ban wedding talk on facebook?

monique637 · November 2013

Almost half the population on earth has some sort of social media account because lets face it, that is how most people keep in touch nowadays. Whether it is with old high school friends or friends of friends or that aunt or cousins you met once in your life or people you know who live on the other side of the country. Anyway, I've been noticing that a lot of people on my FB have been getting married or engaged, and so they post pictures and updates about their weddings which is nice. Of course I haven't been invited to any of these events because we're not that close, we're just "facebook friends" as I like to call it. Anyway here is my question. My sister told me to not post ANYTHING related to my wedding planning or wedding on FB, but I said whats the point of having a social media account if you don't share whats going on with you. Well I didn't listen and so I've made a few post like a picture of me holding my ring when I got engaged. I made a funny post about how florist are crazy expensive. I made a post about how I finally said "yes to the dress." So anyway, I started getting messages from people, who I was not planning on inviting because I barley know them or they live in a different state insisting that they be invited or asking me details about when and where. What do I do?

Jen4948 · November 2013

You stop posting about your wedding on Facebook.

When it comes to social media, if you don't want input and commentary from people who you are not inviting, the only way to prevent it is not to post about it on Facebook.

With those persons you have been getting messages from, you tell them that you unfortunately aren't able to invite everyone you'd like to the wedding.

tammym1001 · November 2013

Stop posting stuff on Facebook! That's really the only advice I have. I'm not sure how to handle the people who would ask that. They are rude for asking, but you kind of goaded them into it by posting information about your wedding.

FWIW, the only thing I have posted on Facebook is I changed my relationship status from "in a relationship" to "engaged".

NYCBruin · November 2013

Ditto PPs. Step one is to stop posting stuff on facebook and maybe consider deleting those previous posts.

It was rude of people to ask if they were invited, but you did kinda open the door to it by posting stuff. Close that door!

You can just respond with something generic about not being able to invite everyone you would like to.

climbingsingle · November 2013

Stop posting about your wedding on Facebook. Your sister was right - you should have listened.

As for the people that contacted you, I'd say something like "We're trying to keep the wedding very small and intimate." Explain to them that you're very sorry but that you can't invite everyone that you'd like.

CTYankeeBride · November 2013

Even when I am invited to the wedding, I get annoyed by wedding talk on Facebook. I don't need to know that someone is "omg dress shopping!!!!" or "checking our tenth venue, fingers crossed." People don't need to know you've "said yes to the dress" if you're not inviting them to see you in it. Your wedding is nowhere near as exciting to other people as it is to you and essentially you're talking about a party they aren't invited to right in front of them. Agreed with pp's- close that door.

As far as people messaging to ask, you do now have to acknowledge that and you wouldn't have had to (maybe) if you hadn't posted about your wedding on Facebook. Tell them that you wish you could have absolutely everyone but you're just not able to.

AddieCake · November 2013

Yep. We just had to tell people that we were not able to invite everyone we would like to. For those that pushed, which I found rude and inappropriate, I eventually went off and told them this was a WEDDING, not a kegger for everyone we'd ever known.

CTYankeeBride · November 2013

AddieL73 said:

Yep. We just had to tell people that we were not able to invite everyone we would like to. For those that pushed, which I found rude and inappropriate, I eventually went off and told them this was a WEDDING, not a kegger for everyone we'd ever known.

I am reserving that explanation to steal for future use! Pushing is rude and you would think most people understand that a wedding has limits but for those who don't, "this isn't a kegger" might put it in perspective.

AddieCake · November 2013

It worked for me. Like I said, I found it so rude that anyone would push after being politely told we couldn't invite everyone. I got some, 'But....." like my guest list was up for negotiations with them and once they laid out their case I was going to change my mind! I didn't hear another peep when I dropped the kegger line on them. It's possible they called me a bitch behind my back for saying it, but I don't care. I didn't turn bitch until they turned asshole, after all.

MyNameIsNot · November 2013

monique637 said:

Almost half the population on earth has some sort of social media account because lets face it, that is how most people keep in touch nowadays. Whether it is with old high school friends or friends of friends or that aunt or cousins you met once in your life or people you know who live on the other side of the country. Anyway, I've been noticing that a lot of people on my FB have been getting married or engaged, and so they post pictures and updates about their weddings which is nice. Of course I haven't been invited to any of these events because we're not that close, we're just "facebook friends" as I like to call it. Anyway here is my question. My sister told me to not post ANYTHING related to my wedding planning or wedding on FB, but I said whats the point of having a social media account if you don't share whats going on with you. Well I didn't listen and so I've made a few post like a picture of me holding my ring when I got engaged. I made a funny post about how florist are crazy expensive. I made a post about how I finally said "yes to the dress." So anyway, I started getting messages from people, who I was not planning on inviting because I barley know them or they live in a different state insisting that they be invited or asking me details about when and where. What do I do?

This is exactly why you should have taken your sister's advice.

Normal rules don't go out the window when you get on social media. Would you talk to your coworkers about the details of planning a party that they aren't invited to? Of course not. It's not any nicer when you do it on facebook.

Stop putting wedding details on FB. It's fine to post some photos after the fact, but planning details do not belong. As soon as you quit over-sharing, the comments will dry right up.

kmj500 · November 2013

OP, this happened to me shortly after I got engaged. All I did was announce that I got engaged because I was really excited and didn't think too much about it.

Someone (who I didn't originally plan on inviting) messaged me and asked when they could expect an invitation. They wouldn't let it go even after saying we were planning a small wedding so I just ignored any messages after that.

I know it's sometimes difficult but just stop mentioning it on there, it's just asking for added stress IMO.

HisGirlFriday13 · November 2013

I think it depends on what you did/said. For example, I kept WR-off FB, except for changing my status from 'In a relationship with' to 'Engaged to' to 'Married to' FI/DH. I felt like, the point of social media is to keep up with things like that.

But even just the status change got comments and posts on my wall about "I'd better be invited." Uhm...no. And those I just ignored, because, really?

But when people did push -- especially DH's grandmother, and some of his family, and some of my casual acquaintances -- I just said, "We are keeping the wedding small -- close family members and close friends only."

The "close family members" line was used on DH's grandmother, who wanted to invite her second-cousin-once-removed's-grandchild. (And I'm not really sure where the possessive goes in that statement, actually), as well as her entire 30-person Sunday school group.

netskyblue2 · November 2013

That's weird. Maybe my facebook friends and I are different. I like to read their announcements and think "oh, Jane is getting married! How nice!" or "Wow, Mary's pregnant!" but I don't pretend I'm part of their lives. This is mostly people I have been friends with at one point in life, but aren't really in touch with now, and Facebook is the only way we ever get news of life events.

monique637 · November 2013

That is exactly how I feel! But apparently some people don't understand the difference between real friends and "facebook friends"

satinwinter0308 · November 2013

I actually started a group on facebook for my cousins / bridesmaids / aunts / mom. So I can post updates, get opinions, keep them informed, and really just chat - I live far away so its how we stay in touch. I don't think you have to stop completely - just chose who you share with....especially on fb. :-)

CrystaH11 · November 2013

I occasionally post stuff on facebook about our wedding, but I'm not in your face about it. I did post when I was going dress shopping and when I found my dress. If people asked me about being invited I just ignored it, maybe that was rude of me.

glbelou · November 2013

People are going to ask to be invited to your wedding wether you post on Social media about it or not. Just tell them you are sorry and that you are having to limit your guest list due to budget restrictions.

lgiorno · November 2013

I have someone on Facebook who talks about her wedding nonstop! I know she's excited, but I am thinking of deleting her b/c she is annoying! I didn't put anything on Facebook about my wedding b/c of what you have said.

MsLisa30 · November 2013

I have posted and I still post details about my wedding. I did get some people saying they wanted to come but my fiancé and I decided to use facebook so that we could have more of our friends at our wedding. I would agree with everyone in saying that you just need to tell people that you thank them for wanting to attend but due to space, or something, are unable to accommodate. Enjoy this time!

SKPM · November 2013

When I was engaged and planning our wedding, I made a "friends" list on Facebook that only included people who were invited to the wedding. When I posted WR-things (infrequently), I made it visible only to that group. It was a nice way to be able to share with my nearest and dearest without over sharing with ALL my FB friends. I'd highly recommend such an approach.

ShanaKatherine · November 2013

Good topic! I have put some little tid bits on FB about being engaged mainly, when I said yes to the dress, and cake tasting. Its exciting for me and I feel I shouldn't have to hide it! That being said I don't go crazy with it, because we can't invite everyone. If someone comes right out and asks I will just tell them due to the capacity of the room, and also budget we are keeping it limited to immediate family & friends. Our very close family friend asked my Mom if her children (adults older than myself) were invited and my Mom wasn't sure. I told her she would just have to tell her what I just stated above. That's the advice I got off a knot article, and I'm sticking to it! Hope it all works out!!

laurag524 · November 2013

I didn't post anything about the wedding on FB since we were having a smallish wedding & I didn't want anyone to assume they were invited. My friend posted a "Save The Date" type post when they booked their venue and several people ended up commenting how excited they were for the wedding…who weren't invited. Lesson learned.

Jen4948 · November 2013

socialtaylor said:

Hi! I am currently a graduate student, and my group is doing a survey on online wedding shopping habits. I promise this is not spam. I really am a bride getting married later next year, and I thought what better place to turn than The Knot! We really need people to take this survey for our business research class. I would greatly appreciate your time to take this anonymous survey. It should take less than 15 minutes. Thank you!

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@KnotPorscha

By the way, if you want to post about something, do it in a thread of your own-don't try to hijack someone else's for a discussion of something unrelated to it.

LydiaJoy12 · November 2013

I understand where your sister is coming from, but I also completely understand why you want to share stuff on Facebook! Personally, I did the same thing as you; posting "wedding related" statuses and pictures of my engagement ring. It is, after all, the most exciting time for me, and I want to share it! Considering what everyone posts on Facebook these days, I don't see it as a problem. However, you just need to be sure that you are willing to politely inform people that they are not invited when they ask; which is incredibly rude in itself! As for when people ask for more details, just say that you are keeping it a secret!

MyNameIsNot · November 2013

LydiaJoy12 said:

I understand where your sister is coming from, but I also completely understand why you want to share stuff on Facebook! Personally, I did the same thing as you; posting "wedding related" statuses and pictures of my engagement ring. It is, after all, the most exciting time for me, and I want to share it! Considering what everyone posts on Facebook these days, I don't see it as a problem. However, you just need to be sure that you are willing to politely inform people that they are not invited when they ask; which is incredibly rude in itself! As for when people ask for more details, just say that you are keeping it a secret!

I don't get this logic. Of course we all know people who over-share on FB, or are obnoxious, or who have no concept of personal privacy. Why does that mean you should join them?

JLynG09 · November 2013

I'm personally avoiding the wedding talk because of my cousin. She's one of my bridesmaids but I think the she always thought she'd be married before me so its probably a sore spot. She's never very interested in hearing about plans or anything. My aunt (not her mom) was asking me questions and kinda talked her way into being invited, though I hadn't originally planned on it. My dad also invited two of his sisters without asking me that I wasn't planning on inviting either (I'm closer to friends than I am to family) so now I'm stuck in a bit of a rut. So to keep more of that from happening, I just don't mention it on FB. If people go out of their way to ask how plans are going, I'll tell them, but if I don't ask for a mailing address, they're not invited.

boobyswope · November 2013

Why you want to ban its better to stop discussing such issue on Social Media ,after you get engaged just update your status that's it, If you are making funny joke about your Dress & Flowers then its obvious to get attention.So Stop your self instead of putting a ban on it.

climbingsingle · November 2013

There's a girl I went to HS with who posts everything wedding related. Today she posted that her STDs came early. SMH.

Jen4948 · November 2013

boobyswope said:

Why you want to ban its better to stop discussing such issue on Social Media ,after you get engaged just update your status that's it, If you are making funny joke about your Dress & Flowers then its obvious to get attention.So Stop your self instead of putting a ban on it.

Others are assuming that they are invited, and they'd probably do so whether or not she was posting on line. Even if she'd posted nothing online, telling her "stop yourself" wouldn't address the problem.

Oh, and use grammar in your posts, please.

hellohkb · November 2013

I agree with a lot of others- Simply don't talk about wedding details on facebook.

You can always make a private list of people who are invited and only allow those people to view a status update. If you don't know how to do that, this post will help you: http://www.pcworld.com/article/218976/Facebook.html

Or, you could always be very vague.

Bashley20062 · November 2013

I don't think there is anything wrong with sharing your excitement about your wedding on Facebook. Obviously, try not to go overboard and get annoying, but it's your page so share what you want. I live pretty far away from friends and family and it's nice that they get to know some small details about what's going on for my big day. As for major details, I created a "message" in which I included my bridesmaids so I can keep in touch with all of them at the same time seeing as they are spread out all over the country. Personally, I haven't had any problems with sharing minor details about my wedding. This might be because I try to limit the people I have on my page to actual friends and some family. I would hope that the people you are friends with on Facebook would be happy for you and respect you in regards to waiting for an invitation and not getting mad if they don't get one. Typically I am always happy to read positive life events of my Facebook friends. If I feel that they are getting annoying I can always block them from my news feed.

ban wedding talk on facebook?

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