Not Engaged Yet


Okay, fine, you convinced me. I'll tell you all about our talk :)

He said he's scared because he's always been rejected, and he kind of feels like everything with us is too good to be true - so we talked about those feelings for a while, and I told him not to worry, because I do love him more than anyone I've ever known. I asked him if he wanted to get married, and he said yes, then I asked "to me?" and he said "yes." He said that he doesn't want a whole big wedding thing, and I said I don't either - so we'll probably run off to an island somewhere with like 8-10 people. He said he knows that I'm the one for him, he just didn't want to get married because everyone else was saying we should, or because everyone else is doing it. I said that I don't want to just "get married." I want to get married to HIM, because I want to spend the rest of my life with HIM (even if he has a hard time believing that.)

So when we had our first talk a few months ago, I told him that I didn't want a diamond, and that I wanted morganite, which I was sure he would promptly forget. So the other night, I said something about that and said "but I'm sure you don't even remember what I said" and he goes "morganite." And I said "you DO remember!" and then I told him that I might have the exact ring I want picked out, and if he wanted to see it, he could, and he said yes. So I told him to let me know when he wanted to see it, that there was no rush or pressure. 

So even though we don't have a set timeline, I know that it will come soon enough (and less than five years from now, because he agreed not to wait that long, haha.) I feel much better about everything, and he said he does too. I think that, even though we've been living together, and he's comfortable with our whole situation, he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that I do love him as much as I do. He's been super affectionate and loving all week, and I feel like we're both just kind of lighter with everything. Happy times :) 


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Re: The TALK.

  • Woo! Awesome talk and I'm glad you sorted out the feelings!
  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    Awwww, YAY! That is an awesome talk for sure! It's kinda funny/sweet that he's still trying to grasp how much y'all love each other and what you have together. I think it's great that you guys feel so good and loving now that all those feelings are out in the open. :)

    How long have you been dating/living together?
  • those kinds of talks are so exciting and happy!  it's been a long time coming for you!
  • <3 YAY

    It can be really hard to truly believe that someone loves you and that you have a happy relationship, especially when you've dealt with rejection before. It sounds like he's finally starting to realize that this isn't "too good to be true," but that it's the right kind of relationship.
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
  • Yay! Sounds like a wonderful and clarifying conversation! I sincerely hope the quesiton comes A LOT less than 5 years from now. :)

    My BF surprised me too with remembering brief conversations we had had in the past about what I liked...and even his knowledge on diamond cut and quality and whatever...stuff we hadn't even talked about together! I just couldn't believe that he had taken the initiative to do the research on his own without me prompting or asking about it.

  • Awww, Bri! That is such a good talk! Sometimes my H doesn't understand why I love him - he thinks he's weird and somehow unlovable, so I know how hard it can be to convince someone otherwise. I'm so excited for you <3 
  • It's even better the second time around! :-D SQUEE!!!

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  • What @ollie08 said.

    @brisox81, I love you HARD.

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  • congrats!!!! Like PP, hope it comes sooner than later!
  • Yay @brisox81 I'm so happy for you.  I'm glad that talk went well.  It's definitely nice to have those check in kinds of talks.  Morganite is gorgeous.  Yay again!


  • Woo! Happy talks :) I always love that feeling after you have a nice productive talk and you just feel so light and happy. It's an awesome feeling. 
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  • Thanks, everyone :) Many of you have been around for lots of disasters, so you can understand why this is a big deal :) 

    We celebrated our 1-year in September, and have been living together since last April. 

    @cschiano - any advice for how I can keep reassuring him that it is for real, without overdoing it? It's funny that your H says he's "weird" because that's exactly what S says too. And that he doesn't know how I "put up with him." I think his quirks ARE the reason I love him so much! (And the fact that he puts up with ME, haha)


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  • cschiano, is this a typical guy thing because FI definitely does that too. I know it goes both ways because sometimes I'm like "I'm all crazy and PMSy and how do you love me?" 

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  • minskat30minskat30 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2013

    Squeee!  That is a GREAT talk.  I'm really happy you are both feeling so much more at ease.

    ETA - I think the biggest way to bolster your partner is (1) to speak their language (i.e., how do they process affection...through words? deeds? gifts?....ala 5 Languages of Love) and (2) remind yourself (even through a calender) to fill their cup so to speak on at least a weekly basis. 

  • Yay!!! That's such good news!
    photo bridalparty.jpg
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  • I love all of this so, so much! 

    LaBBQ + S2H = <3 4-eva

  • @CASK85 (I have to get used to your new screenname) I couldn't have said it better! FI was really beaten down by his family when he was younger. His older brother was always the golden child and still is (older bro is still living at home) and FI is always being told that something is his fault. So boosting self-worth has been something we've worked on together. Usually I'll snuggle with him and give him a massage and just show how much I care. He's very much a touch kind of guy. We were in the car last week driving his mother somewhere and she was driving him crazy and all I had to do was rub his arm and remind him I was there. 

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  • I am SO FRIGGEN EXCITED FOR YOU!!  Yes I needed to shout in caps.  I cannot wait to see the FB post with your beautiful Morganite on it.  I have a feeling that now that he knows exactly how much you love him and really want to spend your life with just him, it will come faster than you think.  I just love a good lovey dovey story <3 

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  • YAY! It sounds like such a good conversation! FI had issues with self-esteem when we first started dating and was convinced I was going to leave him. But, we worked through it. Basically doing exactly what @Kait said.
  • @BriSox81, I love this! And ditto what @CASK85 said. 
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  • Wooooo! So many high fives. :)
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  • This is so awesome!

  • If your rusty hoes aren't at your wedding, there will be words.
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