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I got called a bridezilla....

hlvonbhlvonb member
500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
in Chit Chat

So I got called a bridezilla and my FI got called a groomzilla. Why? Because we gave our bridal party deadlines for getting things done.

We know our bridal party and know how busy they are and a few are very spacy at times. Ex: One of my bridesmaids is a single mother of 5. She is hella busy and needs deadlines to get things done (she's told me this before - not just about the wedding stuff).

The groomsmen were easy. We told them they had to be measured for their tuxedos by X date. They all agreed and had no issue.

The bridesmaids on the other hand threw a fit and we have been called bridezilla and groomzilla.

I know the deadlines we gave the girls seemed harsh but before we decided to give deadlines, we had a lot of issues.

Here is what we said to the girls:

"Just as a reminder, it is very IMPORTANT that you have:
- Alterations BOOKED NO LATER than APRIL 30th!!! The store said they usually take a couple days to do each person's alterations and want time to "redo" or alter some more if needed.
       -*Note*: Alterations / alteration fees are NOT included in the original cost of the dress. Alterations vary per person and vary in cost depending on what needs to be done.
- When going to the alteration appointment please be sure to have any undergarments you plan on wearing and your shoes!!!!
- SHOES for the day of by the FIRST alteration appointment since this will help with where / if the dress needs to be shortened at all.
- Money for Nails for the day of ($25-50 per girl depending on what you decide to have done for nails)
- Money Hair the day of (the salon said it will be approximately $60 / hour per girl. It may be a little extra based on how 'involved" your style you pick is)"

Do you ladies think we were too harsh at all or overstepped the line?

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Re: I got called a bridezilla....

  • afox007afox007 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    If you were demanding they pay for hair and nails than sorry you deserve the title. And if thats the actual email you sent it sounds like your yelling at them. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    hlvonb said:

    So I got called a bridezilla and my FI got called a groomzilla. Why? Because we gave our bridal party deadlines for getting things done.

    We know our bridal party and know how busy they are and a few are very spacy at times. Ex: One of my bridesmaids is a single mother of 5. She is hella busy and needs deadlines to get things done (she's told me this before - not just about the wedding stuff).

    The groomsmen were easy. We told them they had to be measured for their tuxedos by X date. They all agreed and had no issue.

    The bridesmaids on the other hand threw a fit and we have been called bridezilla and groomzilla.

    I know the deadlines we gave the girls seemed harsh but before we decided to give deadlines, we had a lot of issues.

    Here is what we said to the girls:

    "Just as a reminder, it is very IMPORTANT that you have:
    - Alterations BOOKED NO LATER than APRIL 30th!!! The store said they usually take a couple days to do each person's alterations and want time to "redo" or alter some more if needed.      Can't they have their alterations done anywhere, as long as they get them done?  I have never paid for BM dress alterations because luckily my mother is a talented seamstress. . . maybe they already have a friend or relative lined up to do their alterations.  Maybe they found a better price at a different store or with a different seamstress/tailor.


    - When going to the alteration appointment please be sure to have any undergarments you plan on wearing and your shoes!!!!     Is this everyone's first rodeo?  If not, they already know to do this and this comes off as micromanaging.  If they haven't been a BM before or havent had a dress altered you should just let the salon inform them of this.

    - SHOES for the day of by the FIRST alteration appointment since this will help with where / if the dress needs to be shortened at all.  Again, micromanaging. 

    - Money for Nails for the day of ($25-50 per girl depending on what you decide to have done for nails)  Are you requiring that they have their nails done?  If so, you know the drill- you need to pay for it.  I never get my nails professionally done when I am BM. . . no one is going to take pictures of my hands.

    - Money Hair the day of (the salon said it will be approximately $60 / hour per girl. It may be a little extra based on how 'involved" your style you pick is)"  Are you requiring that they get their hair done?  If so, you know the drill- you pay for it.  Maybe they are planning on or have already made alternative plans to have their hair done.

    Do you ladies think we were too harsh at all or overstepped the line?

    Honestly, I wouldn't have discussed any of this with them, and if I was one of your BMs I'd be annoyed at your attempt to micromanage me, especially if I have been in weddings before. 

    They are adults and I hopefully they know that they have to show up on your wedding day dressed and "camera ready."  If they don't, the show will go on without them, KWIM?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    NYCBruin said:
    I mean that is a lot of all caps, exclamation marks and bolded things.

    Also, are you making them get their hair/nails done?  Because that's not cool

    @NYCBruin

    Yeah I know that's a lot. I probably could have toned down on that a little but oh well. To answer your question: No, we are not making them get their hair or nails done. They decided they wanted to have a "girls morning" for hair and nails the day of. I gave them the option to do what they wanted for hair and nails from day 1.

    Report Reply
  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Viczaesar said:
    hlvonb said:

    So I got called a bridezilla and my FI got called a groomzilla. Why? Because we gave our bridal party deadlines for getting things done.

    We know our bridal party and know how busy they are and a few are very spacy at times. Ex: One of my bridesmaids is a single mother of 5. She is hella busy and needs deadlines to get things done (she's told me this before - not just about the wedding stuff).

    The groomsmen were easy. We told them they had to be measured for their tuxedos by X date. They all agreed and had no issue.

    The bridesmaids on the other hand threw a fit and we have been called bridezilla and groomzilla.

    I know the deadlines we gave the girls seemed harsh but before we decided to give deadlines, we had a lot of issues.

    Here is what we said to the girls:

    "Just as a reminder, it is very IMPORTANT that you have:
    - Alterations BOOKED NO LATER than APRIL 30th!!! The store said they usually take a couple days to do each person's alterations and want time to "redo" or alter some more if needed.
           -*Note*: Alterations / alteration fees are NOT included in the original cost of the dress. Alterations vary per person and vary in cost depending on what needs to be done.
    - When going to the alteration appointment please be sure to have any undergarments you plan on wearing and your shoes!!!!
    - SHOES for the day of by the FIRST alteration appointment since this will help with where / if the dress needs to be shortened at all.
    - Money for Nails for the day of ($25-50 per girl depending on what you decide to have done for nails)
    - Money Hair the day of (the salon said it will be approximately $60 / hour per girl. It may be a little extra based on how 'involved" your style you pick is)"

    Do you ladies think we were too harsh at all or overstepped the line?

    Yes, you overstepped.  You're major league micromanaging your wedding party.  It's none of your business when they get alterations or what they wear to their alterations appointment.  You also don't get to tell them they have to get their nails or hair done, or where, especially if you're not paying.  You owe them an apology for treating them like wayward children. 
    I am NOT making them. Read what I said in response to NYC lol
    Report Reply
  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    afox007 said:
    If you were demanding they pay for hair and nails than sorry you deserve the title. And if thats the actual email you sent it sounds like your yelling at them. 
    If they want to get it done (then yes they have to pay for it) but I am NOT making them get hair and nails done. I left that up to them
    Report Reply
  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    I like you as a person/poster, and I do think you over-stepped. Your email came off as shouty and micro-managing. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but it really does seem kind of bridezilla-ish.
    I didn't mean it that way but I guess I can see how it came off like that
    Report Reply
  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    hlvonb said:

    So I got called a bridezilla and my FI got called a groomzilla. Why? Because we gave our bridal party deadlines for getting things done.

    We know our bridal party and know how busy they are and a few are very spacy at times. Ex: One of my bridesmaids is a single mother of 5. She is hella busy and needs deadlines to get things done (she's told me this before - not just about the wedding stuff).

    The groomsmen were easy. We told them they had to be measured for their tuxedos by X date. They all agreed and had no issue.

    The bridesmaids on the other hand threw a fit and we have been called bridezilla and groomzilla.

    I know the deadlines we gave the girls seemed harsh but before we decided to give deadlines, we had a lot of issues.

    Here is what we said to the girls:

    "Just as a reminder, it is very IMPORTANT that you have:
    - Alterations BOOKED NO LATER than APRIL 30th!!! The store said they usually take a couple days to do each person's alterations and want time to "redo" or alter some more if needed.      Can't they have their alterations done anywhere, as long as they get them done?  I have never paid for BM dress alterations because luckily my mother is a talented seamstress. . . maybe they already have a friend or relative lined up to do their alterations.  Maybe they found a better price at a different store or with a different seamstress/tailor.


    - When going to the alteration appointment please be sure to have any undergarments you plan on wearing and your shoes!!!!     Is this everyone's first rodeo?  If not, they already know to do this and this comes off as micromanaging.  If they haven't been a BM before or havent had a dress altered you should just let the salon inform them of this.

    - SHOES for the day of by the FIRST alteration appointment since this will help with where / if the dress needs to be shortened at all.  Again, micromanaging. 

    - Money for Nails for the day of ($25-50 per girl depending on what you decide to have done for nails)  Are you requiring that they have their nails done?  If so, you know the drill- you need to pay for it.  I never get my nails professionally done when I am BM. . . no one is going to take pictures of my hands.

    - Money Hair the day of (the salon said it will be approximately $60 / hour per girl. It may be a little extra based on how 'involved" your style you pick is)"  Are you requiring that they get their hair done?  If so, you know the drill- you pay for it.  Maybe they are planning on or have already made alternative plans to have their hair done.

    Do you ladies think we were too harsh at all or overstepped the line?

    Honestly, I wouldn't have discussed any of this with them, and if I was one of your BMs I'd be annoyed at your attempt to micromanage me, especially if I have been in weddings before. 

    They are adults and I hopefully they know that they have to show up on your wedding day dressed and "camera ready."  If they don't, the show will go on without them, KWIM?
    None of them have been in a wedding before. I am NOT making them get it done. I gave them the option of getting them done or not from day 1 
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    Just to sum up / clarify

    None of them have been in a wedding before (one of my bridesmaids is married but it was a courthouse wedding with no bridal party and she admitted she didn't know what if anything to bring to an alteration appointment)

    I am NOT making them get their hair or nails done. I gave them the option to get them done or not from day one. I let them decide.

    Report Reply
  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    hlvonb said:
    Viczaesar said:
    hlvonb said:

    So I got called a bridezilla and my FI got called a groomzilla. Why? Because we gave our bridal party deadlines for getting things done.

    We know our bridal party and know how busy they are and a few are very spacy at times. Ex: One of my bridesmaids is a single mother of 5. She is hella busy and needs deadlines to get things done (she's told me this before - not just about the wedding stuff).

    The groomsmen were easy. We told them they had to be measured for their tuxedos by X date. They all agreed and had no issue.

    The bridesmaids on the other hand threw a fit and we have been called bridezilla and groomzilla.

    I know the deadlines we gave the girls seemed harsh but before we decided to give deadlines, we had a lot of issues.

    Here is what we said to the girls:

    "Just as a reminder, it is very IMPORTANT that you have:
    - Alterations BOOKED NO LATER than APRIL 30th!!! The store said they usually take a couple days to do each person's alterations and want time to "redo" or alter some more if needed.
           -*Note*: Alterations / alteration fees are NOT included in the original cost of the dress. Alterations vary per person and vary in cost depending on what needs to be done.
    - When going to the alteration appointment please be sure to have any undergarments you plan on wearing and your shoes!!!!
    - SHOES for the day of by the FIRST alteration appointment since this will help with where / if the dress needs to be shortened at all.
    - Money for Nails for the day of ($25-50 per girl depending on what you decide to have done for nails)
    - Money Hair the day of (the salon said it will be approximately $60 / hour per girl. It may be a little extra based on how 'involved" your style you pick is)"

    Do you ladies think we were too harsh at all or overstepped the line?

    Yes, you overstepped.  You're major league micromanaging your wedding party.  It's none of your business when they get alterations or what they wear to their alterations appointment.  You also don't get to tell them they have to get their nails or hair done, or where, especially if you're not paying.  You owe them an apology for treating them like wayward children. 
    I am NOT making them. Read what I said in response to NYC lol
    ...which you said after I posted.  Regardless, you overstepped, including in telling them to bring money for the things for which you say they know they're paying.



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  • ViczaesarViczaesar member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    hlvonb said:

    Just to sum up / clarify

    None of them have been in a wedding before (one of my bridesmaids is married but it was a courthouse wedding with no bridal party and she admitted she didn't know what if anything to bring to an alteration appointment)

    I am NOT making them get their hair or nails done. I gave them the option to get them done or not from day one. I let them decide.

    None of that matters.



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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited December 2013
    hlvonb said:
    Viczaesar said:
    hlvonb said:

    So I got called a bridezilla and my FI got called a groomzilla. Why? Because we gave our bridal party deadlines for getting things done.

    We know our bridal party and know how busy they are and a few are very spacy at times. Ex: One of my bridesmaids is a single mother of 5. She is hella busy and needs deadlines to get things done (she's told me this before - not just about the wedding stuff).

    The groomsmen were easy. We told them they had to be measured for their tuxedos by X date. They all agreed and had no issue.

    The bridesmaids on the other hand threw a fit and we have been called bridezilla and groomzilla.

    I know the deadlines we gave the girls seemed harsh but before we decided to give deadlines, we had a lot of issues.

    Here is what we said to the girls:

    "Just as a reminder, it is very IMPORTANT that you have:
    - Alterations BOOKED NO LATER than APRIL 30th!!! The store said they usually take a couple days to do each person's alterations and want time to "redo" or alter some more if needed.
           -*Note*: Alterations / alteration fees are NOT included in the original cost of the dress. Alterations vary per person and vary in cost depending on what needs to be done.
    - When going to the alteration appointment please be sure to have any undergarments you plan on wearing and your shoes!!!!
    - SHOES for the day of by the FIRST alteration appointment since this will help with where / if the dress needs to be shortened at all.
    - Money for Nails for the day of ($25-50 per girl depending on what you decide to have done for nails)
    - Money Hair the day of (the salon said it will be approximately $60 / hour per girl. It may be a little extra based on how 'involved" your style you pick is)"

    Do you ladies think we were too harsh at all or overstepped the line?

    Yes, you overstepped.  You're major league micromanaging your wedding party.  It's none of your business when they get alterations or what they wear to their alterations appointment.  You also don't get to tell them they have to get their nails or hair done, or where, especially if you're not paying.  You owe them an apology for treating them like wayward children. 
    I am NOT making them. Read what I said in response to NYC lol
    I was writing my post as she was writing hers and never saw the answer!  Don't yell at me too :-P

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Thanks ladies! I will call them tomorrow and talk to them about it and apologize.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited December 2013
    The part that bothered me was telling them to wear the undergarments they planned to wear. If I saw that, I'd be like, "No shit." Women know to do that.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    JCBride2014 said:
    Ditto PPs, you seem really level headed in your posts, but I would have been annoyed to receive this email.  These are all things BMs should be able to handle themselves; and if particular BMs have told you they need deadlines, you can talk to those people separately.  Really, there's only one deadline in the email, and the rest is sort of bossy.  The tone (caps, exclamation points) doesn't help.

    As for hair and nails: I understand you aren't making them do these things.  So it sounds like it shouldn't be your job to enforce payment, either.  If the girls want hair and nails, they will know to bring money.

    I think you should just apologize, try to laugh it off, and move on.  I'd thank them for calling me out on it.

    @JCBride2014

    I plan on calling them tomorrow and apologizing. I guess FI and I were not thinking it through completely when we sent this to them.

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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    AddieL73 said:
    The part that bothered me was telling them to wear the undergarments they planned to wear. If I saw that, I'd be like, "No shit." Women know to do that.

    @AddieL73

    Good point.

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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    @hvlonb That's a good idea.  There's nothing in this email that can't be fixed with a friendly phone call, so if I were your BM I'd let it go after you apologized.  
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
     
     

    @JCBride2014 I don't see any of them holding a grudge about this so I think it should be ok after I call them
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  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    AddieL73 said:
    The part that bothered me was telling them to wear the undergarments they planned to wear. If I saw that, I'd be like, "No shit." Women know to do that.
    You'd be surprised how many do not know to do this. Bride and Bridesmaids....>.>
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    CLI242009 , I actually went to my first dress shopping in a too-small bra and revealing underwear and sandals. No one told me what to expect when shopping.... embarrassing
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
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  • megan8305megan8305 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    The alterations rules, was that set by you or the peopledoing it? Cause those time lines could vary depending on the shop so i understand letting them know that and i agree with the reminder to wear the right bra and shoes esp if they are busy and might be stopping during other chores they might forget to bring shoes and the right bra
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  • ElcaBElcaB member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think a simple, "Please get your alterations booked by X, as recommended by Name of Store. If you have any questions about what to take with your to your alterations appointment, let me know," would have done just fine. 

    My feathers get ruffled when people micromanage me, and you listing requirements for the BMs the way you did comes across as micromanagement. Your BMs are grown adults, and they are competent. Treat them that way. 
    image
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  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    Kelcita21 said:
    CLI242009 , I actually went to my first dress shopping in a too-small bra and revealing underwear and sandals. No one told me what to expect when shopping.... embarrassing
    Went to a wedding last summer and the BM was wearing a yellow, tight, silk dress. She was wearing black undergarments underneath...>.> Later found out from my FSIL who was the MoH at this wedding that this BM didn't wear what she was going to wear the day of. She was told that it should be fine to wear, that the dress wasn't see through or anything. Boy..yeah....her walking down the aisle and being able to tell she was wearing a black bra and black lace booty panties was just ....umm interesting? lol
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  • MadHops21MadHops21 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    @CLI242009 Glad I'm not the only rookie in this! 
    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 
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  • crisscrossKGcrisscrossKG member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    You. Sound. Awesome! You have things under control and know what's going on and are able to communicate that to the people who have responsibilities. That is all *really* important information for them to know for them to do what they need to do and the deadlines (it's not like you're telling them "on this day you have to do this and this and this and we all have to be literally matching in every single possible way and if your kid gets sick TOO BAD!" kind of thing.). 

    Them knowing that information will save them time, money, and headache and will also save you time, money, and headache. 


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  • CLI242009CLI242009 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    crisscrossKG said:
    You. Sound. Awesome! You have things under control and know what's going on and are able to communicate that to the people who have responsibilities. That is all *really* important information for them to know for them to do what they need to do and the deadlines (it's not like you're telling them "on this day you have to do this and this and this and we all have to be literally matching in every single possible way and if your kid gets sick TOO BAD!" kind of thing.). 

    Them knowing that information will save them time, money, and headache and will also save you time, money, and headache. 


    I agree. Yes it could of came out wrong. Instead maybe OP should of underlined it or highlighted it instead of the caps? Or to avoid all of this OP should of just said it to them. I think reading this I would of reacted kind of hurt and annoyed but once she explained what her intent was I would of been like "oh great thanks!"

    yeah important info like this shouldn't be said via text or facebook or email, not if you can actually call them and talk to them. That's just my opinion. I don't think the OP is wrong she just did it the wrong way maybe?
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