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creative way to ask for money

amboyna1220amboyna1220 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We have decided to donate our wedding to a charity. However, our wedding is at a winery so it is a private event and we are required to purchase all the wine ahead of time and we cannot  charge people for the wine, so I thought of putting out tip jars instead. I need a creative way to say " Im paying for your food and alcohol all night so put some money in the jar". Thoughts.....
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Re: creative way to ask for money

  • missmo14missmo14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    Im SO confused! What do you mean by donating your wedding?

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  • deannagirlydeannagirly member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer

    No. You can't do that. It's considered very rude. You are inviting these people to experience your wedding with you. They shouldn't have to pay for anything at all. You can't ask for money in anyway. Don't do this, people would get offended. Their meals are just you being a good hostess. That would be like you going to a birthday party at a pizza parlor, and the hostess asking you to pay the tip. It makes no sense. Don't do it. You can't expect gifts.

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    No no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no. Just.....no. If you are donating your wedding to charity that's great but you and your FI have to purchase the wine. DO NOT attempt to get your guests to pay for it. Charity or not that is beyond fucking rude!
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    What does it mean to donate your wedding to charity?


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  • CommitmentCatCommitmentCat member
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    edited November 2013
    Okay, my impression of this is that if you want to donate your wedding to charity why not just not have the big wedding and give the money you would spend to charity?

    Or is it that you don't actually want to donate to charity but you want your guests to? I'm just so confused by this.

    I'm completely perplexed by this situation. Are you intending to have auctions or something at your wedding? Or were the tips the donation. But then were you not intending to tip your service providers?

    ETA: Am I way off base here? Does this happen often? I've never heard of this. 

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I'm also in Camp Confused. 

    Whatever you're doing, you can't ask your guests to subsidize the cost without being extremely rude. It's against etiquette to charge guests for anything at your wedding or to suggest that they should pay for anything (tip jar). If you can't afford t have the wedding at the winery, host something you CAN afford.
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  • speedyblazer11speedyblazer11 member
    Sixth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its First Answer
    moemacWed30594 said:
    If you truly want to give your wedding to charity then have a small private wedding and give the money that you would use for a big wedding to charity.
    this^

    You can't ask for money nicely, it's tacky. I'm sure you thought you were doing a nice thing by donating something, but just no. You can't have you guests give you money for a charity they might not even agree with.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Of all the bad ideas I've read about on TK, I think this one takes the cake. 

    WOW. 
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  • MGPMGP member
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    What the what???
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    The only time I've ever seen charity rolled into a wedding is when instead of doing a favour for all the guests that are coming, the bride and groom make a donation to a charity on behalf of those attending.  But in no way is it at all appropriate to ask your guests for a financial contribution while attending your wedding
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  • buddysmom80buddysmom80 member
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    lauracichelly said:
    The only time I've ever seen charity rolled into a wedding is when instead of doing a favour for all the guests that are coming, the bride and groom make a donation to a charity on behalf of those attending.  But in no way is it at all appropriate to ask your guests for a financial contribution while attending your wedding
    Am I the only one who gets irked when people do this? I was a guest at a wedding once where the couple made a donation on the guest's behalf for a charity that I don't really support. It just rubbed me the wrong way...

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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    Do you mean that you would like people to give to charity instead of giving wedding presents?

    If that is the case, do not register anywhere and put a note on your wedding website that says "In lieu of a gift, please consider donating to X, Y, or Z charity."
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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
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    edited November 2013
    buddysmom80 said:
    lauracichelly said:
    The only time I've ever seen charity rolled into a wedding is when instead of doing a favour for all the guests that are coming, the bride and groom make a donation to a charity on behalf of those attending.  But in no way is it at all appropriate to ask your guests for a financial contribution while attending your wedding
    Am I the only one who gets irked when people do this? I was a guest at a wedding once where the couple made a donation on the guest's behalf for a charity that I don't really support. It just rubbed me the wrong way...
    You are not the only one! It irks me to no end when people do this. Especially if it is for a charity that I don't feel I would donate to for various reasons. There are some charities I may not agree with or that do not donate enough of the money to the actual cause.
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  • aurorajanetteaurorajanette member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    buddysmom80 said:
    lauracichelly said:
    The only time I've ever seen charity rolled into a wedding is when instead of doing a favour for all the guests that are coming, the bride and groom make a donation to a charity on behalf of those attending.  But in no way is it at all appropriate to ask your guests for a financial contribution while attending your wedding
    Am I the only one who gets irked when people do this? I was a guest at a wedding once where the couple made a donation on the guest's behalf for a charity that I don't really support. It just rubbed me the wrong way...
    You aren't the only one. I posted in another thread about this once. I was at a friend's wedding, and their wedding favors were a donation "in the guest's honor" to PETA. It caused a huge uproar, as many of the wedding guests didn't support PETA.  If you're going to do this, don't choose a charity that is controversial in any way, and don't advertise it except in maybe one place. Some people put out little cards on every spot stating that the couple donated to X charity. To me, that screams, "look at how great and generous we are!" Super tacky.

    As far as the OP, this is a tacky idea. If you would like to donate, fine, donate. Maybe have a JOP wedding and then donate anything you would spend on your wedding to a charity. Do not expect your guests to donate to a charity for you, and do not expect guests to pay for the party you are supposed to be holding for them!
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    aurorajanette said:
    buddysmom80 said:
    lauracichelly said:
    The only time I've ever seen charity rolled into a wedding is when instead of doing a favour for all the guests that are coming, the bride and groom make a donation to a charity on behalf of those attending.  But in no way is it at all appropriate to ask your guests for a financial contribution while attending your wedding
    Am I the only one who gets irked when people do this? I was a guest at a wedding once where the couple made a donation on the guest's behalf for a charity that I don't really support. It just rubbed me the wrong way...
    You aren't the only one. I posted in another thread about this once. I was at a friend's wedding, and their wedding favors were a donation "in the guest's honor" to PETA. It caused a huge uproar, as many of the wedding guests didn't support PETA.  If you're going to do this, don't choose a charity that is controversial in any way, and don't advertise it except in maybe one place. Some people put out little cards on every spot stating that the couple donated to X charity. To me, that screams, "look at how great and generous we are!" Super tacky.

    As far as the OP, this is a tacky idea. If you would like to donate, fine, donate. Maybe have a JOP wedding and then donate anything you would spend on your wedding to a charity. Do not expect your guests to donate to a charity for you, and do not expect guests to pay for the party you are supposed to be holding for them!
    by no means are we doing this, but yes I have seen it.  I think the concept is nice in it's most pure form...but often goes awry
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  • MNVegasMNVegas member
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    There is NO creative way to ask for money. Let me repeat. THERE IS NO CREATIVE WAY TO ASK FOR MONEY!!!!  There is NO polite way to ask for money. There is NO fun or cutesy way to ask for money. Asking for money no matter how you disguise the request is RUDE!!! 
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited November 2013

    Inkdancer said:
    Do you mean that you would like people to give to charity instead of giving wedding presents?

    If that is the case, do not register anywhere and put a note on your wedding website that says "In lieu of a gift, please consider donating to X, Y, or Z charity."
    The etiquette gods may strike me down for this...but I think this is kind of okay, depending on how you word it. Generally asking for cash in lieu of boxed gifts is always rude, but I wouldn't be offended by this. But it ONLY goes on the website and nowhere else.

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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    southernbelle0915 said:
    I'm also in Camp Confused. 
    You and me both.  Can we be cabinmates? ;)   We could make s'mores!
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    flutterbride2b said:
    southernbelle0915 said:
    I'm also in Camp Confused. 
    You and me both.  Can we be cabinmates? ;)   We could make s'mores!
    I'm down. Plus I don't think OP is coming back so it looks like we'll be there a while. :)
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  • kitty8403kitty8403 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its First Answer Name Dropper
    edited November 2013
    @amboyna1220
    OP, are you calling off your wedding and writing off the costs of food, etc you already ordered? Like to a homeless shelter?

    I think in that case, you should either not serve wine, since you don't want the extra expense, or bite the bullet, take the writeoff, and order enough wine for X number of hours. But don't ask the beneficiaries to pay for it.

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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    lalalaurita said:



    Inkdancer said:

    Do you mean that you would like people to give to charity instead of giving wedding presents?

    If that is the case, do not register anywhere and put a note on your wedding website that says "In lieu of a gift, please consider donating to X, Y, or Z charity."

    The etiquette gods may strike me down for this...but I think this is kind of okay, depending on how you word it. Generally asking for cash in lieu of boxed gifts is always rude, but I wouldn't be offended by this. But it ONLY goes on the website and nowhere else.

    ETA: missing words


    This is not OK because you are not allowed to assume people are going to give you presents. Yes, I realise that flies in the face of logic and reason, given that you have created a registry, but it's still tacky.

    Also, it's a really bad idea to publicly proclaim 'In lieu of favours, we gave money to X charity,' because some people might not support that charity. If you want to do it, that's fine, but do it quietly.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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