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Answered...needs no further feedback

KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
edited November 2013 in Wedding Party
Thank you all for your feedback, I no longer need an answer to the question and would appreciate if everyone else kept their opinions on vow renewals to themselves. We started kind backwards. We aren't having children at our wedding/renewal outside of those in the ceremony, because of numbers, so we put any children we wanted there in the party. Our friends two boys (1.5 and 5) will be ring bearers and our daughter (1.5) and a friends daughter (5) will be flower girls, and his niece (12) will be a junior bridesmaid. We have a best man and matron of honor, but we don't know how many to have after that. I feel weird having more flower girls and ring bearers than actual attendants. He is fine having none other than the honor attendants so his friends don't think some are more or less important than others. Customarily wed have four males take part in the ceremony, but we are trying to keep it small. I'd like it to not be apparent that we just allowed some kids but not any others and having more kids than adult attendants seems obvious. We both have large families with lots of kids and a budget too tight to allow children. Suggestions on how many to have?
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Re: Answered...needs no further feedback

  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    edited October 2013
    Don't think by the numbers (then people are just space-filling props) think by who you want standing next to you as you get married. If that's 2 people - cool, if that's 8 people - cool. Who do you want next to you?

    And it's perfectly fine to invite children in circles. People judging because you invited children to play a role in your ceremony but not their special snowflake have too much time on their hands. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    edited October 2013
    You don't have to pick every kid to be in the wedding party; nor do you have to pick someone just because you have picked his/her sibling or cousin.

    But I do think that any kids in the wedding party should be at least 3 years old, capable of getting up and down the aisle by themselves, and having some understanding of what they are being asked to do.  You say that you are asking 2 kids ages 1.5 to be flower girl and ring bearer.

    I think kids that young should just be in photos but not more than that-even if they don't have meltdowns or behave undesirably, they can't get up and down the aisle by themselves (someone has to carry them), they aren't going to be able to remember, let alone understand, the experience.
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  • JoanE2012JoanE2012 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    You don't have to pick every kid to be in the wedding party; nor do you have to pick someone just because you have picked his/her sibling or cousin.

    But I do think that any kids in the wedding party should be at least 3 years old, capable of getting up and down the aisle by themselves, and having some understanding of what they are being asked to do.  You say that you are asking 2 kids ages 1.5 to be flower girl and ring bearer.

    I think kids that young should just be in photos but not more than that-even if they don't have meltdowns or behave undesirably, they can't get up and down the aisle by themselves (someone has to carry them), they aren't going to be able to remember, let alone understand, the experience.
    This.  1.5 year olds shouldn't be in weddings.   I've yet to see someone around that age look "cute" walking down the aisle in front of a bunch of people.  All I've seen is meltdowns with parents inevitably coming to the rescue.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Jen4948 said:
    You don't have to pick every kid to be in the wedding party; nor do you have to pick someone just because you have picked his/her sibling or cousin.

    But I do think that any kids in the wedding party should be at least 3 years old, capable of getting up and down the aisle by themselves, and having some understanding of what they are being asked to do.  You say that you are asking 2 kids ages 1.5 to be flower girl and ring bearer.

    I think kids that young should just be in photos but not more than that-even if they don't have meltdowns or behave undesirably, they can't get up and down the aisle by themselves (someone has to carry them), they aren't going to be able to remember, let alone understand, the experience.
    This.  1.5 year olds shouldn't be in weddings.   I've yet to see someone around that age look "cute" walking down the aisle in front of a bunch of people.  All I've seen is meltdowns with parents inevitably coming to the rescue.
    I agree completely. 
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  • KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    The two younger ones will not be walking down the isle.  They are being pulled in a wagon/cart by the older ones.  We cannot drop flowers and we are not entrusting a 5 year old with rings, so pulling a wagon with them is their only purpose.  I'm more worried about the junior brides maid than my own child.
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The two younger ones will not be walking down the isle.  They are being pulled in a wagon/cart by the older ones.  We cannot drop flowers and we are not entrusting a 5 year old with rings, so pulling a wagon with them is their only purpose.  I'm more worried about the junior brides maid than my own child.
    So you are basically using the children as cute props at this point. Wagons are bad ideas. You are basically allowing a 5 year old to be in charge of getting to very young children down the aisle safely. What happens if the 5 year old has a meltdown and starts screaming and running down the aisle with wagon in tow? What happens if the 5 year old refuses to walk down the aisle, what will happen to the young kids in the wagon...who will pull them down the aisle?

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers

    KaycieBerchiolli said:
    The two younger ones will not be walking down the isle.  They are being pulled in a and  wagon/cart by the older ones.  We cannot drop flowers and we are not entrusting a 5 year old with rings, so pulling a wagon with them is their only purpose.  I'm more worried about the junior brides maid than my own child.
    I would not entrust a 5 year old to pull a wagon down the aisle carrying two 1.5 year olds.  That sounds dangerous to me, and it doesn't answer the other objections that the 1.5 year olds are too young to go up and down by themselves and aren't old enough to remember or understand what they're being asked to do.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OliveOilsMom said:
    KaycieBerchiolli said:
    We started kind backwards. We aren't having children at our wedding outside of those in the ceremony, because of numbers, so we put any children we wanted there journalistic wedding party. Our friends two boys (1.5 and 5) will be ring bearers and our daughter (1.5) and a friends daughter (5) will be flower girls, and his niece (12) will be a junior bridesmaid. We have a best man and matron of honor, but we don't know how many to have after that. I feel weird having more flower girls and ring bearers than actual attendants. He is fine having none other than the honor attendants so his friends don't think some are more or less important than others. I'd like it to not be apparent that we just allowed some kids but not any others and having more kids than adult attendants seems obvious. We both have large families with lots of kids and a budget too tight to allow children. Suggestions on how many to have?
    You are already married, so there is no need for any wedding party.
    Oh yeah.  Are you divorcing your husband so you can marry him again?  Or leaving him for someone else?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    doeydo said:
    OliveOilsMom said:
    KaycieBerchiolli said:
    We started kind backwards. We aren't having children at our wedding outside of those in the ceremony, because of numbers, so we put any children we wanted there journalistic wedding party. Our friends two boys (1.5 and 5) will be ring bearers and our daughter (1.5) and a friends daughter (5) will be flower girls, and his niece (12) will be a junior bridesmaid. We have a best man and matron of honor, but we don't know how many to have after that. I feel weird having more flower girls and ring bearers than actual attendants. He is fine having none other than the honor attendants so his friends don't think some are more or less important than others. I'd like it to not be apparent that we just allowed some kids but not any others and having more kids than adult attendants seems obvious. We both have large families with lots of kids and a budget too tight to allow children. Suggestions on how many to have?
    You are already married, so there is no need for any wedding party.
    Oh yeah.  Are you divorcing your husband so you can marry him again?  Or leaving him for someone else?
    Good questions.  And even if you are, our objections to 1.5 year olds participating and being pulled in wagons by 5 year olds still stand.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I went to a wedding once where there was the MOH, two GM and almost a dozen kids combined for flower girls & ring bearers. It was cute.
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  • KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Thank you all for your feedback, that I'm kindly going to disregard. We delayed our wedding for our daughter and still want the day we were planning to have before her. While many of you do not agree with having herein our wedding, she is our daughter and it is our wedding and will be in it. I feel completely comfortable having her strapped into a wagon and pulled down the isle. We like the idea and its what we will do. In the event of any issues our junior bridesmaid will take her down the isle. Again, thank you all for your feedback. Instead of answer my question you questioned my judgement as a mother. We've decided on groomsmen and bridesmaid at this point, so I don't need any further feedback or judgements. Have a good day.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited November 2013
    KaycieBerchiolli said:
    Thank you all for your feedback, that I'm kindly going to disregard. We delayed our wedding for our daughter and still want the day we were planning to have before her. While many of you do not agree with having herein our wedding, she is our daughter and it is our wedding and will be in it. I feel completely comfortable having her strapped into a wagon and pulled down the isle. We like the idea and its what we will do. In the event of any issues our junior bridesmaid will take her down the isle. Again, thank you all for your feedback. Instead of answer my question you questioned my judgement as a mother. We've decided on groomsmen and bridesmaid at this point, so I don't need any further feedback or judgements. Have a good day.
    From what I came to understand from one of your previous posts, you didn't delay your wedding for your daughter.  You got married, didn't you?  Then you had a wedding.
    Edited to fix typo
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  • KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    We got pregnant unexpectedly and did a quick court house marriage due to a high risk pregnancy and wanting to be ure we were fully covered by insurance. We never had our wedding, and our friends and family are fine with us having it now so I don't think it's anyone else's place to say we can't. This post needs no further feedback. We have already figured out who we wanted on our own.
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  • KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    edited November 2013
    I don't know what your problem is, but if we'd like a full wedding with our religious customs we can have it. It's our renewal, we are paying for it, it's our choice. We have the support of our friends and family and I don't think it's your place to judge us. I'm a very good role model for my child, a much better one than someone who gets on community boards to bully people over the Internet. I have thanked you all for your opinions and would appreciate everyone else keeping their to themselves.
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You were not bullied.
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  • KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    You were not bullied.
    I'd say being told I'm a poor role model, being cursed at, etc. falls under people being bullies. I did not ask for anyone so pinion on if we should renew our vows, I merely asked for opinions on if we should add to the wedding party to balance out the younger ones we put into the ceremony. If its of your opinion being rude and name calling and telling people they are a bad parent or have poor judgement and priorities is the norm for you that is fine. In our household that is not acceptable behavior by a child, let alone an adult. Enjoy your week.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    KaycieBerchiolli said:
    Thank you all for your feedback, that I'm kindly going to disregard. We delayed our wedding for our daughter and still want the day we were planning to have before her. While many of you do not agree with having herein our wedding, she is our daughter and it is our wedding and will be in it. I feel completely comfortable having her strapped into a wagon and pulled down the isle. We like the idea and its what we will do. In the event of any issues our junior bridesmaid will take her down the isle. Again, thank you all for your feedback. Instead of answer my question you questioned my judgement as a mother. We've decided on groomsmen and bridesmaid at this point, so I don't need any further feedback or judgements. Have a good day.
    Are you having your PPD ceremony in a church?  You need to ask them what their policy is on wagons; most of the churches in my area forbid using wagons to pull children down the aisle due to liability issues. 

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its

    PrettyGirlLost said:
    KaycieBerchiolli said:
    Thank you all for your feedback, that I'm kindly going to disregard. We delayed our wedding for our daughter and still want the day we were planning to have before her. While many of you do not agree with having herein our wedding, she is our daughter and it is our wedding and will be in it. I feel completely comfortable having her strapped into a wagon and pulled down the isle. We like the idea and its what we will do. In the event of any issues our junior bridesmaid will take her down the isle. Again, thank you all for your feedback. Instead of answer my question you questioned my judgement as a mother. We've decided on groomsmen and bridesmaid at this point, so I don't need any further feedback or judgements. Have a good day.
    Are you having your PPD ceremony in a church?  You need to ask them what their policy is on wagons; most of the churches in my area forbid using wagons to pull children down the aisle due to liability issues. 
    We are not having our renewal (it is not a pretty princess day, that term is just as demeaning as saying someone isn't married because they did a courthouse marriage) at a religious building.
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  • KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    Lobster1987 said:

    *rolls eyes*

     

    You're already married, having a "bridal" party just makes you look stupid because you are not a bride, you are a WIFE.

    Throw an awesome party but forgo all the wedding-y stuff because this is not a wedding.

    Don't worry...you won't have to sit there and roll your eyes.  I thankfully don't know you and won't be inviting you.  Our friends and family support us having a renewal and doing it by our religious beliefs and customs this time and that is all that matters to us.  Kindly, go stand on your soapbox elsewhere.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    Knottie Warrior 25000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Are you doing a religious ceremony at all?
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  • doeydodoeydo member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    You are just as married as any other husband and wife, whether they had a big fancy wedding or went to the JOP.  There is no point in your little plan, aside from getting a big dress, getting all dolled up, being the center of attention, etc. which is why it is called a Pretty Princess Day.  Now, you keep saying that your family and friends are supportive of you and like the idea.  Do you really expect your friends to tell you that your non-wedding is a terrible idea?  Most people would just smile and say "That sounds nice", which is not that they are really thinking.
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  • KaycieBerchiolliKaycieBerchiolli member
    Fourth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    banana468 said:
    Are you doing a religious ceremony at all?
    We are doing a religious ceremony, but for our religion it only needs to be someone who shares your faith, they do not need to be ordained.  We are not having the head of our congregation but a friend who shares our faith and volunteered when she heard we were planning to do a renewal. There are special renewal documents, similar to a marriage license that you and witnesses sign. 
    I understand not all faiths believe marriage is something you can renew, but for ours it is believed that you should regularly evaluate it since you are not the same two giddy kids you were at the start.


    doeydo said:
    You are just as married as any other husband and wife, whether they had a big fancy wedding or went to the JOP.  There is no point in your little plan, aside from getting a big dress, getting all dolled up, being the center of attention, etc. which is why it is called a Pretty Princess Day.  Now, you keep saying that your family and friends are supportive of you and like the idea.  Do you really expect your friends to tell you that your non-wedding is a terrible idea?  Most people would just smile and say "That sounds nice", which is not that they are really thinking.


    I don't expect a random stranger to understand what we are doing or our beliefs, but I'd appreciate it if you did not belittle them.  And yes, in my family if someone did not approve of an idea it would be stated up front.  Perhaps our family is more old fashioned than some, but we believe in being honest even if it means someone is unhappy at what is said. Our "little plan" is important to us and a part of our beliefs.  We are very different people from when we first took our vows and one of the most prominent scholars (and member) of our faith has openly stated that a wedding is not a one time thing, that the marriage should be reevaluated constantly and that you can renew your commitment to one another....that was in the 1800's. Your beliefs may not be ours, but please respect that we would like to live our lives in the faith in which we have chosen.
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