Lots of wedding "don't" how about a list of "do's"

Devonshire22 · October 2013

NYCBruin said:

You really don't know what's offensive about playing into "women are so hormonal and mean when they're on their periods" stereotypes, I feel sorry for you. I can only assume there is so much of that surrounding you in your life that you think it's normal and thus ok. This attitude is part of the reason why women have a harder time getting the money and respect that is handed to their male counterparts. If that doesn't make sense to you then:

Hmm... sorry but I didn't invent that stereotype. Nor was I labelling ALL women as "hormonal and mean when they're on their periods" - your words not mine. I simply offered one snarky poster some midol. ONE, not the entire population. You sure do ASSume too much. You know what they say about that. As you told me, you know nothing about me. It would seem you have a lot of issues with the whole Male vs. Female thing, I don't. I have worked in a primarily male dominated industry before and gained just as much respect and pay as they did. Perhaps it's me that should be sorry for you instead. I'm fully ok with myself and the fact that I'm a woman and have enough self confidence that if someone wants to make a sexist comment about me, I let it roll off my back. I don't dwell on it. Get over it. You put your own limitations on yourself, not men, not me. Embrace the fact that YES you are a woman but don't use it as an excuse.

NYCBruin · October 2013

Devonshire22 said:

NYCBruin said:

You really don't know what's offensive about playing into "women are so hormonal and mean when they're on their periods" stereotypes, I feel sorry for you. I can only assume there is so much of that surrounding you in your life that you think it's normal and thus ok. This attitude is part of the reason why women have a harder time getting the money and respect that is handed to their male counterparts. If that doesn't make sense to you then:

Hmm... sorry but I didn't invent that stereotype. Nor was I labelling ALL women as "hormonal and mean when they're on their periods" - your words not mine. I simply offered one snarky poster some midol. ONE, not the entire population. You sure do ASSume too much. You know what they say about that. As you told me, you know nothing about me. It would seem you have a lot of issues with the whole Male vs. Female thing, I don't. I have worked in a primarily male dominated industry before and gained just as much respect and pay as they did. Perhaps it's me that should be sorry for you instead. I'm fully ok with myself and the fact that I'm a woman and have enough self confidence that if someone wants to make a sexist comment about me, I let it roll off my back. I don't dwell on it. Get over it. You put your own limitations on yourself, not men, not me. Embrace the fact that YES you are a woman but don't use it as an excuse.

You clearly don't understand how stereotypes work. I don't think you're going to either. That makes me sad. And I'm not speaking of personal experiences, there are literally years of research and statistics to back up what I'm saying.

Devonshire22 · October 2013

LOL I truly don't think you understand it either.

Some women do indeed get cranky, bloated, moody and downright unreasonable during that time of the month. It's a fact. Not a stereotype. I'm sure there are plenty of years of research and statistics to back that up too.

Devonshire22 · October 2013

Premenstrual syndrome (PMS) or perimenstrual syndrome is a collection of emotional symptoms, with or without physical symptoms, related to a woman's menstrual cycle. While most women of child-bearing age (up to 85%) report having experienced physical symptoms related to normal ovulatory function, such as bloating or breast tenderness, medical definitions of PMS are limited to a consistent pattern of emotional and physical symptoms occurring only during the luteal phase of the menstrual cycle that are of "sufficient severity to interfere with some aspects of life".^[1] In particular, emotional symptoms must be present consistently to diagnose PMS. The specific emotional and physical symptoms attributable to PMS vary from woman to woman, but each individual woman's pattern of symptoms is predictable, occurs consistently during the ten days prior to menses, and vanishes either shortly before or shortly after the start of menstrual flow.

Devonshire22 · October 2013

More than 200 different symptoms have been associated with PMS, but the three most prominent symptoms are irritability, tension, and dysphoria (unhappiness).^[1] Common emotional and non-specific symptoms include stress, anxiety, difficulty in falling asleep (insomnia), headache, fatigue, mood swings, increased emotional sensitivity, and changes in libido.^[4] Formal definitions absolutely require the presence of emotional symptoms as the chief complaint; the presence of exclusively physical symptoms associated with the menstrual cycle, such as bloating, abdominal cramps, constipation, swelling or tenderness in the breasts, cyclic acne, and joint or muscle pain—no matter how disruptive these physical symptoms are—is not considered PMS.^[5]

Fran1985 · October 2013

Devonshire22 said:

NYCBruin said:

You really don't know what's offensive about playing into "women are so hormonal and mean when they're on their periods" stereotypes, I feel sorry for you. I can only assume there is so much of that surrounding you in your life that you think it's normal and thus ok. This attitude is part of the reason why women have a harder time getting the money and respect that is handed to their male counterparts. If that doesn't make sense to you then:

Hmm... sorry but I didn't invent that stereotype. Nor was I labelling ALL women as "hormonal and mean when they're on their periods" - your words not mine. I simply offered one snarky poster some midol. ONE, not the entire population. You sure do ASSume too much. You know what they say about that. As you told me, you know nothing about me. It would seem you have a lot of issues with the whole Male vs. Female thing, I don't. I have worked in a primarily male dominated industry before and gained just as much respect and pay as they did. Perhaps it's me that should be sorry for you instead. I'm fully ok with myself and the fact that I'm a woman and have enough self confidence that if someone wants to make a sexist comment about me, I let it roll off my back. I don't dwell on it. Get over it. You put your own limitations on yourself, not men, not me. Embrace the fact that YES you are a woman but don't use it as an excuse.

Just to comment on the midol thing- you offered it to her, yes, not the whole population. But you offered it to her because she is a woman. You thought you would insult her because she is mad about something, so you inferred she is on her period. That is really sexist. Women can be mad just because they are mad. They can be righteous, they can be snarky, they can be blunt, without being on their period. Its sexist because you are implying women should always be docile, nice, and sweet, and if they aren't its their periods to blame. Not the worst sexist comment I've heard by far, but I don't think its out of line to call you on it.

NYCBruin · October 2013

I don't know how this changes the fact that you made the stereotypical assertion that a woman who you were disagreeing with needed a Midol, insinuating that she must have been on her period. I know what PMS is. Remember, I'm not the one who didn't know what Midol does.

Devonshire22 · October 2013

And so we need to go ON and ON about it for three freaking pages??

Devonshire22 · October 2013

NYCBruin said:

I don't know how this changes the fact that you made the stereotypical assertion that a woman who you were disagreeing with needed a Midol, insinuating that she must have been on her period. I know what PMS is. Remember, I'm not the one who didn't know what Midol does.

It doesn't change it. That's exactly what I was getting at when I said it. Would you have preferred if I asked who pissed in her cornflakes? Less sexist and would've gotten the same message across.

NYCBruin · October 2013

Devonshire22 said:

NYCBruin said:

I don't know how this changes the fact that you made the stereotypical assertion that a woman who you were disagreeing with needed a Midol, insinuating that she must have been on her period. I know what PMS is. Remember, I'm not the one who didn't know what Midol does.

It doesn't change it. That's exactly what I was getting at when I said it. Would you have preferred if I asked who pissed in her cornflakes? Less sexist and would've gotten the same message across.

I would have preferred you acted like an adult.

However, yes I would have preferred that. I still would have thought you were being childish, but a nonsexist childish insult is "better" than a sexist childish insult. Especially when you add several more sexist comments in later posts.

And with that, I'm out.

Devonshire22 · October 2013

Yup, I'm horribly sexist & childish because I offered someone a midol for a bitchy, un-necessary comment. Terrible. Blasphemous. I do believe I'm not the only one who's been childishly slinging mud for several pages.

And really, how do you know, perhaps she IS on her period? She IS a women and we do menstruate once a month, so there is that possibility.

Fran1985 · October 2013

Devonshire22 said:

Yup, I'm horribly sexist & childish because I offered someone a midol for a bitchy, un-necessary comment. Terrible. Blasphemous. I do believe I'm not the only one who's been childishly slinging mud for several pages.
And really, how do you know, perhaps she IS on her period? She IS a women and we do menstruate once a month, so there is that possibility.

I don't know why you are like this. I'm not involved in the whole dos and don't convo, but I'd wish you'd think about what you are saying and how insulting it is, especially if you are someone who is successful in a male dominated industry and may have the opportunity to be a mentor to a young woman some day.

MobKaz · October 2013

Lobster1987 said:

Where do these people come from? The lame brides who keep posting stupid shit here never cease to amaze me.

In the past week or two, an entire fleet of Special-It's-My-Day-Bridezilla-Etiquette-Be-Damned new posters have exploded onto the boards. A few seem trollish, but their ability to intelligently argue or even make sense is so lacking, that it sucks the fun, and life out of most attempts to rebut.

NYCBruin · October 2013

Fran1985 said:

Devonshire22 said:

Yup, I'm horribly sexist & childish because I offered someone a midol for a bitchy, un-necessary comment. Terrible. Blasphemous. I do believe I'm not the only one who's been childishly slinging mud for several pages.
And really, how do you know, perhaps she IS on her period? She IS a women and we do menstruate once a month, so there is that possibility.

I don't know why you are like this. I'm not involved in the whole dos and don't convo, but I'd wish you'd think about what you are saying and how insulting it is, especially if you are someone who is successful in a male dominated industry and may have the opportunity to be a mentor to a young woman some day.

grumbledore · October 2013

Devonshire22 said:
So nice to hide behind a keyboard and sling mud isn't it? Gotta love internet forums for that. Nobody will eeeeever know who you are in real life, so you can say whatever you want. Truly a special bunch you are.

You sound like a loon. Your question was answered. If you don't like the answers, well, that's the internet for you.

Dreamergirl8812 · October 2013

Weddingbee, please round up all of your wedding etiquette rejects and take them back!

CommitmentCat · October 2013

Thank you to those of you who quoted me rather than paraphrasing. I'm hoping new readers will read my exact words rather than the paraphrase as the paraphrase is slightly confusing to where what I say ends...

The problem with internet forums is that because it's a written discussion, often, if slightly sensitive, the tone can be misread. I don't think that any of these woman have come onto the knot to personally bash brides. That would be pointless. Who has the time?

Sometimes people give advice, it might not be the advice you want to hear but it is the advice that they feel you need to hear. I have read one of your other postings regarding questions you have asked about etiquette and I can understand why people would suggest first taking care of your guests. It's not that they are bashing you, it is advice. I initially said what I did in my first comment because I understood what you wanted. You wanted to get ideas beyond the normal "just ensure your guests are treated well". But, this is an open forum and when you ask for advice, accept the answers. Before the whole argument broke out, other people were commenting with one or two ideas. Just take the advice you want and leave what you don't.

Being rude to people will not assist you in getting good advice in the future.

artbyallie · October 2013

Devonshire22 said:

Yup, I'm horribly sexist & childish because I offered someone a midol for a bitchy, un-necessary comment. Terrible. Blasphemous. I do believe I'm not the only one who's been childishly slinging mud for several pages.
And really, how do you know, perhaps she IS on her period? She IS a women and we do menstruate once a month, so there is that possibility.

Just curious, are you hitting the 'love it' button for your own posts? I can't imagine anyone else would actually like them.

Anyway, are you just being obtuse or do you really not get that it's sexist and stereotypical to suggest that a woman must be on her period because of her behavior?

Lots of wedding "don't" how about a list of "do's"

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