Cash Bars

tristins_mommy · September 2013

Ok. So this bothers me. Where I am from, Nova Scotia (Canada), cash bars are what we do and the norm. It's not "passing the buck" to your guests, it's giving them a choice - drink or don't. In the US, alcohol must be cheaper than what it is here because a 2-4 of beer here is over $50.....not all of us are millionaires or take on loans and second mortgages for our weddings. 200 guests + 50 cases of beer + 15% tax = insanity!
Cash bars also serve a very useful purpose - they cut back on drinking and driving!
This is just my 2 cents and bash away...I already know its coming!

Majelin86 · September 2013

We're considering doing a toonie bar. Torn between a toonie bar and an open bar - have to see where we're at after the rest of the deposits and such are paid.

WonderRed · September 2013

I have zero problem with the fact that there are different norms in the rest of the world. Not everyone has to do things the same way we do in the US. I wouldn't do a cash bar here but also wouldn't ve offended by it at all if it were customary in someone else's country. We're doing full open premium bar, plus a signature drink for four hours (the max our venue will allow) and it's $32 per guest, which is indeed pricey. We opted to keep our guest list at 30-35 people so we could afford to swing the higher end venue.

talandree · September 2013

I'm from Ontario (Canada) and cash bars are the norm here too...

darlinganastasia · September 2013

I see nothing wrong with cash bars. I think people use weddings as an excuse to drink excessively so yeah, it is definitely a way to cut back on drinking and driving.

We are hosting soda, water, beer and wine (because we drink a lot of wine)

I would rather be able to invite all of my (large) family and have a partial bar than invite half and a full bar.

grumbledore · September 2013

Ok. So this bothers me. Where I am from, Nova Scotia (Canada), cash bars are what we do and the norm. It's not "passing the buck" to your guests, it's giving them a choice - drink or don't. In the US, alcohol must be cheaper than what it is here because a 2-4 of beer here is over $50.....not all of us are millionaires or take on loans and second mortgages for our weddings. 200 guests + 50 cases of beer + 15% tax = insanity!
Cash bars also serve a very useful purpose - they cut back on drinking and driving!
This is just my 2 cents and bash away...I already know its coming!

Is it rude to have a cash bar? Yes.
Why? Because your wedding reception is a thank you gift to your guests for attending your wedding, and no one should be expected to pay for any part of their own thank you gift.
But, I can't afford to pay for all of my guests to drink! There is no rule that says you have to provide alcohol at your wedding reception. Yes, many people like to drink, but you are planning this thank you gift for your guests and you should plan what you can afford and host it graciously. If that means you serve a simple dinner and non-alcoholic beverages, that's okay. Just make sure that whatever you do serve is not paid for by your guests.
But, if people want to drink, shouldn't I accommodate them and allow them to get a drink on their own dime? No. Firstly, your guests should not be so rude as to expect anything specific at your reception, other than a meal (if it is a mealtime) or some refreshment (if it is a non-mealtime), so while I understand your desire to make them happy, this is not something that should even come up. If you are hosting your reception properly, your guests should not need to supplement what is provided with anything additional. We all need to be able to act like adults and expect other adults to act like adults.
But, everyone I know had a cash bar! Why shouldn't I? If it's normal, it can't be rude! We almost all know at least one couple that has done this. You shouldn't because you know better and it's so avoidable. Just because something is common, does not mean it is not rude. Tradition or commonness is not a good reason to be rude.
Okay, how about we have an open bar for cocktail hour and then switch to a cash bar? Or continue hosting beer and wine but switch to cash for hard liquor? This isn't a good idea. You want to avoid cash bars, as we already know, and you also want to avoid changing what is available and confusing your guests/making them uncomfortable. You want to avoid this because, remember, you are hosting this party as a thank you gift to your guests. Their comfort should be of the utmost importance to you.
But, I had a last minute change of circumstances and now I can't afford to host what I originally planned - surely my guests will understand! It sucks when plans change - when someone has an unexpected medical bill, a death in the family, a major car repair, anything that can set you back financially is an unneeded stress, especially when you are in the home stretch of wedding preparations. But take heart - what your guests will definitely understand is if you opt not to serve alcohol at your wedding due to a last minute change in financial circumstances. And if a guest holds this against you, the guest is being rude, not you.
But, it's not my job to get my guests drunk! I don't even like drunk people! Then have a dry wedding. Having a cash bar will not keep people from getting drunk. Just stop by a regular bar sometime for confirmation. Having a cash bar for this reason is insulting to your guests and a very poor excuse.
But, if I can't afford to host an open bar all night and I am not comfortable having a dry wedding, what other options are there? Luckily, there are other options. How many of these are available to you depends on your venue, so consider this at the very beginning when you are researching venues. If you are locked into a venue and have a change in financial circumstances, do everything in your power to get your venue to adjust accordingly. The options available to you are: hosted beer and wine all night, open bar without top shelf liquor, limited bar with specific options (say, a couple of beers, a couple of wines, and a couple of signature drinks or specific liquors with mixers). Whatever you choose, make sure it works for your venue and make sure there is signage posted on the bar with the available drink options so that your guests do not have to guess what is available.
Okay, I hear you, but I still think my reasons are special/circumstances make it okay/you don't know anything about me/etc. Listen, no one here can stop you from doing as you please. We're not the wedding police. We're just here trying to give and receive the best advice possible so that we all have great weddings and our guests have a great time and leave happy. What you do it ultimately up to you. There's no reason to try to justify rude behavior - if you insist on having a cash bar, so be it. But consider the advice above - it was written by someone who has no reason to lie to you.

AussieCat42 · October 2013

WonderRed said:

I have zero problem with the fact that there are different norms in the rest of the world. Not everyone has to do things the same way we do in the US. I wouldn't do a cash bar here but also wouldn't ve offended by it at all if it were customary in someone else's country. We're doing full open premium bar, plus a signature drink for four hours (the max our venue will allow) and it's $32 per guest, which is indeed pricey. We opted to keep our guest list at 30-35 people so we could afford to swing the higher end venue.

Alberta, Canada here - Cash bars are the norm here as well. And $32? I would jump for joy if I could find that. Open premium bar around here runs $60-$70 per person and up.

grumbledore · October 2013

tristins_mommy said:

Ok. So this bothers me. Where I am from, Nova Scotia (Canada), cash bars are what we do and the norm. It's not "passing the buck" to your guests, it's giving them a choice - drink or don't. In the US, alcohol must be cheaper than what it is here because a 2-4 of beer here is over $50.....not all of us are millionaires or take on loans and second mortgages for our weddings. 200 guests + 50 cases of beer + 15% tax = insanity!
Cash bars also serve a very useful purpose - they cut back on drinking and driving!
This is just my 2 cents and bash away...I already know its coming!

Normal does not = polite

Yes, you are passing on the cost of wanting a certain kind of wedding to your guests.

We are purposely choosing a venue that will allow us to set up our own limited bar with our own bartender and control costs. This is a choice anyone with a strict budget can make - so is having a dry wedding, or a non-mealtime wedding, or a brunch reception.

Knowingly being rude is worse than doing it by accident. Congratulations.

WonderRed · October 2013

AussieCat42 said:

WonderRed said:

I have zero problem with the fact that there are different norms in the rest of the world. Not everyone has to do things the same way we do in the US. I wouldn't do a cash bar here but also wouldn't ve offended by it at all if it were customary in someone else's country. We're doing full open premium bar, plus a signature drink for four hours (the max our venue will allow) and it's $32 per guest, which is indeed pricey. We opted to keep our guest list at 30-35 people so we could afford to swing the higher end venue.

Alberta, Canada here - Cash bars are the norm here as well. And $32? I would jump for joy if I could find that. Open premium bar around here runs $60-$70 per person and up.

HOLY CRAP!!!!!

lavaskin · October 2013

I debated on whether or not to post this because I'm sure I will be crucified like everyone else on here has been when not agreeing that cash bars are of the devil. Anyway- there is nothing wrong with having a cash bar. I see all of the negative posts about how it is against etiquette and it is rude and blah blah blah- that's crap. I went to a wedding last June that was a cash bar (they accepted credit cards too so the argument that most guests don't carry cash is useless here) and not a single person had a problem with it. After attending 6 weddings in the past 2 years that were only beer and wine it was beautiful change that we all accepted. I like to have the option to get my jack and coke and pay the $6 for it than have to pick from bud light and some white zin. All of the other guests seemed to feel the same since the line at the bar was never short. Especially since the cash bar I am having (and the one I went to) has top shelf drinks for $6 - that is $2-3 cheaper than it would be for my friends to go out to their usual bar and get a drink (or 10 like they typically do). All of my family really liked to indulge themselves and so do my friends. I have gone to 2 open bar weddings with my family and people get 3-4 drinks at a time and get wasted. A wedding coordinator I was working with agreed with having a cash bar because people tend to finish their drinks instead of letting them water down and grab another free drink like they do when it is an open bar. Open bars also typically put the liability on the bride and groom since you are paying for the liquor. I was told by every venue I went to that if I wanted to have an open bar I must understand that if a guest drives home from my reception drunk and gets in an accident- I am liable. Sorry, not something I want to have on my shoulders when trying to leave for my honeymoon. If I had an unlimited budget or had a guest list of people that aren't big drinkers- I would absolutely do an open bar but that isn't the case.

So, to you original poster- do your cash bar. Especially if it is the norm where you live, your guests won't have a problem with it. You are already providing them with some free delicious food, cake, entertainment and probably a little gift to bring home for themselves- they can pay a few bucks for a drink.

mimiphin · October 2013

I have been to countless weddings, all of which were cash bars. (Wait I lied, one was an open bar, in Arizona but the damn bartender didn't know what a rye and ginger was!!) So all the weddings I have been to in Canada (BC and Alberta) have been cash bar (or toonie or drink tickets).

What I get my knickers in a knot over is when I have to pay for pop!

My advice to other Canadians is keep your head down (and stick on the ice) with this issue. If I went to a wedding here I wouldn't even blink that it was cash bar, that's just how it's done. I personally love toonie bars, all you need to bring is a roll and your set for the night!

Lavaskin, Just out of curiosity where in the states are you from? (I know it's not Canada since hardly anyone No one orders a Jack and Coke up here)

Also Booze is a hell of a lot cheaper down south than up here.

Grumbledore- I love you, you know I do, I still think you should get sainthood but I'm gonna put a Canadian spin on this.

grumbledore said:

Ok. So this bothers me. Where I am from, Nova Scotia (Canada), cash bars are what we do and the norm. It's not "passing the buck" to your guests, it's giving them a choice - drink or don't. In the US, alcohol must be cheaper than what it is here because a 2-4 of beer here is over $50.....not all of us are millionaires or take on loans and second mortgages for our weddings. 200 guests + 50 cases of beer + 15% tax = insanity!
Cash bars also serve a very useful purpose - they cut back on drinking and driving! (FYI I disagree with this)
This is just my 2 cents and bash away...I already know its coming!
Is it rude to have a cash bar? No
Why? Because your wedding reception is a party, most if not all parties that we have up here in the north are limited drinks (some pop/beer/wine) and/or BYOB

But, if people want to drink, shouldn't I accommodate them and allow them to get a drink on their own dime? Again BYOB
But, everyone I know had a cash bar! Why shouldn't I? If it's normal, it can't be rude! I haven't been to a Canadian wedding without one! It is a cultural/location thing I guess

Majelin86 · October 2013

I don't mind cash bars. We were debating between a toonie bar & an open bar and eventually decided on an open bar. I am definitely not opposed to toonie bars or cash bars...they're kind of the norm here...

tristins_mommy · October 2013

In most places in Canada, I know for sure in Nova Scotia that is not allowed. Our liquor laws are really tight. When you rent a venue you have three options - open bar, cash bar and no bar. If you choose open bar, you are looking at min. $2000 for about $150; for cash bars, you have to use the bartender provided by the venue, and there booze. No outside booze, no substitutions.

I'm sorry but spending more than I make in a month on one night of drinking for my friends and family, not gonna happen. I'm doing a cash bar, as in most places in Canada, it is the norm.

jenn77b · October 2013

So tell me/us, what is this "toonie bar" some are mentioning? Just curious.

southernbelle0915 · October 2013

jenn77b said:

So tell me/us, what is this "toonie bar" some are mentioning? Just curious.

My understanding is that a toonie bar is a bar where drinks are $2 for guests (the rest of the cost is paid for by the hosts). A "toonie" is a $2 unit of currency, thus the name.

Majelin86 · October 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

jenn77b said:

So tell me/us, what is this "toonie bar" some are mentioning? Just curious.

My understanding is that a toonie bar is a bar where drinks are $2 for guests (the rest of the cost is paid for by the hosts). A "toonie" is a $2 unit of currency, thus the name.

Yes, a toonie is a $2 coin. And yes, guests pay a toonie per drink, host pays the difference.

CMarinC · October 2013

Just wanted to chime in. I'm in the US and have never heard that having a cash bar is rude, until I joined this website a few days ago. I have been to several weddings with cash bars and I've never heard a single person complain about it. My fiancé and I really want to have an open bar, and we will do our best to make it happen - but if it becomes a problem financially, we'll have a cash bar instead. It is not rude. That insufferable, condescending FAQ about cash bars that people keep reposting mentions that if you can't afford an open bar, you should forgo alcohol all together because it would be rude of your guests to expect alcohol. Um.....but it isn't rude of them to expect an open bar? Or to judge someone for not providing an open bar? I assure you, my family and friends would much rather have the option to buy drinks. And again, I have never heard that a cash bar is rude. I must only know rude people :P

mel&josh2015 · October 2013

I'm in NB (hello neighbor!) and cash bars are unheard of here too. After reading on the knot how it was such a huge no no, I started asking around. When I mentioned an open bar people laughed and thought I had lost my marbles.

Megusler · October 2013

I won't be having an open bar OR a dry reception because I don't trust my guests to stay if there's no booze or to have moderation if it's all on my bill. Beer and Wine and Soda will be provided by us, and they can pay for the harder stuff. They will still probably be irresponsible with the B,W,S but I'll at least save some money. The condescending FAQ will not guilt trip me into following someone else's idea of good etiquette. It's not coming out of your pocket. I'd rather thank my guests in other ways than alcohol.

casey8784 · October 2013

Megusler said:

I won't be having an open bar OR a dry reception because I don't trust my guests to stay if there's no booze or to have moderation if it's all on my bill. Beer and Wine and Soda will be provided by us, and they can pay for the harder stuff. They will still probably be irresponsible with the B,W,S but I'll at least save some money. The condescending FAQ will not guilt trip me into following someone else's idea of good etiquette. It's not coming out of your pocket. I'd rather thank my guests in other ways than alcohol.

I'm genuinely curious here - I've seen other people say the same thing. If I thought any of my guests would leave if I didn't provide alcohol, it would probably make me rethink my relationship with that person. If someone put drinking (and/or getting drunk) as more of a priority than celebrating with me, I honestly wouldn't want them at my wedding - there are plenty of other people that I could invite instead that would be happy to be included in the WHOLE day, not just the free booze part. The guests know that they're invited to celebrate a wedding, not a cinco de mayo or st patricks day party, where drinking is the entire *reason* of celebrating...

marshmallow1982 · October 2013

Cash bars are standard here in the UK. I've never been to a wedding with an open bar although its normal to have some bottles of wine on table during meal. I've also never seen an option to pay per head for an open bar, B&G would have to just pay at end of night for everything that had been ordered at bar.

orwhatuwill · November 2013

I'm from Maine, USA. Cash bars are also the expectation in this region. I'm starting to struggle with the way many folks who feel passionately that all beverages available at or near a wedding reception should be complementary cut discussions off and completely disregard the reality of different regional customs. Or, rather, it is my observation that the majority of people posting seem to be from the US and many rigidly refuse to accept the fact that things could respectfully be different and acceptable 500, 1000 or 2000 miles away.

I also have to say, I see many folks post that their venues offer included unlimited drink hosted bar options. Not a single place we researched in our region offered this. Every venue we approached a offered per drink hosted option. Prices ranged $4-8usd per beer, $6.50-12 per mixed drink, $6-8 per glass of house.

Megusler · November 2013

casey8784 said:

Megusler said:

I won't be having an open bar OR a dry reception because I don't trust my guests to stay if there's no booze or to have moderation if it's all on my bill. Beer and Wine and Soda will be provided by us, and they can pay for the harder stuff. They will still probably be irresponsible with the B,W,S but I'll at least save some money. The condescending FAQ will not guilt trip me into following someone else's idea of good etiquette. It's not coming out of your pocket. I'd rather thank my guests in other ways than alcohol.

I'm genuinely curious here - I've seen other people say the same thing. If I thought any of my guests would leave if I didn't provide alcohol, it would probably make me rethink my relationship with that person. If someone put drinking (and/or getting drunk) as more of a priority than celebrating with me, I honestly wouldn't want them at my wedding - there are plenty of other people that I could invite instead that would be happy to be included in the WHOLE day, not just the free booze part. The guests know that they're invited to celebrate a wedding, not a cinco de mayo or st patricks day party, where drinking is the entire *reason* of celebrating...

I'm sure everyone's situation is different, but for me I've been to dry weddings that always seem to end earlier than planned on. I've never been to an open bar wedding actually and I've never seen there be an issue with that either. I personally also have to take into account the fact that I'll be getting financial help from parents and I'm not personally involved with every single guest invited due to them being distant relations or work friends. I want to provide something, but not enough to bankrupt myself and my parents. The wedding reception is about so much more than the alcohol that I doubt anyone that shows up is really going to be desperately offended that they can't drink the entire bar that night.

Blergbot · November 2013

Imo, it is much more rude to have a dry wedding and not offer your guests any alcoholic options (unless you want to have a dry wedding for religious/personal reasons) than to have a cash bar. And I am an American! Obvoiusly, having a free beer/wine option is ideal, but if I went to a wedding and they had no bar because they couldn't afford one, I'd be bummed. I'd prefer to pay for a drink or two. And yes, I think this may promote more responsible drinking. I've been to a wedding that had free signature drinks (one per guest, with a drink ticket) and I did not find it rude. I was happy they had something. Maybe someone else at that wedding was offended, but I was just happy to be there to celebrate with my friend, not to judge her.

tristins_mommy · November 2013

I feel better knowing I'm not alone in this LOL

CamiSelene · November 2013

I'm out west here in Canada and cash bars are the norm here too... never been to an open bar, ever! We considered doing a toonie bar but our venue only gives us the option of cash or open so we will be doing a cash bar too (with a bottle of wine on each table). As for the liability thing, my FH and I will be contacting our local SADD and MADD groups who provide rides for anyone that needs it. That way, should our guests need a ride home, they can call the number and don't have to worry about paying for taxis.

winnipegwriter · November 2013

I live in Manitoba and everyone does open bars here. I've been to 20+ weddings and only one had a cash bar and everyone was shocked.

CamiSelene · November 2013

Odd, I have never been to a single open bar here next door in Saskatchewan and neither has anybody I know.... guess it must be a regional thing.

tristins_mommy · November 2013

Has to be a regional thing. I have never been to anything but a cash bar in the Maritimes and I've been to some swanky weddings!

AussieCat42 · November 2013

Oh wow, thank GOODNESS for other Canadian posters! I've never been to a wedding that wasn't either Cash or a Toonie Bar! I know having everyone at The Knot railing so hard against them can be tough, especially for a lot of us who have don't have a lot of support with planning - but seriously, you're throwing a party to celebrate with your friends and family, not to impress people on the internet that you've never met.

The definition of etiquette:

Etiquette (/ˈɛtɨkɛt/ or /ˈɛtɨkɪt/, French: [e.ti.kɛt]) is a code of behavior that delineates expectations for social behavior according to contemporary conventional norms within a society, social class, or group.

So, yes- if the expectation for social behaviour in your group/family/region includes an expectation for cash bars, you are NOT going against etiquette by having one.

(Seriously, I needed this post today, I want to hug all of you).

tristins_mommy · November 2013

((hugs))

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