Divorce...!

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

So I was just reading some of the threads, and it got me thinking about how some people don't take marriage seriously. Do you guys think it is too easy to get divorced? I personally know many people that gave up because they were bored, not "in love" or things were just too hard. Most of them ended up cheating. I personally think that society makes it to easy to just throw marriages away. Whatever happened to "until death do us part" or "until eternity"? Religious or not, it is a vow said under God, and/or a promise made to each other. I think it should be mandatory that couples go to 6 months of therapy before being granted a divorce. Now, there are always exceptions like, abusive relationships and things of that nature, but otherwise. WORK ON IT. No one said it would be easy. Society is just too lazy to try.

KatWAG · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

So I was just reading some of the threads, and it got me thinking about how some people don't take marriage seriously. Do you guys think it is too easy to get divorced? I personally know many people that gave up because they were bored, not "in love" or things were just too hard. Most of them ended up cheating. I personally think that society makes it to easy to just throw marriages away. Whatever happened to "until death do us part" or "until eternity"? Religious or not, it is a vow said under God, and/or a promise made to each other. I think it should be mandatory that couples go to 6 months of therapy before being granted a divorce. Now, there are always exceptions like, abusive relationships and things of that nature, but otherwise. WORK ON IT. No one said it would be easy. Society is just too lazy to try.

While I agree that some people enter into marriage too ligthly without serious consideration for their future, who is going to pay for this therapy you suggest? Me? my insurance? the state?

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

the couple. Most times they pay a fortune for a divorce anyway. Maybe it would deter them from going that route and actually try and work out their problems.

KeptInStitches · September 2013

And the couples who can't afford to pay for therapy?

ElcaB · September 2013

I agree that some people don't understand the type of commitment they are making before they get married. I'm a huge advocate of premarital counseling and working on the relationship prior to marriage. It doesn't mean divorce won't happen, but it can really help couples understand the commitment and evaluate their readiness.

People like Britney and Kim don't help, either. They make marriage a joke.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

^ totally agree.

and the people that can't afford to pay for therapy probably can't afford a divorce lol. Or who knows, just let the state pay for it, they rob us blind anyway (in illinois)

KatWAG · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

the couple. Most times they pay a fortune for a divorce anyway. Maybe it would deter them from going that route and actually try and work out their problems.

Do you know how expensive 6 months of therapy is? A lot of therapist cost upwards of $100 an hour. And for those couples who can't afford therapy? Does the burden fall of state or federal governments? Because the government has sooooo much extra money right now.

(we are officially 7 days for when the government shuts down because it can't pay its current bills)

NYCBruin · September 2013

I don't think divorce should be easier, if anything, getting married should be harder. If you are going to insist on any sort of therapy, I think it would be infinitely more useful to do it pre-wedding. If people aren't taking marriage seriously, I think the answer is to make people realize that before they get married, not after they realize that they don't want to be.

ShallowSeas · September 2013

I definitely agree that people take marriage too lightly. Unfortunately, I have been divorced. My ex and I did premarital counseling. But both people have to be committed to the marriage for it to work. In my case, my ex cheated on me. I had only 2 reasons why i would ever get divorced and I explained that to my ex wayyyy before we were ever married: cheating and abuse. Unfortunately one of those happened and i was left with no choice. While I think marriage is something that SHOULD be forever, there are certain circumstances where its just not possible. I could not be with someone who had cheated on me and was still doing it with no intentions to stop. It was not by choice that I filed for divorce. Premarital counseling is a great idea and I'm sure it can help, but in my case, it did not. I offered to go to counseling before my husband had cheated, since our relationship had suddenly turned weird (no wonder) and he refused. In hindsight, it wouldnt have helped any way because he didnt want to change.

So while I think that marriage is taken too lightly, I don't think people think divorce is the easy way out. I know a lot of people who wanted to work on their marriage and unfortunately were not able to due to circumstances. Although I'm sure that if more people took marriage more seriously, there would be less cheating going on.

LiLe422 · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

^ totally agree.

and the people that can't afford to pay for therapy probably can't afford a divorce lol. Or who knows, just let the state pay for it, they rob us blind anyway (in illinois)

I fucking hate this mentality. Do you really think that is a viable solution?

KatWAG · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

^ totally agree.

and the people that can't afford to pay for therapy probably can't afford a divorce lol. Or who knows, just let the state pay for it, they rob us blind anyway (in illinois)

There is so much wrong with this statement that I dont even know where to begin.

climbingsingle · September 2013

Maybe we should go back to the 50s, where divorce was extremely frowned upon and people stayed in unhappy, loveless marriages until they died.

I'm divorced and getting married for the second time. Do you REALLY know people that have taken divorce so lightly? Getting divorced sucks. It was gut-wrenching. I cried for months. And it was my decision. I'm sure some people don't take marriage seriously. I'm sure some people think divorce isn't that big of a deal. But suggesting that getting divorced is too easy or that there should be mandatory counseling is ridiculous.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

ok people, it was a joke. I guess my sarcasm wasn't apparent. @shyannelise I'm sorry to hear that. Those are the only two circumstances that I too would get divorced. I completely agree that premarital counseling is a good idea. I'm not saying divorces would vanish, but I think it would help. And as far as the cost, therapy is not always that expensive, however, I'm not saying it is inexpensive either. Depending how comfortable people are with church, every church I know of around here counsels couples for free or a very small fee. There are ways to figure it out. I don't know where anyone lives, but please, enlighten yourself about Illinois government and you will understand why I was being sarcastic.

chibiyui · September 2013

I agree with NYCbruin if anything marriage should be harder and divorice easier. Do you have any idea how hard it is to prove domestic abuse in court?

Probably not.

KatWAG · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

ok people, it was a joke. I guess my sarcasm wasn't apparent. @shyannelise I'm sorry to hear that. Those are the only two circumstances that I too would get divorced. I completely agree that premarital counseling is a good idea. I'm not saying divorces would vanish, but I think it would help. And as far as the cost, therapy is not always that expensive, however, I'm not saying it is inexpensive either. Depending how comfortable people are with church, every church I know of around here counsels couples for free or a very small fee. There are ways to figure it out. I don't know where anyone lives, but please, enlighten yourself about Illinois government and you will understand why I was being sarcastic.

I am very enligthened. Not only do I live in Chicago, but I work in politics.

And for the record, based off your first post in this thread, I don't think you were being sarcastic.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

@climbingbrideNY

It may be ridiculous in your opinion (and a few others) but it's not in mine. Yes, I do know people that have taken it lightly. Did I say everyone does? No. Like I said in my origianl post, there are certain circumstances where I don't think counseling is appropriate. I'm also not suggesting people stay unhappy together forever. Hence the point of counseling. If you can't make it work then it is what it is. I just think some people are too quick to throw in the towel when things get tough without giving it a chance. I'm sorry that your response seems like you feel attacked, but I don't know you or your situation and I don't need to. If you divorced someone because you felt like it was the right thing, it's not my business, all I'm saying is are couples giving it EVERYTHING they can before deciding? Maybe you did. Again, not my business.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

@katwag

I'm sorry you feel that way. But what you think and what I know are different.

KatWAG · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

@katwag

I'm sorry you feel that way. But what you think and what I know are different.

This gave me a good chuckle, thanks for that

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

you're quite welcome!

climbingsingle · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

@climbingbrideNY

It may be ridiculous in your opinion (and a few others) but it's not in mine. Yes, I do know people that have taken it lightly. Did I say everyone does? No. Like I said in my origianl post, there are certain circumstances where I don't think counseling is appropriate. I'm also not suggesting people stay unhappy together forever. Hence the point of counseling. If you can't make it work then it is what it is. I just think some people are too quick to throw in the towel when things get tough without giving it a chance. I'm sorry that your response seems like you feel attacked, but I don't know you or your situation and I don't need to. If you divorced someone because you felt like it was the right thing, it's not my business, all I'm saying is are couples giving it EVERYTHING they can before deciding? Maybe you did. Again, not my business.

My point is this - how do you know couples are not "giving it their all"? How do you know they are throwing in the towel too quickly? Do you know all the intimate details of their marriage, what happened at end, why they didn't go to counseling? How you can be able to judge all of that is pretty laughable.

renegade gaucho · September 2013

Or maybe you could recognize that you don't know everything that goes on behind closed doors in other people's marriages and people don't always feel like explaining the real reason behind their decision to divorce, especially to someone who comes off as extremely judgmental.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

Seems a little hypocritical. You find that laughable before even waiting for my response to your questions. Yes, like I said. I do know a few. One being my brother. We are extremely close and they lived with us for a short time. I saw both sides. I saw what it did to my neice. She threw in the towel before he did, but they both let it go pretty easily. Also a very good friend of mine who was "bored" and marriage "wasn't as much fun" as she thought it would be. They did get married very young which may have contributed to that mentality but yes, she threw in the towel and they were divorced. Then, though I don't KNOW them, there are always the public figures that tape their lives for the world to see such as KK. So, to sum up all of your questions... yes.

renegade gaucho · September 2013

Maybe it's just people you associate with, then? I don't think throwing marriage away willy-nilly is a common phenomenon among the general population.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

I'm sorry, I must have missed that. Did I say I claim to know everything about everyones marriage or did I simply suggest something that I think?

I also don't remember personally attacking anyone but rather asked a question on whether or not people think it is too easy to get divorced. So back to the original post, it's really a simple question. Realistically, if there is no abuse, and no one is endagered, is it too easy to get divorced (in your opinion)?

renegade gaucho · September 2013

No, I think it's far too easy to get married.

And while you didn't explicitly say that you know everything about everyone's marriage, you certainly implied it by making the sweeping judgment that you don't think most people have a legitimate reason for getting divorced and they should just try harder.

Maggie0829 · September 2013

I am going to have to agree with KatWAG, OP you weren't being sarcastic in your first post, you were very much serious, which is fine because everyone is entitled to their opinions, but don't back step now and try to cover up your opinion with "oh I was being sarcastic."

I personally don't know why any one would think divorce was easy. It is hard and emotional and expensive and depending on the people involved can go on for years. People may go into a marriage without really knowing what is involved but getting a divorce is a whole different ball game.

I agree that society has made "throwing marriages away" easy in the figurative sense (especially since celebrities are what society focuses on when talking about relationships and how long they tend to last) but in the literal sense actually working through the process of legally ending a marriage is so much harder.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

Maybe, or maybe not. I am also around people have been married 40+ years. This article I found interesting. Filled with many theories or opinions and facts. Not saying one person is right and one is not. Which is why I'm not sure why it seems every post has to be turned into something personal and nasty when it was a general statement and question.

Why Is The Divorce Rate Rising?

The divorce rate is at an all-time high, as you likely know if you read the news. Half of all marriages in this country end in divorce. Everyone seems to have their own ideas as to why the divorce rate is rising. More couples live together before marriage. The popular media does not portray marriage as a serious institution any more. Some blame the rising divorce rate on feminism or on young people's inability o stay committed. Some blame the high divorce rate on money problems many people face or on rising rates of alcohol and drug abuse. Divorces are easier to get than ever and some people think this contributes to a high divorce rate. Whatever the reasons, it is true that the divorce rate today is much higher than it was even twenty years ago. A divorce rate that is rising affects many areas of society. Divorce lawyers multiply and charge more for their services. A high divorce rate clogs courts with divorce cases. More people seek counseling or experience bankruptcy due to divorce rates that climb. A high divorce rate also affects children, as more and more children come from broken homes or have to witness the breakup of a marriage. A high divorce rate also means that more and more children are being raised in homes with step parents. There is no doubt about it; whatever its causes, a high divorce rate makes life more complex.

renegade gaucho · September 2013

Your OP was personal and nasty towards people who get divorced, even though you may not have intended it to be.

Nicmorrison14 · September 2013

OK wait, I'm not backstepping. I may have read that wrong. I wasn't being sarcastic about anything I said in the original post... I was being sarcastic when I said "Or who knows, just let the state pay for it" because they are robbing us blind anyway. THAT was sarcasm.

Jells2dot0 · September 2013

Nicmorrison14 said:

I'm sorry, I must have missed that. Did I say I claim to know everything about everyones marriage or did I simply suggest something that I think?

I also don't remember personally attacking anyone but rather asked a question on whether or not people think it is too easy to get divorced. So back to the original post, it's really a simple question. Realistically, if there is no abuse, and no one is endagered, is it too easy to get divorced (in your opinion)?

I think this topic can' truly be understood by someone who has not been through the process. Sure, there are some people who just don't care, but a typical divorce for an average person can take a year and cost thousands of dollars. The entire process, from deciding to divorce, to going through it, to the aftermath is devasting. Or at least it was to me. I'm happily remarried but don't go a day without feeling some level of sadness over what happened. And what happened was a fantastic thing in the end. I agree with others that it is too easy to get married. It is $70 for a license in my county; $350 to change your name with the courts, and at minimum, $500 worth of filing fees for an uncontested divorce.

NYCBruin · September 2013

Oh and FYI that "half of marriages end in divorce" "statistic" is complete bunk. There actually never has been a study that actually looks at this statistic. People use marriage rates and divorce rates as a proxy to guess at this statistic, but there is so much noise in those numbers, that the conclusion that half the people that get married wind up divorced is far-fetched at best.

Divorce...!

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Why Is The Divorce Rate Rising?

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