Bridal Shower AFTER Wedding

snoopycac · December 2013

My mom is planning my shower and came to me with an issue. She is having a hard time finding a time to have my shower to ensure that a majority of family would be able to attend. My wedding is Jan 18th. Some family is in town for Christmas, and others will be in town the week after for DD's first birthday. She doesn't want people to have to drive to town more than necessary with the holidays and the wedding 3 weeks after that. She brought up the idea to me about having the shower about a month after the wedding. I honestly was speechless, I don't know WHAT to think. I've never heard of this before. Would this be weird or rude to have a shower after the wedding?

KeptInStitches · December 2013

I would find it weird, simply because at that point you're no longer a bride.

Maggie0829 · December 2013

It would be weird. Tell your Mom to pick a date, send the invites, and those that can come will come.

photokitty · December 2013

I for one would be perfectly fine attending a shower while I was in town for Christmas. I would not attend a shower after the wedding. I think it would come off as gift grabby, as I would have spent more on your wedding gift knowing you didn't have a shower. Can she host it on another day everyone is in town for either of those two events?

hnkirk81 · December 2013

I just received an invitation to a bridal shower for someone whose bridal party I was in back in October. I have to say, even though she's a close friend, I was appalled and immediately threw it out. There was plenty of time to throw one (1-1/2 year engagement), so no do-overs. Do it now, and like others said, those that can come will, those that can't won't. No biggie!

climbingsingle · December 2013

It would be weird. And I probably wouldn't attend. No matter what date you pick, even if it was after the wedding, you're going to have people that won't be able to come. Tell your mom to pick a date before the wedding. If some people can't make it, oh well.

KatWAG · December 2013

After your wedding, you wont be a bride anymore. And I think a wife shower would be weird and seem gift grabby, like saying your wedding gift wasnt enough.

Also, bridal showers aren't mandatory. If your mom really wanted to throw you a bridal shower, she should have been on the ball a few months ago.

EverAfer · December 2013

Yes, I find that weird. I personally make it a point of sending the gift by the day of the wedding unless we're bringing a card. A bridal shower after is almost like saying more gifts please. Plus, you lose the excitement, you'd already be married.

If you have to have a shower, do it before even if it means a some people will miss it.

banana468 · December 2013

Tell your mom that the guest list will be even smaller if it's after you get married because most people will just not go.

MNVegas · December 2013

Add me to the list of people who would find a bridal shower after the wedding weird. You won't be a bride anymore and calling it a wife shower would be silly.

Jen4948 · December 2013

I think that once the wedding takes place, the ship has sailed for any showers.

Also, mothers are not supposed to host showers for their daughters.

kgd7357 · December 2013

Weird. I agree with people. Small showers are nice.

snoopycac · December 2013

Thanks for the reinforcement. I had the gut feeling that it was weird, I just needed someone else to say it too.

tmclawchick · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

I think that once the wedding takes place, the ship has sailed for any showers.

Also, mothers are not supposed to host showers for their daughters.

Really? Everything I've read has stated otherwise... it seems that this used to be the rule, but not anymore.

Belthil · December 2013

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

RebeccaB88 · December 2013

I'd side eye the hell out of a shower after the wedding, and I'd side eye the hell out of a shower thrown by the MOB or MOG. IMHO, it's still inappropriate for the moms to throw a shower. Your gut instincts are totally on point.

If someone else throws you a shower, just pick a date that's good for you both and let things happen. If someone can't attend they can still send a gift if they want to.

Jen4948 · December 2013

Belthil said:

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

Sorry, but this etiquette rule hasn't expired, regardless of what everyone does now. It's still a faux pas for mothers to host showers for their daughters. The etiquette rule is that you don't solicit gifts for a close relative.

Maggie0829 · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

Belthil said:

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

Sorry, but this etiquette rule hasn't expired, regardless of what everyone does now. It's still a faux pas for mothers to host showers for their daughters. The etiquette rule is that you don't solicit gifts for a close relative.

If that is the rule, then sisters who are also the MOH shouldn't host showers either. Neither should Aunts or Grandmothers, is that correct?

That is one of those etiquette rules that I think are completely dumb. Why is it okay for a close friend to solicit gifts for the bride but not a relative? The host is still soliciting gifts regardless of their relationship with the bride so what does it really matter?

And that should also include the FMIL because the gifts that are being given are typically for the household thus she would be soliciting gifts for her son.

banana468 · December 2013

Jen4948 said:
show previous quotes

Belthil said:

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

Sorry, but this etiquette rule hasn't expired, regardless of what everyone does now. It's still a faux pas for mothers to host showers for their daughters. The etiquette rule is that you don't solicit gifts for a close relative.

It's an etiquette rule that has definitely relaxed in the last few years. In many cases, only close relatives will host the showers.

The original rule was created because the bride was still living with her parents at the time she married so her mother should not be asking others to provide what she (the mother) should. As more and more women are no longer living with family before they marry, the rule has softened.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2013

banana468 said:

show previous quotes

Belthil said:

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

Sorry, but this etiquette rule hasn't expired, regardless of what everyone does now. It's still a faux pas for mothers to host showers for their daughters. The etiquette rule is that you don't solicit gifts for a close relative.
It's an etiquette rule that has definitely relaxed in the last few years. In many cases, only close relatives will host the showers. The original rule was created because the bride was still living with her parents at the time she married so her mother should not be asking others to provide what she (the mother) should. As more and more women are no longer living with family before they marry, the rule has softened.

This. Does the Bride's family still give the Groom's family a dowry? I think not.

While some etiquette rules are timeless, like rules on how to properly host guests, this rule is not and has met it's expiration date.

I think a Bride hosting her own shower still comes off as rude and tacky, but if her mother or another close family member of friend does it I think it's fine.

AddieCake · December 2013

Once you're married, the window for showers has closed. /bangs gavel

Jen4948 · December 2013

PrettyGirlLost said:

show previous quotes

banana468 said:

Belthil said:

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

Sorry, but this etiquette rule hasn't expired, regardless of what everyone does now. It's still a faux pas for mothers to host showers for their daughters. The etiquette rule is that you don't solicit gifts for a close relative.
It's an etiquette rule that has definitely relaxed in the last few years. In many cases, only close relatives will host the showers. The original rule was created because the bride was still living with her parents at the time she married so her mother should not be asking others to provide what she (the mother) should. As more and more women are no longer living with family before they marry, the rule has softened.

This. Does the Bride's family still give the Groom's family a dowry? I think not.

While some etiquette rules are timeless, like rules on how to properly host guests, this rule is not and has met it's expiration date.

I think a Bride hosting her own shower still comes off as rude and tacky, but if her mother or another close family member of friend does it I think it's fine.

This one hasn't. It has nothing to do with dowries or any other rule. Nobody is supposed to host a gift-giving party for a close relative who is an adult.

PrettyGirlLost · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

It's an etiquette rule that has definitely relaxed in the last few years. In many cases, only close relatives will host the showers. The original rule was created because the bride was still living with her parents at the time she married so her mother should not be asking others to provide what she (the mother) should. As more and more women are no longer living with family before they marry, the rule has softened.

This. Does the Bride's family still give the Groom's family a dowry? I think not.

While some etiquette rules are timeless, like rules on how to properly host guests, this rule is not and has met it's expiration date.

I think a Bride hosting her own shower still comes off as rude and tacky, but if her mother or another close family member of friend does it I think it's fine.

This one hasn't. It has nothing to do with dowries or any other rule. Nobody is supposed to host a gift-giving party for a close relative who is an adult.

I disagree. I think this is an out dated etiquette rule.

Viczaesar · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

Belthil said:

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

Sorry, but this etiquette rule hasn't expired, regardless of what everyone does now. It's still a faux pas for mothers to host showers for their daughters. The etiquette rule is that you don't solicit gifts for a close relative.
It's an etiquette rule that has definitely relaxed in the last few years. In many cases, only close relatives will host the showers. The original rule was created because the bride was still living with her parents at the time she married so her mother should not be asking others to provide what she (the mother) should. As more and more women are no longer living with family before they marry, the rule has softened.

This. Does the Bride's family still give the Groom's family a dowry? I think not.

While some etiquette rules are timeless, like rules on how to properly host guests, this rule is not and has met it's expiration date.

I think a Bride hosting her own shower still comes off as rude and tacky, but if her mother or another close family member of friend does it I think it's fine.

This one hasn't. It has nothing to do with dowries or any other rule. Nobody is supposed to host a gift-giving party for a close relative who is an adult.

I disagree.

NYCBruin · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

PrettyGirlLost said:

banana468 said:

Belthil said:

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

Sorry, but this etiquette rule hasn't expired, regardless of what everyone does now. It's still a faux pas for mothers to host showers for their daughters. The etiquette rule is that you don't solicit gifts for a close relative.
It's an etiquette rule that has definitely relaxed in the last few years. In many cases, only close relatives will host the showers. The original rule was created because the bride was still living with her parents at the time she married so her mother should not be asking others to provide what she (the mother) should. As more and more women are no longer living with family before they marry, the rule has softened.

This. Does the Bride's family still give the Groom's family a dowry? I think not.

While some etiquette rules are timeless, like rules on how to properly host guests, this rule is not and has met it's expiration date.

I think a Bride hosting her own shower still comes off as rude and tacky, but if her mother or another close family member of friend does it I think it's fine.

This one hasn't. It has nothing to do with dowries or any other rule. Nobody is supposed to host a gift-giving party for a close relative who is an adult.

I disagree. As Banana stated, it was considered rude for a mother to throw her daughter a shower because the daughter was living with her parents prior to the wedding and it was the mother's "responsibility" to help her "set up her household." By the mother throwing the shower she was pushing that responsibility onto the guests at the shower.

It really has nothing to do with "closeness." There are plenty of brides who don't even speak to their mothers and/or are closer to other women in their lives who happen to throw them showers and no one bats an eyelash.

TheBaysideBride · December 2013

I know a million brides who have had showers hosted by sisters, aunts, etc. it's a SHOWER, it's not some unusual weird gift giving party.

southernbelle0915 · December 2013

I have no issue with parents or siblings throwing showers. As long as the person getting married isn't throwing it.

I would side eye a shower that takes place after the wedding. You'd be a wife - not a bride. And it would strike me as gift grabby even though that's not necessarily the intent. I'd just have your mom throw it prior to the wedding and if people can't attend they can't attend. It's not the end of the world and you'll see them at the wedding.

HisGirlFriday13 · December 2013

southernbelle0915 said:

I have no issue with parents or siblings throwing showers. As long as the person getting married isn't throwing it. I would side eye a shower that takes place after the wedding. You'd be a wife - not a bride. And it would strike me as gift grabby even though that's not necessarily the intent. I'd just have your mom throw it prior to the wedding and if people can't attend they can't attend. It's not the end of the world and you'll see them at the wedding.

This. All of this. I don't care who throws the shower, or how many you have (although I do not want to be invited to more than one, please). But it should be before your wedding. AND it should be far enough before your wedding that you have time to write TY notes before you have to start writing wedding TY notes.

AddieCake · December 2013

Other than throwing your own, I could not care less who throws the shower. Half the time I don't even know who is throwing it; I just note where and when to show up.

SP29 · December 2013

I see no issues with a MOB/MOG throwing the bridal shower.

I do see an issue throwing one after the wedding.

Pick a date. Any date you pick, you will have declines.

indianaalum · December 2013

Jen4948 said:

show previous quotes

Belthil said:

It's now acceptable for mothers to host showers for their daughters, so that's not a faux pas. I would side-eye the crap out of a shower after the wedding and would be very likely to attend. Your mother is not going to find a date that works for %100 of the family, it is unlikely that she would any time during the year with this amount of time left. If she really wants to throw you a shower she needs to pick a date that works best for her and you.

Sorry, but this etiquette rule hasn't expired, regardless of what everyone does now. It's still a faux pas for mothers to host showers for their daughters. The etiquette rule is that you don't solicit gifts for a close relative.

I find it ridiculous, actually. Who cares who throws the shower unless it is the bride herself. I have been to a ton of showers and in most cases, it was the MOM who threw it. Many bridesmaids/MOH are young and can't afford to throw one. I cut people slack on that one

In fact, I would assume it makes the MOST sense for the people CLOSEST to the bride to be willing to host one. Who is usually the closest? moms or sisters.

Anyone who "side eyes" a mom throwing it is just looking for a reason to be judgy. This isn't the dark ages where the bride is 16 and the mom is trying to get her child sold off . LOL

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