Asking Bridesmaids

msb112 · October 2013

I met my bridesmaids all individually, and gave them a giftbag with the bottle of wine with a customized label asking them to be in my wedding in a cute, simple way. They all loved the idea. I think everyone has their own preference, but I personally wanted to ask them in a unique way that they would remember.

Here's a picture of all the bottles together before hand.

egearly21 · October 2013

Now this thread is making me nervous!

https://www.etsy.com/listing/104720092/will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-card?ref=shop_home_active

I used these cards. 2 girls live out of state so their cards were mailed and 3 live in the area so I handed them the cards. Each card included a personal note about how much their friendship means to me, photo prints of some fun memory we shared, and a $20 Visa gift card to be put towards whatever (could be dress/shoes/wedding accessory to try to assuage the cost a bit). Is this a total faux pas?

Viczaesar · October 2013

toniab06 said:

artbyallie said:

toniab06 said:

I asked my bridal party unofficially before I purchased gifts, but I'd prefer cute over simple any day!!! (me personally) I agree with a lot of the ladies here that everyone has been going Pintrest crazy BUT i don't see anything wrong with that as long as it is meaningful and there is a thought process behind it. So after they all agreed (& have already started helping me with my wedding plans).

I went to Etsy and I found the cutest idea to officially ask my bridesmaids and maid of honor. I found wine labels with a cute message and I will be booking a private party at an art studio so that the girls and I can paint, relax, and mingle (so that everyone can meet each other). I will provide them with fruit, wine, and music (to keep with the theme of the wine as gifts). HOWEVER, In addition to the bottles of wine I will be making personal cards for each of the girls with a special message about our friendship and what it means to me to have them by my side. After that we will have dinner at a nearby restaurant.

The way I see it, you guys will be spending a lot of time together over the next year or so and the “asking” can be a fun way to introduce the girls to one another and kick off the wedding festivities! Cute or simple I think you should make it meaningful and fun for your girls and yourself; even if you are limited by geographic locations you can always craft something and put it in the mail.

Good Luck!!!
See, this is exactly the problem I have with 'cute.' You're even talking about 'officially' and 'unofficially' asking them. And you say you/they will be spending lots of time together... the only thing they really need to do together is walk in the wedding. It really sounds like you have entirely too many expectations of your bridesmaids and I would find it really annoying. I don't need to hang out with people when our only commonality is being friends with the bride. I don't have to be BFFs with them. For that matter, I don't even need to know them. I'm in my cousin's wedding in December and have met most of the other bridesmaids exactly once. I love weddings, but I wouldn't love being forced to act like I'm in some kind of sorority with the other women. I didn't like the idea in college, much less now that I'm a real adult with a full-time job.

There are a number of events that are involved with the wedding process and some of those activities will exclude me. All of the girls in my bridal party are mature enough to handle being around each other with or without my presence. I also know that they are all excited to finally meet one another (some already know each other) and are interested in helping me out with the wedding plans; those that aren’t that’s fine also. They don’t have to attend things that aren’t necessary. However, I would expect my bridal party to attend events such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner, etc. Calm down, I will not be imposing sleep overs or anything of that sort! whatever they aren't comfortable in partaking in is fine with me.

You can't expect that, and those three things are actually not necessary. The only thing they have to do is show up for your actual wedding. Pre-wedding parties are optional, not required, either in terms of throwing them or in terms of attendance.

samanthaandtyler · October 2013

I met with each of my bridesmaids and proposed to them with a ringpop! They all loved it! I was worried at first that they would think it was cheesy or lame but they all got a huge kick out of it. My MOH burst out laughing so hard we both were crying lol. My other friend saw the ringpop in the box and ran into the other room, came back to me (while I was still on one knee) and tackled me to the ground and gave me a huge hug! lol.

Jewel Jamon · October 2013

I bought watercolor paper and wrote "will you be my bridesmaid?" in white colored pencils then you watercolor the front and the white pops out! They loved it and I also picked out a scrapbook paper that suited them and made my own envelopes. It's on Pinterest if you want more details! Super fun doing it though

Elrodbride2be · October 2013

I got a small ring sized box for each of my girls and put a ring pop in a bedding of basket filling paper, and then on the lid above the ring pop wrote their name and "Now its my turn to pop the question, will you be my bridesmaid?"

They all thought it was super cute, and it seemed more personal giving them a small token and showing how special they were to me and my wedding day.

ScrabbleAndLlamas · October 2013

I asked each girl in person (except for my sister, who was in college out of state), got the yes, then did a heartfelt letter and gave them all Nick and Nora pajamas (all my girls wear them. We've gone shopping together at Target for them. This is a "know your crowd" gift.) at a get together brunch I threw for them about a month later. That way, I got to do the cutesy thing and not put anyone on the spot.

KaylaBrooke86 · October 2013

I decorated a double frame for each of the ladies I asked.
On one side I put a picture of the two of us and on the other side I put....
Will you be my bridesmaid?
*insert wedding photo here*

With this idea they get something they can keep, and can put a picture of the two of you from your wedding in later.

lilhawkmads · October 2013

https://www.etsy.com/listing/154961290/will-you-be-my-bridesmaid-secret-message?ref=pr_shop

I used this secret message. It comes on a spool and is hand stamped and if you tell Esther she will personalize it for you! She's really great and it's super super cute!!

randalleford · October 2013

I got small brown boxes, put filler and an unwrapped ring pop. I put a note with each of them with some variation on each depending on the personality of each. Some of them said something like I've got my guy. Now I need my girls. Or I promise no puffy sleeves, neon, or bows on your butt. You get the idea.

Matt&Amanda2014 · October 2013

Jen4948 said:

chelcee22 said:

I asked each bridesmaid in person by giving them a really cute frame with a note inside that said "Our wedding wouldn't be picture perfect without you. Will you be my bridesmaid?" They loved it!

You were lucky. Many people don't like this. They may never say so for fear of hurting the bride's feelings, but being "cute" often just makes people feel like shit.

That's a great idea, I may totally may steal it!

To each there own, but I that's a pretty rude thing to say. My group of girls probably won't be thinking 'wow this makes me feel like shit because you took a few extra minutes' lol

Matt&Amanda2014 · October 2013

I came on here to find fun ways to ask my friends to be my bridesmaids and 99% of this is comments from Pretentious B****** that can't not leave a negative comment. I get it, everyone's different.

I didn't click the thread called "I didn't think /do anything (insert the word) cute, fun, exciting, etc and now i'm going to write just that"

I'm not sure why this is, but its straight up annoying. Get a grip and start a new thread called "I just can't be happy for someone besides myself" OR "I always need to add my two cents even though its not worth even that much" I'll make sure I don't click on it.

PB28 · October 2013

I am actually asking my bridesmaids throughout this week. I knew that I wanted to ask them each in person but I also wanted to make it a bit special. I am friends with a lady who makes jewelry and she was able to make cute bracelets with the colours of our wedding (purple and silver beads, and a purple flower) then each bracelet has a charm that says the role that each person plays in the wedding (bridesmaid, maid of honour, flower girl, etc.). There is a card in each box that says "name...will you be my bridemaid? Love, me" I thought it was a nice way to make it personalized, give them a keepsake, and have a piece of jewelry for the wedding. I already asked one of my bridesmaids and she LOVED it!

Jen4948 · October 2013

Matt&Amanda2014 said:

I came on here to find fun ways to ask my friends to be my bridesmaids and 99% of this is comments from Pretentious B****** that can't not leave a negative comment. I get it, everyone's different.
I didn't click the thread called "I didn't think /do anything (insert the word) cute, fun, exciting, etc and now i'm going to write just that"
I'm not sure why this is, but its straight up annoying. Get a grip and start a new thread called "I just can't be happy for someone besides myself" OR "I always need to add my two cents even though its not worth even that much" I'll make sure I don't click on it.

This is crap because we don't validate bad ideas. You're not entitled to a pat on the back and a "Wow! Go for it!" from everyone just because you think it's a great idea. And you know something? It might just be that at least one of your bridesmaids didn't think it was a good idea either but didn't want to hurt your feelings. If your feelings are so fragile that you can't handle these facts, grow up and/or leave this forum.

stephaniejohanna · October 2013

Do something that is a little bit you and add something personal for each of the girls you are asking. I love champagne and my girls know that! I had a bottle label made to go on to a champagne bottle that had their nickname on it and it said "will you be my bridesmaid?". I put the bottle in a cute bag, with a 'bridesmaid' shirt and a handmade card with their own personal notes. I gave them everyone in person, except for 1 who lives out of town (I just called her and read her the card!). This may be too "cute" for some brides or commenters, but it's so very me. My girls wouldn't have expected anything less. Hope this helps!

Maggie0829 · October 2013

I came on here to find fun ways to ask my friends to be my bridesmaids and 99% of this is comments from Pretentious B****** that can't not leave a negative comment. I get it, everyone's different.
I didn't click the thread called "I didn't think /do anything (insert the word) cute, fun, exciting, etc and now i'm going to write just that"
I'm not sure why this is, but its straight up annoying. Get a grip and start a new thread called "I just can't be happy for someone besides myself" OR "I always need to add my two cents even though its not worth even that much" I'll make sure I don't click on it.

So just because some of us think that "cute" and/or "quirky" gifts when asking someone to be a BM are dumb and pointless that means that we are all pretentious bitches that can't be happy for anyone but ourselves. Cause that makes sense so much sense.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

Matt&Amanda2014 said:

I came on here to find fun ways to ask my friends to be my bridesmaids and 99% of this is comments from Pretentious B****** that can't not leave a negative comment. I get it, everyone's different.
I didn't click the thread called "I didn't think /do anything (insert the word) cute, fun, exciting, etc and now i'm going to write just that"
I'm not sure why this is, but its straight up annoying. Get a grip and start a new thread called "I just can't be happy for someone besides myself" OR "I always need to add my two cents even though its not worth even that much" I'll make sure I don't click on it.

@knotporscha

[Deleted User] · October 2013

@Southerbelle0915, thank you for the tag!

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

KnotPorscha said:

@Southerbelle0915, thank you for the tag!

Viczaesar · October 2013

Matt&Amanda2014 said:

I came on here to find fun ways to ask my friends to be my bridesmaids and 99% of this is comments from Pretentious B****** that can't not leave a negative comment. I get it, everyone's different.
I didn't click the thread called "I didn't think /do anything (insert the word) cute, fun, exciting, etc and now i'm going to write just that"
I'm not sure why this is, but its straight up annoying. Get a grip and start a new thread called "I just can't be happy for someone besides myself" OR "I always need to add my two cents even though its not worth even that much" I'll make sure I don't click on it.

wilson24019 · November 2013

Matt&Amanda2014 said:

I came on here to find fun ways to ask my friends to be my bridesmaids and 99% of this is comments from Pretentious B****** that can't not leave a negative comment. I get it, everyone's different.
I didn't click the thread called "I didn't think /do anything (insert the word) cute, fun, exciting, etc and now i'm going to write just that"
I'm not sure why this is, but its straight up annoying. Get a grip and start a new thread called "I just can't be happy for someone besides myself" OR "I always need to add my two cents even though its not worth even that much" I'll make sure I don't click on it.

OK first thing, take a deep breath. There are some people on this site who have nothing better to do than be critical and make other people miserable. You don't have time to waste on them. You have a wedding to plan. Here are some ideas off the top of my head:

You could get bridesmaids coffee cups, invite your friends over, and serve the coffee in the cups. if you can find a bride's maid key ring or something like that, you could wrap it up in a little box, give it as a gift, and see what they say.

Since Christmas is coming up, you could get a Christmas ornament and have printed on it, would you be my bridesmaid? You could get a puzzle box that people put money in and instead, put a note that asks, will you be my bridesmaid? these are just little ideas. You may think these ideas suck, or you might find one that you like.

lovesclimbing · November 2013

liquey2007 said:

From previous talks and converstations, I knew that my maid of honor and bridesmaids would say yes. I got a little make up bag (from Hobby Lobby) that said bridesmaid/maid of honor and then inside I put a ringpop, nailpolish in my wedding colors, I made color swatchs from the colors and put their names and a sticker on each one, a note that said "plan with me, stand with me, laugh with me, cry with me... will you hold my dress while I pee?", and then I took a picture of a sign I was holding saying "Will you be my (insert role)?" then I put that in a frame and put all those in the bag and mailed it to them. I did the same for my flower girls and put a little bracelet in and included a state postcard (I live in Texas and they both live in Colorado). I skipped the while I pee note for them. They are 4 and 5 and were SOOO excited when they got their bags (oh yeah, for them I got a silver make up bag and used puff paint and put their initial on it). They each drew a picture back that said "yes" and was all decorated. It was so fun!

Personally, I would have hated that note. I certainly do not expect to hold dresses for the two weddings I am in in the next six months and would be completely weirded out if someone asked me. And no, no one held my dress while I peed at my wedding, I did it myself.

Also, I did not cry on/with any of my BMs or my mom. The only person I cried on was my then-FI.

toniab06 said:

artbyallie said:

toniab06 said:

I asked my bridal party unofficially before I purchased gifts, but I'd prefer cute over simple any day!!! (me personally) I agree with a lot of the ladies here that everyone has been going Pintrest crazy BUT i don't see anything wrong with that as long as it is meaningful and there is a thought process behind it. So after they all agreed (& have already started helping me with my wedding plans).

I went to Etsy and I found the cutest idea to officially ask my bridesmaids and maid of honor. I found wine labels with a cute message and I will be booking a private party at an art studio so that the girls and I can paint, relax, and mingle (so that everyone can meet each other). I will provide them with fruit, wine, and music (to keep with the theme of the wine as gifts). HOWEVER, In addition to the bottles of wine I will be making personal cards for each of the girls with a special message about our friendship and what it means to me to have them by my side. After that we will have dinner at a nearby restaurant.

The way I see it, you guys will be spending a lot of time together over the next year or so and the “asking” can be a fun way to introduce the girls to one another and kick off the wedding festivities! Cute or simple I think you should make it meaningful and fun for your girls and yourself; even if you are limited by geographic locations you can always craft something and put it in the mail.

Good Luck!!!
See, this is exactly the problem I have with 'cute.' You're even talking about 'officially' and 'unofficially' asking them. And you say you/they will be spending lots of time together... the only thing they really need to do together is walk in the wedding. It really sounds like you have entirely too many expectations of your bridesmaids and I would find it really annoying. I don't need to hang out with people when our only commonality is being friends with the bride. I don't have to be BFFs with them. For that matter, I don't even need to know them. I'm in my cousin's wedding in December and have met most of the other bridesmaids exactly once. I love weddings, but I wouldn't love being forced to act like I'm in some kind of sorority with the other women. I didn't like the idea in college, much less now that I'm a real adult with a full-time job.

There are a number of events that are involved with the wedding process and some of those activities will exclude me. All of the girls in my bridal party are mature enough to handle being around each other with or without my presence. I also know that they are all excited to finally meet one another (some already know each other) and are interested in helping me out with the wedding plans; those that aren’t that’s fine also. They don’t have to attend things that aren’t necessary. However, I would expect my bridal party to attend events such as the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and rehearsal dinner, etc. Calm down, I will not be imposing sleep overs or anything of that sort! whatever they aren't comfortable in partaking in is fine with me.

You should not be expecting that. There are many legitimate reasons someone may not attend a shower. I had two bridal showers and a bachelorette. My MOH came to all three. My two BMs attended one shower - that's it. They were two of my sisters and lived 1,100 miles away.

Also, at my sister's upcoming wedding, her MOH will not be attending the bachelorette, again, because she lives 1,100 miles away.

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