Money for honeymoon instead of gifts. Anyone know how to go about this?

NYCMercedes · September 2013

Thank you, @huynhette. You put it well. It wasn't a question of the ladies respecting each other but of rude posters disrespecting their guests.

delujm0 · September 2013

If you don't have any tangible goods to register for, don't have a shower - i'm not even overly offended by honeymoon registries, but i would NEVER give someone money for a shower gift. EVER. showers are for physical gifts. If you don't register for anything, have a simple brunch and don't call it a shower.

I know this is different in various circles, but at the weddings that i go to 90% of the gifts are checks in a card. So you'd probably just get cash anyway, with or without a honeymoon regustry. That being said, i'm going to give my standard Certified Public Accountant spiel here and say "don't plan a honeymoon that you can't pay for IN CASH immediately, and don't count on receiving cash gifts to use to pay it off." Just to be safe. :-)

Skip the honeymoon registry - without a physical registry, people will probably just bring checks.

AjaandRyan · September 2013

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I am curious- why is it considered rude to ask for an OPTIONAL donation of any amount to a honeymoon, but not rude to include all the places you've registered for with a list of acceptable gifts and their pricetags? I am in a similar situation where we really don't need any more stuff, but help towards a honeymoon, while not expected, would be awesome. Not trying to stir the pot- just genuinely curious.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

AjaandRyan said:

I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I am curious- why is it considered rude to ask for an OPTIONAL donation of any amount to a honeymoon, but not rude to include all the places you've registered for with a list of acceptable gifts and their pricetags? I am in a similar situation where we really don't need any more stuff, but help towards a honeymoon, while not expected, would be awesome. Not trying to stir the pot- just genuinely curious.

Because asking for money, especially for a vacation is rude. There is just no way around that. As for the registries, they are more for your guests then they are for you. There are some guests that will want to purchase a box gift 100% of the time. A registry is to give them an idea of what your style is and also what colors you like in house hold goods and such. They do not have to buy off the registry but it gives them an idea of what you may like if they wish to purchase a gift.

Money, however, is widely known as a very welcomed and wanted gift. You do not have to tell people that you would prefer money. Most individuals know that money is a great gift and most will give it as a wedding present.

As a guest, why in the world would I rather "buy" an excursion or dinner through a HM registry where the couple actually doesn't receive that item but instead they get a check minus a fee from the website, when I can easily give the couple a card with the full amount of money I wanted to give them with a note that says, please use this gift to buy yourself a nice dinner on your HM. Both parties win. The couple gets cash which they prefer and the giver gets to give towards their HM without a fee being removed from their gift.

NYCBruin · September 2013

AjaandRyan said:
I don't mean to hijack this thread, but I am curious- why is it considered rude to ask for an OPTIONAL donation of any amount to a honeymoon, but not rude to include all the places you've registered for with a list of acceptable gifts and their pricetags? I am in a similar situation where we really don't need any more stuff, but help towards a honeymoon, while not expected, would be awesome. Not trying to stir the pot- just genuinely curious.

A traditional registry is there for the convenience of your guests. It may look like a "wish list" to you when you think about going to a store and scanning things you'd like, but really it's more of a guide to guests that provides an answer to a bunch of gift-related questions they have such as:

What color sheets/towels would they like/match their decor?

Does the couple like monogrammed things or is that not their style?

Would they prefer/have more use for a blender or a mixer?

What brand/type of coffee maker would they like?

Has someone already purchased a toaster for them? I'd hate to be the one to give them their third. This is one of the major reasons for registries: to avoid duplicate gifts. Most people give wedding gifts with the hope that you will use and cherish them for years to come, not have to return their gift because you already have one (or two or three).

A honeymoon registry just lets people know you like cash. People already know that. They don't need "help" picking out cash to give you. It's very easy to give cash.

If your concern is that you'd like your guests who give you cash to know how you spent/plan to spend their generous gift, the appropriate place to do that is in the thank you note.

delujm0 · September 2013

You don't need to tell people that you want money. They know that.

Some people prefer to give actual gifts. Those people aren't going to contribute to a honeymoon fund anyway, because they want to give your a physical gift. Also, if you are having a shower, the ONLY gift option is a physical gift: that's the point of the shower. To shower the bride with gifts. No one should bring cash to a shower, or "contribute to a fund" for a shower gift. that misses the whole point of the event. This is the main reason to register for physical gifts - because you are having a shower. if you're not having a shower, a gift registry isn't necessary.

Please do not plan a honeymoon that you would not be able to pay for, in cash, at least 30 days before you leave. It is extremely dangerous to assume that you will get a stockpile of cash as wedding gifts to use to pay for your trip (whether you have a HM registry or not) - what if you don't get it? Do not go into debt over a vacation. Plan what you can afford, and if people give you cash gifts, use them for litle extras - an extra fancy dinner one night, an extra spa treatment, first class upgrades on a flight, etc. And in the thank you card, tell them what you used their money for.

JoanE2012 · September 2013

marina0608 said:

Go got it! Crowd sourcing is a new trends and there are thousands of couples that are doing it already. It's the perfect way to have your dream honeymoon and give your guests an opportunity to gift you with memories!

This is one of the most awful and annoying things to pop up lately. No, I do not want to pay for your trip (or whatever else it is). It seems like people have forgotten what it's like to save up for something they want. Instead, they set up some cutesy account and ask people to pay for it. It's the new me-me-me generation.

People will give you cash which you can then spend however you want (including on your honeymoon). Asking people to fund your honeymoon is incredibly rude.

NYCBruin · September 2013

marina0608 said:
JoanE2012 think it's your own opinion, but the reality is that Financial Times did a survey and it showed that the wedding guests are more than happy to contribute. In addition, they said that it does not appear rude and is within the wedding etiquette. Yes , things have moved on for the new generation

Well golly gee if a survey said that some people don't find it rude, that definitely means none of your guests will. It also means that none of them will give you a boxed gift when they were planning on giving cash just because they find honeymoon registries distasteful. Oh wait, one survey can't speak for your guest list. Asking for cash is rude. Asking for cash is rude. Asking for cash is rude. No survey is going to change that.

NYCMercedes · September 2013

marina0608 said:

JoanE2012 think it's your own opinion, but the reality is that Financial Times did a survey and it showed that the wedding guests are more than happy to contribute. In addition, they said that it does not appear rude and is within the wedding etiquette. Yes , things have moved on for the new generation

You need to cite your source (URL) so we can read it and not your interpretation of the survey results. Waiting.

Jells2dot0 · September 2013

The idea of a registry was for guests to help get the bride and groom set up for their new life of living together. Obviously times have changed and a lot of couples now live together prior to marriage and maybe don't need a lot of common household items. However, times are super difficult with many people struggling with making ends meet. Perhaps the bride and groom are struggling as well. So, give that, I would think the last thing they should be spending money on is a vacation!! A vacation is something frivilous and optional. If the couple can gather the funds together to go somewhere or their family/friends offer them travel as a gift, then that is great. However, why ask your guests for something that most likely even they can't afford for themselves?? Or maybe they can afford it, but life circumstances keep them from taking time off. Registry gifts are meant to be practical items that every household needs- pots, pans, towels, plates. Not a couples massage on a beach in the Caribbean. And certainly not cash that a couple spends on that massage or on a first class air upgrade. If someone gives cash, fine, but don't ask for it.

NYCMercedes · September 2013

Still waiting @marina0608. Can't find it?

Maggie0829 · September 2013

Well, gee, H and I want to finish our basement so I guess I should just set up a cutesy website to solicit funds from friends and family, right? Seems that is a much better option then acting like an adult, working hard and saving up money to do it ourselves.

Seriously people, do not ask for money. If people want to donate money towards your vacation they can certainly do so without you asking for it through a dumb HM registry.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

I thought this thread died? Lol. Agreed ^. After careful consideration from everything people have said... I don't think it is a good idea people. Good luck to everyone!

NYCMercedes · September 2013

Oh, so @marina0608, you have no source to cite! Why did you make that up? Just to stir the pot, be a troll?

NYCMercedes · September 2013

marina0608 said:

Seriously guys, what's going on with this Forum? I do not need to defend myself if you are so interested in verifying the info, then feel free to search the source and I am sure you will find it. I just feel so blessed and grateful for the reasons that I joined this site in the first place - to plan my wedding and honeymoon!! It's a blessings to be in this position : Thank you for all your comments to my postings and all the best!

Seriously? You made it up so cannot even quote your false statement.

RichinPhuket · November 2013

I think its a case of not what you do but how you do it... Some HR such as honeymoon with love offer free websites included with information on the couple, wedding dates, maps, local accommodation, photo albums etc and is more subtle than directly sending them to a site asking for gifts. It is also up to the couple to be tasteful and request appropriate memorable items or events such as horseback ride on the beach, a boat trip or night out at the theatre.

It shouldnt pay for the honeymoon but add to the honeymoon.

It would also make a nice gesture to send some photos back to the people who gave you the gift. "thanks for the day scuba diving, it was the highlight of our trip" Much nicer than a standard registry or receiving cash which has no meaning at all.

Fantastic lifelong memories are a great gift to receive and a great gift to give. It just has to be done the right way.

And from a buyers point of view its much easier than spending hours shopping and debating whether their present is too masculine, too girly, do they need it, too boring, will it match their house..on and on!!!

bananasplit472001 · November 2013

Create a HoneyFund.com account. Post it in your registry section of your wedding website or include it somewhere on your invitation. It is not rude nor is it tacky. Many couples live together before they get married and have already purchased everything they need. If anything creating a registry on top of all the things you already own is excessive and can be seen as tacky, in my opinion. Creating a HoneyFund account or something similar, is actually a very nice idea for families and friends of the couple to gift them an experience that they may otherwise never have. There is no rule that says you can't customize your "registry" any way that you want. Whether it's asking for gifts or contributions towards you honeymoon I really don't see a problem with it.

antibride2013 · November 2013

dianammobilio said:

Create a HoneyFund.com account. Post it in your registry section of your wedding website or include it somewhere on your invitation. It is not rude nor is it tacky. Many couples live together before they get married and have already purchased everything they need. If anything creating a registry on top of all the things you already own is excessive and can be seen as tacky, in my opinion. Creating a HoneyFund account or something similar, is actually a very nice idea for families and friends of the couple to gift them an experience that they may otherwise never have. There is no rule that says you can't customize your "registry" any way that you want. Whether it's asking for gifts or contributions towards you honeymoon I really don't see a problem with it.

ugh....NO. Please do not give bad advice. HM registries are extremely rude.

bananasplit472001 · November 2013

dianammobilio said:Create a HoneyFund.com account. Post it in your registry section of your wedding website or include it somewhere on your invitation. It is not rude nor is it tacky. Many couples live together before they get married and have already purchased everything they need. If anything creating a registry on top of all the things you already own is excessive and can be seen as tacky, in my opinion. Creating a HoneyFund account or something similar, is actually a very nice idea for families and friends of the couple to gift them an experience that they may otherwise never have. There is no rule that says you can't customize your "registry" any way that you want. Whether it's asking for gifts or contributions towards you honeymoon I really don't see a problem with it.ugh....NO. Please do not give bad advice. HM registries are extremely rude.

Why are they rude if a couple already has everything they need to live in their home?

antibride2013 · November 2013

dianammobilio said:

Why are they rude if a couple already has everything they need to live in their home?

Because HM registries are asking for money. Asking for money in any shape or form is rude and very tacky. If a couple has everything they need, just don't freaking register!

KatWAG · November 2013

dianammobilio said:

dianammobilio said:

Create a HoneyFund.com account. Post it in your registry section of your wedding website or include it somewhere on your invitation. It is not rude nor is it tacky. Many couples live together before they get married and have already purchased everything they need. If anything creating a registry on top of all the things you already own is excessive and can be seen as tacky, in my opinion. Creating a HoneyFund account or something similar, is actually a very nice idea for families and friends of the couple to gift them an experience that they may otherwise never have. There is no rule that says you can't customize your "registry" any way that you want. Whether it's asking for gifts or contributions towards you honeymoon I really don't see a problem with it.

ugh....NO. Please do not give bad advice. HM registries are extremely rude.

Why are they rude if a couple already has everything they need to live in their home?

@dianammobilio please read the 1000 threads on the registry board that explain how horribly rude HM registries are.

vt&dt · November 2013

I just saw this thread this morning (yay time off for Thanksgiving!) and just have to ask...

Do all of the people saying that it's OK to (loudly) ask for money (either for their honeymoon, with a dollar dance, for their wedding with a cash bar) only do that for their wedding? After the excitement of getting married wears off... will they start a honeyfund for an anniversary trip? To refinish a bathroom? To buy a new pair of Jimmy Choos? Preparing for a marriage (and wedding) does not make someone above the basic rules of common courtesy.

I mean, being a bride-to-be is fun and all, but I'm still a person. Asking for money for a honeymoon or anything is still not OK. Reminds me of people I used to know who made some bad decisions and then posted on facebook asking for $20.

jlhart76 · November 2013

The problem I have with honeyfunds is I'm not really "buying" a scuba excursion. I'm paying a company $10 to write my friends a check for $90. Personally I'd rather give my friends the whole $100. Bit if you do a honey fund, you can't really have a shower too. What are people supposed to do? Print off their confirmation and stick it in a card so you can say "Thanks Sue for the $20, thanks Jean for the $50..."? Showers are for physical gifts.

bananasplit472001 · November 2013

I am not personally creating a Honeyfund or honeymoon registry, but I would not be opposed to purchasing a gift off of one for a couple that may create it. I Don't understand all the negativity. If it doesn't work for you then don't do it at your own wedding. I am personally saving and paying for my own honeymoon that I can afford but I would definitely not consider it rude if a couple asked for that as a gift. For the couple who already has everything for their home, why make a registry of unnecessary items just for the sake of having one for a shower?

MrsDeRuyter87 · November 2013

What people fail to understand is that most family members WANT to give gifts, it's not expected. If you think a HM registry is tacky then you should also believe ANY registry is tacky. I personally went through Honeyfund.com and also did a small registry at amazon.com. My guests loved the HM registry because it was a way for them to see what exactly we had planned for our trip. BTW honeyfund does not take a percentage of your monetary gifts. There is a VERY minimal fee if the guests decide to give with a dc/cc on the site. It also encourages guests to give with cash or check through a pledge directly to the bride and groom. Mostly though my guests liked seeing the specifics of our trip and it was often a great topic of conversation.

lovesclimbing · November 2013

MrsDeRuyter87 said:
What people fail to understand is that most family members WANT to give gifts, it's not expected. If you think a HM registry is tacky then you should also believe ANY registry is tacky. I personally went through Honeyfund.com and also did a small registry at amazon.com. My guests loved the HM registry because it was a way for them to see what exactly we had planned for our trip. BTW honeyfund does not take a percentage of your monetary gifts. There is a VERY minimal fee if the guests decide to give with a dc/cc on the site. It also encourages guests to give with cash or check through a pledge directly to the bride and groom. Mostly though my guests liked seeing the specifics of our trip and it was often a great topic of conversation.

So basically, instead of the site taking a fee out of the gift money, you're asking your guests to pay extra to a third party site. I just don't see why any guest would want to pay a fee on top of a gift rather than just the cost of the gift. It's mind boggling. Also, if people want to see specifics of your trip, include your itinerary on your website or get together with them and talk about it.

Weesh · November 2013

vt&dt said:

I just saw this thread this morning (yay time off for Thanksgiving!) and just have to ask...

Do all of the people saying that it's OK to (loudly) ask for money (either for their honeymoon, with a dollar dance, for their wedding with a cash bar) only do that for their wedding? After the excitement of getting married wears off... will they start a honeyfund for an anniversary trip? To refinish a bathroom? To buy a new pair of Jimmy Choos? Preparing for a marriage (and wedding) does not make someone above the basic rules of common courtesy.

I mean, being a bride-to-be is fun and all, but I'm still a person. Asking for money for a honeymoon or anything is still not OK. Reminds me of people I used to know who made some bad decisions and then posted on facebook asking for $20.

This! You are a person first and foremost, a person who's simply chosen to get married. That's wonderful, but I don't solicit funds in my everyday life for the decisions I make regarding money. Just because I'm a bride doesn't mean I should turn everything bridal related into a fundraiser.

Money for honeymoon instead of gifts. Anyone know how to go about this?

Re: Money for honeymoon instead of gifts. Anyone know how to go about this?

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