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Lots of wedding "don't" how about a list of "do's"

Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

There's tons of discussion on what not to do on this board. I'm wondering if we can have a positive list of things that you've perhaps seen at a wedding as a guest or bridesmaid that made you go "Wow! That's great! Thanks!". Something that really stood out and made you feel like you were special and that the B&G were being good hosts.

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Re: Lots of wedding "don't" how about a list of "do's"

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    KatWAGKatWAG member
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    I think there was a thread recently about the best weddings people have ever been to. I would read that.
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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    Devonshire22 said:

    There's tons of discussion on what not to do on this board. I'm wondering if we can have a positive list of things that you've perhaps seen at a wedding as a guest or bridesmaid that made you go "Wow! That's great! Thanks!". Something that really stood out and made you feel like you were special and that the B&G were being good hosts.

    DO host your guests properly.

    DO be gracious and thankful regarding all gifts received.

    DO adjust your wedding-industry-influenced expectations.

    That pretty much covers everything.

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    ei34ei34 member
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    ClimbingBride nailed the big ones: open bar, great food, fun atmosphere/dancing.  I'd add: make time to speak to each guest individually, thank them for coming, etc.  With 175 guests, it was tough, but I'm glad I was able to greet each guest that came to my wedding.
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    Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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    Helpful.. lol I'm talking specific things people have noticed at a wedding they've been to. Never hurts to pool some neat ideas like the hand written notes on everyone's plate.
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    CommitmentCatCommitmentCat member
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    @Devonshire22 love that idea, am storing that one for possible use at my wedding!
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    phiraphira member
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    I think that people shouldn't lose sight of the point of a wedding. You're getting married to someone, but once you invite other people, you're hosting a celebration. You need to be a good, thoughtful host.

    So it's not about exactly what there is to do or eat or whatever. Maybe you hate dancing. Maybe you are vegan and don't want to pay for meat. Maybe you love cupcakes.

    No dancing? Not rude--but you still need to entertain your guests. Serving only vegan food? Great--just make sure there's enough delicious, hot food for everyone and don't make them wait. Cupcakes instead of cake? Works for me--don't run out of cupcakes.
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    CommitmentCatCommitmentCat member
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    I think the point was to look at details that really stood out over and above. Hopefully people won't be a bad host. It goes without saying that you should above all other details entertain, feed, not freeze, etc but sometimes over and above doing that some people like to add a little personal touch, a little added detail. It doesn't have to be out of this world, just what stood out to anyone as something really nice?
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    JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
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    My friend had a table with bottles of water and muffins for breakfast the following morning put out after the dessert at her wedding.  This was a high-budget wedding and not in the cards for everyone, but I thought it was a fun touch and pretty much the nicest way I've ever seen to say, "Get out of here!  And have a muffin for tomorrow."
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    CommitmentCat said:
    I think the point was to look at details that really stood out over and above. Hopefully people won't be a bad host. It goes without saying that you should above all other details entertain, feed, not freeze, etc but sometimes over and above doing that some people like to add a little personal touch, a little added detail. It doesn't have to be out of this world, just what stood out to anyone as something really nice?
    Details aren't important.  Hosting properly is.  Being gracious is.

    Once you've made sure you are hosting properly, then you can take the time and money to add details if you so choose - just be aware that many guests won't care/notice/remember.

    The OP has some ground to cover as far as hosting properly before worrying about details.

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    melbelleupmelbelleup member
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    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    For me personally, I think as long as there's an open bar and food and dancing, I'm good. What made me feel special was being invited. 

    I did once see where the bride had wrote special personal notes on each person's place card. I'm sure it took her a ton of time, but I thought it was really sweet. 
    I LOVE this idea... I might actually steal it :)
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    MrsAitchMrsAitch member
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    I've been to two weddings where transportation was provided for guests between the hotel and ceremony/reception sites--I loved the idea and thought it was so sweet of them! Unfortunately it wasn't executed well in either case (one had a friend drive an SUV so he had to make A LOT of trips, the other they didn't tell anyone beforehand). A lot of our guests will be from out of town, and there aren't any hotels within walking distance (plus parking is at a minimum near our venue), so we would really like to provide transportation for them. We are thinking about using first student or something similar to have a school bus as a shuttle. I'm really hoping we can get it to go after the reception too because there are a lot of bars right by our venue that I'm sure some guests will want to go to after. I'm thinking information about this will go on the reception or map/directions card within the invitation--I might also add something about it on the RSVP card so we have an accurate count.

    I really like it when there is a receiving line--the bride and groom not eating or rushing to finish their dinner in order to greet guests during the reception can be so hard and I actually prefer it if they just greet everyone after the ceremony.

    Another wedding I went to had a sweetheart table and it was so nice to be able to have dinner with some of the bridesmaids.
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    DO find ways to minimize inconveniences. This could mean providing transportation between a hotel and a venue so guests can really cut loose and not worry about getting home.  This could mean providing a sitter and a quiet room for small children to utilize.  This could mean having a back-up plan for unseasonable weather for an outdoor ceremony. DO start your ceremony on time.  

    DO be gracious for every guest that came, traveled significantly, helped with something no matter how small the task, gave a gift or a card.
    DO RELAX and HAVE FUN!!!
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    Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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    Yes, I think we get that point. Horse has been beaten to a pulp on the gracious good host thing. It'd be really *nice* if we could share some nice ideas that people have seen at weddings as Commitment Cat said. The point of this whole post was to have a positive discussion instead of the usual assumption filled judgemental statements. Perhaps we should start a post on fussy, judgemental guests with over the top expectations next? :P

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    Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
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    edited October 2013
    Devonshire22 said:

    Yes, I think we get that point. Horse has been beaten to a pulp on the gracious good host thing. It'd be really *nice* if we could share some nice ideas that people have seen at weddings as Commitment Cat said. The point of this whole post was to have a positive discussion instead of the usual assumption filled judgemental statements. Perhaps we should start a post on fussy, judgemental guests with over the top expectations next? :P

    You can't tell people how to post. Get over it. Also, as PP said, read the Best Wedding You've Been To thread. If it will make you feel better you can cut and paste it here.

    Edited because I can haz spelling problems on a Friday afternoon.



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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
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    grumbledore said:
    CommitmentCat said:
    I think the point was to look at details that really stood out over and above. Hopefully people won't be a bad host. It goes without saying that you should above all other details entertain, feed, not freeze, etc but sometimes over and above doing that some people like to add a little personal touch, a little added detail. It doesn't have to be out of this world, just what stood out to anyone as something really nice?
    Details aren't important.  Hosting properly is.  Being gracious is.

    Once you've made sure you are hosting properly, then you can take the time and money to add details if you so choose - just be aware that many guests won't care/notice/remember.

    The OP has some ground to cover as far as hosting properly before worrying about details.
    Quoted for truth.

    Honestly, as long as I'm properly hosted I'm probably going to have a good time.  If there are etiquette breaches, I'm probably not going to (cash bar, not enough seating, long gap, etc).

    In the event that there is an etiquette breach, any "fun/cute/unique" details are just going to draw more attention to the etiquette breach in my mind.  It tells me that you care more about having a photo of your tables with personalized numbers than about properly hosting me.  And that makes me a sad panda.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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    Dreamergirl8812 said:
    Devonshire22 said:

    Yes, I think we get that point. Horse has been beaten to a pulp on the gracious good host thing. It'd be really *nice* if we could share some nice ideas that people have seen at weddings as Commitment Cat said. The point of this whole post was to have a positive discussion instead of the usual assumption filled judgemental statements. Perhaps we should start a post on fussy, judgemental guests with over the top expectations next? :P

    You can't tell people how to post. Get over it. Also, as PP said, read the Best Wedding You've Been To thread. If it will make you feel better you can cut and paste it here.

    Edited because I can haz spelling problems on a Friday afternoon.
    May I offer you a stiff beverage and a midol or three?
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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
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    Devonshire22 said:

     

    Dreamergirl8812 said:
    Devonshire22 said:

    Yes, I think we get that point. Horse has been beaten to a pulp on the gracious good host thing. It'd be really *nice* if we could share some nice ideas that people have seen at weddings as Commitment Cat said. The point of this whole post was to have a positive discussion instead of the usual assumption filled judgemental statements. Perhaps we should start a post on fussy, judgemental guests with over the top expectations next? :P

    You can't tell people how to post. Get over it. Also, as PP said, read the Best Wedding You've Been To thread. If it will make you feel better you can cut and paste it here.

    Edited because I can haz spelling problems on a Friday afternoon.
    May I offer you a stiff beverage and a midol or three?
    Seriously?
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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    Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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    Sorry, was that "ungracious" of me. Who else would like some?
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    Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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    Yes, boo hoo. What was started as an attempt at a constructive & positive post has certainly been turned into yet another negative unproductive trainwreck. It seems to be a theme with this whole "knot" board. Too much estrogen in one spot perhaps? Too much stress with all this wedding planning? I don't get it. No wonder brides turn into nervous wrecks with "help" and "support" such as this board has to offer. I've parused through several other sections of this forum and it all seems the same; negative, bossy, bitchy and about as far from constructive or supportive as I've ever seen. Go team!

    Perhaps read the entire post from start to finish before jumping in.

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    Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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    Totally hilarious. What? You don't like someone who has no issue standing up for themselves? Yes, as a woman, I'm definitely a hateful anti-woman person. Absolutely. Whatever you say.

     

    Midol? Valium? Or perhaps something a touch stronger, Dermosedan?

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    Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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    I'm sorry that you have problems with reading for comprehension and assumptions. :( Sad.

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    Devonshire22Devonshire22 member
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    Your eyes & ears are so closed I don't see the point. And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that you're a woman.
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    NYCBruinNYCBruin member
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    edited October 2013
    Devonshire22 said:
    Your eyes & ears are so closed I don't see the point. And no, this has nothing to do with the fact that you're a woman.
    I can only go off of what you write here.  I don't know you.  What you posted is offensive.  You are claiming it's not.  If you're going to insult my intelligence, you should probably be able to explain why I'm wrong.

    By asking you to explain yourself, I'm showing you that I'm open to hearing why you think that I misinterpreted what you wrote.  You responding with something about me not wanting to listen makes me assume you have nothing to back up your claims.  

    I'm open to hearing your thoughts, but if you have nothing to defend your statements with, by all means please continue the personal insults.  They are rather amusing.
    Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!
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