Bridesmaid got new Ink

Blue_Bird · September 2013

Blue_Bird said:

smalfrie19 said:

WTF!! Why do people think that because you are getting married you can dictate what your friends do with their bodies!! SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? What about getting married makes women thing they suddenly control their friends?!?! Drives me so fucking crazy! If you don't respect your friends and their own decisions then maybe you shouldn't be their friend any longer. This is the biggest subject that makes me stabby! Fuck!! Lets just get this straight with everyone BEING A BRIDE DOES NOT MEAN YOU CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS' BODIES! Jesus christ!

Seriously! Bride=/= queen of the world who rules under royal decree. GAH!!

http://blogs.discovery.com/tlc-new-now/2013/09/you-wont-believe-this-crazy-bridezillas-letter-to-her-bridesmaids.html
Can't escape The Box, but someone disagrees with you. Not that I believe this post for a minute, it's still entertaining.

smalfrie19 · September 2013

Blue_Bird said:

Blue_Bird said:

smalfrie19 said:

WTF!! Why do people think that because you are getting married you can dictate what your friends do with their bodies!! SERIOUSLY. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? What about getting married makes women thing they suddenly control their friends?!?! Drives me so fucking crazy! If you don't respect your friends and their own decisions then maybe you shouldn't be their friend any longer. This is the biggest subject that makes me stabby! Fuck!! Lets just get this straight with everyone BEING A BRIDE DOES NOT MEAN YOU CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS' BODIES! Jesus christ!

Seriously! Bride=/= queen of the world who rules under royal decree. GAH!!

http://blogs.discovery.com/tlc-new-now/2013/09/you-wont-believe-this-crazy-bridezillas-letter-to-her-bridesmaids.html
Can't escape The Box, but someone disagrees with you. Not that I believe this post for a minute, it's still entertaining.

Oh yes, I did see that article a while ago..so ridiculous! Jesus...its a wedding ...one day in your life! its not going to make or break your marriage if you bridesmaid has a tattoo or a billion piercings in your wedding photos! And if you think it does, you seriously have issues.

palrmt · September 2013

It is HER body and you do NOT get to dictate what she does to it. I would have NEVER told my BM's that they couldn't cut their hair short or get a tattoo.

This is the same as asking a BM to lose weight so they look better in their dress. Its insulting and rude.

pibetafly09 · September 2013

chibiyui said:

Unless that is your friends new tattoo, I can assure you it won't ruin any pictures, and any guests who have a fit about visible tattoos are dicks. Calm down, don't kick her out of the party, and if it bothers you that much, pay to have everyones hair done in a nice, down-do so it doesn't look like your singling her out. No friendship is worth breaking up with over a tattoo. (Out of curiosity, did you talk to her about why she got it done? I know a lot of my friends get tats done after significant life events, personal goals, epiphanies etc. Can you see how, esp. if this significant to her, you freaking out over it is extremely hurtful? Even if it was a just for the hell of it tat, it's her body. )

Ok, true story though...my MOH just got a very similar tattoo to this one on her neck. It is bad. I don't mean bad as in bad for my wedding but bad as in like "wtf were you thinking getting that tattooed on your neck?" I would never ever kick her out of my BP (I selected her as MOH after the fact) or express the fact that I hate it (although she knows my opinions on tattoos in general), but I do understand feeling a little bummed about the tattoo. Fortunately, she prefers wearing her hair down anyways so its not even going to be an issue.

aurianna · September 2013

Jame1987 said:

My Bridesmaids will also be aware there are to be no visable tattoos showing. So I am with you that it would be ok to ask her to cover it especially since you had addressed it in the beginning. My cousins for one of a few reasons will not be in the wedding party because I really do no want a south park ninja showing in the pictures.

When I chose my bridesmaids, I chose the girls I loved the most; not the girls I loved the look of the most.
The bride does not have the right to tell any one else what to do with her body.
The idea that people here seem to think it's more important to have girls with "flawless" skin in their pictures is more important than having the girls they love in the bridal party just boggles my mind.

GamerGirl82
Does it suck that you thought an arrangement was made and everyone was on board, only to find out that was not the case? Yes.
However, you were very wrong to dictate these arrangements to begin with.
You have no say over anyone else's body. This includes your BMs' hair and skin. That belongs to them and you have absolutely no say in it whatsoever.

If the reason you were dictating hair length was truly because you didn't want anyone to feel left out when you were all getting your hair done, that's sweet of you. However I assume your BMs are all grown women and they understand the consequences of getting their hair cut; it limits the possible styles. No one needs you to save them from themselves. If missing out on the hair styling fun would truly make one of your bridesmaids sad, then I assume she wouldn't cut her hair, regardless if you had told her not to or not. And if there's a bridesmaid that decides to cut her hair, then it's very likely that she wouldn't feel upset missing the big hair styling party, so your concern is moot.
Not wanting them to miss out on the day-of hair styling is not a good reason for telling your bridesmaids what to do with their hair before then, even if your intentions were good. I would apologize to all of them and let them know you love them for them and lift any hair embargo you put on them.

if your church truly has a no tattoo rule, and you let your BMs know that up front, I think you can tell your BM that you love her and you really want her to stand with you, but your church will not allow it. Offer to pay for her hair to be done to hide it.

If our church does NOT have a hard rule, then you should do nothing. It is her skin and her neck and she can do with it as she pleases. She is not your prop or your property so if she wants to show the tattoo she can.

If you kick her out, it's a friendship ending move.

Are you really prepared to lose a friend because she got a tattoo on her own body that people might not even see and that no one will remember? Think hard about this.

ETA:
So I want to add this little anecdote even if it might get me flamed.
At my BIL and SILs wedding... one of the bridesmaids had a huge tattoo on her back. I thought it looked ugly and a little trashy (my personal opinion; sue me). But I didn't know this girl and she didn't know me so my not liking her tattoo didn't amount to a hill of beans.
And the real kicker: I found out from my SIL when I brought it up in private that this gal had gotten the tattoo just a few weeks before the wedding. My opinion of my SIL sky-rocketed. I realized that she was a really good friend that didn't freak out when her bridesmaid changed her appearance so drastically, didn't demand that she cover it up and just let the BM be herself.

So anyone who thinks that a bridesmaid's tattoo might detract from the bride... it could very well be the opposite.

crunchymamaof2 · September 2013

classyduck said:

Viczaesar said:

@classyduck, even if they have a religious ceremonial role, bridesmaids are still an honorary role - they are being honored by the bride by being asked to fulfill that role for the ceremony.

I totally agree with you, I was just trying to imagine some hypothetical religion in which the bridesmaids were required to serve the bride. I don't think it exists though. Sometimes I wax a little too theoretical.

Good point, regardless.

EDIT: OOH wait, I DID just think of a religion that requires bridesmaids to serve and honor the bride -- Bridezillism.

you're my new hero.

ElcaB · September 2013

This is kind of bananas. Think about why you asked your friend to stand up with you. Was it because she's pretty? Because her look compliments yours? No. It's because she is your friend and you love her. It's because she's important to you and you want her by your side on one of the biggest days of your life.

Now, does her tattoo change any of the italicized? No. You love her for her, not because she has a virgin complexion. Stop worrying about her tattoo and enjoy your day.

Iloveshanej · September 2013

I agree with most everyone. It's her body to do what she wishes with it. To request that someone not cut their hair or get a tattoo or do anything to their bodies just because of your wedding is a ridiculous request. If your bridesmaids mean enough to you to be in your wedding, you should except them for who they are.

climbingsingle · September 2013

I will never understand brides that want all of their BMs to look exactly the same. Ugh.

You are a bridezilla. What exactly is the "vibe" for your wedding? I can't imagine telling my closest friends that they can't cut their hair. GROW UP.

Liatris2010 · September 2013

Your bridesmaids are not wedding props for you to style in a manner that best suits your wedding. That is what decorations are for.

crissyf918 · September 2013

My two cents? It's not worth losing a friendship over a tattoo! I understand that you are upset about it, but I would just suck it up and let it go. The important thing is that it is your wedding day and you want your good friends beside you to celebrate.

alanaswedding1229 · September 2013

I was asked to be in a wedding by a girl I'd only worked with for a month or so. I accepted and later on found out that she asked me to be in her wedding b/c she wanted "pretty bridesmaids." Thanks but no thanks.

grumbledore · October 2013

alanaswedding1229 said:
I was asked to be in a wedding by a girl I'd only worked with for a month or so. I accepted and later on found out that she asked me to be in her wedding b/c she wanted "pretty bridesmaids." Thanks but no thanks.

That is gross. What a b.

TheBaysideBride · October 2013

OMG who cares, believe me you won't notice it at all. And it's her body, you love who for who she is and if she wants to rock that style, respect it.

arrippa · October 2013

alanaswedding1229 said:

I was asked to be in a wedding by a girl I'd only worked with for a month or so. I accepted and later on found out that she asked me to be in her wedding b/c she wanted "pretty bridesmaids." Thanks but no thanks.

Looking on the bright side, I guess it's better than finding out that she asked you to be a bm because she wanted "ugly bridesmaids."

Still completely terrible in any case.

GrrArgh · October 2013

According to OP it sounds like a case where this particular bridesmaid was not a typical friend. If it is to be believe it was a coworker who asked to be in the wedding. That right there was the first mistake, and a mistake many brides make. Just because someone wants to be in your wedding doesn't mean that they should be. So I can see where she is coming from this at a more business angle and less of an angle of it being someone she loves and cares deeply for. Doesn't make it right, but really sounds like the whole situation is messy. I hope the bridesmaid and bride both walk away on even terms. She probably shouldn't have been a bridesmaid to begin with.

FriendlyGhost1012 · October 2013

I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!

Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!

grumbledore · October 2013

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!

Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!

You can't be real. Telling someone to "do what you feel is right" when what the person "feels is right" is clearly messed up and in no way right is just bad advice.

Pepper6 · October 2013

KateFlynnMcFadden said: I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!
Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!
____________________________________________________________________ The adults on this topic are the ones mature enough to not dictate what their friends look like. They are friends first, bridesmaids only for ONE DAY. If she wants to fuck up her friendships by being a huge bitch for the sake of pretty pictures and because it "feels right", then no one here is going to hunt her down and stop her. But she received plenty of advice...and that was to let it go, grow the hell up, and be a good friend...

daveANDkristen · October 2013

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!

Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!

We are strangers on the internet. We are being blunt so as to point out that this woman is risking hurting her friend's feelings (not to mention the friendship itself) at the expense of her "wedding vision". If OP wants to disrespect those closest to her by dictating what they are allowed to look like, that is certainly her prerogative.

grumbledore · October 2013

HisGirlFriday13 said:

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!

Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!

I know you're real, because I googled you. If you're the person who's wedding registry I found (your nickname is a common diminutive of a longer name and your fiance's name starts with a B and you're getting married in Burlington, MA, on Saturday and you registered at Macy's), I suggest you page a Knot God (i.e., @KnotPorscha) and you ask her to change your user name to something that's not your real first, maiden and married names.

Well played.

HisGirlFriday13 · October 2013

grumbledore said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!

Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!

I know you're real, because I googled you. If you're the person who's wedding registry I found (your nickname is a common diminutive of a longer name and your fiance's name starts with a B and you're getting married in Burlington, MA, on Saturday and you registered at Macy's), I suggest you page a Knot God (i.e., @KnotPorscha) and you ask her to change your user name to something that's not your real first, maiden and married names.

Well played.

Fran1985 · October 2013

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!

Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!

If you have five posts on this website, and you've been called rude and/or a bridezilla in four of them, you might be rude and/or a bridezilla.

Liatris2010 · October 2013

FriendlyGhost1012 said:

I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!

Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!

Yeah, no. You don't get to treat your friends like props because you are getting married. Being a bride doesn't make you the boss of everyone else's bodies for a day.

And we did give advice, it was to STFU about the woman's tattoo.

smalfrie19 · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

KateFlynnMcFadden said:

I don't understand why people on this post are being so hurtful! Aren't we adults? What is with all the name calling? It's this woman's big day and, if she says she wants it a certain way, that should be fine. While dictating what goes on a person's body is going a little too far, it is still her day and I don't know why all of you people care so much about what she is doing. No one even gave her any advice!!

Girl, do what you feel is right. But, if you value this girl's friendship AT ALL, don't make a big deal about it. She's your friend no matter what is on her neck. Maybe have her stand a certain way so you can't see the tattoo in pictures. But, just remember, your wedding is for a day but your friendship with this girl has (I assume) lasted a long time.

Good Luck!

I know you're real, because I googled you. If you're the person who's wedding registry I found (your nickname is a common diminutive of a longer name and your fiance's name starts with a B and you're getting married in Burlington, MA, on Saturday and you registered at Macy's), I suggest you page a Knot God (i.e., @KnotPorscha) and you ask her to change your user name to something that's not your real first, maiden and married names.

@KateFlynnMcFadden - IMHO this is the only part of your post that makes sense is highlighted above. It's incredibly offensive to ask your friends to change something about themselves or kick them out of a WP to fit a "vibe" or a "feel" of your wedding. What if one of your friends said those things to you? I know if one of my friends put a "vibe" or "feel" of their wedding (one day) above our friendship (lifetime), we would not be friends for long.

Also, I have to recommend that you revise your attire information on your website. It's against etiquette to dictate guests' attire by saying:

"We are going for a dressy feel for our wedding. While tuxedos and evening gowns are not required, a suit and tie for men and dresses for ladies are requested."

It's also against etiquette to ask for gift cards. I would take that off your registry page and also off your amazon registry. The Macy's dream fund is more or less asking for gift cards, so I'd remove that too. I'm honestly not sure if registering for cat litter is against etiquette or not - I kind of think it is (if it's not, it's tacky at the very least), but other knotties can weigh in on that? If you aren't inviting ALL guests to your RD, I would take information about it off your website and just send invitations to those invited (your OOT guests and WP).

Otherwise, sounds like your wedding is in 4 days - congratulations and have a great time this weekend!

I was going to say something yesterday...but I just didn't have the balls..thank you

CheleLyn · October 2013

GamerGirl82 said:

The fact is , we all sat down and discussed it on the front end. Everyone agreed to not get their hair cut really short or add any new ink in a visible spot until after the wedding. They all knew the general vibe I was going for. I am asking her to cover it up now because she went against what she originally agreed to do, If she doesn't want to cover it, she can not be in the wedding plain and simple. She knew what she was doing when she did it. She knew it would hurt me and did it anyways. As a friend I'm asking her to cover it up that;s how I can have her stay in the wedding, if she can'twon't cover it up then she's not being a very good friend to me to begin with and probably doesn't need to be in the bridal party.

Ummm wow. Just....WOW!

kitty8403 · October 2013

Frankly, I'm horrified.
As the others have said, these girls are your FRIENDS, not your props. Assuming she went and got tatted just to spite or to disobey you is ridiculous. She has a life beyond your wedding.
As long as your girls show up (and are reasonably hygienic), they've done their part.
I'm not just saying this, by the way. I have a bridesmaid with multiple sclerosis--for all we know, she could have a bad day and need to sit down during the ceremony or something. Her health takes priority over the photo lineup. I have girls who could be considered overweight and who have tattoos--some visible, some not. And I really do not care. I asked them because of who they were, not how they looked on camera.

jneen101 · October 2013

Yikes @ that wedding website.

kitty8403 · October 2013

I went to one cluster of a wedding about two years ago where a groomsman showed up to his brother's wedding with scary yellow skunk striped hair. Product of too much drinking, I think. Some guests did notice. And the universal reaction was quite simply, "well I guess he's kind of a spaz, huh?" NO ONE thought it reflected on the bride (or groom) at all. They just chuckled at his, uh, individuality and moved on.

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