Need to be married to have a "reception"?

Re: Need to be married to have a "reception"?

• cidefi member

  

  October 2013

  Just like all the other pictures posted, I don't know what it means, don't care what it means. But the crickets are cute. Thanks

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• MobKaz member

  

  October 2013

  cidefi said: It becomes heated because these aren't debated about the best band ever, they are rules that allow a bride to host a wedding and not look bad. "These hags" will be at your wedding, because the board is made up of many many people from all different parts of the US and world, from all different age groups and professions. It's not like everyone who posts here is from NYC or something, its a very dive p that all agree on some of the main things you need to do to not be rude. Your viewpoint is extremely rude. You don't throw a party for other people (your guests) and then say that you and your FI are most important. That makes you look so selfish, and like you need to be at the center of attention. If you want the wedding to be about you and your FI, go do a beautiful elopement. My friend and her husband went away to a B&B and had a romantic lovely wedding with just them. If you want other people to be there, then you host them right and it becomes about the guests. I saw this as a fellow non traditionalist- my wedding is going to be at an old girl scout camp.
  ***************************************************** Well that's where you and I disagree. My wedding is about me...LoL. ITS ALL ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND TO BE. That's what a wedding by definition is...LoL...its a ceremony to show the commitment that the 2 of you are making to each other, that's it. A reception is a party. And neither require guest. Well guest aren't mandatory I should say. You invite people to come celebrate your love with you and your intended thats it. The truth is its not about them, it shouldnt be about them, and the wedding is not for them. Your not doing them any favors by inviting them, and their not doing you any favors by showing up. Hell if that's the case, I'll save my money!!! A WEDDING DAY is a day that includes a wedding ceremony and a reception. You include guest out of love. I'm going to say this again...YES YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO BE THERE. YES YOU WANT TO MAKE THEM COMFORTABLE, AND HAPPY. YES IN MOST CASES THE COUPLE WANTS TO DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY, but that isn't always possible. As in this case. This couple can't have a proper wedding and reception. For whatever reasons these people can't do it. I'm simply saying DO WHAT'S GONNA MAKE THEM HAPPY...PERIOD. I think this woman (the OP) knows her friends and family well enough to know if they would be understanding to the situation or not. I do not in anyway think that this woman is trying to be rude or inconsiderate. I do not think shes being a gift grabber or a PPD (whatever that is). In fact I think she's being very kind and loving to want to still include her guest in some kind of way. Now if she wants to put on a white dress, eat some wedding cake, and take some wedding reception pictures in order to have a great memory of what could have been, then by all means BLAST THE MUSIC, POP SOME BOTTLES AND PARTY OREGON STYLE!!! Do what makes you happy. That's it. That's MO from MPOV right or wrong. I'm not here to please you people by agreeing with you say. At the end of the day this couple is gonna do what they do, I just hope their happy.
  

  
  

  
  

  I found your wedding portrait.........

  
  

  
  

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• AroundTheBlock member

  

  October 2013

  People have receptions all the time, for all sorts of reasons. A "reception" is simply an afternoon party at which the hostess "receives" her guests. They typically involve tea finger foods as refreshments, and the main entertainment is typically guests' circulating about and chatting with each other. They are held after ceremonial occasions like weddings, and are also held "just because". I have been to opening-night receptions at the theatre, receptions following citizenship ceremonies, the Lieutenant Governor's New-Year's day reception at her official residence, summer garden-party receptions, just to name a few. What you are proposing might be a "farewell reception", which is perfectly fine. Alternately, of course, you might be thinking of having a "farewell dinner-dance", which is also perfectly fine.
  
  There are, of course, some things that you should keep in mind to keep your party polite. These would be no different if you were hosting a reception immediately following your wedding ceremony: if it is in bad taste at a non-wedding reception then it is in bad taste at a wedding-reception. So:
  
  You cannot throw a party in your own honour, but you can have other people as your guests of honour. If you want to honour your closest girlfriends who would otherwise have been your bridesmaids, ask them -- and your fiance's dearest friends as well -- to attend as your guests of honour. It's up to them what dresses they wear but they are entitled to dress similarly for the occasion if they choose. And you may certainly send them flowers to wear or carry for the occasion.
  
  Wear any pretty dress you like, in any colour you like, including white. It should be appropriate to the time of day and the formality of the party, and shun the temptation to cast your guests into the shadow and showcase yourself. Wear a tea-length afternoon dress to an afternoon reception, an evening gown to a formal dinner, or a ball-gown to a late night white-tie formal dance. It looks silly to wear a ball-gown to a garden-party, even for a bride.
  
  Issue formal invitations if you are having a formal reception, or informal invitations for an informal reception. The stilted third-party wording of "Ms Sarah Trg / requests the pleasure of the company of" is not reserved for wedding celebrations; it is simply the proper wording for any formal invitation. An informal invitation is properly worded like a social note: "Dear Mary / Please join us for the afternoon on ...." You are more than welcome to use embossed heavy-paper with hearts and flowers on the edging if that is your style. Unmarried persons are not properly named together as co-hosts of a social event so properly you would issue the invitation yourself, and your fiance would be named in the body of it. Although nowadays with most couples living together in de-facto marital relationships where they are treated as married for social purposes long before the actual wedding, most ladies choose to ignore that stricture.
  
  At any party it is a hostess's duty to greet each and every guest as they arrive, and to introduce them to the guests of honour, and to three and four more guests to ensure they have someone to talk to. At any party with more than about thirty guests, the best way to do that is with a receiving line at the door. Receiving lines are not reserved for weddings. You may not have a Grand Entrance where you present yourselves to your assembled guests like a head of state presenting herself to her adoring peons -- but that is because you are not a head of state, not just because you are not a bride. Nor do you get to flee away in a shower of rice and old shoes partway through the evening after tossing away your maidenly bouquet of flowers as a sign that you are willing to leave behind the joys of maidenhood. As hostess you have a responsibility to stay and bid goodnight to the very last departing guest.
  
  Serve whatever food you want, up to and including a multi-tiered overly decorative cake. Note that, bride or not, a hostess does not properly serve herself first. You can still ceremonially cut the cake: that is in fact a traditional role for the hostess at any event, but you serve it to your guests first and take the last piece yourself. If your party is very large you at least serve your guests of honour personally, and the serving staff serve everyone else. And you can feel free to have toasts and speeches -- well, don't feel too free. Toasts and speeches can be a dead bore if you have too many toasters who falsely imagine themselves to be Robin Williams. That too, alas, is a hazard of weddings as much as it is of non-wedding parties.
  
  If you are having dancing, it is a host and hostess's duty to "open the floor" by dancing the first few measures of the first dance together. If you wish, you may have your guests of honour join you on the dancefloor for the remainder of the first dance. This is not, of course, your First Dance as husband and wife, but it is the first dance of the evening.
  
  Now, I am not sure what "wedding-related activities" you were actually imagining having; but most activities at a formal wedding are taken directly from ordinary formal practices at ordinary non-wedding formal parties. They seem to have become associated with weddings because for the great majority, weddings are the only events where they are willing to pay the costs of a formal party. If you are willing to host a formal non-wedding party, you need not restrict yourself just because other people are not used to that idea. And since your friends will know that you are going away to Kentucky to get married, your farewell party will still have that romantic allure that weddings have. In fact in many ways, it is likely to be more gracious than many weddings, since brides often take the fact that it is a wedding as license to get away with self-aggrandizing behaviour that is bad manners whether the party is a wedding or not.
  
  I hope you have great fun being a formal hostess at a poignant-but-happy farewell party. I have always loved the role of formal hostess: it is at the very centre of the party and exhilarating, while at the same time a generous act to all those other friends and family who get to wine and dine and dance at your expense. And I hope that you and your fiancé may be very happy.
  

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• WinstonsGirl member

  

  October 2013

  cidefi said:
  ***************************************************** Well that's where you and I disagree. My wedding is about me...LoL. ITS ALL ABOUT ME AND MY HUSBAND TO BE. That's what a wedding by definition is...LoL...its a ceremony to show the commitment that the 2 of you are making to each other, that's it. A reception is a party. And neither require guest. Well guest aren't mandatory I should say. You invite people to come celebrate your love with you and your intended thats it. The truth is its not about them, it shouldnt be about them, and the wedding is not for them. Your not doing them any favors by inviting them, and their not doing you any favors by showing up. Hell if that's the case, I'll save my money!!! A WEDDING DAY is a day that includes a wedding ceremony and a reception. You include guest out of love. I'm going to say this again...YES YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY TO BE THERE. YES YOU WANT TO MAKE THEM COMFORTABLE, AND HAPPY. YES IN MOST CASES THE COUPLE WANTS TO DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY, but that isn't always possible. As in this case. This couple can't have a proper wedding and reception. For whatever reasons these people can't do it. I'm simply saying DO WHAT'S GONNA MAKE THEM HAPPY...PERIOD. I think this woman (the OP) knows her friends and family well enough to know if they would be understanding to the situation or not. I do not in anyway think that this woman is trying to be rude or inconsiderate. I do not think shes being a gift grabber or a PPD (whatever that is). In fact I think she's being very kind and loving to want to still include her guest in some kind of way. Now if she wants to put on a white dress, eat some wedding cake, and take some wedding reception pictures in order to have a great memory of what could have been, then by all means BLAST THE MUSIC, POP SOME BOTTLES AND PARTY OREGON STYLE!!! Do what makes you happy. That's it. That's MO from MPOV right or wrong. I'm not here to please you people by agreeing with you say. At the end of the day this couple is gonna do what they do, I just hope their happy.
  

  
  

  Yes, you're correct on the wedding day, however, the reception is your thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony.  Since OP hasn't had a ceremony yet, there is nothing to thank her guests for, therefore we are saying have a great party before hand that is not wedding related, or have a celebration after back in Oregon.  I'd be offended to be invited to a celebration of someone's wedding yet not receive an invite to said wedding.  

  
  

  As for the second bolded, this couple can and is having a proper wedding and reception.  They are planning to do that in Kentucky with appx. 6 other guests.  Everyone can have a proper wedding.  Those who don't are choosing to do it differently because they feel entitled to whatever they want, which they aren't entitled to. 

  
  

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• Angeles61 member

  

  October 2013

  Even if the only thing she gets out of this board is how to spell "Oregon" and that "hipicrick" is not a word, it's not a total loss.

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• KDM323 member

  

  October 2013

  So, random question....let's just say you go ahead and throw this "reception" before you go ahead and get married. What is your plan for if, God forbid, the actual wedding doesn't happen? Wedding receptions happen AFTER a wedding ceremony...."receiving", hosting, entertaining, thanking and celebrating with the guests from the wedding ceremony. Having the reception first is putting the cart WAY before the horse. Weddings are cancelled every day... This is a bad idea from an etiquette stand point, from a practical standpoint, from a logistical standpoint (hello...do you want to move potential gifts?) Don't do it.

  *** Fairy Tales Do Come True ***

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• MobKaz member

  

  October 2013

  AroundTheBlock said:

  People have receptions all the time, for all sorts of reasons. A "reception" is simply an afternoon party at which the hostess "receives" her guests. They typically involve tea finger foods as refreshments, and the main entertainment is typically guests' circulating about and chatting with each other. They are held after ceremonial occasions like weddings, and are also held "just because". I have been to opening-night receptions at the theatre, receptions following citizenship ceremonies, the Lieutenant Governor's New-Year's day reception at her official residence, summer garden-party receptions, just to name a few. What you are proposing might be a "farewell reception", which is perfectly fine. Alternately, of course, you might be thinking of having a "farewell dinner-dance", which is also perfectly fine.
  
  There are, of course, some things that you should keep in mind to keep your party polite. These would be no different if you were hosting a reception immediately following your wedding ceremony: if it is in bad taste at a non-wedding reception then it is in bad taste at a wedding-reception. So:
  
  You cannot throw a party in your own honour, but you can have other people as your guests of honour. If you want to honour your closest girlfriends who would otherwise have been your bridesmaids, ask them -- and your fiance's dearest friends as well -- to attend as your guests of honour. It's up to them what dresses they wear but they are entitled to dress similarly for the occasion if they choose. And you may certainly send them flowers to wear or carry for the occasion.
  
  Wear any pretty dress you like, in any colour you like, including white. It should be appropriate to the time of day and the formality of the party, and shun the temptation to cast your guests into the shadow and showcase yourself. Wear a tea-length afternoon dress to an afternoon reception, an evening gown to a formal dinner, or a ball-gown to a late night white-tie formal dance. It looks silly to wear a ball-gown to a garden-party, even for a bride.
  
  Issue formal invitations if you are having a formal reception, or informal invitations for an informal reception. The stilted third-party wording of "Ms Sarah Trg / requests the pleasure of the company of" is not reserved for wedding celebrations; it is simply the proper wording for any formal invitation. An informal invitation is properly worded like a social note: "Dear Mary / Please join us for the afternoon on ...." You are more than welcome to use embossed heavy-paper with hearts and flowers on the edging if that is your style. Unmarried persons are not properly named together as co-hosts of a social event so properly you would issue the invitation yourself, and your fiance would be named in the body of it. Although nowadays with most couples living together in de-facto marital relationships where they are treated as married for social purposes long before the actual wedding, most ladies choose to ignore that stricture.
  
  At any party it is a hostess's duty to greet each and every guest as they arrive, and to introduce them to the guests of honour, and to three and four more guests to ensure they have someone to talk to. At any party with more than about thirty guests, the best way to do that is with a receiving line at the door. Receiving lines are not reserved for weddings. You may not have a Grand Entrance where you present yourselves to your assembled guests like a head of state presenting herself to her adoring peons -- but that is because you are not a head of state, not just because you are not a bride. Nor do you get to flee away in a shower of rice and old shoes partway through the evening after tossing away your maidenly bouquet of flowers as a sign that you are willing to leave behind the joys of maidenhood. As hostess you have a responsibility to stay and bid goodnight to the very last departing guest.
  
  Serve whatever food you want, up to and including a multi-tiered overly decorative cake. Note that, bride or not, a hostess does not properly serve herself first. You can still ceremonially cut the cake: that is in fact a traditional role for the hostess at any event, but you serve it to your guests first and take the last piece yourself. If your party is very large you at least serve your guests of honour personally, and the serving staff serve everyone else. And you can feel free to have toasts and speeches -- well, don't feel too free. Toasts and speeches can be a dead bore if you have too many toasters who falsely imagine themselves to be Robin Williams. That too, alas, is a hazard of weddings as much as it is of non-wedding parties.
  
  If you are having dancing, it is a host and hostess's duty to "open the floor" by dancing the first few measures of the first dance together. If you wish, you may have your guests of honour join you on the dancefloor for the remainder of the first dance. This is not, of course, your First Dance as husband and wife, but it is the first dance of the evening.
  
  Now, I am not sure what "wedding-related activities" you were actually imagining having; but most activities at a formal wedding are taken directly from ordinary formal practices at ordinary non-wedding formal parties. They seem to have become associated with weddings because for the great majority, weddings are the only events where they are willing to pay the costs of a formal party. If you are willing to host a formal non-wedding party, you need not restrict yourself just because other people are not used to that idea. And since your friends will know that you are going away to Kentucky to get married, your farewell party will still have that romantic allure that weddings have. In fact in many ways, it is likely to be more gracious than many weddings, since brides often take the fact that it is a wedding as license to get away with self-aggrandizing behaviour that is bad manners whether the party is a wedding or not.
  
  I hope you have great fun being a formal hostess at a poignant-but-happy farewell party. I have always loved the role of formal hostess: it is at the very centre of the party and exhilarating, while at the same time a generous act to all those other friends and family who get to wine and dine and dance at your expense. And I hope that you and your fiancé may be very happy.
  

  
  

  
  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  October 2013

  This was great advice. I would be so thankful if I was the OP that you took the time to post this, and even as an observer I am great-full.

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