Wedding Party

R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!

Ok this is going to be a little long, sorry in advance. I have a cousin/friend who has decided not to speak to me for the last 11 days and is /was a BM in my wedding. She thinks I was putting things on FB about her and (it's always about her, rolling my eyes) emailed me that it hurt her feelings. Let me first say, I was not nor did I ever put anything on FB about her, with her name in it that was negative. I have been engaged for 18 months and she has been really negative about all of my ideas for the wedding. Most ppl think she is jealous or at least that's what they tell me. Unfortunately, my MOH lives far away so I have no one else local to do "wedding" things with me. She has also befriended my ex-husband and swore she never would. She said she would go with me for nails, appts, etc. Then changed her mind 3 times. I started doing everything by myself so I would be sure it was done and done my way. Well, now she has told my mother, her aunt, that her job was to be there and walk down the aisle. I no longer want her there! She has went out of her way to make me miserable and when I figured she wasn't speaking to me (her choice) so she wouldn't be there it was no problem. I can only imagine the tension on my special day if she shows up in her dress! I suppose she will first make an appearance at the rehearsal dinner. She really has hurt me beyond repair. And just for the record is Bi-Polar with no medication. So now I am left with a big riff in the family and the tension would be unbearable! What should I do? It would take forever to explain everything so feel free to ask questions, I really need some advice....TIA!
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Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:566d901b-bce2-4ca5-bd69-700999f6b1b3">R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok this is going to be a little long, sorry in advance. I have a cousin/friend who has decided not to speak to me for the last 11 days and is /was a BM in my wedding. She thinks I was putting things on FB about her and (it's always about her, rolling my eyes) emailed me that it hurt her feelings. Let me first say, I was not nor did I ever put anything on FB about her, with her name in it that was negative. I have been engaged for 18 months and she has been really negative about all of my ideas for the wedding. Most ppl think she is jealous or at least that's what they tell me. Unfortunately, my MOH lives far away so I have no one else local to do "wedding" things with me. She has also befriended my ex-husband and swore she never would. She said she would go with me for nails, appts, etc. Then changed her mind 3 times. I started doing everything by myself so I would be sure it was done and done my way. <strong>Well, now she has told my mother, her aunt, that her job was to be there and walk down the aisle.</strong> I no longer want her there! She has went out of her way to make me miserable and when I figured she wasn't speaking to me (her choice) so she wouldn't be there it was no problem. I can only imagine the tension on my special day if she shows up in her dress! I suppose she will first make an appearance at the rehearsal dinner. She really has hurt me beyond repair. And just for the record is Bi-Polar with no medication. So now I am left with a big riff in the family and the tension would be unbearable! What should I do? It would take forever to explain everything so feel free to ask questions, I really need some advice....TIA!
    Posted by MrsUpole[/QUOTE]
    And she's absolutely right.  No one has to do "wedding stuff" with you but your FI.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • If she is bi-polar and you know this than she may be in a "down" phase. Don't make a decision about kicking her out suddenly. Think this through. Kicking her out will end your friendship. If you want to end it than break up with her and the wedding stuff will be understood.

    Also a BMs only job is to show up in the dress and walk down the aisle. Bridal events and planning is for you and your FI. It is your wedding after all.

    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:566d901b-bce2-4ca5-bd69-700999f6b1b3">R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Ok this is going to be a little long, sorry in advance. I have a cousin/friend who has decided not to speak to me for the last 11 days and is /was a BM in my wedding. She thinks I was putting things on FB about her and (it's always about her, rolling my eyes) emailed me that it hurt her feelings. Let me first say, I was not nor did I ever put anything on FB about her, with her name in it that was negative. I have been engaged for 18 months and she has been really negative about all of my ideas for the wedding. Most ppl think she is jealous or at least that's what they tell me. Unfortunately, my MOH lives far away so I have no one else local to do "wedding" things with me. She has also befriended my ex-husband and swore she never would. She said she would go with me for nails, appts, etc. Then changed her mind 3 times. I started doing everything by myself so I would be sure it was done and done my way. Well, now she has told my mother, her aunt, that <strong>her job was to be there and walk down the aisle</strong>. I no longer want her there! She has went out of her way to make me miserable and when I figured she wasn't speaking to me (her choice) so she wouldn't be there it was no problem. I can only imagine the tension on my special day if she shows up in her dress! I suppose she will first make an appearance at the rehearsal dinner. She really has hurt me beyond repair. And just for the record is Bi-Polar with no medication. So now I am left with a big riff in the family and the tension would be unbearable! What should I do? It would take forever to explain everything so feel free to ask questions, I really need some advice....TIA!
    Posted by MrsUpole[/QUOTE]

    She was correct. She is supposed to be your friend, but she is under no obligation to help you plan. The only person obligated to help you plan is your FI.

    And if you ask for opinions and share your ideas with others, then you need to be prepared for honest negative feedback. It is entirely her perrogative to not like what you picked out. She doesn't have to like it. If you don't want her opinion, then don't ask her. Simple.
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  • mbcdefgmbcdefg member
    10000 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    You both sound super-dramatic.

    Expect nothing more from her than to show up at the wedding in the proper dress, participate in the ceremony and smile for the photos. Smile and be polite if you have to talk to her, and ignore her/say nothing and walk away if she's being unpleasant.

    As far as the Facebook messages ... if the problem is that you are posting passive-aggressive messages about someone other than her, and she's choosing to believe that they ARE about her ... then stop being a baby and posting stupid passive-aggressive messages. It's that simple. I can't stand it when people pull this babyish shiit. If you have an issue with someone, call them or talk to them in person and work it out. Otherwise, keep your mouth shut and keep it off of social networking sites. Stop looking for drama and attention by posting cryptic Facebook messages to call people out, because it's not cute or funny or a good idea.

    She's your cousin. You will see her at future family gatherings. It's not worth it to boot her from your wedding just because she wasn't helping you enough or paying enough attention to your plans, because it will just cause tension and drama and it will pull other family members into this crap.

    Act like adults (meaning, be civil to each other, or avoid each other if you simply can't handle that) and you won't have a problem.
    image
  • Out of curiosity, how old are both of you?  Something tells me high school is a very recent memory for you.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • You know what? I asked for responses and for some reason hoped they would be intelligent! Who was I kidding? First of all I DID NOT EXPECT or want her to do ANYTHING!!!!!!! She volunteered then backed out. I only put things on FB that are positive and use it to keep in touch with family and friends. Updates etc. You bitches need to lighten up! Basically I only wanted an opinion with all of the tension she is causing how to handle kicking her to the curb. I will have my wedding coordinator handle it and screw you and this board. Can you not give an opinion with out ripping someone to shreds? To "The Mel and Tod" I don't post passive -aggressive messages. To "aerinpegadrak" - my sediments exactly, that's why I said rolling my eyes. I thought it was very HS of HER. "mbcdefg" - since you are from Jersey that says it all.... "SarahPLiz" - I stopped asking her opinion because it was always negative. Thanks. "suz68924" - yours was an intelligent answer and perhaps I should have stated I did not expect anything or ask her for anything. I actually felt bad telling her "no" to things, afraid I would hurt her feelings. ~AMF~
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:3a61c90a-e0ef-4243-bd7f-9d7e6e890158">Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what? I asked for responses and for some reason hoped they would be intelligent! Who was I kidding? First of all I DID NOT EXPECT or want her to do ANYTHING!!!!!!! She volunteered then backed out. I only put things on FB that are positive and use it to keep in touch with family and friends. Updates etc. You bitches need to lighten up! Basically I only wanted an opinion with all of the tension she is causing how to handle kicking her to the curb. I will have my wedding coordinator handle it and screw you and this board. Can you not give an opinion with out ripping someone to shreds? To "The Mel and Tod" I don't post passive -aggressive messages. To "aerinpegadrak" - my sediments exactly, that's why I said rolling my eyes. I thought it was very HS of HER. "mbcdefg" - since you are from Jersey that says it all.... "SarahPLiz" - I stopped asking her opinion because it was always negative. Thanks. "suz68924" - yours was an intelligent answer and perhaps I should have stated I did not expect anything or ask her for anything. I actually felt bad telling her "no" to things, afraid I would hurt her feelings. ~AMF~
    Posted by MrsUpole[/QUOTE]
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • FYI - calling people bitches doesn't sit well with our mod
    The Bee Hive Est. June 30, 2007
    "So I sing a song of love, Julia"
    06.10.10

    BFAR:We Defined Our Own Success!
    image

  • Yeah, I'm guessing you're about 19.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

    image
    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
  • aerinpegdrak...Now I get it,

    I also get stabby whenever I see a post that goes as follows:

    OP: Whine whine whine whine
    15 people: You're being a brat.
    Random person: It's your day, do what you want!
    OP: Thank you, Random Person, you're the only one that understands.


    Man I live for these boards....
  • OP, please re-read my post. It applies to all aspects of life, not just your problem with your BM. It also applies to your post here looking for opinions:

    And if you ask for opinions and share your ideas with others, then you need to be prepared for honest negative feedback.

    If you read the title of this board, you will see that in general, no one here condones kicking a BM, especially a family member to the curb, unless she slept with your FI or tried to burn down your house. There are no suggestions for kicking her to the curb. Our suggestion is not to do it in the first place.

    BTW, having your wedding planner do it only proves that you are as passive agressive as we originally thought.
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  • bbyckesbbyckes member
    5000 Comments Combo Breaker
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:3a61c90a-e0ef-4243-bd7f-9d7e6e890158">Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what? I asked for responses and for some reason hoped they would be intelligent! Who was I kidding? First of all I DID NOT EXPECT or want her to do ANYTHING!!!!!!! She volunteered then backed out. I only put things on FB that are positive and use it to keep in touch with family and friends. Updates etc. <strong>You bitches need to lighten up!</strong> Basically I only wanted an opinion with all of the tension she is causing how to handle kicking her to the curb. I will have my wedding coordinator handle it and screw you and this board. Can you not give an opinion with out ripping someone to shreds? To "The Mel and Tod" I don't post passive -aggressive messages. To "aerinpegadrak" - <strong>my sediments exactly</strong>, that's why I said rolling my eyes. I thought it was very HS of HER. "mbcdefg" - since you are from Jersey that says it all.... "SarahPLiz" - I stopped asking her opinion because it was always negative. Thanks. "suz68924" - yours was an intelligent answer and perhaps I should have stated I did not expect anything or ask her for anything. I actually felt bad telling her "no" to things, afraid I would hurt her feelings. ~AMF~
    Posted by MrsUpole[/QUOTE]

    Wowzas.  I didn't even get an honorable mention.  I'm guessing child-bride.  I mean you can have a fb account at 13.

    <em>My sediments exactly.  </em>hahaha
  • Capri, I could have made many comments about what my "sediments" are, but bathroom talk is NMS. I did think them, though. And then I giggled.
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  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:3a61c90a-e0ef-4243-bd7f-9d7e6e890158">Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what? I asked for responses and for some reason hoped they would be intelligent! Who was I kidding? First of all I DID NOT EXPECT or want her to do ANYTHING!!!!!!! She volunteered then backed out. I only put things on FB that are positive and use it to keep in touch with family and friends. Updates etc. You bitches need to lighten up! Basically I only wanted an opinion with all of the tension she is causing how to handle kicking her to the curb. I will have my wedding coordinator handle it and screw you and this board. Can you not give an opinion with out ripping someone to shreds? To "The Mel and Tod" I don't post passive -aggressive messages. To "aerinpegadrak" - my sediments exactly, that's why I said rolling my eyes. I thought it was very HS of HER.<strong> "mbcdefg" - since you are from Jersey that says it all....</strong> "SarahPLiz" - I stopped asking her opinion because it was always negative. Thanks. "suz68924" - yours was an intelligent answer and perhaps I should have stated I did not expect anything or ask her for anything. I actually felt bad telling her "no" to things, afraid I would hurt her feelings. ~AMF~
    Posted by MrsUpole[/QUOTE]


    Excuse me?

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • CellesCelles member
    2500 Comments Combo Breaker
    ... you're having your wedding coordinator kick your cousin to the curb?  ::blink::
    image
  • Oh, honey, no one put up unintelligent responses except you.  If you're looking for validation, you came to the wrong board.  Go try your local or your club, or even better, try weddingbee.
    imageAnniversary

    RIP Dr. Irving Fishman - 10/1/19-7/25/10 - thank you for holding on for me.
    You made my wedding day complete.
  • Because having your coordinator dump your BM is the adult way to go about things...
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:72cd5627-9dc2-473a-b77c-50e82ddac17e">Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help! : Excuse me?
    Posted by megk8oz[/QUOTE]

    Jersey what now?
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:3a61c90a-e0ef-4243-bd7f-9d7e6e890158">Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what? I asked for responses and for some reason hoped they would be intelligent! Who was I kidding? First of all I DID NOT EXPECT or want her to do ANYTHING!!!!!!! She volunteered then backed out. I only put things on FB that are positive and use it to keep in touch with family and friends. Updates etc. You bitches need to lighten up! Basically I only wanted an opinion with all of the tension she is causing how to handle kicking her to the curb. I will have my wedding coordinator handle it and screw you and this board. Can you not give an opinion with out ripping someone to shreds? To "The Mel and Tod" I don't post passive -aggressive messages. To "aerinpegadrak" -<font color="#800000"><strong> my sediments exactly</strong></font>, that's why I said rolling my eyes. I thought it was very HS of HER. "mbcdefg" - since you are from Jersey that says it all.... "SarahPLiz" - I stopped asking her opinion because it was always negative. Thanks. "suz68924" - yours was an intelligent answer and perhaps I should have stated I did not expect anything or ask her for anything. I actually felt bad telling her "no" to things, afraid I would hurt her feelings. ~AMF~
    Posted by MrsUpole[/QUOTE]

    Hahahahaha! That's just perfect. Thank you for making my night so enjoyable.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:566d901b-bce2-4ca5-bd69-700999f6b1b3">R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]So now I am left with a big <strong>riff </strong>in the family and the tension would be unbearable! 
    Posted by MrsUpole[/QUOTE]

    <div>this made me giggle.  When there is tension in your family everyone pulls out their guitar?</div>
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:6ec280eb-377e-4d06-8008-3c58e48aed5c">Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help! : this made me giggle.  When there is tension in your family everyone pulls out their guitar?
    Posted by duckie1905[/QUOTE]

    Ha! I missed that one. Good catch
  • Please explain exactly how the tension would be unbearable, I am truly interested in learning this.


    You need to take your "sediments" and settle the hell down. Does it suck that she said she wanted to do wedding related stuff with you and then backed out? Yes, of course. Can you be upset? Yes, of course. Can you do anything about, absolutely not.

  • Who wants to bet that there *was* something posted on facebook?
  • megk8ozmegk8oz member
    2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:6b2682d5-d577-451f-aef4-8ed69a85c2c2">Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Who wants to bet that there *was* something posted on facebook?
    Posted by deepcovejackie[/QUOTE]


    Oh, I'd put money on that. I'm sure the fact that I'm "from Jersey says it all".

    If you fire a WP member, you're against America.
    image

    "Meg cracks me up on the regular. Now she gets to do it in two different forums. Yay!!" ~mkrupar
  • What does dirt have to do with anything?
  • Seriously, I love it when OPs implode. Posts like this are just ticking time bombs full o' crazy.

    It makes me feel like I'm back on the playgound in gradeschool in a circle around two angry kids egging on the impending fight.
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    It's a girl!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_wedding-party_r-u-kidding-bmcousin-acting-really-bad?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:37Discussion:cb92d413-0d49-472b-8b4f-048c2a93faffPost:3a61c90a-e0ef-4243-bd7f-9d7e6e890158">Re: R U Kidding ME???? BM/cousin acting really bad! Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]You know what? I asked for responses and for some reason hoped they would be intelligent! Who was I kidding? First of all I DID NOT EXPECT or want her to do ANYTHING!!!!!!! She volunteered then backed out. I only put things on FB that are positive and use it to keep in touch with family and friends. Updates etc. You bitches need to lighten up! Basically I only wanted an opinion with all of the tension she is causing how to handle kicking her to the curb. I will have my wedding coordinator handle it and screw you and this board. Can you not give an opinion with out ripping someone to shreds?<strong> To "The Mel and Tod" I don't post passive -aggressive messages.</strong> To "aerinpegadrak" - my sediments exactly, that's why I said rolling my eyes. I thought it was very HS of HER. "mbcdefg" - since you are from Jersey that says it all.... "SarahPLiz" - I stopped asking her opinion because it was always negative. Thanks. "suz68924" - yours was an intelligent answer and perhaps I should have stated I did not expect anything or ask her for anything. I actually felt bad telling her "no" to things, afraid I would hurt her feelings. ~AMF~
    Posted by MrsUpole[/QUOTE]

    Sally is so DONE with The Knot. 

    Do I get extra points for also being from Jersey? 
  • jamiefourjamiefour member
    1000 Comments
    edited May 2010
    I think I saw this exact thing on an episode of Bridezillas.  No joke.
    ETA-except it was myspace not FB
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  • The fact she has bi-polar disorder does not make her a bad person. The fact that she has bi-polar disorder makes her a person with a genuine mental illness. And yes, it is an illness. And choosing to be on medication can be scary and it is a very personal choice. I resent the fact that you threw that out there, like that was some great reason not to be friends with someone. Try supporting her? Instead. She is your cousin. It is difficult, but she is your family.
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