the venue. The bride has requested that my boyfriend stay with his brother, the groom on Friday night before the wedding on Saturday. None of my family was invited to the wedding and neither my boyfriend or I have jobs to afford a 200 a night hotel room. With that being said, I will be the only one not staying at the hotel the night of the rehearsal dinner. I don't have a car to get around in because I will be riding with my boyfriend to Houston from school. That means I will have to ask my family to pick me up on Friday and drop me off on Saturday. That is 4 hours of driving for my family that was not invited. I'm not sure what to do. Plus I would have to show up to the wedding on Saturday alone. They have not told me where I am sitting at the ceremony. My boyfriend will be in the wedding party and my boyfriends parents will be at the front. Would it be rude if my boyfriend didn't stay with his brother on Friday night?

  Nope, if he doesn't want to stay with his brother he doesn't have to.
  

  

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• melbelleup member

  

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  knconley said:

  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 years. My boyfriends brother is getting married this month and my boyfriend is the best man. They are getting married in our hometown of Houston, but my boyfriend and I go to school 9 hours away. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday so we will get in late Thursday night. My boyfriend and I planned to stay with my parents Thursday night and drive into downtown Friday for the rehearsal dinner (downtown is an hour away from where I live). My boyfriends parents reserved a room at the hotel the bride and groom reserved downtown by the venue. The bride has requested that my boyfriend stay with his brother, the groom on Friday night before the wedding on Saturday. None of my family was invited to the wedding and neither my boyfriend or I have jobs to afford a 200 a night hotel room. With that being said, I will be the only one not staying at the hotel the night of the rehearsal dinner. I don't have a car to get around in because I will be riding with my boyfriend to Houston from school. That means I will have to ask my family to pick me up on Friday and drop me off on Saturday. That is 4 hours of driving for my family that was not invited. I'm not sure what to do. Plus I would have to show up to the wedding on Saturday alone. They have not told me where I am sitting at the ceremony. My boyfriend will be in the wedding party and my boyfriends parents will be at the front. Would it be rude if my boyfriend didn't stay with his brother on Friday night?

    with it being requested of the BM, he shouldn't have to pay for the room to sleep with his brother. If he's being forced to pay for it, if I was him, I'd decline it. And since you guys are coming together, I'd decline it anyways. It is his job to decline though, not yours as you're not the BM. That then means you guys would arrive together to the ceremony. Be prepared to sit around and wait though because he probably has to be there much earlier (photos, getting dressed etc) The bride and groom won't tell you where to sit for the ceremony. It's not their job to assign you a place. Most likely you will just sit with his other family members.
  

  

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• grumbledore member

  

  September 2013

  Your boyfriend should ask if there is room in the hotel room for you since the two of you are traveling together.  If there isn't room in the hotel for both of you, then no, it wouldn't be rude of him to not stay there the night before.  It is appropriate for him to either stay with you or bring you with him, but not to leave you, especially due to the travel issues.

  
  

  

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• Ajuliana member

  

  September 2013

  knconley said:

  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 years. My boyfriends brother is getting married this month and my boyfriend is the best man. They are getting married in our hometown of Houston, but my boyfriend and I go to school 9 hours away. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday so we will get in late Thursday night. My boyfriend and I planned to stay with my parents Thursday night and drive into downtown Friday for the rehearsal dinner (downtown is an hour away from where I live). My boyfriends parents reserved a room at the hotel the bride and groom reserved downtown by the venue. The bride has requested that my boyfriend stay with his brother, the groom on Friday night before the wedding on Saturday. None of my family was invited to the wedding and neither my boyfriend or I have jobs to afford a 200 a night hotel room. With that being said, I will be the only one not staying at the hotel the night of the rehearsal dinner. I don't have a car to get around in because I will be riding with my boyfriend to Houston from school. That means I will have to ask my family to pick me up on Friday and drop me off on Saturday. That is 4 hours of driving for my family that was not invited. I'm not sure what to do. Plus I would have to show up to the wedding on Saturday alone. They have not told me where I am sitting at the ceremony. My boyfriend will be in the wedding party and my boyfriends parents will be at the front. Would it be rude if my boyfriend didn't stay with his brother on Friday night?

  Lucky for you, Enterprise has a 9.99/day weekend special. You can thank me later.
  
  

  
  

  
  Previously Alaynajuliana

  
  

  
  

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• misshart00 member

  

  September 2013

  Ajuliana said:

  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 years. My boyfriends brother is getting married this month and my boyfriend is the best man. They are getting married in our hometown of Houston, but my boyfriend and I go to school 9 hours away. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday so we will get in late Thursday night. My boyfriend and I planned to stay with my parents Thursday night and drive into downtown Friday for the rehearsal dinner (downtown is an hour away from where I live). My boyfriends parents reserved a room at the hotel the bride and groom reserved downtown by the venue. The bride has requested that my boyfriend stay with his brother, the groom on Friday night before the wedding on Saturday. None of my family was invited to the wedding and neither my boyfriend or I have jobs to afford a 200 a night hotel room. With that being said, I will be the only one not staying at the hotel the night of the rehearsal dinner. I don't have a car to get around in because I will be riding with my boyfriend to Houston from school. That means I will have to ask my family to pick me up on Friday and drop me off on Saturday. That is 4 hours of driving for my family that was not invited. I'm not sure what to do. Plus I would have to show up to the wedding on Saturday alone. They have not told me where I am sitting at the ceremony. My boyfriend will be in the wedding party and my boyfriends parents will be at the front. Would it be rude if my boyfriend didn't stay with his brother on Friday night?

  Lucky for you, Enterprise has a 9.99/day weekend special. You can thank me later.

  
  What if OP is under 25?

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• cruffino member

  

  September 2013

  could you get a room somewhere nearby that's cheaper? or take @ajuliana's advice and drive yourself? do you have a family member that would let you borrow a car? do you or your fh have family or friends in houston that you could stay with?

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• grumbledore member

  

  September 2013

  Ajuliana said:

  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 years. My boyfriends brother is getting married this month and my boyfriend is the best man. They are getting married in our hometown of Houston, but my boyfriend and I go to school 9 hours away. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday so we will get in late Thursday night. My boyfriend and I planned to stay with my parents Thursday night and drive into downtown Friday for the rehearsal dinner (downtown is an hour away from where I live). My boyfriends parents reserved a room at the hotel the bride and groom reserved downtown by the venue. The bride has requested that my boyfriend stay with his brother, the groom on Friday night before the wedding on Saturday. None of my family was invited to the wedding and neither my boyfriend or I have jobs to afford a 200 a night hotel room. With that being said, I will be the only one not staying at the hotel the night of the rehearsal dinner. I don't have a car to get around in because I will be riding with my boyfriend to Houston from school. That means I will have to ask my family to pick me up on Friday and drop me off on Saturday. That is 4 hours of driving for my family that was not invited. I'm not sure what to do. Plus I would have to show up to the wedding on Saturday alone. They have not told me where I am sitting at the ceremony. My boyfriend will be in the wedding party and my boyfriends parents will be at the front. Would it be rude if my boyfriend didn't stay with his brother on Friday night?

  Lucky for you, Enterprise has a 9.99/day weekend special. You can thank me later.

  This isn't a very reasonable answer.  The truth is, the groom's family was rude by expecting the BM to leave his girlfriend behind when they are traveling to the wedding together.  She should be accommodated.  

  
  

  And not everyone has the means (credit card and appropriate age) to rent a car.  Not to mention, then she would have to drive that car back to wherever they are staying after the wedding - alone.

  
  

  

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• photokitty mod

  

  September 2013

  Could your BF get a ride with someone - leaving you the car? I would skip the rehearsal dinner and hang with my parents under the circumstances. I would not want to dry back and forth that much when they didn't think about how it would impact me.

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  September 2013

  knconley said:

  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 years. My boyfriends brother is getting married this month and my boyfriend is the best man. They are getting married in our hometown of Houston, but my boyfriend and I go to school 9 hours away. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday so we will get in late Thursday night. My boyfriend and I planned to stay with my parents Thursday night and drive into downtown Friday for the rehearsal dinner (downtown is an hour away from where I live). My boyfriends parents reserved a room at the hotel the bride and groom reserved downtown by the venue. The bride has requested that my boyfriend stay with his brother, the groom on Friday night before the wedding on Saturday. None of my family was invited to the wedding and neither my boyfriend or I have jobs to afford a 200 a night hotel room. With that being said, I will be the only one not staying at the hotel the night of the rehearsal dinner. I don't have a car to get around in because I will be riding with my boyfriend to Houston from school. That means I will have to ask my family to pick me up on Friday and drop me off on Saturday. That is 4 hours of driving for my family that was not invited. I'm not sure what to do. Plus I would have to show up to the wedding on Saturday alone. They have not told me where I am sitting at the ceremony. My boyfriend will be in the wedding party and my boyfriends parents will be at the front. Would it be rude if my boyfriend didn't stay with his brother on Friday night?

  I think you need to discuss logistics with your boyfriend. He doesn't need to stay with his bro on Friday night - that's his choice. I see a few options:

  
  

  1) you go the the RD together, drive back to your parents' together, stay w/ your parents Friday night and drive to the wedding together

  2) you go the RD together, stay in the hotel together (BF can figure this out with his bro) and go to the wedding together

  3) You don't go to the RD on Friday and you ask your parents for a ride to the wedding on Saturday. 

  4) You rent a car

  5) You find a cheaper hotel (priceline is amazing)

  
  

  It kind of sounds like you haven't really discussed the weekend logistics with your boyfriend and what works for both of you considering your financial situation and the fact that he's in the wedding. I think that's step number one.

  *********************************************************************************

  
  

  

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• MuppetOverlord member

  

  September 2013

  Your boyfriend needs to accommodate you so either he can ask if there's a bed available for you with his family or he can stay with you.

  
  
  You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.

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• MrShoe member

  

  September 2013

  Why cant your bf ride back to the hotel with his Bro and let you drive the car to your parents?

   

  1 hr each way is nothing unless you're driving an F-250, you'll have your day and it will be your way. This is not that day.

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• misshart00 member

  

  September 2013

  Queston to OP: You said in your first post that the bride requested that the groom's brother stay with the groom.  Does the groom even want to do that? This may be a moot point if groom wants to stay alone or has other plans.

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• photokitty mod

  

  September 2013

  MrShoe said:

  Why cant your bf ride back to the hotel with his Bro and let you drive the car to your parents?

  ooooo...that's a pretty genius idea! why didn't I think of that? good call! :-) 

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• ashleyep member

  

  September 2013

  photokitty said:

  MrShoe said:

  Why cant your bf ride back to the hotel with his Bro and let you drive the car to your parents?

  ooooo...that's a pretty genius idea! why didn't I think of that? good call! :-) 

  Unless he drives a stick shift and she doesn't :P I can't drive my fiancé's car. Oops 

  

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• cruffino member

  

  September 2013

  ashleyep said:

  photokitty said:

  MrShoe said:

  Why cant your bf ride back to the hotel with his Bro and let you drive the car to your parents?

  ooooo...that's a pretty genius idea! why didn't I think of that? good call! :-) 

  Unless he drives a stick shift and she doesn't :P I can't drive my fiancé's car. Oops 

  unrelated to OP: my FI drove a stick when we met and i didn't. he taught me. one of the first fun things we did together. now we have an automatic, but it was fun.

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• APDSS22 member

  

  September 2013

  misshart00 said:

  Queston to OP: You said in your first post that the bride requested that the groom's brother stay with the groom.  Does the groom even want to do that? This may be a moot point if groom wants to stay alone or has other plans.

  This is exactly what I wanted to know when I read the OP.  Also, the bride doesn't get to choose where everyone sleeps the night before the wedding.  Ya'll are adults, and it would be really weird to separate you from your bf so he could sleep with his brother in my mind.
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  September 2013

  I was also going to suggest driving to the RD dinner together, your boyfriend getting a ride to the hotel and you driving back by yourself. 

  
  

  I've had to go to a wedding before where my boyfriend was a groomsman and I knew no one, not even the bride and groom. I totally understand how you feel. I was at the ceremony by myself as well. 

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• photokitty mod

  

  September 2013 edited September 2013

  cruffino said:

  ashleyep said:

  photokitty said:

  MrShoe said:

  Why cant your bf ride back to the hotel with his Bro and let you drive the car to your parents?

  ooooo...that's a pretty genius idea! why didn't I think of that? good call! :-) 

  Unless he drives a stick shift and she doesn't :P I can't drive my fiancé's car. Oops 

  unrelated to OP: my FI drove a stick when we met and i didn't. he taught me. one of the first fun things we did together. now we have an automatic, but it was fun.

  DOH! I haven't considered that... If that's the case, OP should learn - not bc of this situation, but bc it is a great skill and point of pride! =oD An exboyfriend taught me - best thing about dating him! And it was funny as heck! One time I put the truck in park got out and walked away in traffic bc I couldn't get up a steep hill :-p

  ~xoxo~

  
  

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• itzMS member

  

  September 2013

  Everyone else has answered the questions quite well regarding the car situation.

  To answer the OP's question about where she is sitting...you can assume not up front with the family unless they tell you otherwise. You're the girlfriend of the groom's brother which, unfortunately, is not a position of honor.  Should you have to show up alone, pick a seat on the "grooms side" (if there is one) and call it a day.

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• allispain member

  

  September 2013

  TheFutureMrsRohlman22 said:

  misshart00 said:

  Queston to OP: You said in your first post that the bride requested that the groom's brother stay with the groom.  Does the groom even want to do that? This may be a moot point if groom wants to stay alone or has other plans.

  This is exactly what I wanted to know when I read the OP.  Also, the bride doesn't get to choose where everyone sleeps the night before the wedding.  Ya'll are adults, and it would be really weird to separate you from your bf so he could sleep with his brother in my mind.
  

  This is what I thought as well.

  
  

  As for seating during the ceremony - you should expect to sit by yourself. I have been with DH before when he was a GM and I didn't know anyone else at the wedding. I sat by myself during the ceremony, usually ended up chatting with whoever was sitting next to me before the ceremony started, and then made my way to cocktail hour afterwards, where I would either strike up a conversation with random people or I would find DH (depending on whether he was stuck taking photos or not).

  
  

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• SunriseAmber member

  

  September 2013

  The bride requested it? Why would she request it and not his brother? I would tell your boyfriend to ask his brother if he really wants him to stay at the hotel with him. To be honest, I'd be upset if my FI basically stranded me at a wedding of his family. I couldn't see him doing this. Maybe I'm misunderstanding the situation but I'm really side-eying it.
  

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• jenniferurs member

  

  September 2013

  MrShoe said:

  Why cant your bf ride back to the hotel with his Bro and let you drive the car to your parents?

   

  1 hr each way is nothing unless you're driving an F-250, you'll have your day and it will be your way. This is not that day.

  This.

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• Grabows14 member

  

  September 2013

  Bride is being rude... I would not be down with that unless my bf wanted to sleep over with his brother.
  
  Talk it over with logistics and all, maybe you can figure out a compromise.
  
  Good luck!

  

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• SP29 member

  

  September 2013

  I agree that it's rude for you to be stranded while bf is off with his brother- he should at least make some accommodation for you (whether it's with a family member of his, you stay in the hotel, or you both go back to your parent's together). If the bride/groom request that bf stays in the hotel, they should pay for the room. But, if you bf truly does want to spend the night before with his brother, then he should give you his car to drive back and forth while he finds another ride.

  
  

  At the ceremony, expect to sit by yourself with the rest of the non-family guests. You should be sitting with bf at the reception.

  
  

  My FI was the BM at a wedding this past spring, that I was also invited to. I did not attend the rehearsal dinner. FI also left to join the groom and other groomsman early the day of to get ready and take some photos, so I drove myself to the ceremony. I then sat by myself at the ceremony (found the other groomsman's mom to talk to!), and also spent cocktail hour mostly by myself (wandered around and looked at the decor and photos they had set out, talked to GM's mom) until the bridal party returned after photos, then joined my FI for the rest of the night. 

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• LizM61409 member

  

  September 2013

  Somewhat related: it's logistical issues like these that make me seriously wonder why any single bridesmaids would ever want to bring a date. Going to the ceremony by yourself kinda sucks when it's your SO of 10 years, it sucks WAY more when you're a +1 and don't know anyone.

  
  

  In this case, the bride does not get to dictate who sleeps where the night before, with the exception of herself.

  

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• mikencindy member

  

  September 2013

  His brother will understand! He Def needs to stay with you!
  

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• Ajuliana member

  

  September 2013

  grumbledore said:

  Ajuliana said:

  My boyfriend and I have been dating for 10 years. My boyfriends brother is getting married this month and my boyfriend is the best man. They are getting married in our hometown of Houston, but my boyfriend and I go to school 9 hours away. The rehearsal dinner is on Friday so we will get in late Thursday night. My boyfriend and I planned to stay with my parents Thursday night and drive into downtown Friday for the rehearsal dinner (downtown is an hour away from where I live). My boyfriends parents reserved a room at the hotel the bride and groom reserved downtown by the venue. The bride has requested that my boyfriend stay with his brother, the groom on Friday night before the wedding on Saturday. None of my family was invited to the wedding and neither my boyfriend or I have jobs to afford a 200 a night hotel room. With that being said, I will be the only one not staying at the hotel the night of the rehearsal dinner. I don't have a car to get around in because I will be riding with my boyfriend to Houston from school. That means I will have to ask my family to pick me up on Friday and drop me off on Saturday. That is 4 hours of driving for my family that was not invited. I'm not sure what to do. Plus I would have to show up to the wedding on Saturday alone. They have not told me where I am sitting at the ceremony. My boyfriend will be in the wedding party and my boyfriends parents will be at the front. Would it be rude if my boyfriend didn't stay with his brother on Friday night?

  Lucky for you, Enterprise has a 9.99/day weekend special. You can thank me later.

  This isn't a very reasonable answer.  The truth is, the groom's family was rude by expecting the BM to leave his girlfriend behind when they are traveling to the wedding together.  She should be accommodated.  

  
  

  And not everyone has the means (credit card and appropriate age) to rent a car.  Not to mention, then she would have to drive that car back to wherever they are staying after the wedding - alone.

  I realize that may have come off incorrectly.  I actually work for the company and was trying to give her another option if her BF was seriously not willing to stand up for her. 
  
  And considering that I worked in the industry, I can tell you that's it's more reasonable than you think.  It seems silly not to mention it since she *possibly* doesn't qualify.
  

  
  

  
  Previously Alaynajuliana

  
  

  
  

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• MandyMost member

  

  September 2013

  It sounds like you and your boyfriend need to have a serious conversation about the logistics of everything. As a groomsman, he might be busy for hours before the ceremony begins, and you'll be alone. You're going to have to figure out how to get to the ceremony yourself regardless of where everyone is sleeping the night before. 

  
  

  Ideally, your boyfriend can have a conversation with his brother, who can then have a conversation with the bride, and then the bride or groom can get back to your boyfriend with all the relevant logistical information...and ideally, they can also provide you with some "friends" for the times when you'll be without your boyfriend. It would be nice to say, "Oh, the other groomsmen's girlfriend's know each other, and are planning on getting lunch before the ceremony while the wedding party is getting ready. Here's their info, give them a call!" or something like that. 
  

  
  

  Your family driving you is not an option. They're not chauffers, and it's not their job. 

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