Anyone else too SCARED to write/read vows?

MRSreadcomicbooks · October 2013

I am. We opted to have our commissioner just do the shortest ceremony possible (with us having to say as little as possible) because I'm terrified of getting "stage fright" in front of my friends/family. I occasionally start thinking I should really do my own vows, so everyone knows just how much I love Tyler and why... but then I run the risk of chickening out altogether and just... having a mental breakdown. Okay, I do imagine the worst-case scenarios, but it's not exactly out of the realm of possibilities!

manateehugger · October 2013

Ehh - I have no desire to express my deepest feelings for my FI in front of people, so we're going with the traditional vows.

Weesh · October 2013

I'm scared as well, I'd like to write my own but I'm afraid I won't get through them. And I don't want to ugly cry in front of everyone!

artbyallie · November 2013

Your vows should really not be about how much you love him and why. Vows are promises and should be worded as such. Personal 'vows' that are just stories or 'I love you so much' kind of bother me. We wrote sonnets for ours and phrased them in terms that basically reworded the traditional vows.

thejucheidea · November 2013

I wrote our ceremony so that most of what we said was 'we do' or 'I do'. I was too nervous for anything else.

fre3doms · November 2013

Do what works best for you. My fiance and I are having a family only wedding. We decided to write our own vows and recite them to each other. I know I'll probably be nervous but I really want to make a special promise to him.

You could always write your fiance a letter for him to read that day. In it you could write all the reasons you love him and be as personal as you want.

easilyunamused · November 2013

We wrote our own vows. I was nervous that I wouldn't get through them without breaking out crying. Surprisingly it went really well.

His aunt officiated our wedding. She suggested that she would whisper them to us, and we would say them aloud to each other. That way we'd be able to hold eye contact and really have that connection to the words we were saying. It was perfect. I didn't know if I'd like it at first, but I'm glad we did it that way. And we only had about 60 guests so it was pretty intimate.

MRSreadcomicbooks · November 2013

@artbyallie Either way, I'm not saying more than the law requires me too - it would be much to hard for me speak in front of 85 people (whether they're family or not).

@thejucheideaWe've been lucky enough to find the BEST commissioner. She won't "force" us to include things we don't think are relevant to us. She's 100% there to customize everything she can possible customize. The day we hired her she emailed us 22 attachments of example ceremonies. I have yet to actually read through them, but in the end we'll have the perfect ceremony!

@fre3doms That's exactly what I was thinking - we could have a "private" ceremony with just the two of us to read what we've written to each other maybe after our real ceremony.

rvg22 · November 2013

So I cry at the drop of a hat, and I was really worried about this. But on the day of, I got through our personalized (but not too cheesy) vows (5 - 6 sentences) totally fine. I was very surprised, especially since right before the vows I was tearing up like crazy during a reading by his sister!

I think two things helped: (1) you are "on stage" and the center of attention, so things are just different and weird and surreal. Your feelings are different than you would expect (I had heard this before and it is true). (2) We had our vows typed onto a notecard, and focusing on the words that I was reading distracted me from feeling nervous or teary.

Writing them was hard (I recommend wine), but reading them was totally fine!

kitty8403 · November 2013

We aren't good at sharing emotions in general, so writing our vows sounds like stress we don't need.
I know it's trendy elsewhere, but no one in our circle has done a wine box ceremony before. I'm considering something like that because it would let us still exchange something personal without public embarrassment and pressure, you know?

MRSreadcomicbooks · November 2013

@rvg22 I think I might write them out just in case, but explain to our commissioner that if I chicken out, that's the way it'll be and we can exchange letters with each other later. Back up plans are good right?

@kitty8403 Sounds like us! Actually my fiance isn't afraid to look silly, or even "less manly" by showing his emotions (baby talk and everything) but I'm less comfortable with it - I've probably only kissed him in front of my parents five or six times! That's just how I am. I've had to explain to him on more than one occasion that it doesn't mean I'm embarassed by him or anything, I'm not just comfortable showing that much of myself in front of anyone other than him.

doeydo · November 2013

Your vows are not a speech for your guests to hear or a love letter. They are vows. Vow definition from Merriam-Webster:
a solemn promise or assertion; specifically : one by which a person is bound to an act, service, or condition

That said, maybe you should have a private ceremony if you are that scared.

thejucheidea · November 2013

@MRSreadcomicbooks, we had a friend officiating, and she had only officiated one wedding before, and it was at Bonnaroo, so it was me or no one when it came to writing the ceremony.

naymerica · November 2013

I think if you're scared to say your vows, you're probably not ready to get married. Grow up.

emmyg65 · November 2013

naymerica said:

I think if you're scared to say your vows, you're probably not ready to get married. Grow up.

Wow, this is out of line. She said she's afraid of saying her vows IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. That's just stage fright or anxiety, both of which are super common and normal.

OP, you might be more comfortable using traditional vows, and then writing your private vows as love letters to each other. I'm also not comfortable professing my feelings for my husband so publicly, so we went with simple traditional vows.

MRSreadcomicbooks · November 2013

@naymerica Huh? How is that even relevant? Just because I'm afraid of speaking in front of a room doesn't mean I'm a child. Yowza.

@emmyg65 Thanks... like, really? I'm not a child - I have normal fears! I'm liking the idea of writing a letter to each other to read (or share) in private. Something we can keep forever too.

WedReMix13 · November 2013

Im not scared but im frustrated I cant come up with the last few of them!

MRSreadcomicbooks · November 2013

@WedReMix13 Google it! I've found lots of good resources for vows online!

WedReMix13 · November 2013

MRSreadcomicbooks said:

@WedReMix13 Google it! I've found lots of good resources for vows online!

Its not that. I have the concept I want but the wording is off.

MRSreadcomicbooks · November 2013

That's what i mean... Google like "good ways to finish your vows" or something. :P

Weesh · November 2013

I'm afraid to say mine as well. My officiant is helping us word the ceremony in a way where we can respond to her. I would really like to say my own vows though, but I'm thinking about giving them to my fiance in a letter before the ceremony.

WonderRed · November 2013

I was very scared about expressing myself to DH that openly in front of everyone. It just felt so personal and private. But we also didn't want to do stock vows. Ultimately we did write our own so we could express exactly what we wanted to say, but we did them to be repeated. Our officiant said them loudly for everyone to hear and I just cried and sniffled my way through them quietly to DH when I repeated each line.

Anyone else too SCARED to write/read vows?

Re: Anyone else too SCARED to write/read vows?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards