Wedding Etiquette Forum

Long distance bridesmaid blues....

I happily agreed to be in a friends wedding even after I had moved cross county. I was actually excited. Now I'm kinda getting anxious. I'm starting to feel a little rubbed the wrong way and I just wanna check to make sure I'm not being an asshat. First she wanted us to have weekly weigh ins. She said I could skype her for mine (I swear I'm not trolling.) Whoever lost the most would get their hair paid for. Then she changed her mind on the bridesmaid dress five times. Today she texted me her new choice and it was so expensive. I'd still have to pay for alterations, shoes, jewelry, hair, car rental, gift, plane tickets and a hotel. I found the dress in a shop next to my house and told her I was going to order it. She said I have to order it from the same shop as the other girls because it may not be in the same dye batch. I just think it would be easier to have it down here for fittings. If it's in another state I won't be able to try it on until the weekend of the wedding. Since it's almost $300 I want it to fit. Her suggestion was to safety pin it if it's too big. I feel annoyed. Should I push the issue? Some of the other girls feel like she's going a little bridezilla with the weight stuff and not asking us about the dress price. One of them is thinking about dropping out of the wedding all together. Anyway I can talk to the Bride without having her freak? Thanks!
«1

Re: Long distance bridesmaid blues....

  • edited November 2013
    Are you financially straining yourself to be in her wedding? If you are, think long and hard about if you think you will stay friends with her after her wedding? Weddings bring out the worst in many people so it sounds like me like this may be a friendship that needs to fizzle. 

    ETA: I would absolutely talk to the bride and tell her that your budget is X. Do not budge. She doesn't get to haphazardly spend your money.

    Andplusalso, dye lots are totally bullshit. 
  • I wish I was joking.
  • First of all - weigh ins? Your weight is none of her damn business. Personally, I would tell her so, but perhaps you're more patient than I am. If she insists that your hair should be professionally styled, she should be paying for everyone's hair.

    I think if you and some of the other girls went to her individually to express your concerns, in a non-confrontational way, she should understand. Is she normally like this?
    Wedding Countdown Ticker



  • SarieLittle83SarieLittle83 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    edited November 2013
    She does want our hair styled in a certain way. So far she wants us to pay for it. This is really stressing me out. We were so close and now she's a completely different person. It's like once the wedding planning started she became a thoughtless bitch. I don't know if I want to have our relationship fizzle but it may just happen. I guess I just need to put on my big girl panties and let her know what's up. Ha! I was pretty sure dye lots were BS!
  • No way in hell would I stand up for this selfish, shallow brat in any wedding, anywhere.

    Your only responsibility is to get the dress (and she must stay in the budget you give her) and show up that day wearing it. Period. Anything else she's responsible for.

    And the first time she told me I'd have to weigh in, I'd have told her where she could shove her weigh-ins and her wedding and ended the friendship immediately. Your weight is none of her business.

     

  • She would have lost me at weigh-ins. Adios BSC!



  • I happily agreed to be in a friends wedding even after I had moved cross county. I was actually excited. Now I'm kinda getting anxious. I'm starting to feel a little rubbed the wrong way and I just wanna check to make sure I'm not being an asshat. First she wanted us to have weekly weigh ins. She said I could skype her for mine (I swear I'm not trolling.) Whoever lost the most would get their hair paid for. Then she changed her mind on the bridesmaid dress five times. Today she texted me her new choice and it was so expensive. I'd still have to pay for alterations, shoes, jewelry, hair, car rental, gift, plane tickets and a hotel. I found the dress in a shop next to my house and told her I was going to order it. She said I have to order it from the same shop as the other girls because it may not be in the same dye batch. I just think it would be easier to have it down here for fittings. If it's in another state I won't be able to try it on until the weekend of the wedding. Since it's almost $300 I want it to fit. Her suggestion was to safety pin it if it's too big. I feel annoyed. Should I push the issue? Some of the other girls feel like she's going a little bridezilla with the weight stuff and not asking us about the dress price. One of them is thinking about dropping out of the wedding all together. Anyway I can talk to the Bride without having her freak? Thanks!
    1. First bold, just say 'No.' She's being a bridezilla, and a bitch.

    2. Second bold: Did she (a) ask you what your price range was and (b) keep the dress at or under that? If not, just say no.

    3. That list of stuff you have to pay for? No. No you don't. If the bride is demanding specific hair/make-up/jewellery/shoes, then SHE has to pay for it. Otherwise, you're free to wear shoes you already own in a (reasonable) colour she specifies (such as 'black' or 'nude' not 'coral' or 'hydrangea'), jewellery you already own, do your own make-up, and do your own hair.

    4. The dye batch crap is a load of horseshit that salons (which work on commission) like to tell brides, so they'll get ALL the BMs dresses and alterations business. You're totally fine ordering it from a store local to you -- providing, of course, it's within your budget.

    Quite frankly, this bride sounds like a raging bridezilla and I'd consider dropping out if I were you.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
  • Just say NO!  No I will not do weekly weigh ins (seriously who thinks of this stuff!)  No I will not buy a 300 dollar dress if I can't try it on. Tell her you will buy the dress at the shop near you. For my sisters wedding, we all got our bm dresses at different stores (same designer) and they were all the exact same color. And do not buy shoes, jewelry, or hair and makeup for this wedding. If the bride wants this stuff very specific then she needs to pony up the cash for it.

    Seriously! Do I have to use the GIF again!

    The 39 Stages Of Being A Bride
    image
    image

    image


  • Thanks ladies! I appreciate it.
  • moosette113moosette113 member
    Fifth Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    I just wanted to weigh in quickly about the dye lots issue. My 4 bridesmaids all ordered dresses from the same designer in the same material and color, but different styles. 3 dresses came from a local store while the 4th came from a store closer to my OOT bridesmaid. 1 of the 3 local dresses needed to be re-orded at the last minute because it came in incorrectly. So 2 dresses were from one dye lot, and the other 2 were from 2 different dye lots. There was a definite difference in the color between the 2 dresses from the other dye lots- enough that we thought they had ordered the dresses in a different shade. That being said, no one (especially me) cared about the color discrepancy. But you could tell they were different colors.

    That aside, weekly weigh-ins are invasive, unkind, and just downright ludicrous.

    *edited for grammar
  • If you still really want to be in this wedding, see if you can get the dress pre-owned on eBay.  Never mind dye lots, that's a non-starter.
  • Weigh-ins alone qualify her as a bridezila....actually, they qualify her as fitting a lot of other words that I don't care to type out online.  This REALLY bugs me..I'd be tempted to do fake shots of a scale with insane numbers....either pretending a huge gain or huge loss. 

    I think you have every right to say no given the weigh-ins alone, not to mention the financial ignorance.  You also have a right to confront her, with or w/o the other BMs joining you. 

    That all said... I did have my BMs order from my dress shop, but I will have the shop ship the dresses to the girls in time to get alterations if needed. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Run, Forrest, run! Run far! Run fast! This woman is not being your friend right now. If she freaks out when you talk to her, that's on her because she's being completely unreasonable.
  • Holy shit! This girl is not your friend. Drop out of the wedding before you buy the dress. 

    I really thought weigh-ins were things you'd only see on Bridezillas (and I always assumed a lot of that was MUD). But to actually hear that someone in real life has done this - WOW. 
  • If I were you, I would back out of being a BM because this bride is a raging, psycho bitch.  I'm sure her marriage, not to mention her friendships, will last. *sarcasm*
    image
  • No only does she want weigh-ins, but you have to do it via Skype so you can't lie about it? Seriously? That's just wrong on so many levels.

    I'd drop out of the wedding. Tell her you can't afford it, but you look forward to seeing her become a Mrs as a guest. If she throws a fit, which I can assume will happen because she'll have uneven numbers, move on.

    "There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness." -Friedrich Nietzsche, "On Reading and Writing"
  • annathy03annathy03 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    Um, your friend is being a bitch.  Weigh-ins alone are bitchy bridezilla, and insisting you skype it?  And on top of that doing bridezilla things like asking you to buy an expensive dress and accessories, hair, etc?  F that.

    I'd drop out, if you want to stay friends just say something about the costs and that you think it'd be better for you to attend as a guest, but I'd take a hard look at a friendship where my "friend" wants to treat me as a prop and spend my money thoughtlessly.

    ETA, added "being" in the first sentence.  But seriously, like others have said, RUN.
  • Well she sounds shallow and selfish.  Maybe you should point out that that fatter her BMs look the skinnier she will look by comparison (she sounds shallow enough to believe this nonsense).  And then tell her to shove her weigh-ins and expensive dress up her ass. :-)

     

    This person is not your friend.  She is using you as a human prop.  Find a reason to miss this wedding, ASAP.

  • Fuck that noise! Nobody knows my weight but me and my doctor..Hell not even my FI knows that.
    Anniversary
    image

  • image
    Honey. Run. Run.
    I second the suggestion to RUN! Run far, far, far, away from that wedding....
  • I'd do the weigh-ins and lie just to spite her.  Don't let her see you and tell her how much weight you've gained.  You'll get a true test of your "friendship" right there.  Or tell her how fabulous you look and have lost X lbs.  When she finally sees that you haven't lost said weight, again, a true test of your friendship via her response...

    I prefer to be a real-life troll.  ;)
  • Did this chick donate a kidney to you or something? Run for the hills and don't look back. She's not worth it.
  • Drop out of this wedding. This person is obviously not a true friend. I would totally drop a bunch of money on a wedding for a great friend, but not someone as psycho as this. Just let her know that some stuff came up and you can't attend anymore. Regards!

    image
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • I would have dropped out when she asked you to weigh in.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
  • I am always surprised at how much BS a girl will take from a "friend". Like grow a pair and tell them NO. You don't have to be a bitch about it, you can just simply tell them that it is not something you will do. Stand up for yourself and don't let a friend walk all over you because you are in her wedding. (Or any other reason really.)
  • If the bridesmaids of these ridiculous brides just said no, and then backed out of the wedding, maybe these awful brides will get that you can't treat your friends like garbage.
    image
    image

    image


This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards