Honeymoon Registry

JoanE2012 · October 2013

SAHoehle said:

Don't be discouraged by all the people who tell you it's tacky. It's YOUR wedding, so be happy and do what is best for you and your hubby to be. Just today, one of the articles on theknot's homepage was the 10 etiquette rules that are outdated. This very topic was mentioned. Theknot certainly doesn't tell you no.
I hope many guests contribute to your honeymoon registry, and enable you to have the honeymoon of your dreams. You'll remember the honeymoon of your dreams a lot more than whoever calls you "tacky" on an anonymous message board.

http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-planning/planning-a-wedding/articles/10-wedding-rules-you-can-break.aspx?page=3

Oh, FFS. TK will tell you anything if it benefits them! They are in the wedding business. They want your money. They want to promote companies that want your money. Don't you get it??

I really wish people would use their head sometimes.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

carly324 said:

i'm a lost cause????? you are on here ALL DAY!! i have 2 days that i have free to be on here and you are ALL OVER these boards..

No no, If you see that someone quoted someone else, they're talking to that particular person. So @KatWAG quoted SAH and was therefore referring to her. You'll see that a lot on these boards. Lurk a little and don't worry so much!

You're all gravy, my friend. No worries.

steveandrandi · October 2013

@carly324 - My wedding is in a week. We registered for a honeymoon a year ago and found that people really don't want to use it and bought everything on our small registry instead. 2 weeks ago, we put more gifts on the physical registry and shut down the honeymoon registry because we did find (truthfully, as many of the not so nice other posters noted) that anyone who used the HM registry were people who probably would have given us cash and instead we lost out of 7% of the cash. It just wasn't as good of an idea as we had hoped. We did find, however, that charging our entire wedding (and paying our bill every month obviously) helped us to get free flights for our honeymoon. We can count that as a gift from our parents because they gave us the cash for the wedding, and then we charged everything to get our skymiles.

Hope that is helpful and I'm sending some positivity your way!

grumbledore · October 2013

carly324 said:

ok. thank you KatWAG for your advice. I feel like asking for cash is even worse. anyhow.. thanks

It's not worse, it's just equally bad. Actually, the honeymoon registry might be worse because it's like lying about asking for cash since that's what you end up getting in the end.

My advice? Don't do a honeymoon registry. Don't ask for cash. If you prefer cash, just do a small registry and people will get the hint.

ei34 · October 2013

I love honeymoon registries, and they're becoming increasingly popular these days in my hometown. At least in my circle of friends and sisters/cousins, couples are waiting until their late 20s or early 30s to get married. Because of this, they've been living on their own and then together for years, and they do not need a vacuum, wine glasses, or silverware. Instead of registering at Macy's they're using Honeyfund. As a shower guest, I'm looking to spend between $50-75 on a gift for the bride-to-be. Whether I'm spending $50 contributing towards a honeymoon or $50 for a blender, I'm still spending money. Watching a bride-to-be open gifts, whether it's an envelope with a certificate for a "gondola ride in Venice" or a physical gift, is always a touch boring for me, I don't see why some people love watching a box being opened but can't deal with an envelope.

I've contributed to six or seven Honeyfund registries in the last few years. It's always via Paypal so I don't put cash or a check in the actual card, just the certificate. The one warning is that I believe it's a 5% processing fee...none of my friends wanted the gift giver to be saddled with that, so they took the cut on their end. My $50 gift was probably only $45 when all was said and done.

Although I stand behind honeymoon registries, I would recommend registering at Macy's or Crate & Barrel or somewhere like that as well. I'm a huge proponent of "to each their own", but not everyone has that philosophy. Some of your guests will be able to handle not giving a wrapped, physical gift. Good luck, and hope you have a great wedding and honeymoon!

AprilH81 · October 2013

eileenrob said:

I love honeymoon registries, and they're becoming increasingly popular these days in my hometown. At least in my circle of friends and sisters/cousins, couples are waiting until their late 20s or early 30s to get married. Because of this, they've been living on their own and then together for years, and they do not need a vacuum, wine glasses, or silverware. Instead of registering at Macy's they're using Honeyfund. As a shower guest, I'm looking to spend between $50-75 on a gift for the bride-to-be. Whether I'm spending $50 contributing towards a honeymoon or $50 for a blender, I'm still spending money. Watching a bride-to-be open gifts, whether it's an envelope with a certificate for a "gondola ride in Venice" or a physical gift, is always a touch boring for me, I don't see why some people love watching a box being opened but can't deal with an envelope.
I've contributed to six or seven Honeyfund registries in the last few years. It's always via Paypal so I don't put cash or a check in the actual card, just the certificate. The one warning is that I believe it's a 5% processing fee...none of my friends wanted the gift giver to be saddled with that, so they took the cut on their end. My $50 gift was probably only $45 when all was said and done.
Although I stand behind honeymoon registries, I would recommend registering at Macy's or Crate & Barrel or somewhere like that as well. I'm a huge proponent of "to each their own", but not everyone has that philosophy. Some of your guests will be able to handle not giving a wrapped, physical gift. Good luck, and hope you have a great wedding and honeymoon!

So why didn't you just write a check for the $50?

ei34 · October 2013

AprilH81 said:

eileenrob said:

I love honeymoon registries, and they're becoming increasingly popular these days in my hometown. At least in my circle of friends and sisters/cousins, couples are waiting until their late 20s or early 30s to get married. Because of this, they've been living on their own and then together for years, and they do not need a vacuum, wine glasses, or silverware. Instead of registering at Macy's they're using Honeyfund. As a shower guest, I'm looking to spend between $50-75 on a gift for the bride-to-be. Whether I'm spending $50 contributing towards a honeymoon or $50 for a blender, I'm still spending money. Watching a bride-to-be open gifts, whether it's an envelope with a certificate for a "gondola ride in Venice" or a physical gift, is always a touch boring for me, I don't see why some people love watching a box being opened but can't deal with an envelope.
I've contributed to six or seven Honeyfund registries in the last few years. It's always via Paypal so I don't put cash or a check in the actual card, just the certificate. The one warning is that I believe it's a 5% processing fee...none of my friends wanted the gift giver to be saddled with that, so they took the cut on their end. My $50 gift was probably only $45 when all was said and done.
Although I stand behind honeymoon registries, I would recommend registering at Macy's or Crate & Barrel or somewhere like that as well. I'm a huge proponent of "to each their own", but not everyone has that philosophy. Some of your guests will be able to handle not giving a wrapped, physical gift. Good luck, and hope you have a great wedding and honeymoon!

So why didn't you just write a check for the $50?

I go by what the couple requests. If a couple wants Honeyfund I go that route. If a couple registers for items at a store I do that. I've been so showers where there is no registry, that's when I'll write a check or give a gift card. It varies shower to shower.

photokitty · October 2013

eileenrob said:

AprilH81 said:

eileenrob said:

I love honeymoon registries, and they're becoming increasingly popular these days in my hometown. At least in my circle of friends and sisters/cousins, couples are waiting until their late 20s or early 30s to get married. Because of this, they've been living on their own and then together for years, and they do not need a vacuum, wine glasses, or silverware. Instead of registering at Macy's they're using Honeyfund. As a shower guest, I'm looking to spend between $50-75 on a gift for the bride-to-be. Whether I'm spending $50 contributing towards a honeymoon or $50 for a blender, I'm still spending money. Watching a bride-to-be open gifts, whether it's an envelope with a certificate for a "gondola ride in Venice" or a physical gift, is always a touch boring for me, I don't see why some people love watching a box being opened but can't deal with an envelope.
I've contributed to six or seven Honeyfund registries in the last few years. It's always via Paypal so I don't put cash or a check in the actual card, just the certificate. The one warning is that I believe it's a 5% processing fee...none of my friends wanted the gift giver to be saddled with that, so they took the cut on their end. My $50 gift was probably only $45 when all was said and done.
Although I stand behind honeymoon registries, I would recommend registering at Macy's or Crate & Barrel or somewhere like that as well. I'm a huge proponent of "to each their own", but not everyone has that philosophy. Some of your guests will be able to handle not giving a wrapped, physical gift. Good luck, and hope you have a great wedding and honeymoon!

So why didn't you just write a check for the $50?

I go by what the couple requests. If a couple wants Honeyfund I go that route. If a couple registers for items at a store I do that. I've been so showers where there is no registry, that's when I'll write a check or give a gift card. It varies shower to shower.

A couple who registers on Honeyfund wants a $50 check just as much as they want money on their rude honeymoon registry. They just think their guests are too stupid to know that cash is a good gift and they think they have to tell them. So rude...

ETA change of opinion

banana468 · October 2013

It's not rude to have a shower for an unregistered couple. I'm not sure where people get that idea.

It IS rude to have a greenback shower or one essentially requesting cash.

NYCMercedes · October 2013

banana468 said:

It's not rude to have a shower for an unregistered couple. I'm not sure where people get that idea. It IS rude to have a greenback shower or one essentially requesting cash.

I agree totally. Why would anyone think it is rude to let guests pick out their own gifts?

photokitty · October 2013

NYCMercedes said:

banana468 said:

It's not rude to have a shower for an unregistered couple. I'm not sure where people get that idea. It IS rude to have a greenback shower or one essentially requesting cash.

I agree totally. Why would anyone think it is rude to let guests pick out their own gifts?

I never thought of it that way. But I have seen on here that it is rude, so I was gong under that stance. I guess I was under the impression cash or gift cards were being requested by not having a registry. Thanks for clarifying and showing me another side.

aprilpeter12 · October 2013

I think having a honeymoon registry is a nice thing. If a person has everything like house staffs, kitchenware, crockery and other useful things then he or she can ask for something else through this registry. I think you should create a honeymoon registry so that people can take some gifts for you it could be either cash of some gift. List the things which are needed at your honeymoon . If you are asking for cash then you can also mention the purpose of cash so that people can know about your requirements and you can receive the things what you exactly want without being rude or tacky. here are the benefits of having a honeymoon registry.

antibride2013 · October 2013

aprilpeter12 said:

I think having a honeymoon registry is a nice thing. If a person has everything like house staffs, kitchenware, crockery and other useful things then he or she can ask for something else through this registry. I think you should create a honeymoon registry so that people can take some gifts for you it could be either cash of some gift. List the things which are needed at your honeymoon . If you are asking for cash then you can also mention the purpose of cash so that people can know about your requirements and you can receive the things what you exactly want without being rude or tacky. here are the benefits of having a honeymoon registry.

Please stop with the bad advice. Honeymoon registries are rude. There are absolutely NO BENEFITS of having a honeymoon registry.

annathy03 · October 2013

@aprilpeter12, just No. Do you not understand how they work? If you register at a store for sheets and someone buys them, you get sheets (and I don't care how established someone is, they could always use new sheets). If you register for a $100 excursion and someone buys it, you don't get the excursion, you get a $90-$95 check depending on which site. It lies to your guests who think they gave you an excursion and not a check with a percentage skimmed off. If you want cash for your honeymoon you register for just a few upgrades or new linens, or don't register at all. Your guests are smart enough to know that cash is a good gift, and don't need a registry to write you a check.

aprilpeter12 · October 2013

In my circle ( my friends and family) having a gift registry is not tacky. We do register for gifts and give the gift from the registry to others. All can have their different point of view of thinking and in my area it is fine to have a registry.

artbyallie · October 2013

aprilpeter12 said:

In my circle ( my friends and family) having a gift registry is not tacky. We do register for gifts and give the gift from the registry to others. All can have their different point of view of thinking and in my area it is fine to have a registry.

Gift registries are just fine. How are you not getting the difference between them and a honeymoon registry? The HR does not actually get you what people think they are buying. You just get a check with a percentage skimmed off the top. It is a worse deal than just letting people give you cash or a personal check and, newsflash, everyone knows people can always use money. People don't know what your decor preferences are, thus why a gift registry is helpful. Cash will never be the wrong color or style, unlike a physical gift, which is why gift registries are okay and HRs suck.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

I don't really understand why anyone would WANT a honeymoon registry... you get 10% less money than you would have gotten if people had just written you checks!! It makes no sense to me.

And as a guest, if I'm going to give money, I want 100% of the money to go the couple - not 90% to the couple and 10% to some middle man vendor (e.g. Honeyfund). Also, as a guest, I am perfectly capable of giving them a check and writing in the memo line.

aprilpeter12 · October 2013

I agree with you but I just want to add that HM fund is a fine idea! In this way people won't feel weird by just giving you cash and they can feel like they are still giving you a "gift" by helping with your honeymoon.

antibride2013 · October 2013

aprilpeter12 said:

I agree with you but I just want to add that HM fund is a fine idea! In this way people won't feel weird by just giving you cash and they can feel like they are still giving you a "gift" by helping with your honeymoon.

No! No! HM fund is rude!

Maggie0829 · October 2013

I agree with you but I just want to add that HM fund is a fine idea! In this way people won't feel weird by just giving you cash and they can feel like they are still giving you a "gift" by helping with your honeymoon.

What?! I have never known anyone that felt weird for "just giving cash" as a gift.

KRD2014 · January 2014

carly324 said:

thats nice. thanks. after everyone's advice guess we are tacky.

i'm in this same boat

.... we dont need or want "stuff" and our plan is to do a HM registry and a small secondary gift registry, which works best for us. my thought is, if it is SOO tacky to do a HM registry, then why are they so popular and why are there so many of them? it seems to me that enough people out there are just fine with it, and how and for what a couple register, should not be something to be offended by. i think electronic conveniences are a sign of the times, and to some extent "etiquette" eventually is refashioned by what's popular. i personally would be more offended at knowing a couple quickly returned a gift i spent time picking out (if they weren't registered for 'things', vs giving them something they really need. if that happens to be cash towards the HM, then great! ...just my 2 cents...

KatWAG · January 2014

KRD2014 said:

carly324 said:

thats nice. thanks. after everyone's advice guess we are tacky.
i'm in this same boat .... we dont need or want "stuff" and our plan is to do a HM registry and a small secondary gift registry, which works best for us. my thought is, if it is SOO tacky to do a HM registry, then why are they so popular and why are there so many of them? it seems to me that enough people out there are just fine with it, and how and for what a couple register, should not be something to be offended by. i think electronic conveniences are a sign of the times, and to some extent "etiquette" eventually is refashioned by what's popular. i personally would be more offended at knowing a couple quickly returned a gift i spent time picking out (if they weren't registered for 'things', vs giving them something they really need. if that happens to be cash towards the HM, then great! ...just my 2 cents...

There are so many of them because people are suckers and aren't able to think past the basic premise

Lily9911 · January 2014

I didn't have say...a honeymoon registry. What I had was, I chose an item offered on the cruise boat and put it on our registry just like all the other gifts.

I had no expectations that anyone would purchase that gift since it was 300 bucks, but someone did and I was very grateful for that. I also figured if no one got it I would just purchase it as a surprise to my husband.

But in no way should anyone pay for your extravagant full blown honeymoon, that's just rude.

photokitty · January 2014

Lily9911 said:

I didn't have say...a honeymoon registry. What I had was, I chose an item offered on the cruise boat and put it on our registry just like all the other gifts.

I had no expectations that anyone would purchase that gift since it was 300 bucks, but someone did and I was very grateful for that. I also figured if no one got it I would just purchase it as a surprise to my husband.

But in no way should anyone pay for your extravagant full blown honeymoon, that's just rude.

Sorry, but this is not appropriate according to etiquette either. Almost all honeymoon registries have hidden fees and the recipient is actually given the money, not the "event or experience" as the buyer assumes. Money is always an appropriate and appreciated gift and guests do not have to be told this. Not having the expectation that someone would buy it does not mean it wasn't still tacky to "register" for it. Asking for guests to fund any of your honeymoon is rude, not only if it is extravagant. Please, do not register for your honeymoon - pay for what you can with your own money.

Lily9911 · January 2014

photokitty said:

Lily9911 said:

I didn't have say...a honeymoon registry. What I had was, I chose an item offered on the cruise boat and put it on our registry just like all the other gifts.

I had no expectations that anyone would purchase that gift since it was 300 bucks, but someone did and I was very grateful for that. I also figured if no one got it I would just purchase it as a surprise to my husband.

But in no way should anyone pay for your extravagant full blown honeymoon, that's just rude.

Sorry, but this is not appropriate according to etiquette either. Almost all honeymoon registries have hidden fees and the recipient is actually given the money, not the "event or experience" as the buyer assumes. Money is always an appropriate and appreciated gift and guests do not have to be told this. Not having the expectation that someone would buy it does not mean it wasn't still tacky to "register" for it. Asking for guests to fund any of your honeymoon is rude, not only if it is extravagant. Please, do not register for your honeymoon - pay for what you can with your own money.

There were no fees for my honeymoon gift. It was a gift offered on the boat for our honeymoon, and I put it down. If we didn't get it it wouldn't have changed our honeymoon in any way. Technically I don't really consider it a honeymoon registry. I consider it registering for just a gift.

I mean to each their own, I am usually on board with every single member on here that has a brain but I just don't consider what I did to rally have been a honeymoon registry. I've seen the fees associated with those sites and the fact that they just send you check when someone THINKS they are buying you a trip to see the dolphins.

chibiyui · January 2014

KRD2014 said:

carly324 said:

thats nice. thanks. after everyone's advice guess we are tacky.

i'm in this same boat .... we dont need or want "stuff" and our plan is to do a HM registry and a small secondary gift registry, which works best for us. my thought is, if it is SOO tacky to do a HM registry, then why are they so popular and why are there so many of them? it seems to me that enough people out there are just fine with it, and how and for what a couple register, should not be something to be offended by. i think electronic conveniences are a sign of the times, and to some extent "etiquette" eventually is refashioned by what's popular. i personally would be more offended at knowing a couple quickly returned a gift i spent time picking out (if they weren't registered for 'things', vs giving them something they really need. if that happens to be cash towards the HM, then great! ...just my 2 cents...

this thread was months old, so I'm not sure why you dug it up.

But to answer your question, based on my years in retail;

People are stupid. And they will always take the path of least resistance. They don't see the processing fees or the rudeness of it, they see a lump sum.

I also don't know why anyone would buy a physical gift for anyone not registered if they don't know that persons taste/needs. Or why someone who is okay with giving money wouldn't just put some twenties in a card instead of trying to pick out physical gifts for said non registered couple.

photokitty · January 2014

Lily9911 said:

photokitty said:

Lily9911 said:

I didn't have say...a honeymoon registry. What I had was, I chose an item offered on the cruise boat and put it on our registry just like all the other gifts.

I had no expectations that anyone would purchase that gift since it was 300 bucks, but someone did and I was very grateful for that. I also figured if no one got it I would just purchase it as a surprise to my husband.

But in no way should anyone pay for your extravagant full blown honeymoon, that's just rude.

Sorry, but this is not appropriate according to etiquette either. Almost all honeymoon registries have hidden fees and the recipient is actually given the money, not the "event or experience" as the buyer assumes. Money is always an appropriate and appreciated gift and guests do not have to be told this. Not having the expectation that someone would buy it does not mean it wasn't still tacky to "register" for it. Asking for guests to fund any of your honeymoon is rude, not only if it is extravagant. Please, do not register for your honeymoon - pay for what you can with your own money.

There were no fees for my honeymoon gift. It was a gift offered on the boat for our honeymoon, and I put it down. If we didn't get it it wouldn't have changed our honeymoon in any way. Technically I don't really consider it a honeymoon registry. I consider it registering for just a gift.

I mean to each their own, I am usually on board with every single member on here that has a brain but I just don't consider what I did to rally have been a honeymoon registry. I've seen the fees associated with those sites and the fact that they just send you check when someone THINKS they are buying you a trip to see the dolphins.

We all have our own SS moments and I guess this is yours

Most folks would still consider this asking for money and asking for money is never polite. I am not trying to brow beat you, just pointing it out for the sake of lurkers.

Etiquette frowns upon asking for cash - whether it is for the honeymoon, activities on the honeymoon, down payments on houses, money towards home repairs, money to buy large items, etc. Suggesting your guests cut you a check or transfer money online to you for whatever use is tacky and should be avoided. It's too late and not the end of the world that you did, but please don't suggest it is an appropriate practice when it is not. Honeymoon activities are not polite things to register for, regardless how how it's done or the fees.

ETA It is completely proper and polite to say "we are saving up for our honeymoon or for a swim with the dolphins on our honeymoon" if someone asks where you re registered. It is just not polite to post it on your website or registry.

delujm0 · January 2014

Lily9911 said:

I didn't have say...a honeymoon registry. What I had was, I chose an item offered on the cruise boat and put it on our registry just like all the other gifts.

I had no expectations that anyone would purchase that gift since it was 300 bucks, but someone did and I was very grateful for that. I also figured if no one got it I would just purchase it as a surprise to my husband.

But in no way should anyone pay for your extravagant full blown honeymoon, that's just rude.

I think even on the E-boards, this is more of a gray area. As long as the guest contacted the cruise ship/travel agent directly and paid for this item that you actually used while you were on your honeymoon, and they weren't charged extra fees of any kind associated with it, it's not offensive.

What is offensive is honeyfund or the like, where your guest thinks that they're buying you a $100 dinner when in reality they are giving you a $93 check because all you get is the cash minus fees, whether you go to the dinner or not. If the guest is actually buying you what they think they're buying you, for its actual cost, it's not really different from a traditional registry.

I have paid for the honeymoon already (flights, hotels, etc) but if our guests wanted to, for example, buy us a couples massage at one of our hotels, i would certainly appreciate it. However, our hotels don't have an online portal for that kind of activity (we're going to some remote locations). So I just put the details of our trip on the Honeymoon page of our wedding website. If someone reads it thinks to themselves "i should buy them something to do on their trip!" they can contact a hotel directly to purchase us a meal or activity. If not, we'll just purchase whatever we want on our own. We didn't put anything on the Honeymoon page asking for items to be purchased. FI's family has been known to research restaurants in places that we're going and buying us gift cards so that we can eat there on our trip...I wouldn't be surprised if that happened here, which would be fantastic.

KRD2014 · January 2014

chibiyui said:
this thread was months old, so I'm not sure why you dug it up.

But to answer your question, based on my years in retail;

People are stupid. And they will always take the path of least resistance. They don't see the processing fees or the rudeness of it, they see a lump sum.

I also don't know why anyone would buy a physical gift for anyone not registered if they don't know that persons taste/needs. Or why someone who is okay with giving money wouldn't just put some twenties in a card instead of trying to pick out physical gifts for said non registered couple.

i didn't mean to dig up an old thread; i just found the topic of interest and commented. i didnt realize the date that it started...

i appreciate all the advice and feedback here. we have changed our plans in a few categories after learning how offended people can get by what we felt was no big deal. our intent is not to offend anyone. weddings are one of those things; when you put 150 people together from 150 different backgrounds and consider upbringing and personal taste, age of guests, their family traditions, etc. you will never please everyone. i got 2 totally different perspectives regarding the registry from my mom and stepmom. mom liked it, stepmom didn't...

so, at this point, we are going with a small traditional registry (hoping people will realize we dont want a lot of "stuff" when they see very few gift options on there) and doing away with the HM registry. end result for us, our honeymoon will be on hold (not booking it) until we know we can afford it.

good luck to all who are still dealing with this decision!

Viczaesar · January 2014

KRD2014 said:

carly324 said:

thats nice. thanks. after everyone's advice guess we are tacky.

i'm in this same boat .... we dont need or want "stuff" and our plan is to do a HM registry and a small secondary gift registry, which works best for us. my thought is, if it is SOO tacky to do a HM registry, then why are they so popular and why are there so many of them? it seems to me that enough people out there are just fine with it, and how and for what a couple register, should not be something to be offended by. i think electronic conveniences are a sign of the times, and to some extent "etiquette" eventually is refashioned by what's popular. i personally would be more offended at knowing a couple quickly returned a gift i spent time picking out (if they weren't registered for 'things', vs giving them something they really need. if that happens to be cash towards the HM, then great! ...just my 2 cents...

Because people are greedy and uncouth. There are a lot of people who blow their nose at the table or don't bother to wash their hands after they use the restroom too.

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