Am I being selfish? (Long)

buddysmom80 · September 2013

Aschive said:

I used to get it for free then I moved to a different state. Since I have a different state on my DL I am not able to do that in the new state I am in. I went to the doctor and it was free. I just don't want my dad getting it on his insurance bill. I know that is stupid but I would rather it either be coming out of my pocket or I will just travel the 45 minutes to get it from planned parenthood.

Technically if you're over 18, you're your own guarantor so all bills, EOBs, etc should be mailed to you in your name. Now, if you both use the same mailing address, there are no guarantees that your dad isn't going to open something from his insurance company by accident.

But, also, why wouldn't you want your dad to find out? I was on my dad's insurance when I went to my first gyn appt (at 16), BC pills, etc. and he didn't judge me at all. He was proud that I was being safe and proactive in my sexual health and well-being (he didn't say it like that).

KeptInStitches · September 2013

You have cool parents, @buddysmom80. My dad would not have been nearly that cool about me going on BC. I grew up in abstinence-only education and household - I didn't know about effective BC until I was in college.

Blackbird230 · September 2013

@buddysmom80, super lucky. My mom just found out a little while ago that I was active and on the pill. I was like "it's my business. Stuff like that doesn't just come up in conversations!" I had been going to my college health services. My mother more than my father was very Catholic, conservative and thought I was waiting until marriage.

Swazzle · September 2013

My mom took me to the gynecologist for an exam and got me on BC as soon as she found out I was having sex (I was 16).

buddysmom80 · September 2013

@swazzle my mom did the same thing. She'd rather pay for a BC Rx then raising my kids. I mean, fwiw I'm sure my dad wasn't thrilled that I was on BC at 16 but my mom probably explained WHY it was a good idea. My mom worked for an ob/gyn office for 10 years so she saw it all and probably didn't want the same for me. Also my dad is very big on proactive healthcare so he was probably glad I was not going to my pediatrician anymore!

My dad still doesn't want to believe I have sex, and I live with my BF. For example, we're going to visit them this weekend and my dad sent me an email: "I'm glad you two are visiting, I'm looking forward to spending some one on one time with T. Your mother also told me that you two have decided to bunk up in seperate rooms. I don't care what you do in your own home, but you two are staying under my roof for the weekend, unmarried, and shouldn't be sleepign in the same bed together anyway."

So yeah, dad's a little old school, my mom is more "with it" and just puts him in his place when needed. Maybe I should edit my prior statement to say: "my dad was pissed about me going to the gyn, but my mom knocked some sense into him" lol.

CLoGreenEyes · September 2013

Haha. I had my mom convinced for quite a while that I wasn't doing anything. I have been taking care of all my own appointments, exams, etc. since I could drive pretty much, so it wasn't a big deal for me to talk to my doctor and get on BCP and be all prepared. She would ask me every now and then if I was having sex, and I'd be like, "Of course I'm not." Finally after about four years of me dating BF she asked again, and I just couldn't keep a straight face anymore. She now calls me a heathen because sex before marriage is sooooo wrong and I'm setting such a bad example and such. *sarcasm*

My dad is smart enough not to ask but he would absolutely shit a brick if he knew.

*Sigh* They really need to get lives of their own. Like ASAP.

CASK85 · September 2013

@swazzle, my mom did that too. I'm so glad she was like that!

loves2shop4shoes · September 2013

I've been on BC since I was 14. Irregular periods.

I'm pretty sure my mom would've FLIPPED if she found out I was having sex...at 15.

phira · September 2013

I went on the pill at 16 for PCOS, and I didn't start having sex till I was 20. My dad was entirely out of the loop about anything related to my health. My mom wasn't comfortable talking to me about things, but would instead just buy me books on puberty and sex and stuff. I also was fortunate enough to go to a school with comprehensive sex ed (or I should say--as comprehensive as sex ed gets in US public schools). So it wasn't a problem that I was on the pill, and not just because it was for period stuff.

My mom DID have an awkward talk with me when I was about 16 or 17 about how if I DID decide to have sex and I wasn't careful and got pregnant, she would take me to have an abortion (if I wanted one) and then she would do everything in her power to prevent me from having sex ever again.

buddysmom80 · September 2013

I'm so glad my mom was open to me about the whole sex and birth control topic. My grandmother had my mom at 16 and basically raised children her whole life (gained custody of my aunt's children, then raised my cousin's son) and my mom, as selfish as it sounds, didn't want that life for herself. She sat me down and told me: "if you come home pregnant, you're going to Planned Parenthood for an abortion, because I'm not raising other people's children". That and the horror stories she told me from working at an ob/gyn scared me enough to be like "GET ME THE BIRTH CONTROL NAO!"

I don't remember having the sex talk with her. I think my pediatrician gave me some books at around 10 or 11 that talked about sex and periods and showering and not smelling like a funky teenager. Also we had the boys in one room, girls in another sex talk. I was mortified when they started talking about wet dreams like I didn't even know how the male anatomy worked and was like "the fuck????". Then when I got my period my mom was going through menopause so that was a fun conversation: "oh great, you started your period, I was hoping I wouldn't have to buy sanitary products for a while". I also remembering wanting to shave my legs at 10 years old and my mom telling me once I get armpit hair I could, then one day in line at Stop and Shop I looked under my arms and was like "oh mom I got pit hair can I pick a razor out now???" My mom was mortified!

I swear my mother is not a selfish twit!

Anyway, point of this was that I'm glad my mom and I had the talks that we did because who knows how the hell I would've turned out.

Aschive · September 2013

Its not that I don't want them to know. My parents have been talking to me about sex since I was like 8 and my sister was born. I have an open relationship with my parents and I talk about everything with my mother, I know I can ask her anything and she will give me an answer that is honest and open. I am sure she tells my dad some of the stuff because I have had him ask me about it.... awkward, but I love that I know I can talk to them. Its just that I don't want to inconvenience them with all of that. I do get my own bills but he still gets a statement that lists the different procedures. That is how he found out about a scare that I had when I first started having sex. I just don't want him knowing when and what I get because I don't want him to know that I have not been being careful for a while. So it's not that it will stop me I just want a different route this time. It is silly but it makes sense in my mind and I am having trouble writing it out to make sense.

buddysmom80 · September 2013

Aschive said:

Its not that I don't want them to know. My parents have been talking to me about sex since I was like 8 and my sister was born. I have an open relationship with my parents and I talk about everything with my mother, I know I can ask her anything and she will give me an answer that is honest and open. I am sure she tells my dad some of the stuff because I have had him ask me about it.... awkward, but I love that I know I can talk to them. Its just that I don't want to inconvenience them with all of that. I do get my own bills but he still gets a statement that lists the different procedures. That is how he found out about a scare that I had when I first started having sex. I just don't want him knowing when and what I get because I don't want him to know that I have not been being careful for a while. So it's not that it will stop me I just want a different route this time. It is silly but it makes sense in my mind and I am having trouble writing it out to make sense.

Listen, if you had an open relationship about sex with your parents and you were my kid and I saw on your EOB that you were being responsible by going to the gyn and getting BC, I wouldn't have a problem.

I feel like you have a list of excuses for everything.

Also your pharmacy benefits won't send an EOB of prescriptions so you could get like a million different types of BC and your dad would have no idea.

You have health insurance. Be an adult, use it. Be safe and be proactive about family planning. If you don't want to get PG now, then take the steps NOT to get PG don't come up with an excuse that gets debunked by everyone on this board.

phira · September 2013

http://www.takepart.com/article/2013/04/11/will-obamacare-get-you-free-birth-control

Again, contraception might be completely covered anyway, so you would not be inconveniencing anyone by using it.

I mean ... yes, your reasons are kind of silly. You need to figure out what your priorities are here. If your only barrier to contraception (no pun intended) is that you're embarrassed to talk to your parents about it, then I'm going to question whether or not you're mature enough to be in a serious relationship or mature enough to be a parent if you do become pregnant.

buddysmom80 · September 2013

phira said:

http://www.takepart.com/article/2013/04/11/will-obamacare-get-you-free-birth-control

Again, contraception might be completely covered anyway, so you would not be inconveniencing anyone by using it.

I mean ... yes, your reasons are kind of silly. You need to figure out what your priorities are here. If your only barrier to contraception (no pun intended) is that you're embarrassed to talk to your parents about it, then I'm going to question whether or not you're mature enough to be in a serious relationship or mature enough to be a parent if you do become pregnant.

I think what she means is that yes, the benefits are now free due to ACA, but you still get an EOB from your insurance company since there is a UB04 that gets sent from the mds office to the insurance company for payment.

I also agree about the maturity level of OP.

andplusalso this is going to be the thread that never dies hahaha.

Swazzle · September 2013

Aschive said:

Its not that I don't want them to know. My parents have been talking to me about sex since I was like 8 and my sister was born. I have an open relationship with my parents and I talk about everything with my mother, I know I can ask her anything and she will give me an answer that is honest and open. I am sure she tells my dad some of the stuff because I have had him ask me about it.... awkward, but I love that I know I can talk to them. Its just that I don't want to inconvenience them with all of that. I do get my own bills but he still gets a statement that lists the different procedures. That is how he found out about a scare that I had when I first started having sex. I just don't want him knowing when and what I get because I don't want him to know that I have not been being careful for a while. So it's not that it will stop me I just want a different route this time. It is silly but it makes sense in my mind and I am having trouble writing it out to make sense.

Why would he even HAVE to know this? Don't you think he'd rather know that you're being safe now and he isn't going to become a grandfather in the near future?

loves2shop4shoes · September 2013

Stop. Making. Excuses.

It's making me lose my mind.

I don't care what your parents think. I don't care if it makes things awkward. I don't care if it's inconvenient, or expensive, or causes you to gain weight or facial hair or fucking cervical warts.

GET.ON.BIRTH.CONTROL.NOW.

You know what would make your parents think less of you? If you KNEW you were susceptible to pregnancy, and STAYED unprotected because you didn't want mommy and daddy to know you were getting on BC, or had not already been on it. (Those arguments, BTW, contradict each other.)

You know what would be more awkward, and a financial burden? Telling your parents, "Oh hai...I got pregnant. Because I was having 100% unprotected sex. So now help me raise this baby, or help pay for my schmaschmortion."

You know what's REALLY inconvenient? Getting pregnant when you're not ready. Children are a handful even when you're 100% ready. And abortions are costly, emotional, and UBER inconvenient.

You know what's REALLY expensive? Raising a baby. Or paying for an abortion plus the therapy you'd need afterwards from knowing you should've never gotten pregnant in the first place.

You know what REALLY causes side effects and weight gain? You guessed it...pregnancy.

I SWEAR TO GOD. I DON'T CARE HOW MANY EXCUSES YOU THROW AT US. THERE ARE MORE REASONS TO GET ON BC THAN THERE ARE EXCUSES TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX.

GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW AND STOP BEING IRRESPONSIBLE!

Pepper6 · September 2013

This is just too ridiculous for words...

Peaseblossom55 · September 2013

wow no time to read any of this unfortunately but I'm glad Prince and Ryan Gosling made an appearance.

beanbot2002 · September 2013

I just want to address the fact that Ms. Crazy Bubbles stated that her 2 day breakup was the hardest thing she's ever been through.....

I'm sorry... WHAT??????

desertsun · September 2013

Can we talk about the fact that condoms are also way cheaper than a baby? Where's the BF's responsibility in all this?

We personally use charting, and condoms during fertile times. I just hate hormonal BC.

There are always options. Step the fuck up and figure it out. People who can't be responsible about BC have no fucking business having sex.

GROW UP.

loves2shop4shoes · September 2013

How do you know shit got real in a thread?

@desertsun has dropped the F bomb. Twice.

Aschive · September 2013

I am not making excuses I am still looking for the right one and place to get it, it is not stopping me. I was just saying. Thinking out loud so to say.

desertsun · September 2013

USE CONDOMS WHILE YOU'RE "THINKING."

KeptInStitches · September 2013

Or abstain. Abstaining works, too, but don't keep being unsafe.

bride2b71614 · September 2013

PPs have made excellent points. There are no excuses. Your bf can get on a computer and research condoms (ones with the lube you aren't allergic to, or made with different materials). Sex is a two way street, the responsibility cannot fall solely on one person. When reading your original post, it seems like you've given this man a lot of your life in a short amount of time. You went to college for a month, decided it wasn't for you and then moved in with him. You bounce around a range of topics you are unhappy about involving your relationship, then we start talking about sex somewhere in the thread. You are making excuses to avoid using contraceptives. THEN YOU SAID THIS

"Also I am ashamed to say this because of my age and I know it is stupid... but we are not 'careful' and I started out checking out TB. So I saw this and started looking around. " If you would like to have a baby, thats fine, but please be aware that this is a very serious choice (even though you "changed your mind" I think the idea is still there).Before you can take care of a child, you need to learn/be able to take care of yourself (this includes managing your reproductive health, having your financial ducks in a row, being mature enough to make the decision to have a child). Please take what everyone is saying to heart.

Aschive · September 2013

I am not having sex until I get back from my break... we will see what happens then. @bride2b71614 You just explained my whole thought process of the past 6 months that has been going on in my head. I am to young for a baby but it SEEMS like everyone around me is having babies! Even kids younger than me. I wouldn't mind it, but know I am not any where near ready. I have read articles that say it is the hormones that make girls feel that way. I don't know if that is true. I am not trying to seem so passive about this as I know that I may have offend posters in the past at how ignorant I have been about conception and fertility.

I am thinking about what everyone has said. They are all great suggestions! Even though I am going to pass on the mirena/similar ideas. I read another thread about BC and I think I will stick to the pill for now. But thanks again to all the ladies out there who took the time to comment and help steer me in the right direction! I appreciate it a lot!

Riss2893 · September 2013

I feel like I missed so much on this thread and I wasn't gone for long.

suzie211 · September 2013

Aschive said:

I am not having sex until I get back from my break... we will see what happens then. @bride2b71614 You just explained my whole thought process of the past 6 months that has been going on in my head. I am to young for a baby but it SEEMS like everyone around me is having babies! Even kids younger than me. I wouldn't mind it, but know I am not any where near ready. I have read articles that say it is the hormones that make girls feel that way. I don't know if that is true. I am not trying to seem so passive about this as I know that I may have offend posters in the past at how ignorant I have been about conception and fertility.

I am thinking about what everyone has said. They are all great suggestions! Even though I am going to pass on the mirena/similar ideas. I read another thread about BC and I think I will stick to the pill for now. But thanks again to all the ladies out there who took the time to comment and help steer me in the right direction! I appreciate it a lot!

This still doesn't address your need to be on birth control. As an adult that is sexually active, you are responsible for your body and your health. Its great that you have decided to take a break, and will be abstaining for now, but this is a short term answer and another excuse.

Take the initiative to make a decision now for YOU. This means finding what is best for you and not what makes your BF happy. PP's have given you lots of help to find a suitable solution. Now you have time on your hands to find which one is right for you.

kelley198721 · October 2013

Wow, I need to visit TK more often, this thread is so entertaining! But can someone tell me who bubbles used to be? I want to say aliciaharrison but I'm not sure.

Either way, I'm gonna go back to my popcorn now and finish reading all the recent crazy threads

CLoGreenEyes · October 2013

That's the one @kelley198721. Happy reading!

Am I being selfish? (Long)

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