Declining Thank you card standards

grumbledore · October 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

misssunshine17 said:

My wedding was on Saturday (honeymoon is in May). I had thank you cards that had our married name printed on them and pre addressed the return address before our wedding. I guess I just figure I can use a wedding picture for my Christmas cards so I don't need them for my thank you cards. I really can't fathom waiting to send thank you cards for over a month. People were beyond generous and I want to let them know asap how thankful I am for being at our wedding and their gifts.

ETA: so I guess I have to ask... do people love getting picture cards in the mail or do we care? I don't really care since I think we social media, people who want to see pictures generally do. Our ceremony finished at 4:20 and there was a picture on facebook at 4:27 (eyeroll).
I was told by many people, mostly the older generation and non-FB people, that they enjoyed getting the picture on the TY card because they could keep it as a memento. Maybe they were feeding me some BS, but that's what they said!

IMO, it makes more sense to ask around if anyone would like photos and then give them, you know, an actual photo.

Jen4948 · October 2013

grumbledore said:

OliveOilsMom said:

misssunshine17 said:

My wedding was on Saturday (honeymoon is in May). I had thank you cards that had our married name printed on them and pre addressed the return address before our wedding. I guess I just figure I can use a wedding picture for my Christmas cards so I don't need them for my thank you cards. I really can't fathom waiting to send thank you cards for over a month. People were beyond generous and I want to let them know asap how thankful I am for being at our wedding and their gifts.

ETA: so I guess I have to ask... do people love getting picture cards in the mail or do we care? I don't really care since I think we social media, people who want to see pictures generally do. Our ceremony finished at 4:20 and there was a picture on facebook at 4:27 (eyeroll).
I was told by many people, mostly the older generation and non-FB people, that they enjoyed getting the picture on the TY card because they could keep it as a memento. Maybe they were feeding me some BS, but that's what they said!

IMO, it makes more sense to ask around if anyone would like photos and then give them, you know, an actual photo.

I agree. Sometimes I'd like the photo, sometimes it's not important to me. But getting thanked for my gift is.

ashleyep · October 2013

offthemarket915 said:

$500 for invites doesn't seem like a huge amount to me. I just bought a gilt.com deal for Wedding Paper Divas $500 for $1000 and thought I was making out like a bandit, ha.
Funny, I bought the same deal, but $100 for $200 since we're having a small wedding. Will probably come in over $200 but no way would I reach $1000.

The $1000 will definitely be tough, but I've been eyeing the letterpress ones and I need to do a separate reception card since I'm getting married in a church. Definitely more than $500 though. I bought the $50 for $100 for my save the dates, which look like they're going to cost more than Friday's invites :P

In any case the $500 for $1000 deal sold out in like 2 hours so I know I'm not alone in this!

Back to the conversation at hand, I like getting photo thank you cards. But I don't like waiting for them.

CTYankeeBride · October 2013

My FI's children were in their cousin's wedding earlier this year. We spent over 700$ to go to this wedding and to outfit the children in the attire chosen by the bride (a $200 dress for an 8 year old but that's another post), not including gifts.

The thank you card arrived 6 months later addressed to "The FI'slastname Family" and was a photo postcard of their wedding photos that they waited 5 months for. On the back was a pre-printed note thanking guests for being a part of their day. Nothing handwritten on it other than our address and "Bride's name + Groom's name" at the bottom. There was nothing personal about it at all.

While guests possibly do appreciate having a photo thank you they appreciate having a timely, appropriately addressed thank you more. I do find that such thank you notes are becoming a rarity.

LDubHawksFan · October 2013

tabathafaye said:
I've seen those online. We will probably take a "thank you" picture. I would never in a million years dream of sending it out without a hand written note!!

Just make sure you get it in your contract that the photog will send you that picture within a week, or have a friend take a non-professional TY picture. I think this trend is a but AWish, but I don't mind if its done in a timely manner. Waiting for a month or so (easily a typical timeframe to get your pro proofs back) before even ordering your TY cards is unacceptable. Ensuring you can order the cards right after your honeymoon means you will get your cards out within the appropriate timeframe.

Vireyda · October 2013

A close friend was married recently but I wasn't able to attend, unfortunately. I did send a gift and I received a thank you via Facebook message yesterday. I'm not sure how to feel about it though. On one hand, it is a TY of sorts. I never received a TY after her first wedding either (where we gave a more lavish gift and I was even a BM). On the other hand, it's a Facebook message...

My husband and I married earlier this year and I was fanatical about getting our handwritten TY cards out as quick as possible. It's not like they were difficult or took a lot of time either. It's just dismaying, I guess.

offthemarket915 · November 2013

annathy03 · November 2013

I like the photo thank yous, but only if they are timely and there is a handwritten TY inside/on back. I see plenty of photos on Facebook but there's something about holding a physical photo I enjoy, just like it's nice to get snail mail over email. Plus, FB tends to show me a fraction of my friends in my feed based on whatever their programmers decide is relevant to me, so I may not see them even if we are friends.

Bruins63 · December 2013

OliveOilsMom said:

H & I put a standard wedding photo on the outside of the card, we didn't have special "thank you" photos done. Then on the inside we had a generic, "thank you for sharing our day." But we handwrote a special note to each person who gave us a gift.

An ex-friend, sent me a pre-printed thank you card, with no handwritten anything! Even the signature was pre-printed! I opened it, looked at it and ripped it up and threw it in the trash immediately. After all I that I went through (as a BM) for her wedding and the generous gift I gave her, she couldn't even do a handwritten note? She also sent no TY note after hosting her shower. Her entire wedding debacle is one of many reasons why our group of friends no longer includes her.

I just serached for this question because I was going to ask it. I am in the same exact situation as you- was a bidesmaid in my brother's, helped host the shower, bought a shower gift and wedding gift on top of my bridesmaid expenses and I got no thank you after the shower and a GENERIC printed one after the wedding. They literally didn't even sign their names in it or write Dear Jenna or anything!!! I know I'm the sister but come on that's so frigen lazy and rude!!

button6004 · December 2013

We ordered thank you cards with a preprinted message- they said "thank you for sharing our special day with us!" But for each one, we wrote a personal note thanking them for the specific gift they gave us. It seriously isn't that hard and while tedious, I got them done in one afternoon. Easy peasy.

HaileyDancingbear · December 2013

aurorajanette said:

grumbledore said:

misssunshine17 said:

My wedding was on Saturday (honeymoon is in May). I had thank you cards that had our married name printed on them and pre addressed the return address before our wedding. I guess I just figure I can use a wedding picture for my Christmas cards so I don't need them for my thank you cards. I really can't fathom waiting to send thank you cards for over a month. People were beyond generous and I want to let them know asap how thankful I am for being at our wedding and their gifts.

ETA: so I guess I have to ask... do people love getting picture cards in the mail or do we care? I don't really care since I think we social media, people who want to see pictures generally do. Our ceremony finished at 4:20 and there was a picture on facebook at 4:27 (eyeroll).

I think people wildly overestimate how badly everyone wants photos of them.

^^ This. NWR, but I'd like to add that I think people also wildly overestimate how badly people want photos of their children. One of my dearest friends send out birth announcement photo cards for her third child. They were so desperate to send the picture that they didn't even wait until the baby was cleaned up first. It was three pictures of a gooey baby with his name and birthday. I love babies, but I was grossed out when I got the picture in the mail.

GrrArgh · December 2013

We've typed all our notes out, but they were all personalize messages. Then we did hand signatures by pen to complete them. My hand writing is atrocious, his isn't much better. Felt a legible thank you would be best in this case.

LizM61409 · December 2013

GrrArgh said:

We've typed all our notes out, but they were all personalize messages. Then we did hand signatures by pen to complete them. My hand writing is atrocious, his isn't much better. Felt a legible thank you would be best in this case.

I think that's totally reasonable, because they're personalized messages.

gjeawms · December 2013

There is a bride who has a neurological disorder which causes fine-motor skills dysfunction, so her handwriting is very poor. The groom is military and deployment is imminent, so he will be unable to write thank you notes. The plan is to have the bride generate individual, personalized notes on the computer, print them out on their cards and sign them (to the best of her ability). Hopefully, this won't be considered rude, and those who know her will understand.

[Deleted User] · December 2013

The invitations, envelopes, thank-you cards and stamps all came under $300 for 100. For our thank-you cards we got generic ones with a cake on the front and blank on the inside so we can write our gratitudes. Our wedding was a month ago so I'm super antsy about getting them all mailed out. My birthday's tomorrow so I'm going to ask H to get them mailed out.

HaileyDancingbear · December 2013

GrrArgh said:

We've typed all our notes out, but they were all personalize messages. Then we did hand signatures by pen to complete them. My hand writing is atrocious, his isn't much better. Felt a legible thank you would be best in this case.

Is this something people do often? I want to do that too, my handwriting is horrible and the thank you notes will all look like crap if I don't type them, but I'm wondering if people will think it's rude?

And also did you get "GrrArgh" from that mutant enemy inc. logo at the end of Joss Whedon shows? If so I like you.

RosaW86 · December 2013

So great to read some of your suggestions for the TYs! I'm getting married in The Netherlands and for all kinds of reasons the social conventions and etiquette are so different there (I think literally no one in my family will know what a registry is...), but TYs should really be universal, so I'm definitely going to take this up. I like the idea of getting either the photographer or a friend to take a photo that'll be ready right after the honeymoon and then personalizing this for each guest!

AprilH81 · December 2013

I'm still waiting on a thank you from a wedding in July. This situation is odd because she writes thank you notes for dinner invitations so I know she is doing thank you notes. It may have gotten eaten by the post office. Since I know she got the gift and I get thank you notes for everything else this situation is more of an oddity than an insult.

I'm also waiting on a thank you from a November wedding. The shower gift thank you was quick so maybe they are still wading through their list (it was a bigger wedding).

muenginerd · December 2013

BFF got a preprinted thank you note, no To address line, no signature, totally preprinted.

This is a very small step above a wedding FI and I still have never gotten a Thank You from. I know the bride is horrible so we will never see one. Groom was at our house this weekend and we were talking wedding stuff, I causally slipped in a question to him about Thank You notes and how the handled them. He said they just never did them. I just left it at that and laughed to myself later.

MrsDeRuyter87 · December 2013

My SIL sent out postcards that just said thank you for coming. Nothing actually written on it to personalize it. On top of that she sent them out like 3 months after the wedding because she was waiting to get pictures back from the photographer. Hated it.

Declining Thank you card standards

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