Wedding Party
jneen101
member
When people complain that bridesmaids aren't "helping" what does that mean exactly?
jneen101
member
I just asked this in a response to another thread but don't know if it will get seen there. I see a lot of posts here complaining that a bridesmaid is not "helping with the wedding" or something like that. Can someone give me actual specific examples of things they ask bridesmaids to help with? Like are you having them address the invitations with you? Do they make phone calls and set up appointments for you?? What do you really NEED them to help you with?
I asked my bridesmaids (there are three of them) to pick out their dresses. Obviously I needed their help with that because they were the ones wearing the dresses. But I don't really fee like that was helping me out really, I mean I guess I could have just picked a dress and demanded they wear it but I think that's not really cool anyway. So besides having them decide on a dress, what are people so upset about when they say the bridesmaids aren't helping?
I asked my bridesmaids (there are three of them) to pick out their dresses. Obviously I needed their help with that because they were the ones wearing the dresses. But I don't really fee like that was helping me out really, I mean I guess I could have just picked a dress and demanded they wear it but I think that's not really cool anyway. So besides having them decide on a dress, what are people so upset about when they say the bridesmaids aren't helping?
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Re: When people complain that bridesmaids aren't "helping" what does that mean exactly?
It sounds like you are doing everything right with your BM. If they offer their help, that is fine to take them up on their offer.
My FI was more of the type that was expecting the bridal party to do a number of tasks - like helping with decor, the take-down, he wanted to do a special performance etc . . . but I convinced him otherwise. The bridal party isn't there to be assigned tasks, but it seems like a lot of people see it that way. It's odd - maybe television and bridal books are to blame for this assumption.
When I was a bridesmaid I actually moved out of town from Houston to NYC to avoid this. While I love my SIL, I had a rotten time leading up to the wedding over getting my dress (long story), and I would have hated doing any of the above.
"What do you really NEED them to help you with?"
Nothing!
If you want them to do something, it is because you WANT it , not NEED it.
The same goes for the bridesmaids themselves. You dont NEED bridesmaids. If you have them, it's because you WANT them.
Even if they only have to wear a dress, pose for pictures, or just stand next to you, you don't NEED it.
@thelastdreamer
I think I would be sad too if my BMs didn't do some kind of bachelorette. Although, I'm more worried about talking them out of crazy ideas than worried about not having one. I would also be happy with Clueless and pizza. Since you're not supposed to ask for a bach party or shower, if you want them, you are best of thinking about which BMs you choose, and pick ones that will do this for you b/c they want to without asking b/c they love you. My MOH and one of my other BMs are doing this stuff for me, and I sure as heck will do it for their future weddings because I want to.
I think the worst is when people expect the BMs to do chores when they don't offer. One of my BMs is getting married two weeks after me, and we were chatting about day-of-coordinators. My BM said that I didn't need to get one b/c that's what BMs are for on the day of. I said BMs are for drinking mimosas with me while we get ready, not putting flowers out! I decided that minute that the day-of-coordinator was happening. Although I may ask for help with one thing. @HisGirlFriday13 I am totally going to need help bustling this train...and I will probably ask my BMs to help me if they don't offer.
Mine couldn't all do the same weekend. So my MOH is doing a night out in NYC where she lives (she can't travel much with work) and people are crashing at her place. Drivable for two BMs and I'll train up to her. One BM def can't make it, so she offered to do a ladies night where we live in DC (talked down from, let's do a long weekend on an island I can't afford). One is up in the air if she can make it. There is no way they could ever all do the same weekend. It's no big deal. It's the thought that counts. And yes, I would be disappointed if not one of them thought "let's shoot out an email and see if maybe we could make something work".
I never said that they were required. I just said that I would be sad not having one. In my case, I'm the one traveling b/c I'd like to have one, and that is what works for other people the best. We also have several other friends that are not BMs in that area that can come, so it's even a bonus. I knew my friends would make something work, because we love each other, and I will do the same for them. I don't get the people that wonder why their random cousin in the BP didn't want to plan something (just an example, some people are close to cousins). And no matter what, at least one of your BMs does not have to travel. If my bach party was just me and my MOH bar hopping on a random weekend I visited her, that would work great for me!
If you really don't care about having one, that is totally fine. To each there own. I was trying to give the OP an honest answer about the one thing that I think I would be sad about if none of my BMs thought of. A shower I could take or leave. I just really didn't have to worry about it though, b/c I knew my friends.