Plans after wedding?

Kristen625 · November 2013

So I was just curious, cause yesterday was apparently baby day for me. I got to visit with my friend who had her baby last week (cute little thing) and then later my FI and I went to a party where there were seriously like 4 babies!! One of our friends was holding her 3mo daughter and joked "here get the fever!" gesturing to her daughter and I told her, "I held a week old today, and that didn't do it, nothing will." My FI and I are no where near kids, and I was just wondering if anyone is in the same boat, or if you are thinking of starting a family as soon as you say "I do." Don't get me wrong, I had a wonderful time holding the tiny human yesterday, but I enjoy holding other people's babies cause I don't have to do the hard work. My FI and I are just not ready to make room in our lives for children, and we are thinking that we will worry about it several years from now. And if we don't have children, we are okay with that too.

JenniferLeigh11 · November 2013

I already have a 10 month old son, I plan to have another one after our wedding and I graduated college.

Kristen625 · November 2013

@jenniferleigh11 That's awesome! And congrats on graduating!

ArtTeacher23 · November 2013

@Kristen625 reading "tiny human" made me giggle for some reason!

I'm in the same boat as you...I'd like to spend sometime just the 2 of us (well, plus our puppy) for a few years before having a baby. I look at our friends who had a baby last year and I definitely want to wait, as much as I would love to have a family; they've been married 5 yeas now, had their first baby last year and while I know they wouldn't change that for the world they don't go out as much and hang out with us and I the early stages of post-baby they fought a lot. Plus there's things I know we want to do before having kids, like travel more and have a house of our own (which I know will take a while as my FI has spending issues *cough*cough*justgotthenewPS4butisstillkeepingthePS3*cough*cough*). Plus my FI needs more "practice" with taking care of our puppy before we have "tiny humans" for him to hold and clean up poop after lol!! Funny story: A few years ago our other friends had a baby, we went to their house after a month or so to see the little one. We kept trying to get my FI to hold the baby (he hates holding babies cuz he's afraid he'll drop it and "break it" lol), so my friend at one point just got up and said "I have to get his bottle, here hold him" and plopped the baby in my FI's lap; he then turns & looks at me with such a terrified face and says "It's not a puppy, I don't know what to do with it!"

pumpkinsandturkeys · November 2013

Good thread, @Kristen625 ! Once I hit my mid-20s, my uterus actually started to yell at me: "Babiiiiieeeeessss!" haha. I've learned to ignore the baby urge, despite the mass amounts of babies friends and family have had in the last year or so. I do want kids soonish, but I've already told FI that I don't want to be one of those couples that gets pregnant in the first year -- I want some time for us as a child-free, married couple first. That's time we'll never get again, and I'd like a little piece of it. However, FI will be turning 39 a month after we tie the knot and I know I want at least 3 kids, and it's not fair to him or our kids to make him wait years to start having them, and he's definitely getting the baby itch. So I'll probably end up getting pregnant sometime in our second year, if all goes to plan. Plus, I'm still a contractor at work (for almost 2 years now -- ugh.), so if I take off time for mat leave before I get hired on as permanent, I may not have a job to come back to!

ohxhi · November 2013

Hahaha tiny human, that's great! FI and I have flip flopped on this a few times. Initially he wanted to try to have a baby immediately, like on the honeymoon, and I wasn't really a fan of that. Don't get me wrong, I have baby fever all the time- I've always wanted to be a mom. But I think there should be at least SOME time to enjoy married life, because honestly, once you have kids, that's it. You know? Plus, thinking more practically, I don't think we can afford a baby yet. I can barely afford myself right now- and maybe that's just because of the wedding and all the Christmas shopping I've been doing, but I would feel better with more money in the bank before I bless the world with a mini me.

FutureMrsN3312 · November 2013

This is a good question...

I'm really torn. Our initial thought was to have a honeymoon baby. As great as that sounds, I would like some married alone time with my hubby and perhaps do some traveling. So I'm not sure what to do.

FI will be 30 in a week (eek!!!) and I'll be 30 in March. I don't want to wait too long in case we have a hard time getting pregnant. It's always in the back of my mind since it took my parents 6 years to have me.

Ideally we would like 1 child. FSIL swears she's having kids but her husband is 47 and she said they're going to wait 5 more years. So if they don't have kids I don't think we should have just 1 but multiples also run on both sides of our families. I couldn't imagine being in my mid 30's chasing around 2 or 3 kids the same age. Or if we have 1 try for another and wind up with 2 or 3 more!

I'd also like to have more money in the bank. But I feel like if everyone waited for the "perfect" situation none of us would even be here lol

Kristen625 · November 2013

All great answers! I really like the idea of married time before getting into the family mode. My concern was my FI as he will be 38 when we get married, but he isn't concerned about being an "older dad" if we decide to have kids. And if he isn't concerned, then neither am I. I don't remember a time in my life where I have ever wanted kids. Every now and then I like the idea, but then my brain starts thinking of all the hard stuff, like money, and my personal energy level, my need to sleep lots of hours, etc. Anyways, we are definitely holding off on having a tiny human of our own for a while.

I have a lot of friends who seem to think that will change once I hit 30, like my 30th birthday will hit and I'll be asking for babies from my husband. I don't know if that will happen or not, so I guess in a year and a half we will see! lol

tammym1001 · November 2013

We don't plan on having children at all. They aren't something I ever wanted and FI has 3 adult children from his first marriage. Whenever people say anything I remind them that FI will probably be a grandpa in a few years and we can take those kids whenever we want. LOL

Tnt082013 · November 2013

We already have a beautiful 5 year old (6 when we get married) and are not planning on more.She is all the joy from baby fever we need!! We want to be able to focus on her and then have couple time! :-) Everyone has great plans it sounds like so far!

klburke88 · November 2013

I have a 7 year old daughter from a previous relationship (she is ecstatic about the wedding, by the way). My fiance is 6 years older than me, and I think his internal clock is definitely ticking a little faster than mine! I think we've agreed to enjoy married life for about a year before trying for a baby. I'm not too concerned about the huge age gap between "future baby" and our daughter. I think it's much more common these days with blended families and I'm sure she will be a fantastic big sister!

pumpkinsandturkeys · November 2013

@klburke88 I'm from a blended family (since I was 2), and you're right not to worry! My (step)brother is 3 years older than me, and my (half-)sister is 5 years younger than I am, putting the total age difference between all of us at just over 8 years, and we never had an issue!

brittleigh13 · November 2013

Between the 2 of us we already have 5 children with ages ranging from 6-14 so we are definitely finished with kiddos

Plans after wedding?

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